Are Self-Help programs a big con?

[Jariel]

You know the type I mean - those self help books/audio books by some renowned guru claiming to teach you secrets of unlocking your potential, to make you rich, smarter, more confident, good with women, or claim they can teach you how to develop a photographic memory or intense concentration.

I used to download a lot of these programs and they all have the same things in common...

Upto 90% of the program consists of promises or qualification. The guru explains all the amazing things he can help you achieve, how he has helped many others and occasionally you'll get testimonials or little example stories. He builds up your curiosity now, but you're going through all this crap just waiting for the good stuff, thinking - "Fvck this! Share the god damn secrets already!!"

When you eventually get to the core of the program it usually entails some kind of positive thinking, relaxation session, affirmations and sometimes hypnosis.

Suddenly you reach the end of the program wondering if you missed something. Sure, you might feel positive and ready to conquer your goals, but what exactly have you learned?

I have come to think that most self help programs are just positive thinking strategies. They fire you up, build your confidence and motivation with all their promises. That is great of course, until reality hits you. You set out on your new goal of becoming rich, then you realise you don't know where to even start. Or you go out ready to seduce lots of women, but they reject you. And finally you realise you've just been deluding yourself and suddenly the motivation and confidence is gone!

Sometimes they give you little gimmick techniques to try, just to build your faith a little. I.e. they'll ask you to think deeply about a positive memory, then market it as a miraculous way to relieve stress.

This is the general pattern of the self help and seduction material I've read/listened to. I've been having some motivation problems with my studies lately so I acquired Paul Scheele's Photoreading ebook. I did what it said, practised and practised and felt very positive about it. When I failed, I kept telling myself I needed more practice. But it never worked!

Other examples of these gurus include, Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Deepak Chopra, Kevin Trudeau, Ross Jeffries, David DeAngelo and other NLP or seduction gurus.

I suppose it is very foolish to trust these guys who can't prove their merits and whose main success in life includes selling self help programs. It might be different if these gurus were Bill Clinton, Stephen Hawking, or artists, muscians or models giving advice on what they know best.

But the gurus' skill is in the marketing. Maybe if they wrote a book on "How to con money out of susceptible and gullible people" I might call on their expertise!

Do you all see what I'm getting at? I know many people will leap to the defence of these gurus, but did they actually share any helpful information with you or did they just inspire you?

I would honestly love to know of any self help programs that share valuable and ACTUAL secrets and help in ways other than mere positive thinking. Or a program that actually does what it promises would be a start!

I have been lucky enough to find a few exceptions, however, so I'm going to recommend them here. Any more recommendations would be welcome...

Self help gurus I DO advocate


Tony Buzan​

He educates his readers and gives actual strategies that you can apply and often see immediate results. He has written many books on speed reading, memory and accellerated learning and backs it up!

Alan Lakein
​

In his book "Get the Most out of your Time & your Life" he gives a very straightforward and simple strategy for planning your priorities. It was used and acknowledged by Bill Clinton. I've found it has benefitted me considerably in doing exactly what it claims!

Allen Carr​

His book "Easy way to stop smoking" has helped millions of people quit smoking and that can be backed up with evidence. After 9 years of smoking, I too quit smoking with his help.


That's all that comes to mind.

 

[backbreaker]

here is my theory... if you know that much about self help guru's to know what they do and don't teach and the pros and cons of each one, you are not seeking self help, but alike coming here, you are seeking a magical forumla that tells you the "key" you are missing.

a self help guide is someone that shows you the direction you should be going, reminds you of your potential and gives you the necessary tools (if you don't already have them) to be on your way.

In my case, I always knew I could be sucessful, but my biggest obstcale has always been with everything, disipline. I have, or had, the attention span of a goldfish. And all the while i knew what I was doing, I just "couldn't help it". Once I got some help in guiding my efforts into a certain goal, I was good. Now, it's obessive.

 

[Jariel]

a self help guide is someone that shows you the direction you should be going, reminds you of your potential and gives you the necessary tools (if you don't already have them) to be on your way.

But this is my problem - they generally don't show you the direction or give you any tools. They motivate you and send you off without aim or knowledge.

I have, or had, the attention span of a goldfish. And all the while i knew what I was doing, I just "couldn't help it". Once I got some help in guiding my efforts into a certain goal, I was good. Now, it's obessive.

Hmmm...How did you overcome your poor attention span? I have the same problem and suspect I might even have ADD. My mind is chaotic all the time and I have real trouble focusing.

I've found lots of books, audiobooks and websites that can relate to the problem and offer promises, but none of them give useful advice on overcoming it (without drugs). If you can direct me to any books etc, I'd be willing to give them my best shot.

 

[backbreaker]

really just affirmations and I had to beat it in my head at the beginning, literarly 3 or 4 times a day what I was starting out, what I was working for. Going over my goals, pictures everywhere, dreaming of what it would be like once I got where I wanted to be, etc. I really didnt' read a book on that.

I am not huge on self help books, I believe most people know what they need to do, they are just too lazy to do it.

the best thing I did for my motivation was to stop masterbating. it's like I have a clearer, more focused mind.

 

[Unregistered]

I have a lot of respect for Brian Tracy.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

To Each His Own...

A Self "Improvement" (not help to me), is about mindset. Are there scams? Sure. Nothing is 100%. Were these types of books instituted in school, people might have a better future, instead of listening to the "You Can't's" most people here.

It depends on your expectations of these books.

A book does nothing for you, only you do for you. That's why many people are pissed off at Robert Kiyosaki; because it appears he 1) achieved his financial success by espousing financial principles THEN investing (by selling success material then making it big) 2) he doesn't tell you HOW, he just tells you WHAT to think. I do think his connection with Trump is, er, shady. I saw them on the Big Show with Donny, and the contrast was disgusting. Trump made it big on his own, BEFORE the books, partially due to his dad. Since then, he's gone it on his own, and his projects are still impressive, just read his books. That wasn't luck, and given his background, he's far surpassed his father. As far as RK with Trump...RK is good for what he teaches/thinks, but to link up with Trump? Eh. Sounds like just another marketing book. Although he wouldn't admit it, Mark Cuban IS RIGHT, Trump has diluted himself. His book the "art of the deal" was great and straight honest, but everybook thereafter contains cheesy mentality stuff, embossed in glitzy covers all because his show had success. And then his assistances, Caroline included, spun off her own book! Trump now does water, vodka, and Trump University. It USED to mean the mark of class and sophistication, but now due to his widespread popularity, he figures he can cash in more and fleece the public. How do you go from Trump Towers and Casinos, to cheesy books, RK, and water? (Unless the Water is the Fountain of youth).

What you get from a book is purely up to the reader. Are you looking for something that I might say to change your mind or agree? Perhaps not, because I can't and won't provide it. Do I get alot out of them? Absolutey. E-Myth, From Good to Great, Investment Books, Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn; they all espouse great mindsets. To me, they're most powerful if you read them often, take notes or quotes from them, and immerse yourself in them. They do fire you up...which is good. But you have to break the elastic that slings you back to the center, back to homeostasis, and that takes effort on your part.


It's about what you expect from the book and what you get from the book, IMO.



A-Unit

 

[Jariel]

I'm not knocking a positive mindset, affirmations and that kind of thing because I know from experience they do help. It wouldn't be a problem if these programs were advertised as "motivational guides" or "positive thinking strategies". In fairness, some of them are advertised this way.

But if a book claims it can make you rich, I want to read some factual research on where to invest, the best banks or savings accounts to use, how to set up a business plan, marketing advice or whatever, along with some evidence and statistics. I don't want to be told "believe in yourself and make it happen".

Imagine trying to get in shape through determination and positive thinking alone. Most guys would hit the gym and lift the heaviest weight they could manage until they couldn't stand upright. Meanwhile they would starve themselves to try and lose weight. Within a few weeks they'll be in the worst shape and worst health of their lives. Within a few months they'll be dead. That's because they need knowledge to accompany that determination.

This is what I'm getting at. If a guru claims his program can help you in a certain field, it should teach you everything you need to know about that field, otherwise it's not what it claims to be.

 

[PRMoon]

I think self help books are only as helpful as you are determined to succeed. In otherwords, don't buy a book for $40 dollars, read it through once, untilize the skills/knowlegde there in for a month tops decide it's not working, give up, and move to something else. You have to be motivated ESPECIALLY at the times where it seems like you're going to fail. When things don't seem like they're working, you may have to try harder or regroup/revaluate or even restart the whole thought/progression because you may have intepreted something wrong. Still, the whole thing begins and ends with you. You have to find that fire within you, a will to suceed, a passion for living, a resilliance against death. When you've got the ball rolling you have to keep that momentum. Nothing breeds success like success but after you do succeed once DON'T let it end there. You need to stay hungry and stay motivated to do more great things in your life and raise the bar for yourself. There will be LIMITLESS obsticles between you and what ever goals you set for yourself. How do you over come them? That's the question isn't it? You have to WORK hard and WORK smart to find those awnsers. No guru is going to walk you to your destination step by step. It's like you're at a peir in the ocean and an old wise man tells you that there's a grand treasure out there with infinate peril between you and your goal. They tell you what you need to do to get there but how to avoid the traps and pitfalls likes solely on your shoulders and you have to find ways to overcome them on your own.

Genius is 1% insiration and 99% persperation.
~Thomas Eddison

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

I'm not knocking a positive mindset, affirmations and that kind of thing because I know from experience they do help. It wouldn't be a problem if these programs were advertised as "motivational guides" or "positive thinking strategies". In fairness, some of them are advertised this way.

But if a book claims it can make you rich, I want to read some factual research on where to invest, the best banks or savings accounts to use, how to set up a business plan, marketing advice or whatever, along with some evidence and statistics. I don't want to be told "believe in yourself and make it happen".

Imagine trying to get in shape through determination and positive thinking alone. Most guys would hit the gym and lift the heaviest weight they could manage until they couldn't stand upright. Meanwhile they would starve themselves to try and lose weight. Within a few weeks they'll be in the worst shape and worst health of their lives. Within a few months they'll be dead. That's because they need knowledge to accompany that determination.

This is what I'm getting at. If a guru claims his program can help you in a certain field, it should teach you everything you need to know about that field, otherwise it's not what it claims to be.

**If there was a TELL-ALL book, more than 5% of this country would be wealthy. When you consider that few people attain wealth like that, fewer still read, then there's a nice correlation to those that READ (beyond basic HS and COLLEGE courses) and those with nice, large estates.

**Your expectations are but one perspective on it. I know some "do it yourselfers" who have money, who only want an idea to copy, they don't want to be told HOW, because they like doing it on their own. That's a mentality of alot of the rich and successful, that they will do it their own way, while incorporating elements of success from other places. Heck, Bill Gates picked up on an idea that was left behind and has made him history's richest man. Some do engineer/invent new things, but that's only because THEY DID IT THEIR way, and therefore, didn't copy it from somewhere else. That, to me, is what's important. A good book get's you going, but doesn't tell you how because the MAGIC of it is that you'll create it on your own.

**The Idea of BEST is only good for today. If some book or magazine said some mutual fund was the best, by the time it achieved BEST status, it would long be over. A hot stock profiled in IBD, TIE (Titanium Metals) ran up many times over, splitting and splitting many times over. Had you bought in with $10,000 back in the late 90's and 2000's, you'd be retired now because $10,000 would be well over $1,000,000 and possibly $10,000,000. But the stock isn't moving now. Nor is this a recommendation to get it. Is Microsoft the BEST investment? No, only after it had it's time. Were someone to say "This is the best bank account," tomorrow it no longer would be. Something else would surpass it.

**What you're suggesting, and none of post is meant argumentatively, only as my opinion of it, is "what you see of guru's, and what you expect." Sure, if Tony Robbins had a retail price of $1,000, and you didn't make anything happen, I can see getting upset. But the value of a book, any book, far exceeds its cost IF it provides one piece of information that is valuable. All of the guys you mentioned do that for me.

It's a balance between EXPECTATIONS and RESULTS. A $10 to $50 book is worth it to me. I enjoy reading. I don't expect tons from them, especially after you've begun one book in the same category, but I know collectively, I gain alot as part of some integrated PROGRAM I'll create. I wouldn't want some TRIED and TRUE path, anyways. I prefer my own path, unique to me. Following a system bores me, because I can see the results I get before I have them. I'd rather not know and be able to, through my own hard work, get what I deserve for them.



A-Unit

 

[thefonz]

I think self-help books are only as useful as the motivation that you already have for it is. I think this article accurately describes how all these self-help books we read are only temporarily inspiring. The real inspiration comes at times when you're not looking for it.



http://theemergencesite.com/Tech/Ins...-8th-Habit.htm

 

[stevent10993]

Correction to the Emergence Site link

Thanks so much for the link to my site. Obviously, I couldn't agree more. For some reason, though, the link you've posted does not post correctly when you type it in here. I tried it and couldn't get it to work either.

To get to this article, you'll have to reconstitute the following two lines into one:

http://theEmergenceSite.com/

tech/Inspiration-Covey-8th-Habit.htm

Inspiring books. Ha! Do the F-in' work <smile>.

Nice to meet you all.

Steven

 

[Jvesti]

Here is the deal.

Self Improvement is bull****. All these books say the same exact thing. Its obvious what you have to do in most of these situations to get something .... GET OFF YOUR ASS

Get the book "Think and Grow Rich" as a good mindset refresher. But other than that if you need to get more self help books you're just making an excuse for not acting you're stuck in that mindset that an intellectual brainy answer is the answer to your problems.

self improvement is for the most part, common sense

ex: Out of shape nerd, who has dorks for friends and doesn't go out.

Most of these will sit there and read read read, they'll sit in and will not change. It is because their "self" is a looooser and needs to be destroyed and built back up. Like how the military breaks boys and builds them up into men. You can only soup up a pinto so much so to speak.

I say if you get one self improvement book you should stop there for at least a YEAR. Otherwise your just making excuses.

The reality is that actual successful people dont have time to read such things nor do they care. Most successful people dont know who the hell tony robbins is or robert allen or brian tracy they are too busy acting and know "action" is all that matters.