Should a guy ask a woman out if she hasn't signaled an interest in him? Or should a guy ask out only those women who have flirted with him in some way? Is it possible that many women just like to keep their cards close to their vest, expecting that guys will ask them out anyway? The reason I ask is that I'm about to turn 28, I still haven't been on a date yet, and my weenie feels like it's going to detonate.
Asking out a woman who hasn't signaled interest
- Thread starter Stavrogin
- Start date
GirlCrazy
Master Don Juan
Some women don't show their interest very well. The last thing you want to do is minimize your risk of rejection by only asking out women that show crystal clear interest.
So yeah, put the moves on any chica that catches your eye, and go from there. You have nothing to lose, and after a while it becomes second nature.
Good luck bro!
So yeah, put the moves on any chica that catches your eye, and go from there. You have nothing to lose, and after a while it becomes second nature.
Good luck bro!
Cesare Cardinali
Master Don Juan
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You need to wait for some indicators of interest before asking a girl out. You can't just walk in there and ask strangers out or else you'll get shot down too often. Some guys will tell you that this is a "numbers game" but I for one prefer having the numbers stacked in my favor. Now, here is the fun part, if she does not show some interest, then you can always force the interest through your mastery of the game.
I could write volumes on this, but I'll give you the basics for now, since you are still a beginner.
examples:
1. You ask a girl what her name is.
She replies and doesn't ask you what your name is.
This usually will mean she is not that interested.
You can force the interest with "hey, I know you're dying to know my name, but you're too shy to ask, so it's Stavrogin" and you smile.
If this gets her going, then she's interested, if not, you need to try something else. If it is unwinnable, then you move on. But in my view, you're better off practising this stuff, so keep going.
2. You ask her "what do you do for a living?"
She says "I'm a student, what do you do". She's interested. You need to rehearse a clever answer to this. You can't just say "I work at McDonalds". You need an original spin on what you do that will hook her.
If she doesn't ask what you do, then she's not that interested. In which case, you can force the IOI by saying "You're probably not asking me what I do because you've seen my work on tv".
She'll say "what?" and you'll say "You must have seen the movie Pearl Harbour where Ben Affleck is leaning over the railing of the ship and they show his naked butt. We'll that was me. I'm a model". Say that with a smile too. If she laughs, then you're in, and you switch to telling her what you really do in an interesting way.
In conclusion, you should definately always approach and be fearless when asking out chicks. But also make sure that you've done all you can by getting her interested enough to want to spend more time with you. That is the whole point of asking out. The chick has to want to spend more time with you, and if you display confidence, humour, ****iness, etc in the first few stages, she'll have better chances of wanting to see more of you. From there, you need to go into deeper "rapport" stuff, when you or on the date, or else you'll just be a clown, but that is the subject of another post.
Cesare Cardinali
I could write volumes on this, but I'll give you the basics for now, since you are still a beginner.
examples:
1. You ask a girl what her name is.
She replies and doesn't ask you what your name is.
This usually will mean she is not that interested.
You can force the interest with "hey, I know you're dying to know my name, but you're too shy to ask, so it's Stavrogin" and you smile.
If this gets her going, then she's interested, if not, you need to try something else. If it is unwinnable, then you move on. But in my view, you're better off practising this stuff, so keep going.
2. You ask her "what do you do for a living?"
She says "I'm a student, what do you do". She's interested. You need to rehearse a clever answer to this. You can't just say "I work at McDonalds". You need an original spin on what you do that will hook her.
If she doesn't ask what you do, then she's not that interested. In which case, you can force the IOI by saying "You're probably not asking me what I do because you've seen my work on tv".
She'll say "what?" and you'll say "You must have seen the movie Pearl Harbour where Ben Affleck is leaning over the railing of the ship and they show his naked butt. We'll that was me. I'm a model". Say that with a smile too. If she laughs, then you're in, and you switch to telling her what you really do in an interesting way.
In conclusion, you should definately always approach and be fearless when asking out chicks. But also make sure that you've done all you can by getting her interested enough to want to spend more time with you. That is the whole point of asking out. The chick has to want to spend more time with you, and if you display confidence, humour, ****iness, etc in the first few stages, she'll have better chances of wanting to see more of you. From there, you need to go into deeper "rapport" stuff, when you or on the date, or else you'll just be a clown, but that is the subject of another post.
Cesare Cardinali
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
I think the very first thing to work on is your presentation. The way you carry yourself. It doesn't hurt to have a good "look," too, whatever that may be for you.
Develop traits like good, relaxed eye contact, deliberate movements, and a relaxed, yet fun presence. Gals often figure a guy for a "stud" or "dud" in the first moments they see him. Carry yourself like you expect them to like you, and it's all the more likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Develop traits like good, relaxed eye contact, deliberate movements, and a relaxed, yet fun presence. Gals often figure a guy for a "stud" or "dud" in the first moments they see him. Carry yourself like you expect them to like you, and it's all the more likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
GirlCrazy
Master Don Juan
Hah which is it?
The only way to be fearless is to get shot down enough times to where it doesn't bother you. The last thing our man Stavrogin needs is a crutch.
Too many guys use too many excuses not to game chicas. "She's probably not interested" is right up there.
Once you have the experience, it gets easier to qualify for signs of interest, but if you're just starting out, how do you know if she has interest until you're good at reading the signs?
Better to game when you shouldn't than not game when you should!
S1NN3R
Master Don Juan
Unless I'm reading this wrong, I think he's asking about going for the close with a girl who hasn't shown enough interest. Just the phraseology, "should a guy ask a woman out.....", not "should a guy approach....." Maybe I'm wrong.
If that's the case, I would just move on after five minutes if there haven't been significant indicators. By move on, I mean to other chicks by the way, not quit. After all, what if you're building up to a close with a girl who doesn't show that much interest while other girls who might be interested are leaving because you're not there macking them? Unless the girl is uber-hot, I give it five minutes. If they're not indicating something by then, they're not worth my time. Of course, before initiating this plan, make sure you know how to recognize indicators. I have been out with buddies and see them walk away from chick that might as well have thrown their panties at the guys, but they come back saying she's not into them.
There are always more girls, find the ones that give you something to work with. Today, I nexted this bi-sexual girl who had a bi twin sister. Do you have any idea of the possiblities there? That's like the Holy Grail of hook-ups, but she was just too self-absorbed, so I booted her. Me! And I'm a huge slut! If I can next bi twin sisters, anybody can next anybody. That's all there is to it.
If that's the case, I would just move on after five minutes if there haven't been significant indicators. By move on, I mean to other chicks by the way, not quit. After all, what if you're building up to a close with a girl who doesn't show that much interest while other girls who might be interested are leaving because you're not there macking them? Unless the girl is uber-hot, I give it five minutes. If they're not indicating something by then, they're not worth my time. Of course, before initiating this plan, make sure you know how to recognize indicators. I have been out with buddies and see them walk away from chick that might as well have thrown their panties at the guys, but they come back saying she's not into them.
There are always more girls, find the ones that give you something to work with. Today, I nexted this bi-sexual girl who had a bi twin sister.
Do you have any idea of the possiblities there? That's like the Holy Grail of hook-ups, but she was just too self-absorbed, so I booted her. Me! And I'm a huge slut! If I can next bi twin sisters, anybody can next anybody. That's all there is to it.NorPacWolf
Senior Don Juan
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Stavro,
CC is correct. You need to get some IOI's or "indicators of interest" before you suggest another get-together at a different time and place with a fine young filly. I recommend you check out two source of info asap:
1. the DJ Bible
2. Mystery's Venusian Arts ebook
Good luck on your journey. It will be fun, anxiety-provoking, and you will be absolutely shocked at how many women want to have sex with you. Don't become a 'social robot,' though.
Wolf
CC is correct. You need to get some IOI's or "indicators of interest" before you suggest another get-together at a different time and place with a fine young filly. I recommend you check out two source of info asap:
1. the DJ Bible
2. Mystery's Venusian Arts ebook
Good luck on your journey. It will be fun, anxiety-provoking, and you will be absolutely shocked at how many women want to have sex with you. Don't become a 'social robot,' though.
Wolf
Stavrogin said:
Allright, so a guy needn't look for a girl to show interest in him before he approaches her or asks her out. But doesn't the absence of even a <i>minimal</i> sign usually mean she just isn't interested? For example, if she doesn't even notice you, isn't that a sign that she doesn't find you attractive? The implications of this thought worry me greatly, since I have known only two girls who were interested in me. Both, by the way, were total dogs, and I'm worried about what that says about me. Does this mean I'm a dog, too, and that I'm just the best they could do??? And if that's the case, should I even bother approaching a hottie?
wunnaBsmooth
Don Juan
I read somewhere a long time ago:
"If you are feeling an attraction to a women (girl), chances are that person is also feeling an attraction to you."
Now all you have to do is act on it and see if she does too. I'm not an authority on any of the seduction practices yet, but just getting the ball$ up and approaching a hottie can sometimes be enough to win her.
The hottest chics in my school (back in the day) were hardly ever asked out because everybody thought they MUST be dating someone already..... I saw a super ugly dude pick up on a HB9 because he was the only guy to ask her out!
So I say GO FOR IT!
"If you are feeling an attraction to a women (girl), chances are that person is also feeling an attraction to you."
Now all you have to do is act on it and see if she does too. I'm not an authority on any of the seduction practices yet, but just getting the ball$ up and approaching a hottie can sometimes be enough to win her.
The hottest chics in my school (back in the day) were hardly ever asked out because everybody thought they MUST be dating someone already..... I saw a super ugly dude pick up on a HB9 because he was the only guy to ask her out!
So I say GO FOR IT!
Stavrogin I just find it incomprehensible that you are 28 and haven't been on a date yet, and I infer from that that you also haven't seen action. This is deplorable.
Just because you shouldn't be afraid to take a loss when trading, doesn't mean that you go and blow your money on bad trades (for this metaphor substitute your self esteem for money). You want a trade where you have a good chance of winning. So, look for indicators, but don't be obsessed by them. The future cannot be predicted reliably by anyone, nor can outcomes.
Just because you shouldn't be afraid to take a loss when trading, doesn't mean that you go and blow your money on bad trades (for this metaphor substitute your self esteem for money). You want a trade where you have a good chance of winning. So, look for indicators, but don't be obsessed by them. The future cannot be predicted reliably by anyone, nor can outcomes.
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
MAKE THE HO SAY NO.
Assume the sale. Ask women out, go for the rejection, and you'll be surprised by some hookups. You'll get numbers, call for dates, and get some. Of course, you'll get some flakes... Next. The point is, if you are approaching a woman, "make the ho say no". Ask, and wait for a response, regardless of what SHE wants. Be the Alpha male that takes what HE wants. If the scene is right, always go for the Fclose, but most definately kiss close or number close.
The thing is, if they don't initially display high IOI's, once they see you're a man of action (a man with huge cajones), their IOI's will likely increase once the initial contact is over and they are waiting for you to call.
Do the boot camp.
Follow the link at the bottom of the page "DJ Bible"
Assume the sale. Ask women out, go for the rejection, and you'll be surprised by some hookups. You'll get numbers, call for dates, and get some. Of course, you'll get some flakes... Next. The point is, if you are approaching a woman, "make the ho say no". Ask, and wait for a response, regardless of what SHE wants. Be the Alpha male that takes what HE wants. If the scene is right, always go for the Fclose, but most definately kiss close or number close.
The thing is, if they don't initially display high IOI's, once they see you're a man of action (a man with huge cajones), their IOI's will likely increase once the initial contact is over and they are waiting for you to call.
Do the boot camp.
Follow the link at the bottom of the page "DJ Bible"
If you will never see her again, close the deal and ask for the number.
What have you got to lose?
Really, this is another form of approach anxiety.
If left unchecked, this will keep you from approaching... "Oh, look at that HB. But, alas! She has not smiled at me. I shouldn't approach... Oh, well."
Fvck that!
Approach!!!
Close!!!
What have you got to lose?
Really, this is another form of approach anxiety.
If left unchecked, this will keep you from approaching... "Oh, look at that HB. But, alas! She has not smiled at me. I shouldn't approach... Oh, well."
Fvck that!
Approach!!!
Close!!!
Lack of flirting does not translate into lack of interest. You have to pay more attention to the environment.Stavrogin said:
To answer your question, I don't ask any woman out if she hasn't signaled any interest in me. Why waste my time? She is not the prize; I am.
Smile...that's the key. If you smile, you can tell if she has "no interest" (the fact that she smiles back does not translate into she having interest...but lack of response to your smile certainly illustrates lack of interest from her).
Hey, I'm almost in the same boat as you, man...so don't feel bad. I'm 27 - 3 months from being 28, and I have only been on like 2 dates before. But I am really trying to be more confident these days. I just asked a woman out last night and she basically wants to go on two dates now...I will say that I believe she was interested in doing something before I actually asked her out, so that helps.
From what I gather from this site, if you look at a girl and smile and she smiles back, then that's your signal to go for it. But I mean, if you just don't care about being rejected (which is the way to be), then go for it even if they don't really give you a "signal." Maybe they will be interested after you show that you aren't scared of talking to them and have a good approach with them. If they say no, oh well...yes, it will suck for a little while, but the more you do it, the less you care about it.
From what I gather from this site, if you look at a girl and smile and she smiles back, then that's your signal to go for it. But I mean, if you just don't care about being rejected (which is the way to be), then go for it even if they don't really give you a "signal." Maybe they will be interested after you show that you aren't scared of talking to them and have a good approach with them. If they say no, oh well...yes, it will suck for a little while, but the more you do it, the less you care about it.
You will have to be very good to get a woman that shows "lack of interest" into showing interest. Takes lot of confidence and skill. And of course, the ability to make her laugh without reaching the "clown" point.mb1978 said:
From my perspective, I don't even waste my time. If she has an interest...then she can smile. I can take it from there. There are plenty of women out there.
Now, you both said that you lack experience...in that case, I agree. Try. Even if you are turned down. But you have to think and truly believe that you are the prize (if you don't think that way, then you have to identify what's "wrong" and fix it). Furthermore, it is practice and learning experience.
Thomas94305
Senior Don Juan
It's your choice. Do you want to ask out before she shows what you feel are IOI's, or not? Get in the mode of doing what you want; respect her choice, but don't depend on it.Stavrogin said:
But a different point is "what's a signal of interest?" To me, if a woman keeps talking with me, and doesn't signal disinterest, that's interest. A lot of women, a lot of people aren't good at socializing. So, they won't be good at continuing conversations, might be too shy to show interest, etc. Keeping a conversation going a long time .. half an hour, or whatever, is putting too much on yourself.
To me, if there's a few minutes conversation, and I feel a good vibe, I will go ahead and ask for her contact information if I simply don't have a chance to talk again. I mean, if it's a busy club, and it's obvious we're going to walk away from each other, I'll go for the number. If it's a casual social setting like a low key party at a friend's house, then I have time to talk with her, wander off, come back, etc. In any event, I don't wait for things like her touching me, or whatever. Then, I gradually advance things.. call a couple of days later, do some talking then. Go for a first meeting/date/whatever. Keep the first meeting very natural and low key; perhaps coffee, or whatever. You can find stuff posted here on how to advance. Anyhow, best not to focus on going too far all at once. That can just come off as pushy. That would turn off most people. If a woman were pushy of me, I'd get turned off. The point is to advance, look that she is "OK" with it, not that she is actively showing interest. If she acts uncomfortable, then back off for the moment and try advancing later.
Recommend you get used to making conversations with people. Don't worry if it's a cute woman or not. Then, the ones that you want to follow up with, ask for a number. If you haven't gone through the boot camp.. DO IT! Shezz is starting a boot camp 4/24. Your biggest obstacle now is FEAR.
Good luck Bro!