Are you paying for your AFC past?

[Desdinova]

Something that keeps showing its ugly head in my life is my AFC past. No, I haven't reverted back to it, but others are trying to push me back into it, namely my parents. They don't like the fact that I stand up for myself, they don't like the fact that I'm not doing what they tell me anymore, and they hate me trying to cut them out of my life. They want the old me back again so they can use and abuse me like they did when I was a child. I'm no longer the child that they raised.

But they won't adapt to how I've changed, they keep trying to use and abuse me even though they get nowhere. Sometimes it's almost tempting to take the easy way out and let them fvck me around just to get them off my back. But if I do that, then my self-respect, my self-esteem, and my happiness goes out the door and I turn back into the child that I was.

Anyone else have longtime friends or family who don't like how you've changed since you found this site?

 

[ExploringOne]

Not this site in particular, but yeah... I feel your pain.

Compared to 5 years ago, I'm much more distant with my family. I also lost a few friends (guys who I used to consider good friends).

Part of being the alpha, of the situations is that it creates resentment from people who used to hold that position in the social circle. It's also caused me resentment from a couple of AFC friends who I have tried to convert, but well, I guess they prefer to be blind.

I used to be they guy everyone would describe as deep and sensitive. Now I'm usually described as that stubborn @$$hole jerk.

So yeah, unfortunately we all have an AFC closet of skeletons. I'm not going back into the AFC closet though. I'm happier, and more successful now then I have ever been, so what if I'm no longer Mr.Sensitive?

 

[spider_007]

Mr Destanova, i think your being puity vage about what's going on.

you mind telling us what brought this up.

I mean, i can't imagine trying to cut my family out of my life. I don't know, maybe i lack some imagination, but what are they doing asking you for money or something????

 

[Rovalier]

For me, this is one of those necessary "trials" to get past AFCism. AFCism is learned, and who else influences you more so in life? If you are more of a natural prior to coming here, then there will be less friction. There is more congruency between parents and sons. On the other hand, an extreme AFC would face greater hurdles.

I am experiencing/experienced the same thing. Although one parent is slightly more receptive of it (mother), and another is not (father). The core problem is my father is collectivistic in practice, while DJism is more individualistic. He views any form of selfishness as a sin (he is not religious) and total altruism as a virtue. A perfect example (real): such as driving a couple of hours to pickup a relative at the airport. She is more well off than my family (money wise) and could pay for a taxi. On top of that she lived in the opposite direction, and came back from a vacation. Things like this infuriates me. As I got older, I hated asking my father for favors, I rather go through the pains and labors than request for his help.

I do my best to maintain the DJ resolve. I wouldn't give up what I have learned and gained in my post-AFC life, even if it means cutting ties.

 

[Rovalier]

It is a shock to others who are accustomed to who you are. These people are the ones who are unwilling to change and break the mold. I have lost friends because I was successful in courting girls they liked. I never did this intentionally either, I can't control how some girls feel.

What I am grateful for, is that this helped me find out who my real friends are.

 

[ExploringOne]

I go out pretty much every weekend to meet girls, or on dates. My brother is pissed, he can't figure out why I keep going out to bars and clubs. I tell him, to meet women, he just doesn't get it.

At the same time, he goes on a date, comes back all happy, goes, "I'm gonna call her now" I tell him, NO! WAIT! DON't broadcast so much interest, but does he listen.... no. Actually bought him the book "The Game", it's a fast fun read, he read a little bit, thought it was a joke.

Now he's pissed at me because a couple of his female friends, who are all older then me by 5-7 years are actually asking him about me...

I have to say, I have been at times tempted to actually just cut all ties and move to another part of the country. I imagine sometime in the future I might actually move, just for the sole purpose of distance.

 

[realsmoothie]

My parents are happier now that I am more active with women (heh, I know my dad is, surely he thought I was gay for a while).

BUT they're not hot on the fact that I go out a lot and hang out with younger people. They don't come out and say it, but it's obvious they think I should "grow up" and get serious.

 

[djbr]

Something that keeps showing its ugly head in my life is my AFC past. No, I haven't reverted back to it, but others are trying to push me back into it, namely my parents. They don't like the fact that I stand up for myself, they don't like the fact that I'm not doing what they tell me anymore, and they hate me trying to cut them out of my life. They want the old me back again so they can use and abuse me like they did when I was a child. I'm no longer the child that they raised.

Damn, my mom go beserk when she senses I just know what is going on. I still do things for her, cause I am still living in her house (in Brazil things are different folks), but I will bail as soon as I can.

But they won't adapt to how I've changed, they keep trying to use and abuse me even though they get nowhere. Sometimes it's almost tempting to take the easy way out and let them fvck me around just to get them off my back. But if I do that, then my self-respect, my self-esteem, and my happiness goes out the door and I turn back into the child that I was.

That's exactly how I feel everytime I cave in.

Just today my mother was screaming that I did not do something for her. So I said I would do it. A second later, here I was beating myself for not saying that maybe she should do it instead of ordering me to do EVERYTHING. But I live here, so I just STFU. Nevermind that my brother and sister do not do jack sh1t...

Later, I needed her to do something for me and there she was, screaming, saying she was not going to do it and I ought to do stuff myself, even without being able to move quickly and grab things: I have my left leg completely immobilized, and I am walking with crutches.

Hmmm... I better not cave in anymore! Better yet, I better get my own home -- that's my plan for this year in fact. Study a lot, get a government job which pays stable and big, and get out. After this, I finish college and decide if I will stay in my town or move to another town/country.

Anyone else have longtime friends or family who don't like how you've changed since you found this site?

I described in another thread what happened when a friend of mine found out I was not AFC anymore and tried to give him some tips.

Never again... I will play low-key and bail as quick as I can!!!

 

[splinterkb]

No matter what you're trying to accomplish, you should never cut out your blood. Embrace your family.

 

[djbr]

No matter what you're trying to accomplish, you should never cut out your blood. Embrace your family.

I envy you if you can say this without being an hypocrite.

 

[Desdinova]

No matter what you're trying to accomplish, you should never cut out your blood. Embrace your family.

I have to ask: WHY???

I can think of a lot of very good reasons to cut them out, but I can't think of any benefits to keeping them around.

you mind telling us what brought this up.

I can't really give a lot of details on this, but my mother did something that put me in a dangerous position. I've been avoiding contact with her, and now my father's telling me that I should forgive her. In good conscience, I CANNOT forgive a person if they don't acknowledge what they did was wrong. Neither of my parents have apologized to me for any of the crap they did to me (and there's a lot of it). I'm through with letting them walk all over me, and expecting me to continue "honoring thy father and mother".

I've turned the other cheek over and over again throughout my life. My cheeks are bleeding, and I'm fvcking tired of it.

 

[Vulpine]

Dude, Des, how close to these people do you live?

My father is out on the west coast, my mother is over 2 hours north. I can't say I have any problems with them, because they are effectively out of my life.

My mother has done silly stuff like call my gf by another's name and stuff, but that's as dangerous a position as they have put me in.

I had my outs with those kids a long time ago. They got their little feelers hurt, but I had to tell them I was a "big boy now" and "thanks for changing my diapers when I needed it, but, I need different things, like a house. Wanna buy me a house? No? Then, sorry, I have to prioritize, don't I? OOoops, awww look! You taught me to be responsible! Thanks."

 

[ValleyDJing]

I don't even talk with my parents about anything remotely related to girls. For all they know I'm either gay, or a virgin who's saving myself for marraige. They think I'm like the sweetest guy around and I'm like the angel child of the family. Its almost comical at how wrong they are! :crackup: I'm the only one in my family who's tried drugs, done stuff that you could get arrested for, I live wildly, and I'm trying to get as much ***** as possible. And they have no clue.

But other people have noticed a change and I love it. Everytime one of my boys starts talking females and I give my two cents, they're always like "thats what I'm talking about, this guy knows his s.hit." Well I wouldn't know my s.hit if it wasn't for this site. Everytime a girl calls me jerk, *******, etc. I just laugh inside because they're not saying, "aww you're so sweet" or "buddy" (I hated that).

I recently moved to California and I was talking to girls that I used to know over myspace, the phone, msn, etc. and they'd tell me I've changed. One girl I even told straight up, "I'm not out to be the nice guy anymore, I'm out to get laid." I've basically made that my life motto now.

 

[djbr]

I don't even talk with my parents about anything remotely related to girls. For all they know I'm either gay, or a virgin who's saving myself for marraige. They think I'm like the sweetest guy around and I'm like the angel child of the family. Its almost comical at how wrong they are! :crackup: I'm the only one in my family who's tried drugs, done stuff that you could get arrested for, I live wildly, and I'm trying to get as much ***** as possible. And they have no clue.

Same with nice girls :crackup:



BTW, excellent way of dodging some major sh1t from parents.

 

[mpimpin]

I know exactly what you mean. My mother and an old best friend won't shut up about how I've changed and am too big for my pants stuff like that ever since I started "liking girls" thats what they have said. Which isn't when i started liking girls but more when I started pulling girls and actually developing into a DJ

 

[BluEyes]

This is coming from a young lad who doesn't have much experience with this sort of stuff...


But to put it in perspective...

Hypothetically, ff both of your parents were to die this week, your father from a heart attack and your mother from grief...Would you feel satisfied or bad about how you acted with them?

Never leave a relationship on a bad note...

If I were in your shoes, I would probably be honest and bring it all out, and explain why I'm unhappy with them. Tell them you hope they understand, that you can't live like that anymore regardless of who is right/wrong, and tell them you love them...Then move on.

Let them make the next move.

My parents are sort of weird as well, Id rather not get into it, but to me its important to be honest with them.

 

[MuayThai]

but others are trying to push me back into it, namely my parents. They don't like the fact that I stand up for myself, they don't like the fact that I'm not doing what they tell me anymore, and they hate me trying to cut them out of my life. They want the old me back again so they can use and abuse me like they did when I was a child.

Anyone else have longtime friends or family who don't like how you've changed since you found this site?

My mum is exactly the same. I just don't have it. I just treat her like a bratty little sister who can't control herself.


My friends as well are a little intimidated\jealous of me having confidence enough to approach women. But thats cool, I can handle them, they're only feeling bad because I progressed leaps and bounds.

 

[comic_relief]

Anyone else have longtime friends or family who don't like how you've changed since you found this site?

Personally, I have cut all previous relationships that I had before I left for college excluding a few people that I met after I started to change.

Since then, my creativity and knowledge has made leaps and bounds. i am also becoming a role model to many of my friends and special education students (I tested out of special education earlier in life and clawed my way out of everything).

Desdinova, we have been on a particularily good footing on this website and I know that you are a smart guy. You know what you got to do.

comic_relief

 

[Centaurion]

I don't even talk with my parents about anything remotely related to girls. For all they know I'm either gay, or a virgin who's saving myself for marraige. They think I'm like the sweetest guy around and I'm like the angel child of the family. Its almost comical at how wrong they are! :crackup: I'm the only one in my family who's tried drugs, done stuff that you could get arrested for, I live wildly, and I'm trying to get as much ***** as possible. And they have no clue.

You just described me.

:rockon:

 

[lookyoung]

Desdinova I feel the same way as you do toward my dad. I don't respect him as a man. I mean he was always there. Never abused me physically or sexually or nothing crazy like that. But he at times was verbally abusive and I am 30 years old and still can't forgive him for that. Me and him are two totally different people and we don't talk.

The sad thing is in the back of my mind I know I should make an effort to get along with him but I just don't want too. My little sister passed away suddenly a little less than a year ago. When stuff like this happens you realize how important family is. So you should do your best to get along with your parents because when there gone, you will realize how much you love them. I realize that but still can't bring myself to talk to him.


You may have to bury your parents one day or he may have to bury you so always keep that in mind. Talk with them and try your best to get along.