The reason that the one girl Perry kept asking all those questions to wanted to see him again boils down to one simple thing: Investment! Investment! Investment! She talked to him so much that she was deeply investing herself into the interaction where as he did not. In The Blueprint Tyler speaks about Reactivity, that the person who reacts more is the more attracted of the two individuals. This is because the person who is reacting more is more invested. If there is any simple way of saying what attraction boils down to it’s Investment. The goal of every interaction should be to cultivate investment into you by the other person as much as possible. The more invested, the more they’ll become attracted and attached to the outcome. In RSD speak this means being the least reactive person. However, being the least reactive is only half the equation. AFC Adam finished the puzzle by adding the second half, which is to get them to invest in you as much as possible.
When talking to a woman don’t face her. Just lean back and let her carry as much of the conversation as possible. Essentially you want to speak and interact the least amount you can get away with. No more are the days of the man carrying 90% of the conversation from the start. Just get things going, sit back, and enjoy the ride as they talk themselves into being attracted to you by investing!
For cold approach, after you’ve opened the girl let her invest for a while, then you’ll want to move things forward to a close of some sort. If for some reason you cannot bounce or instant-date on the spot, you’ll want to get her contact details. The method by which you do so is just as important as how you open and get her invested if you wish to see her again.
First you’ll want to identify commonalities. Stretch the conversation out through past & future projections. Create a link in her mind using memories, imaginary as they are. Another method of identifying commonalities is branching out off of statements. Nearly every statement has two topics (or more). Natural conversation isn’t questions followed by answers, it’s mostly statements spun off into new directions. This is the “gift of gab”. The baseline “secret” of doing this is to follow this simple rule:
Relate your experiences back to her using THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS.
When telling a story don't just spit out a bunch of facts of events and what happened. Tell her what was running through your head and what you were feeling when the event occurred. Use analogies as well for things that women might be more familiar with (shopping & movies are huge).
Bad conversation:
My TV broke last weekend during the game so picked up a new one Monday after work and of course Best Buy sucked as usual.
Good conversation:
I was watching TV last weekend and just as my favorite team was making the last drive to tie the game it broke. Just...poof. Nothing. I was soooo frustrated. Have you ever been watching something you were so into and then your power or cable go out and you miss a really important part? Doesn't that suck? Worst still is when I went to Best Buy the sales people were no help. Ever been shopping and everyone sorta just ignores you? Hellooo! I'm right hear people! Talk about frustrating. You know what I mean? I just kept thinking to myself 'I wonder what would happen if I just made up some popcorn in the appliances section and kicked off my shoes and lounged on the couch and popped a movie into the display setup they have?' That would kick ass and you KNOW they'd come running to see what's up.
Get the idea? Thoughts, emotions, and use what I call "checking in" to see if they're following along:
You know what I mean...
Have you ever...
You want them nodding their head, or even better piggybacking on your conversation thread and injecting their own stories as they relate to yours. A good way of getting them invested in the conversation is vertical conversation. Horizontal is the surface stuff, basic AFC questions. Vertical digs deeper. Check-ins for keeping the vertical conversations going are:
What was that like?
Really?
As I mentioned before, another key aspect to remember is to use past & future projections. Try and steer topics away from the present tense. The fastest way to have a woman’s else glaze over is to talk about facts and boring details, which is exactly what happens when you are talking in the present tense. One of the best ways to build a connection is to use future projections. The reason they work so well is they build memories in her mind as she’s imagining the journey you’re describing. As you speak of your hopes & dreams two powerful things are taking place:
A) Women are drawn to ambition like moths to a flame.
B) Talking in past or future tense builds memories and gives the two of you a connection, imaginary that it may be.
It’s amazing how simple it is finding commonalities while painting the rich canvas of your life. That being said, the one thing you don't want to talk about if you can help it is the here and now.
Again, present tense = boring. The way the female mind works when you speak in the present tense they just get bored. I do this, that, blah blah blah...and their eyes gloss over. But when you talk about what you want to do in the future, they pay more attention. Plus part of it is we're more excited when we talk about fun stuff we want to do with our lives, so it's a win-win due to how it draws them in. It's how they imagine doing things with you and making mental links between the two of you.
