Are Ganji Games basically self denial?

[randomshinichi]

I've broken up with my ex. I'm okay with the reasons she left. I'm okay with the fact that she's perfectly happy with another man, who's in a much better position to serve her than I am. I can honestly say that I don't want her back, and I wish her all the happiness in the world while I set my sights on blondes. So Ganji isn't 100% applicable, because Ganji Games are supposed to "get your ex back" or something. There is just one problem:

I absolutely cannot get over the fact that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Logically, it makes sense, after all, she was the one who broke up, and when you do that, it's quite easy for you to perceive anything the other person does as trying to win your affection back. Thus, you start to see the other person as being desperate. And then your attraction to the other person dips towards the negative level.

Knowing that, strangely enough, does not make it any easier to accept.

More than anyone else, even my parents, I need to periodically hold a friendly, platonic conversation with this ex, how she's doing, what has changed, etc. There's nothing wrong with that, right? But according to the advice here on this forum, and as a natural matter of self pride, I cannot admit this. I must not admit this, least of all to her. How undignified! How shameful, how extremely unmanly! Doubtless if I told her how much I needed this, she would say to herself "how could I have been in love with such a wuss!" and if I were in the same position, in spite of myself, I dare say I would agree.

I have two options. I can tell her that I really truly desire at least some form of communication with her, and that I simply cannot live quite properly without it, nor do I want to deny that I can't live properly without it. I'm focusing on myself, doing sports, pumping up my testosterone, people now say I'm looking fit... but I fear that it may only be a form of escapism.

Or I can do the "natural" thing, which is to not talk to her at all, except the mandatory birthday message. After all, she doesn't talk to me, why should I talk to her? It seems like the right thing to do, given that it's incredibly hard. Or is it the wrong thing to do, because it is incredibly hard and to do so would be self denial?

 

[donking]

you have oneitis bad. you need to find a new girl. must have been your first real ltr.

you do not need a platonic conversation with her, especially more than your parents. in 1 year, she will be gone and your parents will still be your parents.

 

[randomshinichi]

You're right, I do have it bad, and it was my first relationship - but I'd prefer not to solve this by getting over some other girl! I think it would be unfair to the next girl that came along... and besides, I do not want to allow myself to think that I care only for girls that I can **** at present (I hope you know what I mean?).

 

[st_99]

calm down, you just have self worth issues coupled with biological need to reproduce (dna stuff) makes you feel nutty when it comes to girls. common at a young age. no biggie, you'll laugh at how gay you're acting in a number of years.

 

[zekko]

The fact is, when a girl breaks up with you, she does not care what you need or don't need. She probably just doesn't want your continued contact because it might interfere with her new relationship. How many complaints have you read on this forum about girls who still have their exes around?

It's nice to keep things civil with your exes when you can. But if she doesn't want to, then move on to the next girl and talk to her.

 

[Desdinova]

I absolutely cannot get over the fact that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

She's doing you a huge favor. You need to move on and not look back.

You're right, I do have it bad, and it was my first relationship

The first one is always the most difficult to get over. But you will. We've all done it and you will too.

but I'd prefer not to solve this by getting over some other girl!

Of course not. You need to solve this by realizing that pouring your time and energy into missing this girl is a huge waste. For three years I missed the first girl who walked out of my life. One day, I woke up and realized that I had effectively wasted that time and she was never coming back. I looked upon the three years and thought it was the saddest fvcking thing I've ever done. From that point on, I knew it was time to move on.

There will be more girls, guaranteed. There's thousands of them out there, and many of them will be better quality than this one that you're sobbing over. You need to either choose the option to move on or choose the option of wasting your time on a girl who isn't coming back and doesn't love you.

 

[horaholic]

This is not a case for Ganji games anyway. Ganji games are an merely a last resort to pick up a girl, but it isnt a game anyway, because that is what you should do:walk away and dont talk.

The fact that you want to keep your girl in your life means you are not okay, and you want her back, and you are lying to us/yourself. Move on with your life, and MAYBE months or even years from now, you could be KIND OF friends, but why would you want to be, unless you're getting ex-sex?

Let her see you living well and happy without her. Its the only thing that could make her respect you. Read the Break Up thread, for Christ's sake.