Approaching a girl when you're already with one?

[dohta]

Hey I'm looking for some advice. If it helps, I was never that active in the dating scene and I'm 21. I'm single.

Sometimes I go out one-on-one with other girls, who claim that they aren't official dates. Question is, would be it rude to approach girls while I am alone with them? Does it depend on our relationship?

For example, if I am with a girl who gave me the "let's just be friends" excuse before, would it be a good idea to approach other girls while I am going out alone with her? Let's say we went to a mall. Would it make me look more like a jerk than popular if I told her to wait a bit and approached one of the girls in the stores?

What if it is subtly understood that it is an one-on-one date? Am I still justified to approach girls?

Should I make sure that the girl I am with does not overhear how I approached/succeeded/failed to get a girl's number? Or should I take her with me on the approach (so that my target doesn't feel as tense)?

Thanks.

 

[Phyzzle]

Or should I take her with me on the approach (so that my target doesn't feel as tense)?

Don't have her wait to the side: use her!

The best thing to do is to get other girls into your conversation. "Hey, can we ask your opinion, my friend thinks that . . . " After a while, you can go for a # close. I know it sucks with an audience, but it's wierd to just leave your friend standing somewhere else.

 

[dohta]

I was deciding if I should use her to pick up other girls too. I'm not too favorable of it because:

1) It might incorrectly indicate that I need another girl to use to pick up girls.

2) I'm not confident enough to approach her myself.

3) If I come out with a number and she saw me chatting with a new girl, then she won't keep wondering what I was doing with her if she went in with me.

I would only leave her alone when she went to another shop. Let's say both of us went into a shoe store. I'd say something like "hey be right back" then I go approach a girl in the store beside it. Good idea?

 

[Phyzzle]

It might incorrectly indicate that I need another girl to use to pick up girls.

No, it would indicate that girls like being around you.

The whole confidence thing will be loud and clear when you ask for the digits right out in front of your female friend. That demonstrates all the balls you could demonstrate in a 1st meeting.

What if it is subtly understood that it is an one-on-one date? Am I still justified to approach girls?

Hell no! Unless you want to reject her as a romantic partner, brutally.

 

[dohta]

Thanks for the replies.

This female friend of mines gave me the "Let's just be friends" excuse about half a year ago (when I was a "nice" guy). But we still go out alone together and cuddle up now and then. Since she was the one who rejected me before, then am I justified to treat her as a non-date from now on until she tells me that she's changed her mind about me?

 

[tuxen]

By working other girls in front of your 'friend' shows you have value.

It may work in turning her, by creating jealousy, but I wouldn't give her the chance. It feels good to tell her 'you just want to be friends'.

 

[ScrewIt]

Thanks for the replies.

This female friend of mines gave me the "Let's just be friends" excuse about half a year ago (when I was a "nice" guy). But we still go out alone together and cuddle up now and then. Since she was the one who rejected me before, then am I justified to treat her as a non-date from now on until she tells me that she's changed her mind about me?

If she really proclaims that you guys are 'just friends', then technically you guys are not exclusive and free to date other people. PU while you're with her can be disrespectful, you have the chances of either raising her IL or killing whatever IL she has for you.
My suggestions is to date/PU other girls without her being in the picture.

I recall LJBF a girl in h.s., we would hang out and on occasion she would be flirty or try to chat with guys she ran into the street. I had no quarrel with it we were friends and i didnt like her. But seeing that nature of her was a real turn off.

 

[mrRuckus]

If she really proclaims that you guys are 'just friends', then technically you guys are not exclusive and free to date other people. PU while you're with her can be disrespectful,.

Um is it disrespectful to pick up girls when i'm out with guy friends? No.

She said she doesn't want more than friends so now she can stfu when i'm talking to other girls. Now she's one of the guys.. just like she wanted.

ohhh wait now i bet she wants to be his friend AND all kinds of other benefits like special male attention without actually having to work for it or put out! I don't think so. If you're not screwing me or family you're just like every other friend with the same rules.

Friends. Simple. I talk to whoever i want whenever i want and you have no say in it. And the fact that if she did say something about it other than "hey let's not talk to other girls and instead go home and have sex with each other" then she's the one being disrespectful for even making him put her in her place to begin with.

 

[dohta]

Thanks, you guys pretty much said what I wanted to hear. I guess I was just looking for some confirmation.

If she really proclaims that you guys are 'just friends', then technically you guys are not exclusive and free to date other people. PU while you're with her can be disrespectful, you have the chances of either raising her IL or killing whatever IL she has for you.
My suggestions is to date/PU other girls without her being in the picture.

I recall LJBF a girl in h.s., we would hang out and on occasion she would be flirty or try to chat with guys she ran into the street. I had no quarrel with it we were friends and i didnt like her. But seeing that nature of her was a real turn off.

What does IL mean? I'm guessing PU means pick up.

Would this jeopardize our "friendship"? I read on this site that a DJ should have female friends too since they might have more attractive and potential girls.

 

[Phyzzle]

IL=Interest Level.

You won't jeopardize the friendship. You might make her jealous. How is that bad? She won't get offended. For her to be offended by subtly showing that you're a heterosexual . . . well, that would be a really wierd thing to get offended about.

I have asked out a female in front of another. It's not a big deal.

 

[dohta]

Ok I went into the mall but alone instead, since I had to wait there for about 2 hours with nothing to do alone. I made small talk with every girl in every clothing store just to get a feel of approaching though and only asked for numbers twice. Most of the girls seemed to be taken already (just this "aura" about them) and some they didn't seem as good as I thought they'd be.

1) Should you always close the deal the first time? I went to approach a girl then I left her store to approach other girls (didn't tell her that of course, I just said I had something to do). About an hour later I went back and asked for her number. I did this twice, once each to two different girls. One of the girls offered her number to me when I came back to indirectly ask for a way to contact her. The other girl half-rejected me in a nice way I guess. I asked for her number and she said something like "I don't have a cell, why don't you leave me your number?". I thought it was reasonable since she seemed obviously shy and quite protective. Just when I was about to say yes, a friend of hers (some old woman) went up and talked to her. They talked for like 5-10 mins and she didn't look back at me, so I just took it that she didn't want my number. I was gonna just write down my number on a piece of paper and leave it on the desk (good or bad idea?) but I couldnt find a pen in sight, so I just left.

So I was thinking maybe I would've had a better chance in getting the second girl's number if I just asked her the first time I saw her, instead of waiting an hour first. I thought maybe this would get her thinking and wondering what I was doing for a short period of time, before I went back to her to get her number. Then again, having an hour in between both visits might make me look "suspicious" and I have to break the ice twice.

2) Is it a good idea to approach girls who are working if the shop isn't busy? I sense that some girls are pretty friendly and some clearly got pissed off by some bad customers. Should I use these moods to my advantage, or are women staff just generally harder to pick up and get a number?

 

[dohta]

Also, I'm going to pay her a visit at her shop in about 6 days (the next weekend), assuming that she's working the same shift. I'm deciding between telling her that I will visit her, or should I just stop by her store as a surprise?

If I tell her, then maybe I could see how dressed up she is as a sign of her IL towards me. Any thoughts?

btw: her store is really small and she's the only staff there.

Thanks.

 

[Phyzzle]

Should you always close the deal the first time?

If you're going to see her again, then there is no need to rush. You can see her a few days later, talk again, and then ask. In fact, when I only chat with a girl one minute, the # is usually worthless.

BUT, I don't know about conversing, shopping for only an hour and then going back. You should ask during or at the end of some kind of conversation. That seems more natural.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Hey I'm looking for some advice. If it helps, I was never that active in the dating scene and I'm 21. I'm single.

Sometimes I go out one-on-one with other girls, who claim that they aren't official dates. Question is, would be it rude to approach girls while I am alone with them? Does it depend on our relationship?

For example, if I am with a girl who gave me the "let's just be friends" excuse before, would it be a good idea to approach other girls while I am going out alone with her? Let's say we went to a mall. Would it make me look more like a jerk than popular if I told her to wait a bit and approached one of the girls in the stores?

What if it is subtly understood that it is an one-on-one date? Am I still justified to approach girls?

Should I make sure that the girl I am with does not overhear how I approached/succeeded/failed to get a girl's number? Or should I take her with me on the approach (so that my target doesn't feel as tense)?

Thanks.

Why would you go out with a girl with a total platonic intention in mind?

If you didn't want a platonic outing, then she needs to know that ahead of time, or else you don't go out.

In terms of approaching other girls, of course it's not okay to approach other girls while out with one girl. You have to be man enough to show some respect.

Plenty of time to approach. No need to be a jackass.

 

[dohta]

Thanks for the advice

Why would you go out with a girl with a total platonic intention in mind?

If you didn't want a platonic outing, then she needs to know that ahead of time, or else you don't go out.

She gave me the LJBF excuse before when I was a nice guy. She's pretty hot and I wouldn't mind getting intimate with her.

I feel mixed feelings for her. It would be nice if we were a couple, but it wouldn't bother me a lot if we don't have an exclusive relationship. So I guess you can say that when I am thinking of approaching girls while I am going out alone with her, I am using jealousy to see if she will change her feelings towards the new me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not approaching girls ONLY to get her jealous, but since we're out alone already, I might as well make approaching even more worth it.

 

[d9930380]

dohta - don't take this the wrong way but you're still a nice guy by having to ask that question.

Basically you want to know. Will hitting on another girl make her jealous and make you more attractive or will it ruin (any) chance you have by putting you further in the friendzone. A non-nice guy wouldn't think like that, he would have already moved on and not gave a **** what she thinks.

To answer your question - it all depends how she feels about you. She might get jealous but that's not neccessarily a sign of romantic interest, just that she sees you as a male girlfriend and doesn't want to share. So don't allow her jealosy to influence any of your decisions unless she wants more. I'm also not recommending you stop hanging out with her, she might be a good friend and a hot girl is always good to have for pulling other girls. Move on and show her your independant and you only see her as a friend (even say that if you have to) but don't act like a puppy dog. First she has to respect you before she will be attracted to you.

 

[joao185]

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[Rata Blanca]

Hey I'm looking for some advice. If it helps, I was never that active in the dating scene and I'm 21. I'm single.

Sometimes I go out one-on-one with other girls, who claim that they aren't official dates. Question is, would be it rude to approach girls while I am alone with them? Does it depend on our relationship?

For example, if I am with a girl who gave me the "let's just be friends" excuse before, would it be a good idea to approach other girls while I am going out alone with her? Let's say we went to a mall. Would it make me look more like a jerk than popular if I told her to wait a bit and approached one of the girls in the stores?

What if it is subtly understood that it is an one-on-one date? Am I still justified to approach girls?

Should I make sure that the girl I am with does not overhear how I approached/succeeded/failed to get a girl's number? Or should I take her with me on the approach (so that my target doesn't feel as tense)?

Thanks.

I hope you ain't paying those "dates" and yes you are single you may approach anyone you want.

 

[dohta]

d9930380:

I know what you mean. I don't want to totallyobliterate my nice guy side, though I understand that it's still a bit too strong. I do have trouble figuring out the line between being a ****y and funny or just being ****y. That is the main reason why I am asking this, because I can't differentiate well enough, and not because my nice guy side is taking over again.

I don't know how she feels for me. But the reason why I ask if these actions will jeopardize our friendship is as you said it. I do'nt want to cut off communication with her because a hot girl is always good to have for pulling other girls.

I was her puppy dog when I was a nice guy. Now she knows I'm not anymore. She's called me "Aren't you Mr. Confident??" before. I don't take that as a signal that she's attracted to me, but I am pretty sure she knows I won't take sh!t from her anymore.

Rata Blanca:

No way. When I was converting away from my nice guy syndroms though, she offered to pay for movies for me before. Being an AFC I didn't take the offer.

---

Any suggestions as to whether I should call her before I visit her this weekend? If I tell her, then maybe I could see how dressed up she is as a sign of her IL towards me. Any thoughts?

Thanks.