Are you Best friends with you Gf or wife?

[Ganondorf]

This is a question for all the guys in relationships

How good of a friend is your Gf to you?

I mean beyond the standard relationship dynamics and such, do you guys actually relate as best friends as well?

as for me. when me and my ex were together, we considered ourselves best friends. now that we broke up, we are still best friends and talk all the time.

I might get a lot of AFC flame for this. but i really don't care. I think if one is not friends with their Significant other, then later on down the road things could get messed up

what about you?

 

[prairiedog24]

Well, there's the relationships where there's only lots of sexual attraction. Then there's the ones (we see on here a lot) where there's some sexual attraction, but ultimately the friend zone mentality takes over.

When you get both, is when you're set. This isn't really anything anybody can argue with. Ask anybody who's been married for more than 7 years and they'll pretty much tell you that it works out because their significant other is their best friend.

Obviously, this isn't meant to encourage RAFC's like myself to continue spinning down a drain in a friend zone when they should grow up and move on. But it is a fact. If you overcompensate the other direction you end up like all these old unhappy PUAs that never have any relational security whatsoever, because after awhile, human beings become things rather than persons. Nobody lays on their deathbed thinking "man, I wish I had picked up a few more chicks in my 20's and 30's."

 

[comic_relief]

My ex-gf and me were best friends. Even after we broke up and everyone thought that we were done with. We became even stronger friends and now she wants to get back together with me because she realizes that she might have made a "mistake"

True relationships that last for years are set because they became best friends with each other.

comic_relief

 

[PeeGee]

You can be best or close friends, but it's not a requirement. I think it might just be a different type of experience.

I tend to not let girls be my 'best friend' in either case.

 

[Warrior74]

I find it too much to have a girl be my "best friend" But she can be a friend. I'm just careful what I confide in her. Never confide your fears and doubts to a woman, it transmits them to her like a disease and posions your relationship. Find a buddy you can share that with over a couple of beers, but with your woman, it brings the question of your leadership and puts her security in doubt. That's been my personal experience.

I remember when I was in college and my father was forced into retirement and how he would tell my mother everything was going to be okay. And how it would all work out and he had a plan. I asked my dad was everything okay and he told me honestly no, but he never wanted my mother to worry. He eventually found a way to work things out But he never confided his fears to her. He was the rock. They have been married for 38 years.

 

[DJDamage]

I find it too much to have a girl be my "best friend" But she can be a friend. I'm just careful what I confide in her. Never confide your fears and doubts to a woman, it transmits them to her like a disease and posions your relationship. Find a buddy you can share that with over a couple of beers, but with your woman, it brings the question of your leadership and puts her security in doubt. That's been my personal experience.

agreed.

A woman you are in a relationship with can never ever be your best friend unless you don't have any good friends and she is there by default.

A good friend will offer to help you when you are down or helpless and at least listen to your troubles without JUDGING YOU. A woman will unconsciously evaluate her attraction to you if you appear helpless or desperate and this could affect your relationship with her long terms. If her interest levels wither away not only will the sex suffer but so will your so called "BFF" situation as a result.

A relationship with your woman is always conditional, sure you can go out with her and have fun but some things are best not to be shared.

 

[comic_relief]

I have to disagree to a point on this one.

I understand where you are coming from, BUT the same thing happens with guys as well.

People will ALWAYS judge you and my relationships with people in general have suffered. Sometimes women are better then men, and sometimes men are better then women.

My ex-gf and me are still best friends even after I confided in her some of my worst fears. It made us closer and now that we aren't together anymore. We are closer then ever before because we still share everything.

Even after everything, she wants to get back together with me. I have turned her down a couple of times because I know that the root problems won't go away until I settle down and don't travel across the USA for work.

I personally believe that if you want a truly fulfilling relationship, then you should be able to share everything. Most likely I am an idealist.

comic_relief

 

[Bible_Belt]

I find it too much to have a girl be my "best friend" But she can be a friend. I'm just careful what I confide in her. Never confide your fears and doubts to a woman, it transmits them to her like a disease and posions your relationship. Find a buddy you can share that with over a couple of beers, but with your woman, it brings the question of your leadership and puts her security in doubt.

I agree.

 

[Ganondorf]

agreed.

A woman you are in a relationship with can never ever be your best friend unless you don't have any good friends and she is there by default.

A good friend will offer to help you when you are down or helpless and at least listen to your troubles without JUDGING YOU. A woman will unconsciously evaluate her attraction to you if you appear helpless or desperate and this could affect your relationship with her long terms. If her interest levels wither away not only will the sex suffer but so will your so called "BFF" situation as a result.

A relationship with your woman is always conditional, sure you can go out with her and have fun but some things are best not to be shared.

Sounds like a problem....

so when did men not become human?

even men get scared and are helpless at times. You are never in complete control of your life and things happen which could even knock the biggest man to his knees. if a woman can't see that then she's not the woman i want to be with. She can't expect you to be Superman all the time, just like i'm sure she'd whine if you wanted her to be the perfect 10 all the time.

I'm not saying to cry in the girls arms that you just met and tell her your life story, but when the relationship progresses and you become friends then she's bound to see that you are human just like her and also have fears and make mistakes

Like I said, i woman looking for a superman is not the woman for me. A real woman would be happy and secure with herself just like a real man would. I get turned off by women who act like they need me...

That's why i think the mark of a good woman is one who you can be friends and lovers with. Most good marriages are the ones where the couples are best friends.

 

[KontrollerX]

"as for me. when me and my ex were together, we considered ourselves best friends. now that we broke up, we are still best friends and talk all the time.

I might get a lot of AFC flame for this. but i really don't care. I think if one is not friends with their Significant other, then later on down the road things could get messed up"

I don't think you're an AFC for being friends with an ex after your relationship broke up.

If you can handle and even enjoy seeing her with another guy and telling you all about their sex life and how big his c0ck is more power to ya chief.

If the relationship with the girl meant a great deal to you, you really loved the girl but things just didn't work out and so you two broke up and you can deal with her telling you tales about being splattered by other guy's man batter then you are a champion among men with a will and mind like iron.

Well...that or you're Evan Stone.

"what about you?"

Nope.

I'm oldschool which means my word is bond.

What I say is what I mean and what I mean is what I say.

So if I break up with a chick its done, over, no re-heating the leftovers that were that relationship and going back for seconds, no rewinding the movie that I've already seen and re-watching it.

When a man starts something he finishes it and when he ends something he ends it.

A man is not indecisive as far as I'm concerned in my oldschool understanding of what it means to be a man.

The lifestyle that guys like you propose is fine...if you like living in the past and staying stuck in place but as for me and others been there, done that, time to move on to bigger and better things.

No friendships with ex's that all too often lead to being sucked back into a relationship that didn't work right the first time or lead to ridiculous drama games.

"even men get scared and are helpless at times. You are never in complete control of your life and things happen which could even knock the biggest man to his knees."

Thats what friends, bars and alcohol are for and if the problems are too large psychologists, drugs or both can help. For the religious out there they've got their pastors, imams etc to talk to.

Telling your problems to women will just get you put into the friendzone or lose you desireability points with her.

Chicks want strength from their men to get their identity from and their own sense of strength from.

The man is to be her rock not her emotional tamp0n.

Tamp0ns get thrown in the trash, rocks if they are sturdy enough tend to stay in place.

"if a woman can't see that then she's not the woman i want to be with. She can't expect you to be Superman all the time, just like i'm sure she'd whine if you wanted her to be the perfect 10 all the time."

You supposedly had a woman that just loved your emotional side so why would you ever break up with such a catch?

You'll be hard pressed to find another like her in this society.

 

[Commandante]

A real woman would be happy and secure with herself just like a real man would.

The only problem is that women like this doesn´t exist or are lesbians.

 

[IKO69]

If you want one of those relationships that last forever then you would want this to happen. Almost without question all the older couples I've met that have been happily married for 30+ years said they were each others best friends.

You're not going to be ****ing every minute of the day. If you don't slightly like each other the relationship is doomed.

Now this goes without saying just because you become close with your wife or whatever doesn't mean you have to tuck your **** in and pretend you have a vagina. You can be close and not come across as a major wussbag.

 

[Ganondorf]

You supposedly had a woman that just loved your emotional side so why would you ever break up with such a catch?

You'll be hard pressed to find another like her in this society.

We broke up because I guess she couldn't handle the stress (we were long distance)

she's a worry wart and worries about everything and just felt like if she had less to worry about right now with school and work going on then she would be happier. She seems happier i guess, but she has a habit of doing this and i new it was only a matter of time. she gets stressed about something, she quits. whether it be a Job, a sport (she used to play basketball, but got tired of it and quit) and or a relationship.

but she also has a hard time letting things go. she said that she doesn't want to lose me, but she just needs to focus on school right now.

that being said, i told her that If she ever wants to work things out, then i'm here, but i am NOT waiting for her. She is still my friend, but more and more i see that she has alot of things to grow up on before she can make a good Gf.

She's a great girl. but if she don't want a relationship then tough. There are more chicks out there