Asked a girl out, how was my technique, need advice

[harkkam08]

There was this cute girl on a website we both frequent so I sent her this msg.

Me: "Me, Born and raised in Queens. Its refreshing to see a poster from NYC. Now that I live in Long Island I miss the endless stream of people, the city lights, now I have tree's. Just had to reach out to a fellow NYC'er

Have you ever been to McDougal St. in the city?"

Her: "Hmm McDougal? Not really. I'm outside of the city like you, but not far enough that warrants any amount of lamentation.

What's on Mcdougal?"

Me: "Only the most interesting places to eat. My friends took me there a few years ago when I was twenty, now a few years later Im hooked.

If not McDougal, how about Washington Square Park?

I hope you know what that is lol."

Her: "I'm aware of that place. But why are you suggesting locations to places I rarely frequent. Color me blind, but are you trying to ask me out?"

Me: "LMAO, is it that obvious?

Well in that case I think you look cute and yes, if you're single Id like to take you out.

I know you dont know what I look like so here's my facebook profile

http://www.facebook.com/......

Get back to me. Lol"


Her: "Lol I appreciate the gesture I really do. But, I'm hesitant about dating anyone from a place where I typically rant. Suppose we do not hit it off, then we'll be having a thread vs thread match about each other. Although that kind scenario would be quite funny."

Me: "Lol, I understand, but I think I'm mature enough not to trash talk on these forums but I dont know if I can say that about you.

E-trash talking is not my thing

Plus I'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet there's no way sparks wont fly

Think about it and get back to me"

-------------------------------------------------------


Havent gotten a response from her, yet.

My last msg to her was last night. Yet from her profile I know that she logged on today so she must have read my message but no response. I was wondering if I should send another msg saying this, or if it would look desperate and if I should just leave it alone.

Thinking of sending this: " Lol I almost forgot, you dont even know me and I dont even know your name, maybe we should chat first to get a bit more comfortable."

Something to that effect really getting contact info like cell # or Aim to chat

Send or not to?

My instincts say not to because she will think, "so this guy sat around and did nothing besides think about the message he sent me he must be desperate"

at the same time she might be thinking "I dont know this guy at all and I'm a bit uncomfortable"

School me.
__________________

 

[Igetit!]

There was this cute girl on a website we both frequent so I sent her this msg.

Me: "Me, Born and raised in Queens. Its refreshing to see a poster from NYC. Now that I live in Long Island I miss the endless stream of people, the city lights, now I have tree's. Just had to reach out to a fellow NYC'er

Have you ever been to McDougal St. in the city?"

Her: "Hmm McDougal? Not really. I'm outside of the city like you, but not far enough that warrants any amount of lamentation.

What's on Mcdougal?"

Me: "Only the most interesting places to eat. My friends took me there a few years ago when I was twenty, now a few years later Im hooked.

If not McDougal, how about Washington Square Park?

I hope you know what that is lol."

Harkkam.....you're doing it again. You're doing it again man

You're doing the same thing here as you did in your other thread.


You asked us how was your technique here. Umm....what technique? All I saw was a bunch of filibustering,procrastinating,and beating around the bush.


You were talking about parks and places to eat. This girl was the one who HAD TO BRING UP the subject of dating.


You're starting out with comfort again. Where's the flirting,the teasing,the playfulness? Women are emotional man. You have to stir up some kind of emotion in her,anything other than boredom.


It's better to make her mad than to be bored,and that's not a joke either.

Her: "I'm aware of that place. But why are you suggesting locations to places I rarely frequent. Color me blind, but are you trying to ask me out?"

Me: "LMAO, is it that obvious?

It's just like I said in another thread: Women AREN'T STUPID.
They're NOT dumb.


They know we want them.
They know we're attracted to them.
They know we want to have sex with them.


This girl wasn't stupid,she already knew what was up. All your delaying and tapdancing around asking her out did was show her the unconfidence in you.



That's what I meant by what I said in your other thread about displaying attractive qualities to a girl. Your tapdancing just shows hesitation and doubt,which in turn shows fear.

Her: "Lol I appreciate the gesture I really do. But, I'm hesitant about dating anyone from a place where I typically rant. Suppose we do not hit it off, then we'll be having a thread vs thread match about each other. Although that kind scenario would be quite funny."

Me: "Lol, I understand, but I think I'm mature enough not to trash talk on these forums but I dont know if I can say that about you.

E-trash talking is not my thing

Plus I'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet there's no way sparks wont fly

Think about it and get back to me"

-------------------------------------------------------


Havent gotten a response from her, yet.

Well you know how unpredictable women can be. I wouldn't hold my breath on this on,but....all may not be lost.

Thinking of sending this: " Lol I almost forgot, you dont even know me and I dont even know your name, maybe we should chat first to get a bit more comfortable."

Something to that effect really getting contact info like cell # or Aim to chat

Send or not to?

I say DON'T SEND.

Just start a conversation with her. Say hi/what's up,then ask her what she's up to. Ask her how her day's been. Exchange names then. Be like,"You know here we are talking to each other about how are days went,and I don't even know your name".


I'd also skip a day. If you last messaged her yesterday,then wait until tomorrow to contact her again. That should lessen then chances of you coming off desperate.


Imo,you're still at a disadvantage because of your hesitating and her having to draw it out of you,but hey,you never know,right?

 

[harkkam08]

Yeah bro, when she said that I just put my hands up and I realized that you guys were right, I was doing it again. Comfort before attraction.

I just always thought you har to warm her up a bit and not just go right for the kill from the start. I thought that comes off as horny or just too aggressive. Not sneaking under the radar, but most of my success has been when I was just upfront about what I wanted to be honest.

I should change my tactics.

If I see a girl I like I should talk to her and either right there change venue and make it a date or build enough attraction and go in for the kill.

I mean the first thing I say to girl cant be "Hey let me take you out"

Because she doesnt know anything about you at all to say yes. No comfort.

Maybe what I need is to bust their balls, and less comfort

Does the DJ bible cover these topics, I did read through it along time ago but it just feels all over the place and its hard to connect the ideas together to get a good overall picture of what an attractive guy does.

 

[Iceberg]

You live in f**kin New York, man. Why does it seem like your whole game is based around random internet encounters? In your last thread you asked some girl out via Facebook. Now it's on some website.

Are you one of those Maury Povich situations, where you're 700lbs and stuck in bed? The firemen gotta break down the wall to get you outside?

And I apologize, but once again I did not read your 3 paragraph-long boring internet conversation, because I know where it's going. "Do you like stuff?" "I like stuff too." "I saw your picture." "Wanna go out?"

The dumb thing about internet dating is, most of the time it takes too damn long to build up the rapport to finally MEET each other. For instance, even if you're funny and charming on the internet, it doesn't mean you're not some awkward social outcast when she meets you in real life. You're some faceless stranger on the internet. Why would this chick meet you just because you visit the same sites and write cool emails? If you're so hell-bent on dating in safe, comfortable, risk-averse environment of the internet, then go sign up for a dating site. At least then you KNOW the girls are looking for men.

Right now it seems like you're targeting very specific women out of the BILLIONS on the internet, then you're having very boring discussions with them, and then posting those discussions here. As if the discussion is the problem. No, your first problem is figuring out how to speak with women in real life. Or I dont know...maybe you do....but damn, I'd much rather hear about those discussions than this internet lovin' nonsense.

 

[harkkam08]

To be honest bro. I have no other options.

I've graduated college, went to a commuter college so no frats.
I have about three friends and neither of them are social.
Didnt make any friends in college

No Im a fit guy, im 5'11' and 155 lbs. Not bad looking either.

So that leaves me with having to sarge and going to clubs and events etc to meet women in real life.

I have social anxiety and depressed as F*ck over my breakup over 6 months ago. I see women and approaching them just seems intensely hard. I have issues about my race as well im indian and about being too skinny.

The internet sucks I know, but with my issues what am I supposed to do. I feel trapped. I walk in manhattan and see swarms of hotties its almost insane how many good looking women live her in manhattan. Its ridiculous.

But the thought of just going out to socialize puts me off. Put that with having a hot women who you loved and then losing her and that intimacy and you miss her so strongly you have one messed up mind space

Dont really know what the fu*k to do.

 

[Igetit!]

Yeah bro, when she said that I just put my hands up and I realized that you guys were right, I was doing it again.

Yep. Women don't like that. They may feel flattered that you have interest in dating them,but the fear they sense from you playing around and beating around the bush is a turn off.


So what ends up happening is they get a ego boost from knowing that you like them,but they have no interest in dating you because you didn't display any attractive qualities about yourself.

I just always thought you har to warm her up a bit and not just go right for the kill from the start.

You are. But you have to show your interest CONFIDENTLY while you're "warming her up". Telling a woman that you like the way she looks in something she's wearing is warming her up.


Asking her about her status is warming her up. Flirting,teasing and playing with her IS warming her up. It's called escalation. If she isn't receptive to you flirting,teasing and playing with her,then it's doubtful she'll go out with you.



The reverse is also true. If she is receptive to your flirting/teasing/and playing around,then she'll probably go out with you too,but you have to do all that FIRST. After that,then you can talk about parks,restaurant,Hogan's Heroes,or whatever else you want.

Not sneaking under the radar, but most of my success has been when I was just upfront about what I wanted to be honest.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.


So basically,all we were doing (unknowingly) was trying to get you to go back to doing what you used to do back when you were MORE SUCCESSFUL,right?

I should change my tactics.

I'm inclined to agree.

If I see a girl I like I should talk to her and either right there change venue and make it a date or build enough attraction and go in for the kill.

I mean the first thing I say to girl cant be "Hey let me take you out"

Well no,that shouldn't be the first thing you say,but to go on a 10 minute tirade about Chinese food and Hogan's Heroes isn't much better.


You just have to fluff talk for 2 or 3 minutes,maybe throw in a compliment or a neg,then go into talk about the two of you.

Maybe what I need is to bust their balls, and less comfort

Just remember that the ballbusting,negging,and teasing are all MEANS TO AN END. They're bridges. They're NOT the destination,they just assist to you getting to the destination.


So if you neg,tease,use sexual innuendo,bust her balls,be sexual,and use comfort....and do ALL OF THAT without asking her out,everything you did will have been for nothing.

Does the DJ bible cover these topics, I did read through it along time ago but it just feels all over the place and its hard to connect the ideas together to get a good overall picture of what an attractive guy does.

You don't need the DJ Bible for this,just STOP playing games and ask the girl out.

 

[the305]

you started off great with "Me: "Me, Born and raised in Queens. Its refreshing to see a poster from NYC. Now that I live in Long Island I miss the endless stream of people, the city lights, now I have tree's. Just had to reach out to a fellow NYC'er"

then you went the awkward route of hinting about NYC places to take her, not relating to the busy NYC streets verses the out skirts of NYC and whether she likes it, or about how the reality of the forum being about rants and raves on the internet, and people never really rant and rave in person anymore, that whole discussion..

You need to step out of your "game mode" and step back into reality, focus on relating and conversation and being interesting, thats the foundation of attraction.

You see a hot chick in the street.. a simple "hey you live in the area? cool, i just moved out here - was wondering what people usually do on the weekends, is there any specific spots you suggest?"

its a normal conversation - get this down, and THEN you can easily implement little attraction techniques.

you are putting the cart before the horse