Are PUAs lonely?

[monster squad]

I was flipping through the channels last night, and came across some show, who's name I failed to catch. I only caught a little bit of it, but I think it was some sort of dating thing, where this woman sets people up, or something. I don't know. Ultimately, it's not important.

Getting on with it. The guy in this episode was a 38 year old player. He looked like the typical PUA. Overdressed, spikey haired guy with a soulpatch, who looked like he was probably a D&D nerd in high school. His friends were saying that for the last 18 years of his life he's done nothing but go out to clubs everynight and have one night stands with girls in their early to mid 20's. They showed some video's of him going out, and sure enough, he was using the usual tricks of the trade: cold approaching, neg hits, kino, everything else preached here, and he did it with the cold, calculating precision and confidence that only years of experience can bring you.

So then they had him sitting down, being interviewed by this women. He was all smiles, and answered every one of her questions with something ****y, going on about how he only hooks up with girls 15 years younger than he is, blah blah blah. Then she asked him if he was lonely. Guy shut up for a second, stopped smiling, and said "Yes.".

As it turns out, all he really wants is somebody to come home to. He's never dated a women anywhere near his own age. Probably never even really dated at all, or saw the same girl for more than a couple days. I stopped watching at this point as I had more important things on the agenda.

Anyway, I ask this: does being a PUA/player, who only knows how to spit game and have one night stands, lead to a life of social retardation and a general lack of fulfillment when a person finally "grows up"?

 

[floydtheater07]

I think that is a definite possibility. Anyone who seriously believes that the only ultimate use for a female is sex, and that they can't offer any real companionship, is, well, an idiot. Yes, when you are young you should be out there getting as much as you can, but when you get older I think that it becomes important to find someone who you truly care for. I see a lot of crap on this site from guys who say that "the one does not exist" and we should all be players forever. Well I'm sorry, but unless you are a multi-millionaire, that sort of mentality, if applied past a certain age, will guarantee that you die alone. And all the HBs in the world when you are in your twenties are not worth it if you have no one there for you when you grow old.

 

[Serialized3]

Anyway, I ask this: does being a PUA/player, who only knows how to spit game and have one night stands, lead to a life of social retardation and a general lack of fulfillment when a person finally "grows up"?

Yes, PUAs are lacking some things in their life (most likely self-confidence, self-awareness, or sense of purpose) that would otherwise make their lives more fulfilled, and they seek to fill the voids in their life with validations from "teh ladiez" (ex. Mystery)

 

[KomodoSolo]

i think they can be if they're not careful. i've seen an increasing shift toward natural game + inner game, though. anyone with a strong internal frame and inner game to boot will not end up lonely.

 

[The Sperminator]

Of course some get lonely. Meaningless sex is only fun for so long. You want someone who really cares for you. Someone that actually loves you. I don't think most dj techniques work if you want to find the one.

 

[Adrian]

No PUA's are never lonely. They just get bored.

Yes, PUAs are lacking some things in their life (most likely self-confidence, self-awareness, or sense of purpose) that would otherwise make their lives more fulfilled, and they seek to fill the voids in their life with validations from "teh ladiez" (ex. Mystery)

Thats over generalizing. Not all PUA's look to fill voids in their lives with validations from "teh ladies". In fact many PUA's are aware of how much of a self defeating purpose it is to make women your primary goal in life.

 

[NickBe]

I was flipping through the channels last night, and came across some show, who's name I failed to catch. I only caught a little bit of it, but I think it was some sort of dating thing, where this woman sets people up, or something. I don't know. Ultimately, it's not important.

Getting on with it. The guy in this episode was a 38 year old player. He looked like the typical PUA. Overdressed, spikey haired guy with a soulpatch, who looked like he was probably a D&D nerd in high school. His friends were saying that for the last 18 years of his life he's done nothing but go out to clubs everynight and have one night stands with girls in their early to mid 20's. They showed some video's of him going out, and sure enough, he was using the usual tricks of the trade: cold approaching, neg hits, kino, everything else preached here, and he did it with the cold, calculating precision and confidence that only years of experience can bring you.

So then they had him sitting down, being interviewed by this women. He was all smiles, and answered every one of her questions with something ****y, going on about how he only hooks up with girls 15 years younger than he is, blah blah blah. Then she asked him if he was lonely. Guy shut up for a second, stopped smiling, and said "Yes.".

As it turns out, all he really wants is somebody to come home to. He's never dated a women anywhere near his own age. Probably never even really dated at all, or saw the same girl for more than a couple days. I stopped watching at this point as I had more important things on the agenda.

Anyway, I ask this: does being a PUA/player, who only knows how to spit game and have one night stands, lead to a life of social retardation and a general lack of fulfillment when a person finally "grows up"?

It completely depends on what you want he wants somebody to come home to so he is lonely. Not every person on the planet wants somebody to come home to. I don't, I like sleeping with women I do not like living with them. See just because fulfillment to you is a romanticized notion of love it does not mean that is fulfillment for me. For me fulfillment is meeting a incredibly attractive woman, seducing her, sleeping with her and then looking for the next.

 

[Obsidian]

imo, players set ladies on a pedastal -- just in a different way from AFCs. As long as they're successful at picking up ladies, tho, they won't be lonely.

Being a PUA is all about feigning disinterest. For me, I'm truly not that interested in mediocre females anymore. I'm sure as hell not gonna neg some HB hor just because I secretly want her to like me.

 

[Dongfu]

and they seek to fill the voids in their life with validations from "teh ladiez" (ex. Mystery)

Isn't everyone interested in women seeking to fill a void?

 

[Jariel]

Well according to The Game, Mystery had to go into councelling after becoming infatuated with a woman, so there's no doubt in my mind that most of them yearn for love and companionship as much as the average guy.

As I've said before, the problem is that PUAs are all smoke and mirrors. They rely on gimmicks, tricks, lies, illusions and lines and so on, and any woman they start dating regularly is going to see through it all eventually.

 

[Jariel]

imo, players set ladies on a pedastal -- just in a different way from AFCs. As long as they're successful at picking up ladies, tho, they won't be lonely.

I agree. It's like they need these women to give them validation and make them feel good about themselves. While they're getting the attention, life is great, but when they're not, then things can take a bad turn. I've been there myself at one point.

 

[John-467]

Loneliness is not the absence of a person it's the absence of life focus. When you say lonely I assume you are speaking of, "There's no one by my side..." well that could be for a number of reasons that don't ness. have to be equal to this person being a BAD PERSON.

Sometimes it's better to be alone then to be around people that aren't ness. the best types of people for you.

PUAs are guys that have uniquely mastered the art of being able to get laid consistently, but they are also guys that CAN keep women IF THEY WANTED TO.

Some PUAs choose NOT TO get involved in relationships or have many people around them, because some are like me lol, when I feel like being bothered I call you, when I don't....don't call me.

In other words, PUAs have the abilities to attract many women into their lives just like a smart investor can attract many investment opportunities, the only difference is how the PUA wants to handle his women. Should I just fvck and leave? Or should I bring some home too? It's your call.....


-DJF

 

[blueguy]

will guarantee that you die alone

Everybody dies alone. Also, if you want to be with a wrinkly, old, ugly girl at older age, you can choose to shack up with one if you're single (thanks to the Internet).

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I hate to be the one to point this out, but, with a few notable exceptions, most PUAs are some of the worst AFCs because they've never made the necessary mental transition in maturity to become a DJ (i.e. a Man). After reading The Game and getting into the "community", IMHO, most PUAs are all about method and technique at the cost of really understanding the underpinnings of why they work and why they inevitably revert back to their root AFCness when they get to the point of an LTR.

All you have to do is read about the absolute chaos that Katya wreaks in Mystery's life in The Game for a perfect illustration of this. The guy's been institutionalized and suicidal more than once in his life and almost universally because he's unable to mature in his understanding of the root cause of being an AFC. The guy can flawlessly game women thanks to a mastery of well developed skills, but he self-destructs into a psychologic mess when he progresses into an LTR.

Ross Jefferies got it right when he said teaching PUA skills was like giving dynamite to children. It's like giving someone a magic key to any car they want to drive, but it dosn't give them the skills needed to drive a car, much less how to maintain or repair it. The career PUA is lonely because he's a victim of his own success. When you take a D&D nerd or a loser like Neil Strauss who up to that point lived his life's role as one, and then give him the keys to the castle, he's never going to appreciate the mental maturity necessary to bear the responsibility. It's too much too fast.And to make matters worse, PUA teachers like Mystery, who've made a living teaching these skills, a trapped in a cycle of never maturing because it would mean having to grow up at the loss of an income.

PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones at that, but adopting the DJ mindset prepares an AFC for more. An AFC needs to first and foremost divorce himself from deep set social and psychological schemas - he needs to unlearn delusions that a lifetime has conditioned him to internalize into his personality. Giving an AFC PUA skills before this transition will only condemn him to disappointment and despair in an LTR.

 

[Eccentric]

I hate to be the one to point this out, but, with a few notable exceptions, most PUAs are some of the worst AFCs because they've never made the necessary mental transition in maturity to become a DJ (i.e. a Man). After reading The Game and getting into the "community", IMHO, most PUAs are all about method and technique at the cost of really understanding the underpinnings of why they work and why they inevitably revert back to their root AFCness when they get to the point of an LTR.

All you have to do is read about the absolute chaos that Katya wreaks in Mystery's life in The Game for a perfect illustration of this. The guy's been institutionalized and suicidal more than once in his life and almost universally because he's unable to mature in his understanding of the root cause of being an AFC. The guy can flawlessly game women thanks to a mastery of well developed skills, but he self-destructs into a psychologic mess when he progresses into an LTR.

Ross Jefferies got it right when he said teaching PUA skills was like giving dynamite to children. It's like giving someone a magic key to any car they want to drive, but it dosn't give them the skills needed to drive a car, much less how to maintain or repair it. The career PUA is lonely because he's a victim of his own success. When you take a D&D nerd or a loser like Neil Strauss who up to that point lived his life's role as one, and then give him the keys to the castle, he's never going to appreciate the mental maturity necessary to bear the responsibility. It's too much too fast.And to make matters worse, PUA teachers like Mystery, who've made a living teaching these skills, a trapped in a cycle of never maturing because it would mean having to grow up at the loss of an income.

PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones at that, but adopting the DJ mindset prepares an AFC for more. An AFC needs to first and foremost divorce himself from deep set social and psychological schemas - he needs to unlearn delusions that a lifetime has conditioned him to internalize into his personality. Giving an AFC PUA skills before this transition will only condemn him to disappointment and despair in an LTR.

Well said. IMO, there comes a point when you're with a certain women that you have to decide if it's still a game, or your life. No one is going to think less of you if you enter a LTR or develop feelings. Hopefully you've learned enough to make the decision for yourself... Not the decision of an internet forum. Tools and tactics only get you so far, the rest is up to you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The problem with just employing PUA skills to get any woman is that it actually gets you ANY woman. There's no vetting process, no discernment, taught as part of technique. AFCs get so impressed with their new found PUA confidence and getting hotter women (or women at all) that they have no motivation to think about who they should get involved with. They're unprepared for emotionally manipulative women and particularly when they're more attractive than anything they'd ever had before they obsess, develop ONEitis and in extreme cases, can be suicidal about a woman they'd previously never been able to attain.

 

[Heart Break Kid]

I fully agree with Rollo. You should never confuse a PUA from a DJ.

 

[Tyron]

Well couple of things comes to mind: 1. he is pua alright (by definition) yet he fails in life (lonely is failing imho). He just missed the most important thing about being a dj. It's not how many you can lay, but how self fullfilled you become (imo) 2. You don't need validate yourself. Having many lays doesn't make you a dj.

"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women."

edit: I agree with fuzzx. Most people who use the term have no idea about roleplaying games. I have played few where there were many players, usually over 6. Only one of them was single.. few had kids and fullfilled lives.

 

[Spade_1]

Being a player has nothing to do with ladies in my opinion. It has to do with the feeling happy and doing what you want and being a true man. A man who dies a virgin but lives his life to the fullest and happiest and is the best at what he enjoys is more of a man than one who has sex with a different woman every night but fails in his career and personal life.

 

[soxfan31]

Its kind of half and half. If you can be a player and work on many girls in short periods of time, but meet someone who you have a connection with, what you do from there is what defines you. If you go on to the next girl, then you do live up to the player stereotype; but if you start spending time with that girl, it justifies that you were just searching hard for a girl to have a relationship with.