article: All The Single Ladies

[MatureDJ]

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

Here's the intro ...

Recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing). But this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.

Here's a good line ...

We’ve arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up—and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.

So I guess all of us who don't want to stick to her mating schedule have just "not shown up" or are those rats at the cheese table ...

I think I'll stick to dating women in Eastern Europe, thank you very much.

But somewhere along the way, I decided to not let my biology dictate my romantic life. If I find someone I really like being with, and if he and I decide we want a child together, and it’s too late for me to conceive naturally, I’ll consider whatever technological aid is currently available, or adopt (and if he’s not open to adoption, he’s not the kind of man I want to be with).

OK, so a man has to be intelligent, charming, handsome, tall, yada, yada, yada, and has to want to marry a decayed, barren 40-something - as opposed to a hot, fertile 20-something - AND j@ck off into a cup and go through the expensive technology to try to coax one of your past-due eggs into becoming a zygote, AND THEN if that is not successful, be a supportive husband in an adoption of some other man's seed ...

Honey, the saying 25 years ago was that a woman like yourself had a better chance at being struck by lighting than finding a husband. I think your chances of finding that man are worse than an asteroid extinction event.

Here's a bit of lamenting the hypergamy of today

One of Walsh’s pet observations pertains to what she calls the “soft harem,” where high-status men (i.e., the football captain) maintain an “official” girlfriend as well as a rotating roster of neo-concubines, who service him in the barroom bathroom or wherever the beer is flowing. “There used to be more assortative mating,” she explained, “where a five would date a five. But now every woman who is a six and above wants the hottest guy on campus, and she can have him—for one night.”

So basically the schema for a woman is to be hypergamous when she's young and in demand, but then when she is no longer in demand, moan and b!tch about how all the men that she rejected are no rejecting her.

 

[Findog]

I have no sympathy for the author: she turned away a good man for no tangible reason. She deserves her spinsterhood.

 

[Burroughs]

"The decision to end a stable relationship for abstract rather than concrete reasons (“something was missing”), I see now, is in keeping with a post-Boomer ideology that values emotional fulfillment above all else"

This is the crux of the article and where most women fvckup.

Thing is...its not going to change and with the hotties 8+ emotionalism increases tenfold. Sure the old, mature 35+ ladies begin to see the error of their youth, but WHO THE HELL WANTS TO FVCK THEM ANYMORE?!

No one.

So their insights are useless.

When the tight bodied 21 year olds learn to be more insightful I'll be impressed, till then its mostly useless information parroted by ladies rapidly drying into spinsterhood.

Women learn FAR TOO LATE that its not about THEM its about US. Men built the world and women feed off it. Somehow cute little women got the idea that they actually DO sh1t. when they don't. The hottie giving the rockstar the BJ is not the rockstar.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I made the regrettable mistake of reading through this article over my lunch hour today at the behest of Susan Walsh’s blog.

She links it on her blog today because she’d been impressed with herself getting a passing mention in the article for having met the author (she basically steals Roissy’s 80/20 rule and calls it her own). Five page later of an interminably long read (and this is coming from me) and I can make an interesting compare & contrast analysis between Dalrock's essay and Kate Bolick’s. Women have no idea of the straits they’re truly in. Dalrock’s break down is pretty much the distilled analytical version of Bolick’s anecdote riddled, overwritten piece – which is typical I suppose since self-impressed ‘mature’ women of her age often need to vent their never-married status rage as their personal form of catharsis.

The take home message is simply this – waking up unmarried (or divorced) on the opposite side of the Wall is a special kind of hell for women sold on the notion that their education and professionalism should’ve been enough to qualify them as prime choices for wives and mothers. And now, at 39, the dating lanscape’s changed to where she’s forced to compete in the ‘hook up’ oriented SMP with the 20 y.o.s who completely outclass her. She plays their game, or she fades off into her 40s alone.

Don’t weep for these women. Never forget, you are merely an Alpha agent of righteous karma.

 

[Findog]

Don’t weep for these women. Never forget, you are merely an Alpha agent of righteous karma.

By her own admission, she kicked a really good guy to the curb when she was 28 because "something was missing." She made her bed and now she gets to lie in it. She had her chance at what she wanted and she pushed it away.

 

[Burroughs]

nice post rollo..a commenter named dragnet made this point on the dalrock essay. I think its quite appropriate to this thread.

______

"So much of feminism is really about ugly chicks being pissed off at not having sexual power, or completely misreading the few scraps of male attention they do get because they’ve been marinating in the illusory oppressor/victim paradigm for so long."

and

"I think this is probably the endgame—but it’s still a ways off. Our culture does everything it possibly can to shield women from the consequences of their own foolish decisionmaking. Guys will continue to adapt slowly, but gynocentric pop culture will likely redouble it’s efforts to pedestalize women at the same time traditional conservatives ramp up their efforts to subject young men to obligation masculinity minus the payoffs. One day women will come to value their men—but that day is not yet at hand.

I hope I’m wrong though"

 

[zekko]

OK, so a man has to be intelligent, charming, handsome, tall, yada, yada, yada, and has to want to marry a decayed, barren 40-something - as opposed to a hot, fertile 20-something

Anyone marrying a hot, fertile 20-something should realize that in a matter of years she is going to turn into a decayed 40-something. So if that thought is so unappealing, the guy better not get married, unless he's planning on divorcing her 10 or so years down the road.

she basically steals Roissy’s 80/20 rule and calls it her own

Roissy did not invent the 80/20 rule. It's a general principle that can be applied to many things.

 

[pdx1138]

great thread!
Lately I've been thinking about this subject.

In addition to being ruled by the emotions of the moment, women are also short sighted.

 

[Rubirosa]

Very entertaining thread, but an element that is missing ;
What do "we" as guys do with this information ?
The subject of impending spinsterhood for overly choosy and critical chicks now facing middle age has been explored before on these boards.....
Do we embrace the spinster as an easy lay which pumps up our "notch on the belt buckle" ego, or do we resist them because they are past their prime, and concentrate solely on a 20something hottie ?
Maybe it's because I go for mostly Asian chicks, but I don't see a HUGE difference between banging a 37 year old and banging a 29 year old....(Then again, I'm 46).

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear MDJ,
Thanks for that....Interesting,my Twenty Three year Old unmarried daughter read this....Her reaction...."Poor Thing".

 

[Colossus]

I read the first page and then skimmed over the rest....she comes close to admitting to self-delusion before falling back into it.

The unvarnished truth is that if a woman wants to marry and start a family, she has a limited amount of time to do so. It's a tough deal but that's life. The trade off is women get to be the choosers while men are the chosen.

There's nothing necessarily wrong with a woman who chooses to remain single and childless, or even one who never found the right man (even if she may have dumped him years ago). But it's egocentric to dress what clearly wasn't an intended choice in noble clothing. She's rationalizing away her sadness, which makes her feel better:

- I didn't get married on my imagined timetable;
- But neither did a lot of women my age, so it's okay;
- There are fewer available men to me at this age;
- That means men are regressing or shallow;
- I'm still finding ways to enjoy life as a single woman;
- So maybe this means we are witnessing a new age for single women over forty.

Reminds me of the delusional and egocentric phrase "everything happens for a reason." Funny how we only see the "reasons" after the fact.

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to samspade again."

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Rubirosa,
I enjoy your Posts....You are a true Don Juan...Agree with everything you say....Interesting that you too enjoy the charms of our Asian Ladies....Those lovely Almond Eyes,the politeness,loyalty...I had four of them around my place on Monday Night...the spicy garlic smells of their cooking,their laughter like tinkling Temple bells...Tit bits are picked out and taken to the Men...they don't drink or Smoke or swear ....They have no smell,are rarely fat,have no body hair and the tightest little bodies... They see their role in life is to please their Men,they find a joy in service...Sure you miss out on a sense of humour and real communication across the chasm that divides those who use Roman script against those who communicate with picto- graphs,but you find that with your mates...I look back in a bitter sweet way on my life with Anglo Celtic witches ....sadly I shall never be Free,white and twenty one again.

 

[Jitterbug]

How can someone write such 5 long tedious pages while saying hardly any meaningful thing? I've heard that The Atlantic is supposedly some highly respected, elitist mag in America. Seriously? They published this crap? The author was also paid for her flight to Boston to conduct part of her "research" for the article too.

It's a sign of a country wasting money it doesn't have when people like Kate Bolick are paid well for this.

 

[Burroughs]

The Atlantic is supposedly some highly respected, elitist mag in America..

Very elitist. Pure blueblood stomping grounds. My mother used to write for them...she was never a feminist though and would laugh at Bollocks...I mean Bolick

 

[Findog]

I really think a person gives up the right to complain about a paucity of "marriageable" men (steady job, education, decent to good looking, well-rounded with diverse sets of interests, mature, emotionally grounded) when they had one and gave him up for no tangible reason. On this site I think we get carried away sometimes criticizing what we see as entitlement complexes on the part of some American women.

This I think is the right attitude to take, from a female posting on the article:

Here's what annoyed me about this article: if the universe doesn't conform itself to what you imagined it would be when you were 18, that's not necessarily a sign of a social problem. That's just your life. Like the author, I'm a single woman in my late 30s who thought she'd be married a long time ago. In my case, I tried to make things work with Mr. Not Quite Right, which ended up with him disappearing for good a month after I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Not exactly the ending I would have picked, but - since I'm here writing this - not the worst outcome either! Now I'm healthy and dating again, and frankly it's a lot more fun than when I was younger. I'm not looking for some hypothetical perfect guy, because I realize I'm not perfect either. I would never call a man a "deadbeat" because he had a career setback or made less money than me. I like what I like, and I don't have a checklist. Life is messy, people are messy, and that can actually be a lot of fun if you just grow up and get past idealized notions of the way things have to be. I don't know if I will get married or not. I think I will, for some reason. But if not, that's OK too, not something to be pitied or glorified.

I wish more women had this attitude.

 

[Rubirosa]

Dear Rubirosa,
I enjoy your Posts....You are a true Don Juan...Agree with everything you say....Interesting that you too enjoy the charms of our Asian Ladies....Those lovely Almond Eyes,the politeness,loyalty...I had four of them around my place on Monday Night...the spicy garlic smells of their cooking,their laughter like tinkling Temple bells...Tit bits are picked out and taken to the Men...they don't drink or Smoke or swear ....They have no smell,are rarely fat,have no body hair and the tightest little bodies... They see their role in life is to please their Men,they find a joy in service...Sure you miss out on a sense of humour and real communication across the chasm that divides those who use Roman script against those who communicate with picto- graphs,but you find that with your mates...I look back in a bitter sweet way on my life with Anglo Celtic witches ....sadly I shall never be Free,white and twenty one again.

I totally agree with the smell issue....That is why I caught "Yellow Fever". A big part of my sexual life has been with Latinas, and while they have gorgeous faces and bodies, they also seem to have a heavy, musty smell (upstairs and downstairs), whereas Asians seem to have no smell at all, or a semi sweet smell at most.
Now the rest of your statements, I don't know. I've never met a young Japanese or Taiwanese who did NOT smoke. My experience with Taiwanese here in The U.S. has been very positive.....But some mainlanders seem to be a little bit spoiled...
The Koreans are my favorite....very sexual and beautiful.
Scara, I have to ask.....Have you ever banged an Abo ? I remember watching Evone Goolagong on TV when I was a kid..........

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Rubirosa,
Aboriginal Girls....My remarks are distasteful to many,but having lived amongst Aboriginals.....Even for a few Days with a group that were completely Wild,they were part of an Anthropologist friends study group 45 years ago.....They are in a pure state becoming very rare,most of their genes are rescessive and they breed out very quickly....Get upset all you like,but these are a very Primitive People,who wondered in an unfriendly environment,specialising their Brains to survive in a remarkable manner...So before any of our Affro American and Indian brothers get too upset....in your own Native lands there are some few very primitive tribes hanging on...You,an advanced group treat them in a far more inhumane manner than we do ours....So matters Sexual....Smell,Good Lord,there is no way to describe them...Maybe some survival value...Yes I banged one,a Creamy,perhaps three quarters pure in a Country Town in NSW at the age of 21...I was close to needing Hospital attention,she scratched and clawed at me like a Cat...an interesting experience,but never again....When in New Guinea,I banged several Melanesian Girls,very nice when they are young.

 

[wait_out]

Time of death: 01h34

This horse lived a happy life, loved by many and greatly missed by its close friends, hypergamy and slutting around during college.

It is survived by several cats.

 

[zekko]

"The decision to end a stable relationship for abstract rather than concrete reasons (“something was missing”), I see now, is in keeping with a post-Boomer ideology that values emotional fulfillment above all else".

I agree some women can be too picky and critical.
But would you advise a guy to settle for a girl if he thought "something was missing"?

Worse yet, would you want a woman to marry YOU if she thought "something was missing"? Not me.
If her expectations were too high to begin with, it looks like she's paying for it now.

 

[Findog]

I agree some women can be too picky and critical.
But would you advise a guy to settle for a girl if he thought "something was missing"?

If you can't even define what is missing, why throw out the baby with the bathwater? It's easy enough to get laid or be in a relationship. It's not as easy I think to find somebody that you have a great connection with and has similar values and goals in life. I mean, everyone thinks they're the best catch, and wants to find somebody that is their equal in terms of sexual market value or better. Holding out for some sort of ideal is counterproductive when another person, no matter how great they are, cannot meet all of your needs or fit the ideal perfectly. If you've been in the dating scene long enough, you've probably come across people who reveal themselves to be garbage and other people who reveal themselves to be good marriage material. Romantic loneliness happens even to people who are socially functional and physically adequate, so why look a gift horse in the mouth and yearn for greener grass?

This kind of entitlement complex and mindset comes from people with privileged backgrounds, a made-up sense of their own importance. I can understand the idea of something missing, but until you know what that is, why do something (such as in this case ending a stable, healthy loving relationship) when you don't even know yourself why you're doing it? It's overthinking things to the detriment of both parties. I get "Well you want to have children and I don't," or "You're an Atheist, I'm a Christian, this would never work," etc. That kind of stuff I can understand when it comes to parting ways. But a lot of women seem to do this. It seems like most female complaints about men center around being used, as in a guy pretended to love and care about them in order to get sex. And from what I've observed in my own experience and on this board and elsewhere, most male complaints about women seem to center around not appreciating what they have, selfishness, and only being in relationships for what they can get out of them instead of what they could possibly build together.

Worse yet, would you want a woman to marry YOU if she thought "something was missing"? Not me.

This article hits home to me because I went through something very similar and can really identify with the beau she left behind at age 28. In my case, I didn't want her to throw away what we had, because I didn't think either of us were "settling" and things would not have gotten as serious as they did (agreeing to get married, informing both sets of parents, looking at wedding rings together) if we didn't have a strong connection with each other and a great relationship. From my point of view, my ex threw away a stable, loving relationship for no tangible reason, just like the author.I have to admit I did not understand the compulsion to break something that did not need fixing. But I suppose it was better that she ended things when she did than after 5-10 years of marriage she woke up and selfishly decided to pull an "Eat, Pray, Love."