Arguing With A Woman - Rethought

[TheException]

Every man on these forums has and will....argue with women.


And before I hear the "hey, you must mess around with low quality women....I never fight with my gf"......let me be frank.....you are full of sh1t and nobody here has time for it. Getting into arguments is a very commonplace event and two people disagreeing about something is going to happen. From time to time, one individual in the relationship will hurt the other one(usually unintentional). Whether that is emotionally or physical in nature. These are events that will lead to an argument. So don't give the internet tough talk about how you don't ever fight......instead, add to the conversation and help other men if you can.

So let's set up a quick guide of how to navigate the argument waters:



PHASE 1 - ACCUSATION/EMOTIONAL PEAK
Every argument starts with an accusation...

-"Your so mean"
-"Are you fvcking kidding me? Did you just do that?"
-"Why are you talking to that girl?"
-"Your lazy"
-etc


This is actually the phase MOST MEN MESS UP! This is the phase where the woman will just unload. Yell, curse, scream, act crazy, etc. Your job.....is to fvcking listen(75% listen if your alpha) and to de-escalate the emotional level. This is done very simply by stating some version of :

"I want you to tell me why you feel that way. I'll just listen". Said with a non-interested tone and looking directly in eyes. Almost always will bring the woman down to your calm emotional level as opposed to escalated her emotional level. Most men yell and scream back! That raises the intensity of emotions and thus the argument. Makes zero sense.....unless you actually like to argue with your significant other.



PHASE 2- COUNTER OR END IT
After she finishes, you either say "Ok, got it." or it is at this point where you can introduce what you have been holding your tongue on. Because let's face it, women are wrong too. But you can never argue your logic vs her emotion in the first stage, that will only emotionally escalate it. This phase she will be more calm and much more open to feedback. You may even get a "Do you have anything you want to say?"

And if you want to give your opinions, don't make it sound like a checklist. "This is wrong, and this is wrong. Oh and your being dumb about this and this". Just say something like "I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. I think you take things too personally sometimes. But I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to get it off your chest". Then it's over. No more swords or weapons, sheathe them.



PHILOSOPHY
And.....I've just lost half the audience I am sure. But, it is important to understand the "why" behind action. Sure some people will just read the steps above and check out of this article without reading this section, but they will fail in their next argument. Because their mindset isn't not matching.....

To any man that wants to deduce that women are "manipulative", "selfish", "evil", "mean spirited", etc.....you have so far to go. One only thinks of women in this light, when they do NOT understand them. Once you do....everything is cake. When it come to LTR Game....I fully subscribe to Rollo Tomassi's ratio of: beta beta alpha. For every 2 "beta" things you do....do an "alpha" thing. And for me, "beta" does not mean act like a chump or do things that will result in lowering your wife/gf attraction lol. More like:

-Saying hi and hugging the kids
-Kissing the wife, saying I love you
-Asking "how was your day".
-Playing with kids in yard
-Playing with the dog
-etc

They are probably not even "beta" in your eyes. But in the scope of a relationship, these are the things that make a woman yearn for you. Like makes her feel all lovey dovey and sh1t. That's what I mean by "beta". "Alpha" would be like Don Draper alpha.

-Rejecting her request because you dont want to do it
-Disciplining children
-Getting irritated/disappointed
-Ignoring wife in favor of football game on TV
-Etc

These are more of your "because I want to" activities. While the "beta" activities are more of your "best for the family" activities.



Why am I going into all of this?


Well because there is the incorrect mindset that ignoring women and yelling back is "alpha". That is not. That will only harm the relationship. Believe it or not, but once you are in a LTR, you actually have to give a sh1t about the others involved. Doesn't mean you are a beta bux by any stretch! It just means you have others to think about now. So do yourself and the relationship a favor.....when she has one of her "big blowups".....don't ignore her and continue to drink your bud light while watching your favorite baseball team. Instead....show her you give a damn and do as prescribed above. Women actually want to know if you care enough to engage them.

Do it from the correct mindset. NEVER argue from a supplicating mindset.

 

[blind_one]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to TheException again.

A well structured post. Spot on

It would be ideal if each of us had the composure to act that way when she rages emotionally . I feel its ''beta'' to ''argue'' any other way since its pointless. If dread in the event of her acting out of line do it with actions.

 

[SmooveMooves]

I agree with this information 100%, very well structured and written post. Just 2 things I wanna bring up.

1. Asking how her day is or hugging your kids is not Beta. I hate when Djs say "you've got to mix being alpha with sometimes being beta." I can't believe Tomassi says it. That's not how it works. Alpha is a position of dominance and leadership, so as long as you maintain frame everything you do is "Alpha"

2. Sometimes yelling back and raging is acceptable. It allows you to let off some steam you may have been holding back and also shows you are capable of being angry too. It also gives her that emotional roller coaster she craves, increasing attaction.

You can't always be the calm and collected dude devoid of emotion. So as with anything, Moderation. I believe 75% of arguments in a relationship should go this way.

 

[Darth]

To argue in the technical sense, doesn't one of the parties have to agree to argue?

If the woman argues, translate that as, "I don't respect you and I'm longing for you to shut me up."

The proper response is to be displeased and to end the encounter immediately and without mercy. After all, who stands around to let another person disrespect them-most of all, a WOMAN?

 

[Trump]

Well because there is the incorrect mindset that ignoring women and yelling back is "alpha". That is not. That will only harm the relationship. Believe it or not, but once you are in a LTR, you actually have to give a sh1t about the others involved. Doesn't mean you are a beta bux by any stretch! It just means you have others to think about now. So do yourself and the relationship a favor.....when she has one of her "big blowups".....don't ignore her and continue to drink your bud light while watching your favorite baseball team. Instead....show her you give a damn and do as prescribed above. Women actually want to know if you care enough to engage them.

You are assuming here bro.

You are assuming women want you to engage because they want to know you care about them. She could be trying to engage you so you do something emotional and reckless so she can use it against you in future.

If you give in, she will mentally make a note that you gave in at a certain point because she yelled a little bit. She will know for next time she can double the yelling and will be able to extract a lot more out of you.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Every argument I have even had with a girl has been some emotional thing. They only want a solution when it's to their benefit. Otherwise it's just a bunch of feelings spilling out. I don't de-escalate anything. I'll either agree with her or just say no. And if it's about emotion then I just ignore what she is saying and tend to her feelings and try to make her feel better. Theirs no winning or successfully navigating these things. Women in private are a disaster of emotions and nonsense. They can hold it together in a a meeting at work or something like that... sometimes, but they all fall apart in private situations with the significant others. I have no evidence of any woman not fitting this description. Maybe some young girls but older women are all a disaster. Particularly the females older single DJ type guys run into.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Preface anything a woman ever says with the words I feel as though ____.

That will explain the illogical things she says. She's not saying they are true, just that she feels like they are.

 

[Poon King]

Arguing with women is extremely beta.. unless you are discussing a topic like politics or something based on facts rather than opinions.

But LTR with ONE woman are extremely beta too.. so I guess if you take one step into submission you might as well cut off both your testicles and call it a day. :crackup:

I don't argue with women ever because I do whatever I want regardless of what a woman wants AND women who don't do what I want get ignored. So what is there to argue about? :crackup:

 

[jc101]

Arguing with women is extremely beta.. unless you are discussing a topic like politics or something based on facts rather than opinions.

But LTR with ONE woman are extremely beta too.. so I guess if you take one step into submission you might as well cut off both your testicles and call it a day. :crackup:

I don't argue with women ever because I do whatever I want regardless of what a woman wants AND women who don't do what I want get ignored. So what is there to argue about? :crackup:

How many LTR's have you ever been involved in to be an expert on the topic?

You claim posters who disagree with you are women when you argue with them so you are a lying buffoon.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Arguing with women is extremely beta.. unless you are discussing a topic like politics or something based on facts rather than opinions.

But LTR with ONE woman are extremely beta too.. so I guess if you take one step into submission you might as well cut off both your testicles and call it a day. :crackup:

I don't argue with women ever because I do whatever I want regardless of what a woman wants AND women who don't do what I want get ignored. So what is there to argue about? :crackup:

Normally I rock with your advice but it doesn't make any sense here. I don't know how you can have a healthy relationship by "Ignoring" disagreements.

I also don't understand how dating one woman long term is "beta". If she's not low quality and meets your needs, why not?

 

[thatfeel]

The problem with women arguing is that its usually just a sh!t test nothing more. No matter how far along you are in a relationship. When you care more about the relationship than the girl does you've already lost.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Great advice for younger guys.Not for me, I am 36 too much work.

HER:
PHASE 1 - ACCUSATION/EMOTIONAL PEAK
Every argument starts with an accusation...

-"Your so mean"
-"Are you fvcking kidding me? Did you just do that?"
-"Why are you talking to that girl?"
-"Your lazy"
-etc

ME:
Get the fvck out of my house.

End of the argument.

 

[BrainDamage92]

You can't win an argument with a woman, couse you argue to prove a point, while she argues to piss you off. The more she tries to piss you off, the less she respects you couse she knows you buy into her crap.


The solution... there is none Im afraid. Keep your cool is my best advice.

 

[prison/con.net]

I once saw a poster photo of a 3-4 y. o. girl. She's standing on a guy's briefcase, (which is laid flat on the grass)and she's hugging a guy. Caption of poster said" He's a BS, MA and Phd. But most of all, he's a DAD.

 

[bigneil]

Arguing with a woman is like trying to defuse a bomb. You are probably better off getting out of there.

The reason you can't argue with a woman is the same reason you can't reason with an upset woman. They don't follow logic, but attempt to pretend to for some reason, seeing that language is more logical than their mind, so they can't express themselves directly. Believe her about the fact that she is upset, just don't believe her reason why.

 

[logicallefty]

A man will never win an argument with a woman. That's because, unlike men, what comes out of a woman's mouth doesn't have to be fact and true.

I threw the OP a big fat football of +rep on this one. Excellent post.

 

[Poon King]

Normally I rock with your advice but it doesn't make any sense here. I don't know how you can have a healthy relationship by "Ignoring" disagreements.

I also don't understand how dating one woman long term is "beta". If she's not low quality and meets your needs, why not?

BECAUSE only a man with few options would limit himself to one woman. Committing to ONE woman is putting that woman on a pedestal as if she is "special". How can one woman be more special than the entire female population? NOT POSSIBLE. So therefore.. why would you limit yourself unless you were a beta b!tch?

Arguing with women is idiotic because it brings you down to their childish level. Women argue about stupid sh!t that isn't worth your energy.

 

[AlphaProvider]

Arguing with women is idiotic because it brings you down to their childish level. Women argue about stupid sh!t that isn't worth your energy.

Bang once this is learned there is no need to argue with them. When they start arguing i start laughing and i leave, or tell them straight to there face.

No time to waste with that.[/QUOTE]

Agree with you. Depending upon the woman of course. A woman who is logical you can argue with. One who is emotional and has to be right, there is no reason arguing back with her, unless you are a pig and actually enjoy it.

 

[WanderingMan]

BECAUSE only a man with few options would limit himself to one woman. Committing to ONE woman is putting that woman on a pedestal as if she is "special". How can one woman be more special than the entire female population? NOT POSSIBLE. So therefore.. why would you limit yourself unless you were a beta b!tch?

Why do you consider being with one woman - "limiting yourself"? There are times I spin plates, and there are times I only want to be with one.

Why does it matter what someone else wants? Pair bonding is a natural human instinct, by the way.

I can commit to a woman without putting her on a pedestal, so can other men I know.

 

[Poon King]

Why do you consider being with one woman - "limiting yourself"? There are times I spin plates, and there are times I only want to be with one.

Why does it matter what someone else wants? Pair bonding is a natural human instinct, by the way.

I can commit to a woman without putting her on a pedestal, so can other men I know.

Being with ONE woman is not as much the issue.. as being afraid to smash others.

Any man who would turn down other women he wants to smash because he doesn't want to "ruin" his relationship with the ONE woman he is dating.. is in fact.. engaging in beta submission and putting that ONE woman on a pedestal. This is called: limiting yourself.