Approaching is easy; keeping interest is another story

[Viper]

Hey, Mike here and I've come here, because, while I can approach women fine, I'm having a hard time keeping them interested. Now, to get started, lets start off with the fact that I'm 15 and all of the girls I've approached so far, go to my school. Back to the matter at hand, girls don't seem to be 'interested' in me and while I can approach them, there just seems to be no "Spark" or "Chemistry" between us. This is my 'approach', that, while getting the womans attention doesn't seem to be grabbing interest.

1. I make eye contact with the girl.
2. I put my arm around her.
3. If I already know the girl, I say, "Hey, [entername]", but if I don't, I say, "Hey, you got a name?"
4. If I use the "Hey, you got a name" line, she'll of course, tell me her name and usually says, "You got a name?" back to me and I tell her "Yeah, I'm Mike.".
5. Now, this is where I start messing up, the conversation phase. I start off by asking a question, but while she'll answer the question, she won't really go in-depth on it, but will give a simple "Yes." or "No.". This is where it starts, the girl doesn't seem to be really interested in the conversation and while she will answer, she won't give an "in-depth" answer, but she will give a simple "Yes." or "No.". I want to be able to get into long lasting conversations with women, where both of us have something to give and the women actually shows 'interest' in what you have to say. This seems to be the case with alot of girls I try and talk to, they don't really seem to have interest in the conversation; eventually if I run out of things to ask, that's pretty much the end of the conversation. So, it would be nice if you guys could help me with this little problem, for instance, What am I doing wrong that comes off as "boring" and "uninteresting" to this girl? How do I make the girl take interest in the conversation, so that she actually opens up and gives me her opinion about the question at hand? How do I "Attract" her and make her, WANT to continue the conversation? Advice on these things would be well appreciated.
Now, here, I'm going to give examples, of what I mean, by "uninterested", from a couple of girls that I've approached.

Tina
Tina is a nice girl, fairly smart and certainly attractive. So I saw her on the bus and asked her if I could sit down next to her, no questions asked, she smiled and told me "Sure.". I tried to start conversation by going "So, how was school today?" She said "Good." and there was a pause. Now, I'd been thinking about approaching Tina for a long time before this happened, her friend Lauren, even told me that I "should talk to her.". Now, the way it occurred in my mind, was that I go on the bus and ask her if I can sit down with her and if she said yes, I would then ask her "How school was today.", things seemed to be going pretty much the way I'd planned. However, I expected her to say something along the lines of "Well, this happened... that happened..." and to expand off of that, however she simply said "Good.". So from this point I tried to start conversation once again by asking her what she was listening to, I don't exactly remember the name of the band she told me, but I remember asking, "Is that a rock band?" and then she said "Yes.". So then for the rest of the bus ride, I just sat there, still next to her in the seat, wondering "Huh? Well, I had the conversation part going, but why? But hmm.. For some reason I'm not grabbing her interest." and Tina just sort of looked out the window, listening to her music; I clearly wasn't grabbing this chicks interest.

For those who don't want to read through all of that, here's a dialogue of what happened.

[I engage in eye contact with her]
Me: Hey, Tina.
[Tina looks at me]
Me: Hey, Tina is it okay if I sit with you?
[Tina Smiles]
Tina: Sure!
[I sit down]
Me: So... how was school today?
Tina: Oh, good.
[Pause for a few seconds]
Me: So... what are you listening to?
Tina: [She stated a band name, but I can't remember the name of it.]
Me: Oh, that rock music?
[Tina nods]
Tina: Yep.

And for the rest of the ride, we didn't talk at all. I just sat there wondering why she was interested and Tina just basically sat there looking out the window, listening to her CD Player.

Also, as you can probably tell, I'm not the best conversationalist. I'm not shy or anything, I just have trouble keeping peoples interest when it comes to conversations. It would be awesome if you guys could maybe, link me to a topic or even give some advice on improving my conversational skills.

My goal is to get Tina's Phone Number, by the end the year. With this being our last normal week and finals coming up, it looks like time is not on my side.

ADDED:
Well, thanks for the advice guys, everything seems to be going good with Tina again and thanks the advice above, she's actually starting to become more interested in me. Now, tommorow, I'm planning on approaching Danielle once again and I have it all thought out. Seems pretty good to me, but if you guys have anything to add to that or advice that would raise the interest level, that would be well appreciated.

Me: Wow, Danielle, is that a new perfume I smell?
Danielle: No.
Me: Mmmm, damn. Well, forget perfume, you smell great.
Danielle: Oh, thanks!
Me: So, what's new?
Danielle: Oh, nothing much.
Me: The usual, eh? Well, anything worth mentioning?
[Danielle at this point either says "Nope." or replies and we pick up on that]

 

[familyguyfan]

Yeah I also have trouble thinking of things to say to girls. But for me it's not with girls I'm approaching or just meeting, but it's with girls I somewhat know, but aren't good friends with. These are the hardest I think because you aren't good enough friends with them to know all their interests and everything, but you can't ask any of the "getting to know you" questions that you would ask a girl you're meeting for the first time.

However, some things you could've said there:

After she said "Good" for the school question you could've asked "Anything worth mentioning happen?", or you could say something about your day and how you had a lot of quizzes or something.

After she said it was rock music, you could ask her about some bands and other music types she liked.

 

[DogFashionDisco]

Heh. Well my problem is nervousness, and somewhat on approaching. But my advice is to not think about it, just let your thoughts and the conversation flow naturally. While this may be sort of hard to understand, but I found it easier to talk to chicks when I'm not worried about what to say or do. Just convince your mind that you don't care where this is going! lol

It actually works... For me at least.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by familyguyfan
Yeah I also have trouble thinking of things to say to girls. But for me it's not with girls I'm approaching or just meeting, but it's with girls I somewhat know, but aren't good friends with. These are the hardest I think because you aren't good enough friends with them to know all their interests and everything, but you can't ask any of the "getting to know you" questions that you would ask a girl you're meeting for the first time.

However, some things you could've said there:

After she said "Good" for the school question you could've asked "Anything worth mentioning happen?", or you could say something about your day and how you had a lot of quizzes or something.

After she said it was rock music, you could ask her about some bands and other music types she liked.

I wished I'd known this earlier, heh. Well, is it too late to talk to her again tommorow? It would seem kind of weird after that long silence that we had.

 

[Best friends? NAY]

If you talk to her tommarow, say soemthing like. "So are you always so quite or did my good looks just make you nervous." Say that with a tone of voice and maybe a smile at the end so she knows you are being playfull.

 

[chill]

or if in another convo that she gives a lot of one-word answers you could go, " How about i start using one word questions so that your answers will match". of course you should do this playfully, but it might backfire. she might think your pissed at her, but i think the odds are in your favor

 

[Viper]

Well, thanks for the advice guys, everything seems to be going good with Tina again and thanks the advice above, she's actually starting to become more interested in me. Now, tommorow, I'm planning on approaching Danielle once again and I have it all thought out. Seems pretty good to me, but if you guys have anything to add to that or advice that would raise the interest level, that would be well appreciated.

Me: Wow, Danielle, is that a new perfume I smell?
Danielle: No.
Me: Mmmm, damn. Well, forget perfume, you smell great.
Danielle: Oh, thanks!
Me: So, what's new?
Danielle: Oh, nothing much.
Me: The usual, eh? Well, anything worth mentioning?
[Danielle at this point either says "Nope." or replies and we pick up on that]

 

[repeatx3]

Yeah I can approach and number close pretty damn well but doing stuff and keeping interest is hard...I figure I can only get better by constantly trying.

 

[Marf]

IMHO, the best thing to do is just "bust her balls" (make fun of her in a playful way) about anything she's wearing/doing etc...or just make fun of things happening around you.
The important thing is that it doesnt have to be that funny, as long as it keeps the conversation giong....

 

[MusicMan]

you might not be shy, but you're surely not totally comfortable.

the more relaxed and confident you get, the more things to say and start a conversation/tease/whatever you will see. and i say you will see because you're not supposed to look for things to say. I don't remember who said this but it's very true. That doesn't mean that you should just bust on everyone and wait to see things. You actually have to think a bit as well. Does this sound confusing? It probably does, because those things i believe are also based on instinct and you can't learn instinct by reading forum posts.. lol. you just have to know that there is this guy in you who knows what to do, but you just gotta trust him and let him shine. It's supposed to flow easily for both you and her. Good luck

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Bro, you need to improve your conversation skills. How can you expect to make smooth approaches and create/hold interest if you cant have a stimulating conversation?

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by TonyTheTigerOI
Bro, you need to improve your conversation skills. How can you expect to make smooth approaches and create/hold interest if you cant have a stimulating conversation?

Yeah, your right. However,as I said before, I'm not the greatest guy when it comes to conversation and not just with women, but people in general. Yeah, I was talking to this one girl who's in my gym class, actually, Danielle's twin sister, Arielle(Their twins, but there are enough physical differences to tell them apart, yet still tell they are sisters) and well, didn't go so smoothly.

Me: Hey, Arielle.
Arielle: Hi, Mike.
Me: How's it going?
Arielle: It's been going pretty well, nothing extradonary though.
Me: I see. Pretty normal day?
Arielle: Yeah.
Me: Well, has anything happened that's worth mentioning?
Arielle: Nope.
Me: Cool. Well, see you in gym class.
Arielle: Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely the conversation part that I'm lacking in. Although, how could my conversation skills and possibly spark more interest in the conversation? Should I try to initiate kino? Should I use C+F? Thanks. If you guys give me tips on C+F, first consider this, I'm not the funniest guy and when I try and crack it a joke, it usually comes off as being assholish or lame. Secondly, expalin this C+F thing to me, how do I know where to draw the line between ****y and funny and just plain mean? Can't tell you how much I'd appreciate advice on the subject.

 

[speakerbox]

the MOST OVIOUS THING:

ASk open ended questions NOT yes or no questions.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by speakerbox
the MOST OVIOUS THING:

ASk open ended questions NOT yes or no questions.

Oh, but I'm asking many 'could be' open ended questions.
The trouble is getting the girl to actually respond to that with something other than 'yes' or 'no'.
When I ask a girl "Anything worth mentioning" I expect her to tell me something, "Nope.", she expects me to believe, that a girl like her who I always see talking in the hallway, has nothing worth mentioning to talk about? Somethings missing here.

But, hmm... what would you call an open, ended question? I'm curious, all the questions I'm asking these girls are 'apparently' simple yes or no questions. An example of an open-ended question would be well appreciated.

 

[coolguy676767]

I know you already know this girl, but if its a girl you are talking to for the 2nd or third time, just staright up ask them what they do for fun or what they like, chances are you will have something in common, and then be like oh I love that too....which reminds me of......and tell a funny story, hell it doesnt even have to be a real story, as long as its kind of funny, this will probably give a laugh, and open her up a bit maybe she will tell a story, if not then you can say something along the lines of what the other guy on here said, about "are you always this quiet or is it just my good looks making you nervous" or somthing along those lines, but make sure you say it smooth and calmly where she can hear it, and give a smile, if she doenst hear you and you have to repeat it will lose its timing a bit. After this she will most likely say something that you can transition off of, if not, just bring up something else, like oh so what music are you listening too, oh thats cool, is that a rock band, whatever her reply, be like is that the only music you listen to, what other kinds of music/bands/groups do you listen too, as soon as she names some, be like oh I like this one or whatever and be like my fav song of their is..... and just transition as best as possible, as soon as you cant come up with something else, then just say so waht are you doing this weekend, and then get her number and be like oh we should hang out.

Just learn that this is not a set thing, but the process should go something along these lines, just ask open-ended questions, find subjects to agree with her on, but dont agree too much, you got to be C and F too but not to much to offend her. Then fi she is silent, just call her bluff, and put the pressure back on her, cause sometimes they try to control the conversation and by being ****y, and saying she must be quiet from your good looks, it will turn the tables.

 

[Nexxus]

when she replies
"fine" to
"how was ya day" you say
"really? wassup?" then she says
"not much" now you say
"aww, I thought ur day was fine but it turns out your actually boring" (or something like that) in a joking way, this should get her pissed in a fun way or talking about the highlights of her day if she did have something big on the day

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by Viper
Oh, but I'm asking many 'could be' open ended questions.
The trouble is getting the girl to actually respond to that with something other than 'yes' or 'no'.
When I ask a girl "Anything worth mentioning" I expect her to tell me something, "Nope.", she expects me to believe, that a girl like her who I always see talking in the hallway, has nothing worth mentioning to talk about? Somethings missing here.

But, hmm... what would you call an open, ended question? I'm curious, all the questions I'm asking these girls are 'apparently' simple yes or no questions. An example of an open-ended question would be well appreciated.

This is awesome advice man. Although, girls still don't seem to be interested, even when I do use this approach. For instance, I talked to this one girl in gym class, we had a good conversation and I asked open ended questions, but she showed signs of not being interested. She would keep her head forward, avoiding eye contact and while she would reply to I was saying, she gave obvious signs that just screamed, "I don't care, oh well, I'll just listen to his pathetic cries and avoid telling him to shutup so I don't seem like a *****.". Hell, this girls friend didn't even talk, she kind of just walked with us.

Dialogue:
[I approach Brooke and her friend]
Me: Hey, what's up?
Brooke: Nothing much.
Me: Anything worth mentioning going on?
Brooke: Nope.
Me: So, summers right around the corner, you excited?
Brooke: Yeah.
Me: Doing anything special?
Brooke: Nope, plan to stay home and watch the days pass, invite friends over ocassionally.
Me: Just kicking back, huh?
Brooke: You could say that.
Me: Well, see you later.
Brooke: Yeah.


Well guys, it's Friday and next week is finals week. I'm planning to get alot of girls phone numbers tommorow, so that I can keep intact with them during summer. But I don't feel so confident thats going to happen, after seeing how my conversation with Brooke went. Perhaps it was the fact that I wasn't smiling? or that I forgot to engage in eye contact? Perhaps you guys could help me figure out how to raise the interest level with this girl.

 

[speakerbox]

Originally posted by Viper

Dialogue:
[I approach Brooke and her friend]
Me: Hey, what's up?
Brooke: Nothing much.
Me: Anything worth mentioning going on?
Brooke: Nope.
Me: So, summers right around the corner, you excited?
Brooke: Yeah.
Me: Doing anything special?
Brooke: Nope, plan to stay home and watch the days pass, invite friends over ocassionally.
Me: Just kicking back, huh?
Brooke: You could say that.
Me: Well, see you later.
Brooke: Yeah.

LOOK AT ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU ASKED..... They could ALL be answered with a simple yes or no.

An open ended question is where she cant just answer by yes, or no because it wouldnt make sence.

Instead of saying "Me: So, summers right around the corner, you excited?" You could have said: SO what are you doing this summer?

This way she cant answer with a yes or no.

Its so simple... C' mon get with it.

 

[pokie87]

Dude that convo on the bus sounded painful. Just reading it made me realise how bored the girl must have been. You should have just said random stuff to humour yourself. You are in your reality shes a guest but im sure u have heard all of this stuff before. In the same situation instead of asking if I could sit down I would have just done it then said something like ''Looks like its your lucky day, I usually charge for such close contact'' If she gives a negative response who cares. Then say stuff like ''Is it just me or do all buses smell like old people, I mean I like old people I have grandparents after all but its just they usually smell like a mix of tobacco and ass'' If after this she isnt interested in convo she isnt worth the time.

 

[Viper]

Oh well, my fear of these girls rejecting worked as a barrier to holding me back from getting numbers. I think the main reason why this is so difficult for me -- is because I'm acting. There was this girl in the lunch line, she was cute, I was going to talk to her and her and say "Hey, I've been looking around for new faces and I don't believe I've met you before. What's your name?" But then, because of my insecurity, I backed out of that situation and thought "Yeah, sure, she'll talk to me, but I don't think I'll be able to generate enough interest for her to give me her phone number. No, she definitely won't be interested.". That's pretty much how it's been today, I've wanted to approach girls and even try reminding myself of the girls I already approached, but that hasn't been enough encouragement, to allow me to approach these girls. I try reminding myself of things like, "Live life to the fullest" "Your only a teenager once" and "Talk to girls no different than you would your friends" but nothing seems to be enough to persuade me, to approach girls.

Oh well guys, finals next week and won't get alot of chances to talk to girls and I'm looking forward to, a typical summer, boring and lonely. While this was a good day for the most part and I even got in a convo with 2 hot chicks, I did not accomplish what I wanted.