Arranged Marriage Bullsh*t - WTF!

[TheOne21]

I'm Indian, and I would drop it. I'm not gonna intervene with her family tradition/values.

Bruh, I get you but forcing your children to marry strangers is NOT a tradition or a family value - it's plain RACISM and stupid.

 

[Pardner]

Ok, so if 6 people tell me to jump off a cliff then I should listen? Illogical..

I know, I'm the type of guy who'll challenge anyone..

I know you're all trying to help a brother out & I appreciate all the advice & criticism but I just don't wanna back off because she clearly likes me back..

This isn't about jumping of a cliff. We are trying to tell you luke it is. It doesn't matter how she feels about you. What matters is what the parents want. She won't disobey them in fear of repercussion. Really you have no say in it with arranged marriages. Hence that's why they are arranged. The parents choose who they want their son or daughter to marry and they follow through. They can't be with the person that they really want. There's nothing that you can do except get in good with the family but it looks like it's all set. Liking you is a lot different than loving you.

I know but I don't wanna give up so easily..

You can't change her mind plus her parents won't let her. She won't disobey them to go be with you. It doesn't matter how you feel. It's what the parents want and the orders that she follows is what counts.

 

[Jack89]

There's a difference between running away and walking away. This girl ain't special, the fact she chooses her family traditions over self interests with you this early is a precursor to whatever crappy relationship you form with her.

There are a million other girls in the UK, you should be spinning plates. You shouldn't make her special just cuz you been on a few dates with her and she's cool. Most girls are cool and friendly, down to earth etc on first couple of dates but that's not really their true character.

Anyways you won't win her over her family, this ain't a Disney movie. Go for some other girls, and be careful if you decide rip her you might get further invested and attached easily as this thread proves you tend to do.

 

[jafyk]

Tbh, she did tell me once if she were given a choice between her family and the man she loves - she'd pick her family, hands down..

I don't want to tear her away from her family, if we get serious, then I'd want to be part of her family & vice versa..

I don't have oneitis - I've had it in the past for some chick so I know the feeling lol..

Um, yes you do have a ONE-itis and you are not being honest with yourself. I say that based on the fact that despite what everyone has told you so far you refuse to move on even though you have all the facts in front of you.
How would it feel to put in all that work and for her family to say "Um, no we have someone better for you honey"?
If you think it's a war worth winning by all means find out what her family wants and tailor yourself to that. Maybe you'll come out tops. Get her pregnant while you are it. If they are that traditional perhaps they'll let you marry their daughter instead of her having a child out of wedlock.

 

[FortunateSon]

I know it may be hassle but how many "good girl" types have you lot come across? It's why she might be worth it..

She may well be a great person, I'll take your word for it, but you're fighting a losing battle. You need to pick your fights accordingly and pick the fights you know you can win.

This girl and any other is not worth all the potential hassle you're creating for yourself.

 

[TheOne21]

This isn't about jumping of a cliff. We are trying to tell you luke it is. It doesn't matter how she feels about you. What matters is what the parents want. She won't disobey them in fear of repercussion. Really you have no say in it with arranged marriages. Hence that's why they are arranged. The parents choose who they want their son or daughter to marry and they follow through. They can't be with the person that they really want. There's nothing that you can do except get in good with the family but it looks like it's all set. Liking you is a lot different than loving you.

I know it isn't jumping off a cliff but I was just giving an example.. I know & I understand everything you say but I don't feel like giving up.. The way I see it is this:
1. I backed off completely & that's it
2. I give it a shot & see where it goes (as long as I don't get attached)

You can't change her mind plus her parents won't let her. She won't disobey them to go be with you. It doesn't matter how you feel. It's what the parents want and the orders that she follows is what counts.

I know I can change her mind but at the end of the day if we get serious, she'll pick her parents over me & then I'm F*CKED... I'm still unsure as to whether I'm gonna pursue - been ignoring her since her stupid text message..

 

[TheOne21]

There's a difference between running away and walking away. This girl ain't special, the fact she chooses her family traditions over self interests with you this early is a precursor to whatever crappy relationship you form with her.

There are a million other girls in the UK, you should be spinning plates. You shouldn't make her special just cuz you been on a few dates with her and she's cool. Most girls are cool and friendly, down to earth etc on first couple of dates but that's not really their true character.

Anyways you won't win her over her family, this ain't a Disney movie. Go for some other girls, and be careful if you decide rip her you might get further invested and attached easily as this thread proves you tend to do.

I know there's a difference between walking and running away..
"The fact she chooses her family traditions over self interests with you.." - the way I see it is that any girl that respects and values her family so much will do the same for me if I'm her bf/husband..

I've known this girl for a few months from work - I know how she is as a person and her behaviour etc..

I completely agree that I do get easily attached - that one major problem with me, it's what stops me from spinning plates and chasing other girls..

 

[TheOne21]

Um, yes you do have a ONE-itis and you are not being honest with yourself. I say that based on the fact that despite what everyone has told you so far you refuse to move on even though you have all the facts in front of you.
How would it feel to put in all that work and for her family to say "Um, no we have someone better for you honey"?
If you think it's a war worth winning by all means find out what her family wants and tailor yourself to that. Maybe you'll come out tops. Get her pregnant while you are it. If they are that traditional perhaps they'll let you marry their daughter instead of her having a child out of wedlock.

Trust me bruh, I don't have oneitis, I had it before so I would know if I was going through it again - I am a little attached though, I won't lie about that.
I only refuse to back off because I've finally come across a "good girl" type..

Well, if I went through all that work & her family refused, I'd honestly be crushed.. I don't intend to tailor myself to her family's needs but I want the opportunity to show them I'm not some douche - I am the type of guy who'll take care of their daughter..

 

[JoeMarron]

I am a little attached though, I won't lie about that.
I only refuse to back off because I've finally come across a "good girl" type..

Yeah..you have oneitis. Walk away from the edge man. You're the one trying to jump off a cliff and everyone here is telling you not to. Invest in women who don't have crazy families. I wouldn't even recommend using her for sex because you've already admitted to falling for chicks easily. There are good girls around with families who would be happy to have you in their daughter's life. Don't settle for this nonsense.

 

[TheOne21]

She may well be a great person, I'll take your word for it, but you're fighting a losing battle. You need to pick your fights accordingly and pick the fights you know you can win.

This girl and any other is not worth all the potential hassle you're creating for yourself.

I do agree I am fighting a losing battle but isn't that what life is about - trying to succeed, whether it's in your career or with women?

I agree with the hassle bit.. But I barely ever meet the "good girl" type and when I do, she's either married or in a ltr..

 

[TheOne21]

Yeah..you have oneitis. Walk away from the edge man. You're the one trying to jump off a cliff and everyone here is telling you not to. Invest in women who don't have crazy families. I wouldn't even recommend using her for sex because you've already admitted to falling for chicks easily. There are good girls around with families who would be happy to have you in their daughter's life. Don't settle for this nonsense.

Why do you lot think I have oneitis? I know that feeling and it really doesn't feel like that right now..

"Invest in women who don't have crazy families" - Hahaha.. Her family is crazy, no doubt about that..

Yep, I do tend to get attached very quickly, I don't become a psycho or any crap like that lol.. but I really begin to care for them..

 

[JoeMarron]

Why do you lot think I have oneitis? I know that feeling and it really doesn't feel like that right now..

"Invest in women who don't have crazy families" - Hahaha.. Her family is crazy, no doubt about that..

Yep, I do tend to get attached very quickly, I don't become a psycho or any crap like that lol.. but I really begin to care for them..

Because it's clear as day.

But I barely ever meet the "good girl" type and when I do, she's either married or in a ltr..

You're willing to pursue this nonsense because you have doubts about finding another "good girl." She's the only woman you're focusing on + your believe that you'll have trouble finding another "good girl" = oneitis. Yes women with desirable qualities for a relationship are rare but that doesn't mean you should put yourself through a ridiculous situation like this. You know damn well this isn't going to end well.

 

[backbreaker]

How do I solve this problem??

what he hell is there to solve? she's not datable. the sooner you realize this and spend your time on women who ARE datable the better.


the fact that you aren't willing to walk away.. better stated, the second you start making excuses as to why you should stay around.. bull**** like I'm not a quitter lol, that's when you know you have oneiits.

I would suggest you go to the DJ bible and read Anti Dumps machine. You need to pretty bad

you are either the worst troll on the face of the earth or you have oneiits.

 

[FortunateSon]

I do agree I am fighting a losing battle but isn't that what life is about - trying to succeed, whether it's in your career or with women?

I agree with the hassle bit.. But I barely ever meet the "good girl" type and when I do, she's either married or in a ltr..

You can only try to succeed when you know there is a possibility of you achieving what you are aiming to achieve. What you are doing here is fighting against the tide and no matter how hard you try, sooner or later you're going to get swept out to sea.

She may well be a great person, but there are many good women knocking about, what makes her so much special? The truth is you have oneitis, you're showing classic symptoms of having oneitis.

All you're doing is being delusional and through delusion you are setting yourself up for a mighty great fall.

I know it's hard to do, but you need to walk away from this girl and move on.

 

[E-Male]

Hey, man. You came on here for advice. No need to just contradict all the people trying to some advice to you.

That said, I agree with everyone. Get the heck away from this situation. Unless you're absolutely in love with her, I guess, which it doesn't sound like.

 

[dasein]

When you go out on ONE date with a woman, she tells you plainly that it ain't happening FOR WHATEVER REASON (bigfoot told her not to f-ck you or the king of the unicorns would be displeased), and then you argue with people telling you to walk away, yeah, you got oneitis. The energy worrying about this girl should have already been refocused on cultivating another option.

Oh, and you need to consider the chance that she is just simply rejecting you, not your ethnicity, but YOU. Whether her family has married blah de blah in the past doesn't matter, she may consider herself an American woman at this point and uses the arranged marriage stuff to give a polite brushoff. It's not a sure thing that this is what is going on, but there's a good enough chance that you should consider and calculate this possibility yet you are not.

 

[Jack89]

I'm pretty damn sure if you were David beck ham or some hot Bollywood celebrity she will forget about her parents.

Besides have you even met her parents in person to get a feel of how much brown nosing and self respect you need to dump out before gaining their approval. Something tells me even if you succeed with her parents she's gonna lose interest and you would have wasted your time fighting for her.

 

[TheOne21]

Because it's clear as day.

I don't have oneitis bruh, I just really like her, that's all..

You're willing to pursue this nonsense because you have doubts about finding another "good girl." She's the only woman you're focusing on + your believe that you'll have trouble finding another "good girl" = oneitis. Yes women with desirable qualities for a relationship are rare but that doesn't mean you should put yourself through a ridiculous situation like this. You know damn well this isn't going to end well.

I don't have doubts that I'll find another "good girl" but like I said above, I like her, the heart wants what it wants - simple as that..
I know it won't end well, and I don't have a choice anymore, she's gonna choose her family, so that's it I guess..

 

[TheOne21]

what he hell is there to solve? she's not datable. the sooner you realize this and spend your time on women who ARE datable the better.

the fact that you aren't willing to walk away.. better stated, the second you start making excuses as to why you should stay around.. bull**** like I'm not a quitter lol, that's when you know you have oneiits.

I would suggest you go to the DJ bible and read Anti Dumps machine. You need to pretty bad

you are either the worst troll on the face of the earth or you have oneiits.

I have realized this but I like her bruh and want to date her but obviously I can't..

By I ain't a quitter, I really mean it, I don't quit or back down to anyone..

I'll take that advice on board and read the stuff you mentioned..

 

[TheOne21]

You can only try to succeed when you know there is a possibility of you achieving what you are aiming to achieve. What you are doing here is fighting against the tide and no matter how hard you try, sooner or later you're going to get swept out to sea.

She may well be a great person, but there are many good women knocking about, what makes her so much special? The truth is you have oneitis, you're showing classic symptoms of having oneitis.

All you're doing is being delusional and through delusion you are setting yourself up for a mighty great fall.

I know it's hard to do, but you need to walk away from this girl and move on.

Yep, I got swept out to the sea as you put it..

What makes her special apart from her looks and personality is that I like her - trust me bruh, I don't like many girls in that way, for me, no matter how attractive a girl is, if her personality isn't amazing then I wouldn't even consider a relationship with her..

I don't have a choice no more - I have to walk away now..