Are emotions the problem?

[Dirtheart]

After reading many threads on this site, especially those about rejected AFCs, people with little confidence, people recovering from breakups, it seems pretty clear that there are a lot of sensitive and emotional people looking for advice here.

Sure, it's easy to read what we need to be doing and learn it by rote, but when it comes to applying the knowledge, a lot of guys lose their focus, because their emotions get in the way. I'm not denying that it happens to me too.

It may be negative emotions like fear and heartbreak or maybe love, but they affect the clarity of your mind and lead you to act "abnormally" or against reason. You could look like Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Denzil Washington, have all the money and charm in the world, but when emotion takes over, you just can't be your best.

If you can control these emotions, there's no reason you can't feel confident, show a girl some indifference and yet approach whoever you choose to.

So really, I think the primary solution to all DJ's quandaries is to learn to control your emotions and I believe this is the advice all of us need the most.

Aside from positive affirmations, slowing down and deep breathing, I really don't have much advice to offer myself, but would be very interested in anything anyone has to offer.

 

[2xp]

i don't think so

suppresing emotions and interiorizing (does that exist ?) is not a good thing. introducing extra-positive thoughts doesn't help too.

i say : trust your instinct.

if something makes you feel sad, cry. on the spot. let your sadness go away.

if something pisses you off, shout, be angry, express yourself, bash people if they deserve to. don't try to guard it inside you.

because if you don't do that, you will keep a lot of furstration, which will build up everyday and will not let you do the things you would want to do in the future.

i know that everytime we see something (danger, HB ...) , we have one initial NATURAL reaction. the kind of natural&pure instinct which tells what to do.
generally, analyzes and extra interior-toughts happen afterwards. this little extra-voice that tells you : "hey, i don't want to break my little daily routines" or "i am sure she has a boyfriend".

i say : let's learn to trust this first instinct. do not supress emotions. embrace them fully. on the spot. give priority on the present moment. on the instant.

cheers

 

[jama]

really, I think the primary solution to all DJ's quandaries is to learn to control your emotions and I believe this is the advice all of us need the most

Dirtheat, I really agree with you.

My chicks considered me a nice-jerk and sometimes a bad boy because I never take any crap from any girl, and they can sense that the first day that I meet them. If they do something I don’t like, I don’t complain. I don’t scream. I don’t argue. I simply IGNORE them. In other words, I am in control 100%.

The problem starts when I fell in love. Even though I try and attempt to be cool, I lose that coolness sometimes, WE ARE HUMAN.

But in my experience, I learned that even if you fell in love or feel those scary emotions, you could still control your emotions. But in order to do so, YOU HAVE DIE ONCE IN ORDER TO LIVE, meaning: you have to get hurt as hell first, then reborn again.

 

[falloutboy]

It's not that your emotions are the problem, it's that you're feeling the wrong ones. When did you ever see Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington ever cry like a sissy? Of course never. Conversely, how many people on this site who consider themselves to be AFC whine about their lives and lack of girls and how their life is going nowhere?

Now you should never suppress an emotion once you have it. But here's my final thought. Say you lose a basketball game. Are you a) sad and depressed and write a song about it or b) pumped and angry and ready for the challenge?

 

[Dirtheart]

I don't think it's a good idea to supress emotions as that is indeed unhealthy, but being able to control them or at least how they affect you would be really handy.

I mean, doctors and nurses, firefighters, soldiers and police have to deal with some horrendous situations that would cause most other people flip out, but they somehow manage to switch off, stay in control and do their job.

Likewise, with women. If we could face women without letting our emotions throw us off, we'd be cool, calm and be able to say and do exactly what we intend.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

No, emotions aren't the problem

YOU are the problem.

If you choose to feel 'fear' instead of 'desire' when you see a HB, then the emotion is not to be blamed. You are.

What's the point of getting a HB is you don't feel anything for her? If you 'control' your emotions to the point of just being a DJing robot, even if you are 'successful' what's the point of it? If you don't feel fulfilled, or happy, or exhilirating, or any other emotion, why even DJ the girl in the first place?

Sorry to drag up an old thread, but this is exactly what I am. I am a succesful DJ who feels no emotion for the girls. This is why I am back on the forums, doing searches about learning to emotionalize.

By all means, FEEL, just change yourself so you feel the CORRECT emotions. Instead of feeling afraid and intimidated by the HB, feel silly and happy, ENJOY her beauty, feel the desire for her.

Now I am not saying you should start associating emotions with her, or attaching YOUR emotions to her. You must always realize that the emotions you are feeling are because of YOU, not her. YOU are the one responding to the sensual stimulation.

The only time when emotions become a problem is when they are attached to outer sources, you need to internalize EVERYTHING you feel, after all, it IS an internal process.

Like hunger, pain, or anything else...the determining factor of whether you feel it or not is YOU, not the external stimuli. How am I so sure? If you remove the extermal stimuli, you are still fully capable of triggering the response from your nervous system. If we remove YOU...there is no way in hell the HB could make YOU feel anything if you aren't there.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: No, emotions aren't the problem

Originally posted by Raptured Phoenix
YOU are the problem.

If you choose to feel 'fear' instead of 'desire' when you see a HB, then the emotion is not to be blamed. You are.

Now THIS DJ gets it. How can anyone approach and stand up to a HB when they can't do the same with their emotions?

 

[Lord_Pancake]

Raptured Pheonix's idea is more extensively covered in neuro-linguistic programming.

James Bond is a good role model for playing it smooth and laid back, not letting girls control his emotions.

failing to model James Bond, one can at least model passive anthropologists or therapists - who watch horrors unfold and instead of giving into their emotions, simply turn to their notepads to write it all down.

 

[Austin Allegro]

There has to be some element of control over emotion in life - otherwise you become an emotional cripple.

How would the nazis have been defeated if the allied soldiers in WWII had given into their (entirely natural) emotions of fear about landing at Normandy?

What would you do if faced with a crazed lunatic wielding a knife - would you piss your pants and lie down on the ground crying, because that is what your emotions told you to do, or would you try to plan a defence? Hopefully you would control your emotions.

The key word is CONTROL. You can have emotions but they should not dictate how you live your life - the integrated man/DJ balances emotion and rationality in his life.

Of course we should have emotions for women such as love, but this has to be EARNED. The trouble with AFCs is that they become overwhelmed with emotion for women who have not earned it - they basically become 'in love with the idea of love' - something that was recognised as a problem even in Shakespeare's time.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
I don't think it's a good idea to supress emotions as that is indeed unhealthy, but being able to control them or at least how they affect you would be really handy.

I mean, doctors and nurses, firefighters, soldiers and police have to deal with some horrendous situations that would cause most other people flip out, but they somehow manage to switch off, stay in control and do their job.

Likewise, with women. If we could face women without letting our emotions throw us off, we'd be cool, calm and be able to say and do exactly what we intend.

I agree 100%.

 

[Kidquick]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
There has to be some element of control over emotion in life - otherwise you become an emotional cripple.

How would the nazis have been defeated if the allied soldiers in WWII had given into their (entirely natural) emotions of fear about landing at Normandy?

What would you do if faced with a crazed lunatic wielding a knife - would you piss your pants and lie down on the ground crying, because that is what your emotions told you to do, or would you try to plan a defence? Hopefully you would control your emotions.

The key word is CONTROL. You can have emotions but they should not dictate how you live your life - the integrated man/DJ balances emotion and rationality in his life.

Of course we should have emotions for women such as love, but this has to be EARNED. The trouble with AFCs is that they become overwhelmed with emotion for women who have not earned it - they basically become 'in love with the idea of love' - something that was recognised as a problem even in Shakespeare's time.

Excellent thread overall, and this post in particular has shed some much needed insight into my current situation - thanks Austin!

 

[rgeere]

EMOTIONS ARN'T LOGICAL AND CAN ONLY BE HINDERED BY LOGIC.

I disagree. When a man tries to control his emotions that leads to his own self-defeat through overanalization. I think a better way is to embrace and harness your emotions so that only the positive standard set of emotions exist or show that cause you to behave in a matter that causes girls, even ones that you think logically should not have an attraction to you, to feel an attraction to you.

Sounds crazy, but I've done this.

 

[ToughGuy]

Overly emotional guy is a looser

If I remember my self in my previous years.
I have been brainwashed by the movies, media that the more emotional i would be more desirable i would become to women.

and i bought that and "forced" myself to be as much emotional as i could be.
becoz i somehow thought that
1. If i won't be emotional i won't be liked by women and hence won't be choosen by them.

and no wonder that i have never been able to establish the relationship with women, i made myself too boring and clingy types.

but now i am telling myself constantly that
be less emotional
be less sentimental..
be less sensitive.

And results are astounding, i am becoming better at workplace as well as with the gals.

Hope this will help many.

 

[superpud]

I'd say it boils down to having control over your emotions rather than letting your emotions control you. Now everybody breaks down from time to time, nothing wrong with that, but stepping back, looking at reality, and making the right decision is the key.

 

[superpud]

Toughguy is correct. But only in regards to how a man relates to a woman. The man is less emotional, but not emotionless. A man never wallows in emotion, nor does he looks to be emotional, like women, he's well-balanced, and makes good decisions, despite his emotions.

 

[Seeph]

In my opinion you cannot analyze emotions.. I am an emotional person.. but I know when to let my emotions be known by others.. We aren't robots.. I think what dirtheart is trying to say by controlling emotions he means knowing when to express emotions and let it affect you.. When im pissed of about something people notice that I'm pissed... same when im hurt.. but when I'm out and meeting girls if one of them rejects me I feel upset/confused/mad.. but then i think to myself.. "why am I letting some girl I don't even know affect the way I feel?" and I throw that emotion away because it is not healthy for me to dwell on it.. So i control my emotions that way..