Are you being a GENTLEMEN or a PUSH OVER?

[spiegel549]

When taking a new broad out on dates...were is the line that says your acting like a Gentlemen or your being a F***ing Push Over?

I have been recently taking this new girl out and I am getting a lot of "You need to treat her like your trying to **** her, not get into a relationship with her, if a relationship is meant to be it will form later on."

I was raised to open car doors for any woman getting in car (mom, sister, girlfriend, grandma w.e) be polite, not curse etc. But how can you tell if what you are trying to tell this broad is that your a gentlemen that respects women, she is picking up as "This guy is too easy and too nice...FRIENDZONE."

Maybe thats the reason why myself and many guys get "Friendzoned" because we are being too nice, proper, and polite. What do you guys think?

How can you execute being a desirable guy that stands out and treats women right without saying HI PLEASE WALK ALL OVER ME.?

 

[Iceberg]

When taking a new broad out on dates...were is the line that says your acting like a Gentlemen or your being a F***ing Push Over?

I have been recently taking this new girl out and I am getting a lot of "You need to treat her like your trying to **** her, not get into a relationship with her, if a relationship is meant to be it will form later on."

I would err on the side of NOT acting like a gentleman. I don't mean to act like a different person. You are who you are. But you need to accept the fact that chivalry is not what makes a woman's panties wet. If your gentlemanly ways are a true part of your personality, then I can't ask you to become a different man. But if you're doing this nice guy stuff ONLY because you think it'll get you laid, then you couldn't be more wrong.

I was raised to open car doors for any woman getting in car (mom, sister, girlfriend, grandma w.e) be polite, not curse etc. But how can you tell if what you are trying to tell this broad is that your a gentlemen that respects women, she is picking up as "This guy is too easy and too nice...FRIENDZONE."

Well look at it this way - how many successful lays or relationships has that door-holding and politeness gotten you? If it has given you enough success to feel happy, then keep it up. If it hasn't, then it's time to re-evaluate.

How can you execute being a desirable guy that stands out and treats women right without saying HI PLEASE WALK ALL OVER ME.?

It's just a matter of balance. Don't be afraid to argue a point with women. Don't be afraid to call them on their bullsh!t. And above all, BE SEXUAL. Whether you're a jerk or a gentleman, being sexual will dictate to the woman that you're not just some guy looking to buy her drinks and get nothing out of it.

Holding a door for a girl, or buying her a beer will not kill her attraction. A constant theme of calling/texting, never challenging her, and repressing your own sexual nature WILL kill attraction.

 

[Who Dares Win]

More or the less Iceberg opened the way of what you should consider.

Anyway keep in mind that you are not a "gentleman", you have been socialized to be such, its not you necessarily.

Be sexual of course, make your intention clear through action and dont even consider that girls are turned off from horny guys, quite the opposite actually.

Remember that if you want sex and you go for it she may not like you back but she definitely respect you much more than one of her "friends" which wanted the same but didnt have the gut to go for it.

Women know exactly what you are aiming to, they are simply better than us in reading body language and understand subtle hints so be true and be bold.

It happened plenty of time to me that a girl didnt like me but still gave me sex cause she liked my bad intention toward her, she liked the fact of being considered as a piece of meat and treated as such.

So be true to yourself, go for it and be completely unapologetic of your manliness, if she has a problem with a daring man its her problem not yours.

Disclaimer: Im definitely located on the a$$hole side in the man datum so if thats not something which is part of you dont overdo, things which come natural to me may come unnatural to you and the other way around.

Regarding being nice to women, what works for me is being so only when they are to me and make it clear that they are willing to invest on me, no way Im gonna be gentle to a girl just because a common friend asked me to give her a lift and she acts bratty, in that case I would make fun of her and leave her there.

 

[spiegel549]

Who Dares Win & Iceberg

Both of you Thank You. Solid guidance.

I feel that I have been holding my own like you both said. Being a "gentlemen" really to me is opening a door, being polite etc. Not rolling out a red carpet and kissing her ***. I am very polite and friendly at first but I have no problem calling a broad out on her BS and teasing her. I am confident and try to stay true to that Alpha Male role by making the decisions, not apologizing or trying to change who I am. Really if a woman doesn't like how I am being, being a confident man who doesn't play games, and goes for what he wants...then she can hit the road...Am I accurate on that guys?

My last question is as your doing this, taking a woman on dates, INBETWEEN the dates, you really need to just keep it cool right? Stay busy at work, don't text her everyday to say hello or something stupid. Just play the mystery card, have her thinking about me and reach out to me.

What has always got to me was the time between the dates...over texting..over thinking.."Oh If I don't reach out she will forget about me." I am wrong with that right? Am I on the right track?

 

[Greasy Pig]

Everything is about balance, OP.
Some women respond really positively to overt signs of interest such as conversational texts and calls between dates. It gives them the confidence to display their own IOIs and drop their inhibitions.
Other women get turned off by such communications between dates because they might perceive them as the guy being desperate or needy.

It's up to you to find out what works. Try different techniques to see how she responds. I think the "push-pull" method is effective.
So you oscillate between being chatty/showing high IOIs and being relatively silent/distant.
As a rule of thumb, keep your early inter-date communications to a minimum and only to set up future dates. As things progress, you should be able to see what she best responds to.

For example: I think if a girl responds to a text fairly quickly and with a lengthy, interesting reply, she may be someone who needs confidence derived from your IOIs. But that doesn't mean you turn into a gushing, smothering AFC. You just remember that and react accordingly or - to experiment - you might contact her less to see if she reaches out to you.
There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman, but as others have said, you should also be confident and sexual.
Look at James Bond. Well mannered, well spoken, but women know very quickly that he wants to fvck em.
Good luck, OP!

 

[backbreaker]

Normally I think you (iceburg) probably give some of the most practical advice on here and I can tell you are actually playing the field. But this here I have to disagree ith. You know just as well as I do that it wasn’t holding the door open for a woman that isn’t getting you laid.

I have never got rejected for being a gentlemen. Being a DJ doesn’t mean being a Jerk.

I can’t find the thread, nor do I particularly feel like looking for it, but it’s somewhere in the DJ bible. A DJ is the middle ground between a nice guy and a jerk. Both have low self esteem, it’s just that nice guys are covertly projecting their low self esteem and jerks are overtly projecting their low self esteem. What you want to be is a GOOD GUY. There is nothing wrong with holding the door open for a woman if that’s what you do. But there is something wrong with taking **** from a girl just because you on’t want to screw things up. There is nothing wrong with opening the car door, I still open my car door for my wife. That’s just who I am, that’s how I was raised. There is nothing wrong with a little chivalry; ti shows you have a little class. There is something wrong with not making a move on a girl because you think you might get rejected.

And frankly, if a girl is honestly turned OFF for the simple fact that you have manners.. is that really a girl you want to **** in the first place? I don’t think it is. I’ve had girls in the past tell me I was handsome but I was too preppy looking.. lol WTF do you want me to do go buy a new fubu wardrobe lol? **** you lol you can go. I’m not the one with the problem in that scenario. Some women w ill weed themselves out if you let them.

Having sex with every woman isn’t the end game. If you try to do that you will end up worse than you were when you got here. The end game is the mind set, not the result.

 

[Valiant]

I feel it's perfectly fine to be a gentleman. Just make sure there is constant kino. Honestly whats a better catch than a confident, smooth gentleman? You just cant let her be in control and well definitely gotta show her you got that killer instinct and your not a *****. be it defending yourself from her or some douche.

 

[PapiChulo]

I had more success letting a door slum into a woman than actually holding it. There still need to be manners and tact....

 

[EastWind]

"Opening doors", politeness and all that is not a turn-off to women, contrary to popular opinion. The point is this: if you expect "gentleman" behavior to get you the girl because, well, because you act like a gentleman, you'll end up starting threads about how gentlemen are no longer appreciated.

The question is: what kind of man are you once the opening doors part is taken away? If you are the kind of man women want (and this is a dangerous generalization) then women will lick that "gentleman" stuff up (with a slight adjustment depending on the social upbringing of the girl).

So your focus shouldn't be on being polite or not, opening doors or not. I do that stuff all the time. But the point is, I don't even think about it. I don't expect the girl to get the hots for me and blow me in the car because I opened the bloody door for her. It's just something I do.

 

[Down Low]

^ That's right. Gentleman or scoundrel is not a clever tactic to get laid. It's a way of treating people. No one is born a gentleman or a scoundrel. Rather, men decide minute to minute how to treat others. All a man can do is try to act gentlemanly -- or not.

Making a pass at a woman has nothing to do with whether you're gentlemanly or not. Any more than getting from the car to the office has anything to do with being gentlemanly or not. You can decide to behave in a gentlemanly manner at all times, including when approaching women or entering office building doors. Or not.

A gentleman always tries to say and do what others need him to say and do. Well, women need to get laid too! So say and do what she needs you to say and do so she doesn't feel like she's lining up for just another scumbag to get his jollies just so she can get some mental vacation and a chance at orgasm if it plays that way.