Are you in your head too much?

[Warrior74]

I notice a lot of mental masterbating in the MM forum and I have a question...do you feel that you are in your head too much? Do you mostly live in the past, present or future?

I was hanging out with a former oneitis who gave me the LJBF a few months back last night. She said something interesting...which was that when she smokes weed, it keeps her in her head, all she does is think about everything. I used to be the same way when I used to smoke, it led me to be more catious and take less chances and to overthink and analyze everything (which is in my nature, but it took it to overdrive). It also led me to never make a move on her and when I did it was too late (friendzoned). That's part of the reason I gave up smoking pot. last night she kept commenting on how relaxed I was and how she always felt safe and had fun with me. Of course part of that is because I'm in the friendzone...I've gotten to know her as a person and it's killed any attraction I had for her (serious daddy issues). I'd hit it, but I realise that we wouldn't be a good match as a couple for several reasons. I can be friends with girls, but I treat them just like one fo the guys. Which means I'm gonna comment on girls, talk about girls I'm dating, watch football, stop changing the channel when girls gone wild commercials come on, beat them at video games, talk smack and crack off a burp unashamed. Screw being on your best behavior she ain't sleeping with me anyways! lol. Now I treat her like an annoying little sister, we trade barbs and just have fun together. Which is funny, cause now she wants to hang out with me alone, not with my group of friends anymore. Whatever.

I gave her some meditations and relaxation techniques on getting out of your head. I try a few of these myself every now and then when I feel I'm getting stuck inside my dome.

One of the simplist techniques for me is to actually observe the world around me. Look at everything, take it in. Notice it. Look at people, notice things about them. When I am looking outward its hard to stay focused inward. It calms the mental gremlins down...it gives them something else to focus on.

Also I try to monitor my thoughts. When I'm dwelling on the past, I label it PAST and mentally throw it away. Same thing for the future...I label it FUTURE and try to throw it away. Then I try to go back to the first exercise to stay grounded in the present.

Focusing on the other person. I ask questions about them, watch their body language and responses and try to focus on learning more about them, this leads to better conversations for me and helps me learn more about the other person. I can't be self concious if I'm not thinking about myself. Also this helps me create more eye contact with the person I'm talking to...something I'm still working on.

Taking a note of my body language and feeling and forcing myself to be more open and relaxed. If I feel myself closing up, or feeling slightly uncomfortable I force myself to have open body language...and even smile. Eventually it will affect my mood and shake me out of my internal navel gazing funk. Especially when in new environments around strange people. I can get panicy in those situations...so I have to force myself to be open.


Handling Snakes theory. When I was a boy scout my scoutmaster used to say "The snake is more afraid of you than you are of it". I try to treat other people like that. They are probably more afraid of me than I am of them. It's no need to be defensive or aggressive, just move easily with confidence and with respect for the other person. Like handling a dangerous snake.

Take some mental time to think about my day in the morning. Spend the energy focusing on my goals and what I want to accomplish. Making a list. And that way I won't dwell on the future...its already committed to paper, now I can just focus on this moment and doing what I need to do.

Seeing the upside and looking for win wins. You have to always look for the upside or the positive even in bad situations. Its not negotiable. You have to strive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise why even bother to go on? You have to know things will get better with dedication and hard work. God (or the universe) helps those who help themselves.


These are just a few of my thoughts on how I deal with the battle of being in my head too much. It takes some discipline..but I'm getting better and I notice I'm a lot happier than I used to be. Old friends can tell that I am.

I went to dinner with some old college buddies not to long ago and the commented on how much I have changed. How I have come out of my shell. How I'm not such a negative guarded person. And how I'm so much more fun now. Apparently I was the bitter angry sad sack of the group. But not anymore.

Your life is your responsiblity...you have to take charge of it, if your not happy with something you have to fix it. No one else will. But that's what makes you feel good about yourself. Knowing that you are working towards what you want, and accomplishing your goals.

These are just some of my thoughts and what works for me. I hope it helps someone. If you have any tips or wisdom please share.

 

[Fallen]

I often find myself dwelling on past events and over-analyzing things that went wrong. Can't mute that inner monologue.
The only thing that helps me is to keep me busy, always have something to do and trying not to be on my own so much. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
I also would appreciate tips and wisdom from the former over-analyzers who managed to get rid of it

 

[STR8UP]

I notice a lot of mental masterbating in the MM forum and I have a question...do you feel that you are in your head too much?

Yes. I am analytical and introspective by nature.

I can be friends with girls, but I treat them just like one fo the guys. Which means I'm gonna comment on girls, talk about girls I'm dating, watch football, stop changing the channel when girls gone wild commercials come on, beat them at video games, talk smack and crack off a burp unashamed. Screw being on your best behavior she ain't sleeping with me anyways! lol. Now I treat her like an annoying little sister, we trade barbs and just have fun together. Which is funny, cause now she wants to hang out with me alone, not with my group of friends anymore. Whatever.

Props to you.

A lot of guys don't understand that you can have a lot of fun with a chick if you don't care when or if you have sex her.

I'm the same way with my AW friend. I practically torture the poor girl and she eats it up. I tell her she's old, she's getting Alzheimers, etc.

This is how we need to be with ALL women. I know it's easy to change your M.O. when you are really attracted to the chick, but women go crazy for a guy like this. I would be willing to bet that if you had acted this way toward her in the beginning you would have already hit it.

One of the simplist techniques for me is to actually observe the world around me. Look at everything, take it in. Notice it. Look at people, notice things about them. When I am looking outward its hard to stay focused inward. It calms the mental gremlins down...it gives them something else to focus on.

I dunno.....I tend to do that and it leads to MORE overthinking. Maybe I'm doing it the wrong way. What is it that you focus on that keeps your mind disengaged?

Focusing on the other person. I ask questions about them, watch their body language and responses and try to focus on learning more about them, this leads to better conversations for me and helps me learn more about the other person. I can't be self concious if I'm not thinking about myself. Also this helps me create more eye contact with the person I'm talking to...something I'm still working on.

This is good stuff. Taking an interest in people is the best way to get them to like you.

Taking a note of my body language and feeling and forcing myself to be more open and relaxed. If I feel myself closing up, or feeling slightly uncomfortable I force myself to have open body language...and even smile.

I try to be conscious of the way I present myself around others, but when you have a lot of stress it's tough to "make" yourself smile.

I can get into genuine good moods, and when I am there I am in the zone, but i still have way too much going on in my life and it tends to hold me back from being the social person I want to be.

Seeing the upside and looking for win wins. You have to always look for the upside or the positive even in bad situations. Its not negotiable. You have to strive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise why even bother to go on? You have to know things will get better with dedication and hard work.

You know, I think this is my biggest problem right now. Things are still in a transition period for me, and I know for a nailed down fact that my future is going to be brighter than my best moments in my past, but it's tough when you DON'T have anything specifically tangible that you can look to as the "light at the end of the tunnel".

Your life is your responsiblity...you have to take charge of it, if your not happy with something you have to fix it. No one else will. But that's what makes you feel good about yourself. Knowing that you are working towards what you want, and accomplishing your goals.

These are just some of my thoughts and what works for me. I hope it helps someone. If you have any tips or wisdom please share.

I agree. And I'm trying to make positive changes. I'm eating better, drinking less, exercising more, and working on new business projects that have major potential. I know that things will improve for me, it's just toough when everything is in its infancy stage where you aren't seeing much benefit from all of the effort you are putting into it.

Thanks for the post. You have given me some things to think about.

 

[Janez]

Good post and good response STR8UP.

It got me thinking myself about the issue. Today I came across very good, for myself great article about how memory works and managing the moods etc.

its actually alot of how our mind actually works.

The link could very useful for those who think they are stuck in the head too much. It shows us that it is actually us who can chose the thoughts we are thinking.

We can have our mind either on AUTOMATIC or MANUAL thinking. And our mood is dependent on what we are thinking at the moment. It takes 90-120 second before thinking actually alter the mood. Check it out.

http://drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Emotional Memory.html

 

[jophil28]

I notice a lot of mental masterbating in the MM forum and I have a question...do you feel that you are in your head too much? Do you mostly live in the past, present or future?

" In your head too much ?" Huh ?
It is where you are meant to be - not in your feelings,or following "your instincts" or contemplating your karma or polishng your Aura or relying on your "presence" to make your way in the world . Leave all that to women, liberals, lefties and tarot card readers and other hippy drippy types.

Nobody ever went broke or failed by using too much brainpower and acting on well reasoned decisions.

Your second sentence is interesting.
Living in the past is usually all about anger or resentment, either at others or ourselves.. Maybe some personal housecleaning needed there.

LIving in the future can be indicative of an anxiety condition..the "what if" experience of impending doom.

However we need to consider the future within the context of our goals and plans.
Living in "the Now" is a trendy concept that has made fortunes for some authors who have little to say but who have written meandering. illogical and ambiguous texts which appear to offer life answers to the gullible . The "Power of Now" is a good example.

Living in the "The Present " is merely living today for what today brings and demands. ..living one day at a time and taking care of the tasks and business of the current moment.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Good Post Warrior... I will post back in here in two years...

 

[Warrior74]

This is how we need to be with ALL women. I know it's easy to change your M.O. when you are really attracted to the chick, but women go crazy for a guy like this. I would be willing to bet that if you had acted this way toward her in the beginning you would have already hit it.

Thanks for the post. You have given me some things to think about.

Yah I know. Still kicking myself for going all AFC over her...put her on a pedestal. Then after th LJBF...I saw so much of the real her, I felt foolish for pedestalizing her like that.

Glad I could offer some food for thought.

To Jophil28:

I really don't think we disagree on any points. I wasn't advocating any metaphysical spiritual new age type thing. Just relating what has worked for me personally. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[Fallen]

I agree. And I'm trying to make positive changes. I'm eating better, drinking less, exercising more, and working on new business projects that have major potential. I know that things will improve for me, it's just tough when everything is in its infancy stage where you aren't seeing much benefit from all of the effort you are putting into it.

Thanks for the post. You have given me some things to think about.

Amen! Good to see that i'm not the only one in this situation. Since i still have to work on patience and persistence because they are not exactly one of my fortes, i am having difficulties staying focused, staying motivated, staying positive after a certain period of time without seeing at least some success. That's when insecurities, doubt and second-guessing start sneaking in from behind ( once again )

And by the way, i am not talking about women here but about life in general and what a guy is supposed to do. Somehow it's pathetic that i have to come back here every single time to remind me of that and to refocus again although i should already know ( and believe and ACT like it ). Somehow it doesn't stick. I guess i don't have good role models around in real life who constantly remind me of what it's all about.


Anyway: Great post and a royal kick in the a$$ for me!