Ask out before dance, or vice versa?

[transferyourpc]

There's a dance coming up in the upcoming weeks, and I want to ask this girl to it. I'm friends with her, but we haven't really hung out.

I was thinking that it would be better to ask her out to determine her interest level before asking her to the dance. This way, I will know whether a girl is interested in me while Im dancing with her.

The other option is to ask her to the dance and then, if she says yes, to ask her to hang out. However, if she cannot, or does not want to, this would make the dance awkward.

Should I ask her out / check interest level before asking her to the dance?

Or should I ask her to the dance, then ask her to hang out?

I'm really not sure about this and I need to make a decision quickly. The reason I dont buy the "well, if she says she'll go to the dance with you, she's OBVIOUSLY interested" because that's not true. She's a nice person, I'm her friend, so she may just say yes because she doesn't want to reject me. I dont' want that. I want her to reject me if she isn't interseted.

Is the only way to find that out by asking her out before asking her to the dance?

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Well at the moment, you seem like a cowardly little man. Sorry, it's true, if it hurts, tough luck.

Where your at in your game right now, is to play it cool. You can't impress her without ****ing up, and if you do **** up, I'd put money on you not being able to fix your problem in less than 5 minutes.

So play it cool, smooth, don't invite her at all. Next time you see her, be with a group of friends. When you see her, tell them your going to go talk to her, if they ask why, tell them you want to dance with her. They will laugh at you if they have any balls, don't worry, it's all for fun.

When you walk up to her, try not to look like a sick child, stand tall, pull your gut in, be comfortable, shakje a few times if you have to, if she sees you doing this, stare her in the eyes, and than buck up and walk straight towards her. If she's with a bunch of her friends look at them, don't say anything unless you are spoken to first, your on a mission, don't waste your time, or theirs. Ask her if she knows about the dance, when she says yes, laugh at yourself, tell her that you knew that already. Ask if she's going to be there, than tell her you will see her there, and walk away.

If you are scared, this will show you are not, a little test in self rejection my man. Practice on 10 girls before you get to her, if you REALLY want to impress her though, go make some social connections, don't be afraid, don't lie to yourself that you are an idiot who can't just talk to a regular human being about being scared to ask somebody to a dance. One of your friends would be able to help you better than me though.

 

[i am me]

I'd ask her to the dance, it's harder to say no to that

 

[transferyourpc]

wait, ethno, I don't see where you're coming from. I'm not asking how to ask someone to a dance, and I'm not saying that I'm scared to. I'm just asking which way is the better choice - to ask her to the dance then out, or out then to the dance.

Iamme: Did you read my post? I don't want the "harder to say no" answer - read the last sentence of my original post.

Apparently I have failed to illustrate my point.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

... Just ask her to the dance first.

If you want a "plan"... just do this...

Walk and talk with her down the hallway to class. When you drop her off to class, say "Hey, do you have a date for the dance..." blah blah "It'll be super if you went with me as my date." blah blah "Do you wanna go with me?"

If she says no, just say "Oh, okay, thats fine." Then give her a hug and let her go to class.

If she says yes, say "Sweet!"... like Napleon Dynamite or something corny like that to make her laugh (or something). Hug her and let ho go to class.


Then at the dance, just dance with her and kiss her after a few slow dances. There, you pretty much are either "talking (like they say in high school)" or "going out" in her imagination

Damn people, use your imagination!

 

[ethnomethodologist]

I was the stupid loser with the stupid grin on my face when I was in high school Sorry If I didn't feel your emotions correctly when you posted. Tell us everything next time, with more emotion,and I will care more I guess.

I was saying your scared, because you were asking the question, straight up. If you were brave, you would be writing a FR if anything, about how you got blown down or accepted about the dance.

What MikeS said, was true though, I'm impressed if he knew everything you were saying from your first post though ask, and than be corny, in a funny way. What's that, Corny + funny you say? Should try that, could be the solution to all of my problems I'm having right now.

Break down your question, give us your raw emotions. We weill tell you what we think ,give us some background, and we can tell you what you think. give us some more raw emotions, than we can tell you why to think. Get angry at us, and we'll tell you what to do.

What I read from your question is this;

ask her to dance vs. asking if she might want to dance

So I did understand, I told you how to take the second option, which I think is better, and possible. Mike told you to take the first option, fast and to the point, get right to the answer. I don't like that way, deep down, I don't want to scare the girl. She might just want to be your friend, so you SHOULD know if she's already interested.

MikeS is wrong in my opinion now, using more information, you could prove us wrong. I believe you might be an RAFC, you haven't proved me wrong, you sounded weak asking your question. Just trying to be a friend, I hope you can teach me to be nice while I say this to you, without missing anything that you might need. I think that if you tried to kiss the girl on the dance floor, without her wanting to be kissed, is a type of assault, she might get scared, and might get somebody to kick your ass. Look, before you leap, why do they say that? So you don't jump and miss, you miss, it mihgt be your last chance. Asking her to dance though, would blow apart any chance of you ****ing up, it would get you a YES I am interested, but maybe only in a friendly way. So trying to kiss her, won't be what she wants.

I told you to watch out, be prepared, and take a chance. I said be direct, don't lie to yourself, or to her, that you like her, so watch out for yourself. Be prepared for her to want something more from you, so make yourself look good, without showing off, just be calm, be yourself. Of course, I said take a chance, ask her if she is going, to tell her you are going as well, take a chance, by not lying. You didn't understand me I guess, I was too nice in the way I said it. You lie to yourself, if you want IL in any other way, than asking for it directly, you are trying to trick them into give it to you, and you might not get what your looking for. Tell her the truth, that you are going, and that you will see her there, than ask if she wants to dance, in the same conversation. So the two vs. you thinking about, they are both right, if used at the same time.

 

[DJ4Real]

Invite her to the dance...don't ask her....

 

[wavejams007]

Well, in a similar but slightly different light, I will give an examle, then explain my self.

Prom is about 4 months away, and I am going to invite a certain girl within the next week. If she accepts, then I am going to ask her out before then, probably at the same time.

if she says yes to the dance, that is generally like saying yes to a date, you just need the skills to build off of this.

 

[transferyourpc]

Thanks for all the responses.

if she says yes to the dance, that is generally like saying yes to a date, you just need the skills to build off of this.

ehhh. I've heard of lots of stories where after someone asks someone to a dance, they grudgingly go. like for this girl, someone took her to prom last year, and her friend told me, "yeahh but she didn't really wanna go with him."

i also know a friend who absolutely did NOT want to go with a guy, but went with him because no one else really asked her - and its not that she was undesireable - in fact quite the opposite - it was just that everyone assumed she already had a date, lol.

dont ask her, invite her

what exactly is the difference?

"Do you want to go to [insert dance name] with me?"

"I'd like to invite you to go to [insert dance name] with me."

eww. the first one is so much more direct and better. the second is extremely wordy and i haaaaate wordiness, both in writing and speech.

how do you invite someone instead of.. asking? like, say i wanna invite someone to a birthday party.

"im having a birthday party, wanna come?"


isn't it essentially the same thing?

 

[ethnomethodologist]

"I'm having a birthday party,ARE you coming?

Of course there are braver ways of saying it, if somebody walked up to and asked "do you want to die?" you would be scared, everything is apples and oranges in this world, you can compare the freakiest things in the universe, to a butterfly flapping it's wings. 5 degrees of seperation or less, ALWAYS.

So do you want to scare her away, and lie to her at the same time, by not indirectly lettting her know how you feel? She might not want you to be brave around her, I know if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be either, as I don't have enough experience yet.

So ask, nicely, and honestly. Don't make your words all fancy, be blunt, if you think she will accept it. I really don't know the girl, and how much you two know eachother. I do know that inside she will care, but she may test you, to see if you really deserve to go out with her. Your game may be too weak to accept the test, so go get some practice first, see what works for you, than go and ask her. Walk up to random girls, and tell them you want to get rejected, I am taking this from somebody elses advice, be honest with them, they will LOVE it. You might get a few prospects for future dates if you open ALL of your feelings to the world, tell them you are scared about asking out "name the girl to them" if they think she's a *****, they won't accept it, you can move on, they're not as helpful as a girl that does like her.

I'm telling you, you are lying to yourself, and others, when you hide your feelings. Ever meet an *******, some say his secret is his composure, than they tell you he really doesn't care what others think, you are above that, that's why you are nice, as far as you know. What you know is wrong though, that's why you are scared, or you would be happy with the knowledge. I hope this appeals to you, I have sudden changes in my mood, and this is the top of my nice game, hope you weren't asking for excitement, I couldn't read that request from any of your posts, especially after you said you "haaaaate wordiness, both in writing and speech."

Tell me if you need more, it makes me happy to finally talk this way... I probably sound ****ing gay as ****, but I know I am right from experience.