Are you sunk if you don't own a car?

[lore_hunter477]

Long time listener, first time poster here. So OK, I don't have a car. I don't live in a big expensive city, but it's not a small town either (pop. almost 100,000). I own my own place and I use public transport to get around to places like work. It's going OK for me personally (I'm careful with $ and bring in more than I pay out) but when people find out about my lifestyle, they treat me like something is 'wrong' with me for not having a car.

I've picked up some first-hand accounts from women who want nothing to do with a guy who has no car. They go on about how such guys have "no independence" and so on. I see women don't face the same stigma when this is turned around of course, but yeah, that whole "provider" thing is getting into another topic.

Anyway, I can guess from lurking here that you guys will tell me to just keep living whatever lifestyle works best for me and make no apologies for it. OK, but I was wondering if anybody here has been in a similar situation and has got any more specific advice for the best way to handle it every time this comes up with a girl. Or should I just figure I'm going to be sunk every time on this and I'll have to make a choice?

 

[Matlm]

No, you are not sunk. If the girl has a car then you are set.

It helps to have a car though for reasons other than dating.

Why do you think that you would be sunk?

 

[djbr]

You are sunk if you go into copious amounts of debt just to impress girls. That's what they want, anyway. The more you get out of your original plan to impress them, the more they will like "oh so cute" and go to another guy who is confident enough to do sh1t his way.

Been there, done that. If you don't need a car, don't buy one. Nothing is better than money in YOUR pockets. If YOU need a car that's another issue. Seems that YOU don't.

You are definitely in the right track, don't mess it because of what people, especially "girls", says.

 

[JezDuffield]

If you are still single and on the hunt for a Hot Babe you are better off if you don't own a car as you will meet many more Hot Babes on the buses and trains that you have to catch, more so when you are waiting at the station before you get on.
If you are young and handsome you can find a rich Hot Older Babe who will drive you around in her car, which is the best way to go about things.

 

[unreal-guy]

say if you want to go to a date, and you'd have to take bus or taxi, it's kind of lame. i learnt that driving is awesome, i can drive to where ever i want to go and i can get a lil action in the backseat too.

now i just needed to add some tinted windows in the back

 

[( . )( . )]

I doubt it, its all about game.

Chicks have been known to drop their families and neglect their children for triple murderers on death row.

Plant the seed properly to begin with and you could have a pink with purple polka dot c@ck for all she cares.

 

[unreal-guy]

hot women wants to be seen in a nice car so other girls passing by will get super jealous

so be rich and looks won't matter anymore and you get to **** any hot gold diggers LoL

 

[trajhenkhet02]

If your dating assorted ladies not having a car can make things a bit tough. I faced a bit of this myself. Though not tough in the sense most guys think. A car allows you to go just about anywhere you want to without having to rely on someone. Like if her car had problems you could cover with yours. If some ladies have an issue with it than no blood loss on you. Actually I found not having a vehical was somewhat of a good indicator of intrests (if she really wants me there she'll pick me up). If you want to earn some points offer her gas when she dosen't ask for it. (Please watch out for the ones that ask for gas all the time.)

 

[MacDiddy]

Why would you give a $hit about what women think.. They want this they want that and they end up getting shagged by guys that are no where near their ideal man.

 

[lore_hunter477]

No, you are not sunk. If the girl has a car then you are set.

It helps to have a car though for reasons other than dating.

Why do you think that you would be sunk?

I'm getting at the means/status thing more than the practicality issue of at least one of us having a car. Although for some reason women seem to worry they'd be expected to "chauffer" a carless guy around - bad past experiences maybe?

This site often talks about the right approach to paying for stuff and providing and doing a lot of the "work" early on in the relationship. Isn't not having a car kinda like being somehow unable to pay for dinner? In "The 40-Year Old Virgin", the main character rides a bicycle and it's one of the things the audience is supposed to laugh at because the guy is such a loser. Even as far back as high school the guy is "supposed" to pick the girl up in a car (his parents' if not his own) and drop her off at the end of the night.

So that's more what I'm wondering about how to handle. When I was still living with family, I would dread the inevitable "where/how do you live" question, and it showed (hadn't found this site yet either). Now that I have my own place, I look forward to that question. But the "how'd you get here/how are you getting home" question is one I haven't found the right 'note' for yet. I feel like I lose some status to girls with a straight honest answer, but I can't think of a C & F response either. Still new at all the techniques on here.

Some interesting responses so far.

 

[Delta]

wow...

on the contrary... i DO think that not having a car is a problem.

we should be confident no matter where we're at at the moment... but we should never be delusional.

the stuff about not caring what women think... errr... there's a VERY REAL SENSE IN WHICH WE CARE VERY MUCH (!!!)

all that stuff about working out and clothes and such ain't just for us!

and part of the PUA thing is in being flashy and sporting STATUS SYMBOLS... it is the human version of plumage....

it IS IMPORTANT... unfortunately. women are shallow and superficial. and guys want hot chicks and won't give a second look at an ugly porker... so it is a poetic justice at least.

i agree, it is all SUPERFICIAL BS... but the mating game lies strictly on that level. everyone wants superficial bs... not dull, messy, icky and unsexy reality... and that applies for men and women.

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it depends on the SOCIAL NORM in your area. if you don't have a car where everyone does, then you are seen as not being able to keep up. DIFFERENT can be good but it can also be BAD... VERY VERY BAD.

if you're getting strange looks... seriously... i'd consider the possibliity that we're going down the bad route.

on the other hand, if you live in manhattan where even politicians and celebrities ride public transportation, you're good and fine. (though for dates, a lot of people get cabs which can be pretty pricey)

also, if you DON'T live in a place like manhattan with a very large, extensive and robust public transportation system, riding around on buses can pose a very real LOGISTICAL PROBLEM in picking up and depositing your dates... and trying to maintain a conversation on a crowded bus while holding onto a hand rail for over 20 minutes doesn't sound like a promising proposition.

if you're wondering how to deal with the issue every time it comes up, i'd consider it a problem that needs to be dealt with.

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continue to learn from the pick up artist philosophy and no matter your circumstance, cultivate your confidence and continue your education. it IS true that you don't absolutely need a car to be successful with women and relationships.

just like you don't need to be tall, handsome, strong of body, etc.

THIS IS TRUE.

but honestly, it can make things harder. and for everyone trying to be a dj, for everything we lack, we are (or should be) trying to address the problem and fix it or if it is beyond our power to change, completely ignore it and make it a non issue (cuz if you really can't do anything about it, what's the alternative).

i've been broke and it's rough. unfortunately, it's not an ideal situation to be in for a guy - you're right, double standard here. but nothing about relationships or the mating dance is fair or altruistic. in fact, it is evolutionarily DESIGNED TO BE RIGOROUSLY UNFAIR.

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DO NOT FORFEIT YOUR FUTURE, YOUR MEANS OF LIVING for women.

but if you can, work yourself to a better financial place so that you can get the car and other helpful accoutrements.

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confusing thing for me is to hear that you own your own place... in southern california, that's a sign that you're doing VERY well.... can't you leverage your house to get some cash flow?

delta