Asking her out

[patrick.de]

Preface (might skip):
I'm a freshman at university and didn't know anybody. There's a really cute girl and we knew that each other goes to the same course, but didn't talk much. I ride the same bus as her but only for 2 minutes so I randomly chattet her up once. Couple days later she approached me at the bus stop and we chatted for a couple of minutes. Then we had a party (hosted by our institution) where she tapped me on the back and I spent the evening with her, a coed and a friend of her. I basically invited myself to her place at the end of the party and she and her friend took me along at 3 in the morning, she cooked something, we talked and then I went home around 4.
I added her on facebook and told her to keep me a seat in university (this is the only time I ever chatted her up on fb), just a quick convo. Then we hung out a couple of times at university, always with friends around.

I wanna ask her out but don't really know how. Shall I just ask her if she wanted to "do something outside university" or if she wanted to "go for a coffee" or something else? I think I shouldn't use the word "date" as it might create some tension.
Could also be kinda awkward if she doesn't want to, that's why I couldn't force myself to do it when we were alone in the library while our friend went to get a book. Didn't want that awkward situation since we were gonna spend the next 2-3 hours in the library studying.
Party was on Dec-9th, just to give you a timeframe.
I have her phone number, she doesn't have mine tho (didn't stalk it).
I'm gonna go to my hometown on Saturday, won't see her until next year then.

I think I did pretty ok so far, a bit funny but not a clown, no excessive text or fb usage etc., but can't get myself to ask her out.
thanks

 

[pdx1138]

say "hey I'm gonna be at the coffee house at (date/time) you should join me if your free"

 

[Iceberg]

This seems like one of the easier situations.

You already have established a rapport with her. You've already hung out socially. It's no longer about asking her on a "date". Coffee isn't going to help you here. Dinner won't either.

At this point, you just have to make a move. Go for the kiss.

You've already been out drinking at parties. Well, there's no better time then that.

 

[patrick.de]

I don't know if the time for a kiss is really right. We had very little kino so far, didn't really get a chance to do much at that party (it sucked pretty bad like all parties organized at university, terrible music, no real dancing or something like that). I think it would be too early for a kiss.

 

[pdx1138]

next time she has a buzz going from drinking, flirt with her and move in for it.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't know if the time for a kiss is really right. We had very little kino so far, didn't really get a chance to do much at that party (it sucked pretty bad like all parties organized at university, terrible music, no real dancing or something like that). I think it would be too early for a kiss.

Well, use your head, buddy. It's not like I'm saying walk up to her during lunch and stick your tongue down her throat.

I'm saying, at the next party, you find an occasion to do all the kino, and flirting, and rapport building.

You already have a built-in excuse to drink with the girl, so there's no point in reverting to coffee dates. That's going backwards. You're in college, dude. No one goes on dates in college. In college, you hook up. College is not the time for candle-light dinners and walks on the beach. It's crappy beer and making out.

And at this point, you're probably going to throw some more excuses like, "She's not that type." or "It's too soon" or "Blah blah blah." And I'll strongly disagree. The guys who get laid are the guys who make moves. They're not asking girls out on dates, they're getting numbers, arranging to meet up at parties, and taking the girl back to the dorm to "watch movies".

 

[Serg897]

The more you delay the more likely it is you are going to end up in the friends zone permanently.

If you really want to establish a sexual relationship with this girl you must make a move ASAP. There IS a chance she will reject you, make no mistake - but at least you will know whether or not this is going to go any further. No more hanging back wondering if she likes you, be a man of action.

If you want to establish a "date", call her up and after some small talk say "hey, Im going to (x) place at (y) time, would you like to come with?". Then, go for the kiss.

More inaction on your part is only going to make things worse for you. Just do it.

 

[patrick.de]

Christmas and New Year might spoil this massively then. I'll be here until Friday, maybe Saturday, and then I won't see her again until probably 10th of January.
Should I ask her to go to a random party with me then?

 

[Iceberg]

Christmas and New Year might spoil this massively then. I'll be here until Friday, maybe Saturday, and then I won't see her again until probably 10th of January.
Should I ask her to go to a random party with me then?

I don't like to quote myself, but.....

Well, use your head, buddy. It's not like I'm saying walk up to her during lunch and stick your tongue down her throat.

This isn't brain surgery. If you have to wait until after the break, then wait. If you can make something happen before, then that's good too.

It's not that serious.

You're asking questions about something you could easily figure out on your own.

 

[Rubato]

Iceberg, it sounds like the OP is already too much in his head.

I would recommend a thorough dose of some carpe diem and a good helping of some don't sweat the small stuff.

If any of us have the time to post over the course of 2 hours this much about 1 girl, we have surplus time. Wouldn't a better use of that time be sarging out other girls rather than thinking so much about one?

 

[patrick.de]

there's a christmas celebration at our institute today, she brought it up, i asked if she wanted to go. she said she didn't know yet and i should text her later. i'm gonna call her, if she says she doesn't want to i'll suggest we go somewhere else, if she says no then that's her problem

edit: called her, she's going with me.

 

[Aaron B]

Its a date invitation

"Asking her out" has connotations to asking her to "go steady"

1. Get number(s)

2. Plan date (when and where)

3. Call to invite her on the date

4. If she responds with anything less than an enthusiastic "yes!" tell her "Oh okay, well maybe I'll give you a call sometimes" and hang up the phone

Ideally you will have numbers from multiple women so if the first one you extend the date invitation to doesn't accept, immediately call the next girl on your list

Inviting her on a date is an opportunity for her to get to know you (and you her). Nothing more, nothing less.

The best frame to come from is that you are doing x activity at y time no matter if this particular girl comes along or not. Obviously if none of the girls accept you can always change your mind later and not go.

If you have numbers from enough chicks it is very unlikely that none of them want to come with you.

Focus on the date activity itself, not the particular chick you are inviting. If she doesn't accept, who cares?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Whenever I am caught in the tension of asking a girl out I think of it like this:

I don't want her just as a friend, i'm always going to want to bang her.

I'd rather be honest with her and I and just behave in the most honest way to me and her.

I hate the tension of liking someone and for them to not know. So I would much rather she goes her way and I go mine.

I have old highschool friends on fbook that I was friended by. But not friended on purpose, I just never made the move. Now they are older have kids devorced and my chance came and went. You never want this buddy, GO FOR IT!!!