I've been married for 8 years now; we've been together for hmmm....almost 13? I admit I was a bit saddened seeing the loss of the married man forum here, but it's not my website and I also realize there aren't very many active members here who are married. The ones who aren't, who make up the majority, also don't seem to have any desire to get married. My main reason for signing up here was to try and emphasize to some folks that just because you get married, happily even, doesn't mean your game gets put on the back burner as I've found out.
That's ok. It's your life to do with as you wish.
I believe that when I was pretty young, as in maybe 10, I wanted to be married one day. I think this mainly stemmed from knowing I'd get to feel her up whenever I wanted...didn't quite understand everything about sex that young but that was the main attraction for me back then.
I had a good number of years of being AFC, as I suspect this is the same for most guys. Seems to me very few have the natural alpha tendencies which are taught here.
So aside from getting some, why did I want to be married? I suppose it's because that's what I was raised around. My parents are still married after 50 years, my grandparents had over 50 years too, practically all of my family has stayed married. No it's not all rainbows, unicorns and BJs from HB10s everyday but at my core I think subconsciously I wanted children too but just didn't want to openly admit it.
Now that I have kids, it really saddens me a lot to see so many families these days that are split up and the children grow up in a house primarily with one parent or the other. The kids are usually the biggest losers when a marriage fails (assuming one of the parents isn't being abusive) and I do not want my children ending up in a situation like that so I make my marriage a priority with my wife. I have told her what I expect out of her in terms of career, "wifely duties", parenting, etc. Right now probably the one sticking point I have with her is her inconsistent exercise schedule because she has a couple of problem areas around her stomach that she needs to work on, but other than that, that's it. I'd rate her probably HB6 on an average day, but if she gets herself made up pretty well and dresses nicely, I'd say HB7. Did I settle?
Well, I've thought about that before. Should I have had sex with at least 10 more women before settling down with her? Why not 20? 30? Would one of those women have been.....what? "Better" than my current wife? Better in what way? She gives one extra blow job per day than I get now? Gives it up more often? Is a nympho? Makes more money? Whatever you can think of, at some point, to me it just starts getting a bit absurd. The additional sexual partners with more women is interesting to me because I, like most everyone else, enjoy sex just as much as the next person. I've wondered if maybe I should have had more women....but I've also weighed that against my own personal philosophy of trying to maintain proper control of my life which is to resist outside influences which detract from that. Detraction from it decreases the happiness in my life.
So control of my life, to me, means that I wanted to remove any sort of addictions or unnecessary influences. We all need food, water, clothing, shelter and some kind of income to survive. Sex, yes I need that too...but how much? Think about that for a moment while I continue.
I began slowly about 12 years ago. I removed caffeine from all traces of my diet which primarily consisted of drinks like Dr. pepper. The last time I had an actual soft drink was maybe 3 years ago which was a Sprite and I couldn't finish it because I tasted terrible to me. I only drink water and occasionally I'll have a lemonade or various fruit juices. I have never smoked in my life. Yep, I've never even taken a drag off a cigarette; it never interested me. Why would I want to start actively needing to buy something that adds no value to my life yet costs me money every time I use it? I don't drink except on social occasions or with certain courses for dinner. Again, most people drink alcohol for all sorts of reasons but in my experience people drink socially because of 1) peer pressure and 2) nervousness and/or stress. If I'm around a women I want to get to know or want to get in her pants, I want to be in control of all my faculties and not have to stoop down to relying upon alcohol to give that typical drunken appearance that so many people expect these days and then chalk up to "the liquor talking" if something goes wrong. If a woman refuses, I move on. If not, then I know it was me responsible for making this happen and not some stupid liquor. Besides you might find it interesting how unnerved some people can be if they've been drinking yet you're smooth talking them completely sober, staring in their eyes so intensely that she's getting wet just looking at you and at the same time realizes you're not drunk at all. The amount of power that gives you over the situation is almost immeasurable. And of course I don't do any kind of narcotics not because they're mostly illegal in the U.S. but because they cost money and they fall in the same category that I outlined above with tobacco.
Am I happily married? Yes. Has it been easy? Hell no. Probably the first 5 years were the most difficult thus far because you're thinking in the back of your mind "just get a divorce and move on" because we think that since we're used to nexting someone who starts flaking or whatever. I try to make sure I'm also doing things a man should be doing which means not sitting behind a computer all the dam time, making major repairs to our home and vehicles without calling a repairman for every little thing, actually building things with my own two hands, actively keeping myself in shape and setting goals for
MYSELF. Not anyone else, including my wife, not for my employer or anything. Only me. As an example of a goal I've already achieved, I have multiple fallback plans in case my current career goes bust and one of them is turn to vocational trades. I have my HVAC refrigeration and state contractor's license so I can actually work right now as a tech in this field. I don't currently, but I can. That's the point. Several years ago I actually got off my a$$, educated myself, took the tests and got what I needed. I bought the necessary tools, set up business accounts at supply houses and guess what...now I don't have to call out an a/c guy when my stuff breaks.
My next goal is, within 2 years, I'll own either this
or this
I haven't been racing in over 20 years, but I want to get back in, take my time getting readjusted and I want to have fun. I want to compete with other racers and see how good I am and push myself to be better. One of those two beauties above will be the reward to myself for accomplishing that goal.
Back to the 'how much sex' question though. That too, after some time debating and thinking about, also started to fall more into 'control' category. I could either let my desire/need for sex control me, or I could control it is basically what it boiled down to in my personal philosophy for living. After that, stuff fell into place and I don't worry about it so much.
