Asking gf's dad to marry her

[DJinTraining06]

Anybody ever done this? I'm nervous as hell bout it, any advice on how to go about it? He's not a very talkative man, hes nice but sometimes a lil intimaidating cuz he doesnt talk much. Im thinking of callin ahead one day and saying to her mom who usually picks up the phoen that im in the area and wanted to stop by to talk to them bout soemthing. Then i will go in and talk to both of them. Is it wrong to just ask the dad, and not the mom? Cuz they most likjely will bopth be there so i can tjust ask the dad, without her beign right there. What is a good way to do this? I wa shopign to just get the dad alone sometime when im there with my gf, but i never seem to get him alone. Man this is an ucomfortable thing a guy has to do aint it? Also what do u say?

 

[Desdinova]

WTF??? If she's not under legal age, you don't have to get her dad's permission to marry her. You should be asking HER. However, if she's under legal age, you should get therapy.

 

[Gaucho]

Interesting questions.

I too think it is a good idea to ask at least the father for permission, though I wouldn't ask the mother too. He is probably proud of her, will be the one giving her away to you, and it would be a gesture of a gentleman to ask him, which I'm sure he would take great pride in.

I've never done it though, so cannot speak from experience. Though will do it someday soon I am sure.

 

[DJinTraining06]

WTF??? If she's not under legal age, you don't have to get her dad's permission to marry her. You should be asking HER. However, if she's under legal age, you should get therapy.

very funny lol, her dad is almost 70, he's old fashioned and my gf once told me he liked that her 3 sisters bf's all did that before they got married. I rather not have to do this awkard hokey thing but a mans gotta do uncomfortable thigns sometimes right?

 

[mpimpin]

man that is really an uncomfortable spot. I almost made the mistake of getting married one time and the weirdness of approaching her dad certainly helped in me not jumping into it. This is a very common thing here in the south and most girls expect you to ask their father for permission/blessing.

I can see where it is respectful, but I still think it's complete BS and if the girl is of legal age then she should be the only one being asked.

 

[Masked_angel]

WTF??? If she's not under legal age, you don't have to get her dad's permission to marry her. You should be asking HER. However, if she's under legal age, you should get therapy.

In some cultures you HAVE TO get PERMISSION from the dad to marry the girl. In America perhaps thats not important. But in muslim countries its very important! It shows huge respect towards the girl and their parents.

Either way, be a man and just do it.

 

[search1ng]

Ask her first, once she says yes, go see the parents and get their blessing.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Ask her first, once she says yes, go see the parents and get their blessing.

really thought it was th eother way around, cuz as soon as i ask her shell tell her whole family.

 

[search1ng]

No, it's asking her first, then hopefully getting the family's blessing. (After she says yes, just set a date for you guys to see her family TOGETHER)


What happens if she (hopefully not) says no? You've gone and gotten her father/mother's permission but she doesn't want to marry you. Doesn't make sense does it...

 

[DJinTraining06]

No, it's asking her first, then hopefully getting the family's blessing. (After she says yes, just set a date for you guys to see her family TOGETHER)


What happens if she (hopefully not) says no? You've gone and gotten her father/mother's permission but she doesn't want to marry you. Doesn't make sense does it...

She keeps saying she wants i so theres no suspense here shes made it known. Its not that i wanna announce it to her family, im doing the old fashioned ask her dad for permission thing

 

[Alle_Gory]

So what happened with your other girl?
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=162345

Or is it the same one...

 

[DJinTraining06]

Don't know any back ground info, but I'd say go for it. If your in good standing with the father, and its slightly expected for you to do it, especially if their old fashioned or its a cultural thing.


If all the lights are green, your ready to get married, she wants to get married, your in good standing with the family then by all means do it.

Good luck!

Thanks, not sure what to say exactly its gonna be weird. he's always sleeping or working it seems too, how the hell do i get him alone.

 

[Aiken_Drum]

Come on guys, don't be so hard on "nooo, it's AFC, you don't need permission".
It's just a cultural thing, I doubt he'd say "NO!" and even if he did, you can still can get married. It just would suck though....

 

[DJinTraining06]

Come on guys, don't be so hard on "nooo, it's AFC, you don't need permission".
It's just a cultural thing, I doubt he'd say "NO!" and even if he did, you can still can get married. It just would suck though....

Yea its not question to qwhich ur actually expevting a response other than yes unless of course the dad hates u which he doesn't. He seems to like me and told my gf he thinks i have a good job so he has absoultely no problem with me. It's just a cultural things exactly. I rather not have to do it but i gotta man up and do it i guess. Im just not sure how it works. I never get this man alone anywehre hes always sleeping ro at work, and the mom is always around. I dunno if i should call ahead and make a special trip one day. im afraid they m,ight have company over if i just stop by unannounced then im gonna feel real wierd having to explain why im there lol.

 

[premierxxx]

What is a good way to do this?

Never been in your shoes buds. Though I have a wild imagination and am able to help a little. I'd get engaged to her first and live with her for at least half a year. If everything goes well, then ask her to marry you. If that goes well then get the blessing of the father.

Yes father only and alone, ask him out some place. Perhaps fishing, bar, or something.


By the way, it's a great thing you doing asking permission from father. It's not just courteous, it's setting tone for your entire marriage.

 

[PRMoon]

I've heard of this before, it's really not all that uncommon. You shouldn't be nervous about this at all, in fact being nervous should be as far from your mind as possible. Obviously the father wants whoever is going to take his daughters hand to be a strong confident individual. The respect in being nervous is good but everything else is a sign of weakness. Why don't you ask the man to coffee or lunch on one of his days off. We're not talking about a 10 hour ordeal and everyone has time for that. If he's already been through this process before with her sisters then he already knows what it's about. Man up and just do it chief.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Come on guys, don't be so hard on "nooo, it's AFC, you don't need permission".
It's just a cultural thing, I doubt he'd say "NO!" and even if he did, you can still can get married. It just would suck though....

Yup.

It's more like a pleasantry. What's the old man going to do, say no? Of course not. It's not like his opinion counts, but its done this way as a matter of respect.

 

[DJinTraining06]

I've heard of this before, it's really not all that uncommon. You shouldn't be nervous about this at all, in fact being nervous should be as far from your mind as possible. Obviously the father wants whoever is going to take his daughters hand to be a strong confident individual. The respect in being nervous is good but everything else is a sign of weakness. Why don't you ask the man to coffee or lunch on one of his days off. We're not talking about a 10 hour ordeal and everyone has time for that. If he's already been through this process before with her sisters then he already knows what it's about. Man up and just do it chief.

Yea i just gotta fiugure out how he's always sleeping and hes not the friendliest guy on earth, rarely says much hes a grouchy guy

 

[Slickster]

Been there done that.

I highly recommend that you DO ask her dad first.

It will make his day trust me. My wife's dad actually had tears in his eyes! He's not the type to cry either. He was VERY impressed that I did it and told me so right there. He didn't think that young people respected those old traditions anymore and it was EXTREMELY important to him that I did ask him first.

If you do get married the fact that you asked him gives your relationship with your new father-in-law a good jumpstart. It has been all good in my experience.

I went over with a six-pack of beer and said I needed to talk. Cracked a beer with him and just flat out asked for his permission. No messing around. You don't want him to think you are a pvssy. Be a man. Be up front and look him in the eye.

It's not easy to do at all. I was nervous as hell but SOOOO glad I did it afterwards.

What I learned is that by asking him you are showing HUGE respect for him and his family. He was super cool and gave me respect back.

Good luck.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Been there done that.

I highly recommend that you DO ask her dad first.

It will make his day trust me. My wife's dad actually had tears in his eyes! He's not the type to cry either. He was VERY impressed that I did it and told me so right there. He didn't think that young people respected those old traditions anymore and it was EXTREMELY important to him that I did ask him first.

If you do get married the fact that you asked him gives your relationship with your new father-in-law a good jumpstart. It has been all good in my experience.

I went over with a six-pack of beer and said I needed to talk. Cracked a beer with him and just flat out asked for his permission. No messing around. You don't want him to think you are a pvssy. Be a man. Be up front and look him in the eye.

It's not easy to do at all. I was nervous as hell but SOOOO glad I did it afterwards.

What I learned is that by asking him you are showing HUGE respect for him and his family. He was super cool and gave me respect back.

Good luck.

Did u call ahead or just show up out of the blue? I never know when hes home cuz he works weird hours and sleeps alot during the day, so im kind thinking its better to call ahead. Thing is her mom always answers the phone and i dont know how to go about it, do i ask her if her husband is home? WHen i get there is it rude if i ask the father to talk and not include the mother in it? HSes always in the kitchen and thats the first room when u come into the hosue so i dont know what to do in regards to her.

Should i maybe just wait till im therte one day with my girlfriend and see if i can get him alone somewhere in the house when my gf is busy with somethijg? im just afrtaid that day may never come, hes not really up and about that much when im there, hes usually sleeping or at work.