Are most guys born with "game"? are they are born with the social-skills?

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

conversation-skills, talking-skills, people-skills, confidence, overall, "game" from day one, one they hit puberty? Because thats what it seems like for most guys, or just a lot of guys, it's like from the moment guys hit puberty, they become interested in the oppossite sex(in this case girls) they naturally know how to approach girls and hit on them correctly, start conversations with them the right way, never run out of things to say, talk about, know when and how to ask them out, overall, knowing how to initiate everything when and when not, etc.
And why are there a lot of us guys that had to go through trial and error, develop game, get practice, etc.? What is it that seperates the naturals, the guys have that have been pulling ***** since middle school or high school, versus the guys who have always been rejected? Even the guys that have always gotten rejected, they still have balls, but it's more of a matter of them just not knowing how instead of just being scared, timid, etc.
So overall, for most guys, is knowing how to approach and talk to girls, having "game", either for just getting a girlfriend, actual serious long-term relationships, and casual dating, or just getting laid as in hook-ups, one-night stands, etc., is it all Instinct for them when knowing how? or what? I will admit i am one of those guys who has not had that much success with girls, as in i've never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, i have approached, hit on, asked out girls before but got rejected, although i'm not a hardcore virgin though, i've literally done everything except for "sticking it in", no penetration yet.
This is not trolling by the way, i swear.

 

[JohnChops]

You can easily develop social skills . I used to not even be able to hs a convo with a girl and now we can talk forever . Its like are you born with the skills to be a famous musician ? Athelete ? Bill gates ? Uhh no these people practice and earned what they have today. Relating that to social skills you have to go work for it.

 

[JPlaya]

Yes, genetics and your social status at birth play a huge role in everything, but this does not limit you though.

 

[FairShake]

You are born with a certain amount of social ability. But you can still develop social skills to be the best Ihateinitiatingalot7 you can be.

We are born with certain abilities regarding social intelligence just as we are regular intelligence. But don't take your probable lacking in that area as reason to give up or slack off. Rather own it and realize you have to work harder than most in that area.

Dude, I started off horrible. In elementary school I was the loud little kid who teased everyone and bullied everyone thinking they would like me. I never got invited to birthday parties. In junior high I was the crazy kid who would do, and say, and eat (don't ask) everything hoping they would like me. I wasn't invited to any bar mitzvahs. In high school I was quiet and withdrawn and depressed and wondering why they didn't like me. It wasn't until my 20s that I got one or two friends who told me what I was doing wrong. I would always show off, talk about myself, and compare myself to others trying to be the center of attention. Despite what alpha chumps say...most people don't like that. They only like it if it comes along with basic social skills like listening, sharing, joking, and laughing in equal parts.

I started at like a 1 and I'm probably a 5 or 6 now. Hardly popular or the center of attention but with enough friends I'm never alone on the weekends and I meet new people all the time. You can do it too.

 

[Groovy]

Most guys are AFC's in this world, they have no masculinity, no energy, they don't even have emotions including anxiety, so they just don't care. At first it's strength, to the keen eye it's not, with time, the mystery is shed and all is over. It's the strong ones that feel anxiety because they actually want stuff to mean something. At first that is weakness, but then, ppl realize it's actually cool and good, it's just a guy that needs some work. If u can make it, ur gold! Just keep in mind it's still another whole new level to DJ to control that and become totally awesome. U got to wake up come to life little by little. That's why ppl say if u are a DJ, u are the 5% that gets 95% of girls, if u ask me, that's true, but it may very well be less then 5%.

THAT WHAT I WROTE IS A "SKETCH" MINDSET, STILL GOTTA IMPROVE THESE IDEAS, GOTTA LEARN MORE AND CHANGE MORE, SO GIMME UR OPINIONS!

BQ: What about women?

 

[bigneil]

I don't think DJ skills come naturally at all. This is because men are not born with an innate understanding of women. I think men also tend to assume that if a woman loves him and he loves her back, that she will love him more, but in reality she loves him less.

As the saying goes, by the time a man can read a woman like a book, he needs bifocals.

 

[yuppaz]

If you are new to "game" - you should read 60 years of challenge. I'm NOT new to game, but my experience has taught me a lot and in comparing my experience to what he is teaching is dead on balls accurate, without turning into some weird ass PUA guy (Been there, done that, not fun AT ALL).

I think that it is really about being comfortable with women and learning how to properly lead things forward + being good with reading sub-communications & body language.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Your ability and social status depends in part of your genetic, part of your environment while kids and part of your effort.

Genetic: if you are goodlooking people tend to be more open to you, plenty of studies that show that cute kids receive more attention from teachers, therefore their confidence grows as much as their status among other kids.
A strong body will help you to succeed in sports so again confidence and status come from it.

You family and environment while you grow up have an impact, a bossy mother and an afc father growing you in a politically correct world are a recipe for disaster, no surprise you will find more afcs in the anglo world than in eastern europe.
"be nice to people", "respect women", "make them love you" are many of the biggest lies kids are told, no different than brain washing.

Then it comes your effort, the choices you make I can say have the final impact on the result, if you hit the gym you will improve your look and your confidence, people will treat you better so your confidence will improve even more, you will have the chance to date hot girls and learn by trial and error.
An active life style will achieve the same result, success leads to more success, if you can endure the pain and keep going you will be rewarded.
Social skills are inside all of us it depends when and how you develop them from those factors.

Trust me that "naturals" would not be that natural if they were born skinny,poor and ugly or if their parents were part of the politically correct brigade.

In the end your game is a potential, no different than the potential of hurting someone, genetic(size and frame which you can in part control), upbringing (you spent years in the army or in a kitchen) and will to do it (join a martial art class and be willing to endure sufference and pain till you become what you aim for).

 

[coochieman]

Everybody is faced with different up-bringing, conditioning, circumstances, challenges and opportunities. Hence, we make different decisions at different points, get different results and become accustomed to a set of different beliefs. This yields confidence or otherwise, [the progress mindset] or the "no-progress mindset". These little decisions shape our lives in really bigger ways than we can imagine. And I'm not talking only women now.

Naturals are not necessarily born naturals. True, you could be born with advantages over your fellow counterparts in the social marketplace. With that being said, I've witnessed a lot of dudes that aren't what you'd call "pretty" or "rich" that I personally consider naturals. They learnt these mindset/skills while growing-up without knowing, a lot of them don't even know till today what they do, they know nothing about social proof, no-contact, ****y&funny, validation, challenging, body language and so on. All they know is, they meet, get and bang a lotta girls and they keep doing what they do and it keeps working.

Funny thing is, they've got a good coverage of all that I mentioned in the previous paragraph[It's annoying they don't know how easy they make it look]. They bust balls, they are funny, they are almost always emotionally detached & they've got it easy. Understand that a DJ that doesn't call attention to the fact that he learnt is perceived as a natural to others.

 

[Mike32ct]

A natural is someone that had girls respond positively early on. Then their confidence snowballed via lots of positive experiences.

The guy who struggled with women had the opposite experience.

The difference in experiences is due to the following:

Genetic good looks

Status, like maybe a rich family

Healthy parental relationship that encouraged the child

Or lack of the above...

Having an abusive father can help or hurt you from
getting laid. You could turn inward and become a quiet, timid, nice guy determined to be the opposite of your father. Then years later, you might post on SS about being a virgin at nearly 30. I'm not making fun. I was ONE of those guys. It's not that uncommon today. I try to help guys like that because I've been there, and it's personal to me.

Or you could rebel and be a bada$s just like dad and post in another thread about how much condomless sex you had lol.

Often when you have two brothers raised in that toxic environment, you end up with a nice guy one and a bad boy one. The choice to be either is NOT a choice. It just happens naturally as a reaction to your environment.

Also whether your mom raised you to be a nice guy is also a factor.

So genetics and your family life determine how women respond to you initially. Then that has a huge effect on your confidence and game going forward. You can still work hard to improve yourself and your game, but it's a lot of work.

It's like comparing a native speaker of a language (ie a natural) to someone working hard to learn it as a second language (ie the unnatural).

 

[PapiChulo]

Some folks are just blessed at birth with good looks and the right kind of attitude and by age 20 they bed 20+ women. Most men are only hoping to have this much experience by the time they are 50.

 

[Zerro]

The only consistent thing I've observed among the guys who come here are that either their father was absent or he just didn't set a good example for his son. I think that is the biggest factor of all.

 

[evansblue]

I can attest that your upbringing plays a huge role in determining what path you take with women. Even with myself, I can look at things objectively. My parents divorced when I was 9, didn't really see much of my father. To this day, I see him maybe once, or twice a year. He never gave me the "talk" about women. In fact, we never discussed the birds and the bees at all. I had no brothers, so I was basically on my own.

I never really remember much of a nuclear family and didn't see any "positive" male interaction around the opposite sex, so I wasn't psychologically ingrained in having a long-term monogamous relationship. I still, have not had one yet at the age of 25.

"Relationships" to me, are very awkward and I still don't understand the dynamics of them. But having flings with multiple different women comes naturally. Most of my friends came from close knit, married families where they observed a healthy relationship between both parents, so in turn they tend to stick to one girl and can't figure out why I bang so many girls and want to look for new ones all the time.

So it's not so much about "social skills" as it is social conditioning and whether you were raised in an environment that promoted a positive example between your mother and father.

 

[acerazor1]

You are not born with social skills... you cant even talk. These are developed throughout your childhood and depend greatly on your experiences. You can, like anything, learn them as an adult though, it just takes more time as you have built up fears and bad habits which need to be erased before the learning can begin.

 

[BatJuan]

I agree with the other guys, but just to add, I also tend to notice that most of the "naturals" seem to lack discretion. The guys I know who are the most "natural" are more or less willing to do whatever, therefore they appeal to a wider range of girls, especially at a younger age.

A relative of mine has been with a lot of hot females, but he has been very carefree since he was a little kid, and he also doesn't have an issue with dabbling in drugs, breaking the law, etc. The girls he hangs out with are much the same way, so they go hand-in-hand. Personally, though, I'm not envious of him as I have yet to see him pull the type of women I'd be interested in.

I will say that I've lost a lot of friends over the years, both male and female, simply because I wasn't willing to "fit in" and do whatever they were doing at the time. Does it mean I've had less success with women? Absolutely, but at least I've been able to maintain my dignity without doing things I found inappropriate/undesirable.

 

[BigJimbo]

Most of the types that you boys think are good with females are actually just low class ignorant fools. That is why they are always getting females that have been banged dozens of times and have the kids to prove it! The above posts prove my point. Guys who go to prison are not getting high-end girls. They are getting the ugliest of the ugly. Life isn't some Hollywood film. High-end girls are not looking for the guy who sells weed on the corner of 5th and Maine.

If you want high-end girls just grab a freakin' camera and travel to some provincial Eastern European town. You will have young chics left and right. Just say that you have contacts at some NYC agency. That contact could be the Peruvian woman who sweeps the floor, but who needs to know that! No lies involved. No scam involved. Not that I have ever sunk to those levels. No never!

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

the ability to pull girls, get girls from an early age, whether it is just getting a relationship, an actual girlfriend, or just hook-ups, one-night stands, casual sex, etc. It's like a lot of guys are "born, instinctively know how to talk to girls, approach them from day one" Yes i'm sure a person's upbringing, how they were raised, what they were surrounded in, played a huge role, factor.

 

[bigneil]

Some men might have natural ability, but they are sort of like women where they'll lose their looks and have nothing.

It's like being born rich, how can you really be alive without a struggle? Self-made is always better. It toughens you up. When you lose a job, endure hardship, then bounce back and make the big time, women flock to you because you become more masculine.

Likewise with being a DJ, we need to go out and get hurt and toughen up and then we can be more attractive than some spoiled child.

"Losing all your highs and lows,
ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?"
Eagles (Desperado)

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

Some men might have natural ability, but they are sort of like women where they'll lose their looks and have nothing.

It's like being born rich, how can you really be alive without a struggle? Self-made is always better. It toughens you up. When you lose a job, endure hardship, then bounce back and make the big time, women flock to you because you become more masculine.

Likewise with being a DJ, we need to go out and get hurt and toughen up and then we can be more attractive than some spoiled child.

"Losing all your highs and lows,
ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?"
Eagles (Desperado)

and genetics, heredity, causes some men, guys to be born with "game" from day one? really logically speaking?

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

So is "game" something you have to be born with?