Approaches, how do you feel about them as a Mature Man?

[Warrior74]

I'm having a hard time pushing myself to do random approaches on girls who aren't really even noticing me. Especially if they are younger than me. When I was in college it was nothing, when I was in the club scene it wasn't a big deal. But these days most of my time is spent at work and then running errands at home. I don't do the clubs to much anymore. I will approach in the bookstore, it seems easier to strike up a conversation there. What has been you guys experiences?

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

I don't think age matters. I'm sick of people in this forum thinking they're 'too old' or 'past it' when they're only in their 30s. Geez, what a way to live your life!

 

[thedeparted]

This reminds me of a line from William James (famous American psychologist/philosopher). He talks about a guy who continually runs up to a ditch and stops. Until the man actually tries to jump over the ditch nothing happens. The only thing that will make it easier now is to go do it.

That said, my last sarging effort was a couple weekends ago. I stopped and chatted with the doorman on the way out. Smiled at the people walking down the street. Picked up a free political sticker and put it on. That started about five convos with strangers on the subway. Went to a mall eating area and started by buying the girl ahead of me in line a taco ($1). Then another chick mysteriously sat down next to me (I suspect she saw the previous interaction) and I chatted her up while we ate. Then went to a bookstore and chatted with a girl who jumped into line. Previously had gave EC to another girl who was reading. That one followed me out and I closed her outside the store. Then I went to a shoe store where I tried on shoes for awhile until I found a chick to get involved with it (women + shoes, what can be more simple?). Then went to the supermarket, made good EC with the cashier, and got her flirting with me, and got her info (and fed her a cookie from my groceries). And finally chatted with one more chick on the walk home.

The key was that I had to wait for a sunny weekend day when I was relaxed and into it. And I had to start interacting the moment I stepped out the door so that by the time I was making cold approaches I was all warmed up and feeling it. Each little success adds to your momentum so by the end of the trip you want to approach, you are in a groove, and the women can feel your vibe.

By contrast a typical weekday of working late and hitting the gym does not give you enough time to get in the approach mindset. A natural can work in that situation, but a guy like me needs to warm up.

So try planning an afternoon of no holds barred sarging -- approaching anything and everything that moves with no concern for results. I ended up really enjoying myself.

Hope that helps.

P.S. I never did any approaches in college. Never went to any clubs. But I don't think age matters one bit. I've seen my *dad* number close hot chicks in their 20's on the subway. He is 62. It's all technique.

 

[DJCT]

Parks, grocery store, mall, clothing store--wherever. When I first started I used to go out specifically with the intent of approaching. Then after that it just sort of happened in the course of day to day stuff and I stopped making it something special or out of the ordinary.

There are people with a lot more experience on this forum but what I've found is that if you just treat your approach as if it is just another completely natural thing to do, the other people in the interaction will as well.

Example: one time when I was first starting I got blown out hardcore by a 19year old. She had given me her email and then asked me how old I was. I kind of stumbled a bit and showed that I wasn't comfortable with our age differences. She asked for her email back! haha. After I had gotten a bit better some time later, I approached a young looking girl at a club who was there with a date. She was a knockout and I couldn't not talk to her. I just told him I wanted to talk to her and started talking to her. He didn't object. She was there underage. 19yr old. I can't remember what we said specifically but things started to go well and her date stepped in and broke things up. But she didn't seem to have a problem with it. I guess I'll never know for sure.

So maybe a bad example. Maybe most girls would have a prob w/ older guys and only this one didn't. On the other hand, my experience leads me to believe that is all in your own level of comfort. If you are comfortable with it, she tend to be comfortable with it. You lead.

 

[edger]

How do I feel about them? All I can say is, from my experience, most of the time women(hot women particularly) won't throw out "vibes", even if you're good-looking and display confidence in your posture. So, as a guy, you basically have no choice but to cold-approach, no matter how much you dislike it. Yeah, you can sit around and wait for a hot chick to vibe you/send out indicators of interest, but that can be once every 2 months..so a guys best bet is to cold-approach.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm having a hard time pushing myself to do random approaches on girls who aren't really even noticing me. Especially if they are younger than me. When I was in college it was nothing, when I was in the club scene it wasn't a big deal. But these days most of my time is spent at work and then running errands at home. I don't do the clubs to much anymore. I will approach in the bookstore, it seems easier to strike up a conversation there. What has been you guys experiences?

Here's a question for 'ya; at your age how many things in your life are truly random? You probably have a myriad of things which you do consciously because they need to be done. You have an objective and you do what's necessary to complete it. Approaching women shouldn't be any different. The fear of a "random" approach should subside if you approach with a purpose.

Take your book store example, you're there for a specific purpose right? All of a sudden you notice a woman you'd like to meet so what do you do? More than likely you roll your approach into the purpose of why you're in the store in the first place. So, why not take that same concept and expand it to instances when you aren't in a bookstore?

 

[#41]

How do I feel about them? All I can say is, from my experience, most of the time women(hot women particularly) won't throw out "vibes", even if you're good-looking and display confidence in your posture. So, as a guy, you basically have no choice but to cold-approach, no matter how much you dislike it. Yeah, you can sit around and wait for a hot chick to vibe you/send out indicators of interest, but that can be once every 2 months..so a guys best bet is to cold-approach.

Truth. You'll waste your life away waiting for a woman to show a sign that she wants to be approached -- and hell, even when you GET that sign, it doesn't always mean anything.

I was at a bar/club just the other night and had this girl giving me the eyes. We danced a bit, talked a lot, got a # -- she even said "you can only have my number if you promise to call." Called 2 days later - straight to voicemail, no return call.

In most "ordinary" situations (bookstore, coffee shop, etc.), I find quick conversations are the way to go -- something topical or an observation. You'll know in 20 seconds, usually, whether or not she's game to continue the conversation. If not, you move on...no harm, no foul.

 

[hithard]

Your comfort zone has just narrowed from lack of practice.It makes it harder if your not naturally gifted in convo skills as well.thedeparted post is pretty much what you need to do to avoid getting rusty, or if your not as confident in start up convo's

 

[edger]

I was at a bar/club just the other night and had this girl giving me the eyes. We danced a bit, talked a lot, got a # -- she even said "you can only have my number if you promise to call." Called 2 days later - straight to voicemail, no return call.

And that makes me think of an instance that happened to me about 3 months ago...I'm at a bar/club, and a hot chick starts vibing me(smiling). So I wave her over, and she gives me the hand gesture to wait a minute. I wait a minute(but of course not making it apparent that I'm waiting for her), but nothing. She ends up walking right past me without ever looking my way or saying a word.

 

[jophil28]

I don't think age matters. I'm sick of people in this forum thinking they're 'too old' or 'past it' when they're only in their 30s. Geez, what a way to live your life!

I agree and if you "oldies" who are in your 30's don't stay on your game Im gonna f**k all your girlfriends.

 

[Jitterbug]

I agree and if you "oldies" who are in your 30's don't stay on your game Im gonna f**k all your girlfriends.

When I was a little younger, I had to sit and watch the 30-something bastards stealing the girls around my age group. Now, if they don't keep their game up, it's gonna be my turn to steal their girls.

How's the new zimmer frame, jophil? Getting the hang of it yet?

 

[ketostix]

As far as looking for IOI's and AI, that's unreliable. All that matters is after approaching a certain number of girls is how often do you get the close. An IOI before you approach doesn't mean sh!t in regards to the likelihood you'll close. It just means you have the minimum physical attractiveness. But to close you need to also meet the requisite presentation when interacting with her.

So what I'm trying to say is the odds you will close are not based on IOI's or lack of IOI's, but on the overall closing percentages you have from opening girls and actually getting the close, whether that be 10%, 40% or less than 1%. This percentage is an aggreagate of approaching both girls that gave you an IOI and those that didn't, plus those that gave you IOI's and you didn't realize it lol. That is your expected value or norm. But you can approach and get a lucky streak. Luck is really just a few standard deviations from the norm and is an expected phenomena lol.

 

[Jitterbug]

Man, do you calculate all of that in your programmer's brain before you approach?

 

[ketostix]

Also I want to say being more than 5 years older than a girl who is under 25 is generally a handicap in itself, mostly due to society programming but also human nature to want people most similar to yourself and the physicalities of aging. I'm not trying to discourage any older guys, I'm just saying you older men are having to make up for that with your other qualities.

 

[ketostix]

Man, do you calculate all of that in your programmer's brain before you approach?

No but seriously the take away messsage is you approach because it's a number game and not because you need her approval.

 

[Jitterbug]

No but seriously the take away messsage is you approach because it's a number game and not because you need her approval.

I approach because I see what I like and I go for it, and because it's always fun! Numbers game is the last thing on my mind when I do that.

 

[ketostix]

I approach because I see what I like and I go for it, and because it's always fun! Numbers game is the last thing on my mind when I do that.

Well that's the way to be, have fun no matter what. I was speaking to the people who approach for a means to an end and don't enjoy it, and as a way to see it and be motivated to approach to reach their end. An existence of an IOI isn't a reliable sign they'll reach their objective basically. The numbers game isn't something you have to think or not think about when you go for approach it's just knowledge and philoshopy bascially.

 

[DJCT]

Also I want to say being more than 5 years older than a girl who is under 25 is generally a handicap in itself...

From my personal experience I see little that supports this. At 31yo, I've been involved with girls from 22 - 44. So have other guys I know. No problems.

...mostly due to society programming but also human nature to want people most similar to yourself and the physicalities of aging. I'm not trying to discourage any older guys, I'm just saying you older men are having to make up for that with your other qualities.

You are just throwing down imaginary roadblocks. There is nothing to make up for. A lot of people conjure reasons like this to rationalize not approaching or justify lack of success. If the girl is attracted she will rob the church collection basket and shakedown bums for you.

 

[guru1000]

I find the best time and place to approach are during working hours on the street. Most women are professionally dressed and in a hurry.

I have shared the following advice with the same question.

Street PU is a riot. I do not really even do it with a GOAL in mind. I do it most often when I am in a sarcastic frame of mind.

Best way to do it. Be funny, funny, funny.

"Hey there, I couldn't help but notice you walk funny. Are those new heels?"

Whatever the opener, remember you are just there to have a few laughs and take off. Most of the time, by making a GREAT impression, in other words the girl cannot stop laughing, she will offer her number to you.

Women's ADDICTION is a MAN who they can have a great time with. If you can perfect this skill, you will have 90% of opening, rapport and IL in the bag.

Hope this helps.

 

[Warrior74]

Some great replies in this thread! Thanks guys. I'm a pretty social guy. I tend to talk to people every where I go. I enjoy sparking up small conversations here and there. I'm glad to see some of my own hidden thoughts reflected in these replies. I just have to go do it!