Approach journal...smite that fear!

[danielzxc]

Okay, I’ve been meaning to do an approach journal for a while now. Just been too lazy to actually start it. I think these things are more interesting if you know a bit about the person writing it, so sorry for the long opening post, but I think it’s necessary. After this, just the approaches and my analysis of them. (Scroll to end for the cliff notes)

In short, 24 yrs old, attending university in Melbourne. 178 (5’10), 86kg (189lbs) @ about 12% (a real 12%, not 16% rounded down to fool yourself), and cutting at the moment, so I’m getting leaner every week. Pretty good looking, “Mediterranean” features. I think I look my age, but I do get some “really? No ways”.

I have some pretty good successes in the past (like, I have gotten laid with something close to “wanna fvvk?”), but last two, three years, I have drifted right out of the game, until last year, I just completely faded and lost virtually every social skill I ever knew. Since the end of last year I have been working my way back. Reason for the change was I used to be a not-very-nice person who got mixed up in some not-very-nice things, and then, all of a sudden, after a particularly bad experience, I made a sweeping overnight change and left the old life behind. Unfortunately, going out and picking up were also part of that ‘old life’, so I started to look down on those things too. It was good, because I got my life off the destructive path it was on, and also made some huge improvements in some areas, but bad because my social life ground to a screaming halt and now I have to rebuild the whole damn thing.

I have been out of Australia for most of the last few years too, and coming back here, most of my old friends are in long term relationships, married, or just not people I really wanna know anymore. That has made adjusting to being an outgoing, sociable guy a bit harder, because I’m doing it virtually on my own. Starting university (for the 2nd time I my life) has helped, as it’s brought back in touch with “the people” again. I’m doing maths though, and hmm, honestly, just from attending lectures and tutorials, I can’t really think of anyone there I would even potentially want as a friend…just too geeky, lol. A lot of them talk to me, and I’m friendly back to them, but I’m just not interested in them. That’s kind of “snobby” for a person with little reason to be snobby at the moment, but that’s how it is.

Far and away my biggest problem is APPROACHING. Arghhh. You just don’t understand how much this just… don’t know… can’t even find the words for it. I don’t really have any problems at all chatting and being interesting AFTER I’ve met someone, but for ME to intitiate meeting someone new, fvvk man, I would rather have teeth pulled. Actually, it’s more the idea of cold approaching chicks, rather than just people. And then HOT chicks, rather than just chicks in general. And it’s not even so much that I “don’t know what to say” that is the problem – a lot of the time I DO, or I can think of something, or I feel confident that I CAN think of something. It’s basically I am just – I admit it – SCARED SHYTLESS of getting rejected.

This has gotta be one of the most destructive fears in the world. I mean, it just totally, totally ruins a guy’s life. So, yes, I have HAD ENOUGH. Well, I think I have anyway. But maybe I haven’t. ‘Cos in life, usually when someone has REALLY had enough, that is when they actually start to take action. Like, some fat guy who has had enough of being fat, of not being able to run one block, of getting laughed at and teased etc at that point he actually makes a vow and goes on a diet and starts working out. (A lot of the time it doesn’t work out, but at least he was motivated for a while.) Whereas, me, I am still fvvking avoiding doing what needs to be done.

Well, not TOTALLY avoiding it, ‘cos I have taken some tiny, tiny baby steps. I’ll put those in the next post.

Comments are welcome and requested, no matter what you have to say, good, bad, ugly whatever.


Cliff notes

- 24, athletic, university
- had success before (18-21)
- almost social recluse since then, trying to rebuild
- feel confident in most areas of life and think I'm a good guy
- can talk pretty well, just SCARED SHYTLESS of rejection

 

[danielzxc]

For the first "approach" that I'll write about was something that happened yesterday: I was "approached" while walking back to my car after classes.

The car park where I parked is located across the other side of a farily major road and there's a walkway tunnel that goes under it. Walking up from the steps from the tunnel behind this chick, I get to the top and as I was walking next to her to 'overtake' her, she turns to me and goes "Man, I'm so glad there's that walkway there" or something like that. I was a bit stunned, and turned to her and went "what?", 'cos I wasn't sure what she said. She ignored my question and just continued on, "everyday I was parking here and jumping the fence, I'm a first year student and didn't know they had a walkway.." blah blah she went on for quite a bit but my mind was on checking her out -- not bad, but not really good either, but fairly tall and good bod, 5-6 I give her. I wasn't all that sure what she was talking about and I really wasn't sure about what she was wearing. I'm no fashion expert, but I do try and keep up to date, but the way she was dressed just seemed a bit unusual, and the way she just kept talking I was thinking fkk man, this is some weirdo.

I go to her "well why didn't you just follow where everyone else was going?". She goes that she came too early and there was no one to follow. Well what time do your classes start? 9. Well i knew there plenty of people who started at 9 so I thought this chick is just full of shyt. Last question to me was so what are you studying. I said maths and then well, here's my car, catch u around...

Main reason I am posting this is not to say see how good I am, I get chicks starting convos with me, but rather to say that this is how it must feel to chicks when some guy they are not interested in just keeps talking to them.

I was kinda "stunned", not in a what in the world is goin on kind of way, but just sort of startled when she started talking to me. I mean, she didn't even say hi or hey or hows it going or even just smile first.. just launched right into her material. That's half of why it was weird.

However, as weird as I thought she was -- and i would have thought she was a LOT LESS weird if she was dressed more mainstream, like other fashion conscious chicks -- by the time I got to the car, I had started to think that well, she's not THAT bad. But I wasn't interested in her sexually, and I couldn't be bothered talking to her anymore. Still, the point is, her persistence DID improve my opinion of her, and she was starting from a VERY low base. (In my younger years, I probaby would have said... what? shut the fvvk up idiot to someone like this. Lol.)

 

[thickandcreamy]

If you're waiting for your approach anxiety to go away, you will be waiting forever. Just know that it is there, acknowledge it and approach anyway. If you really, really, really need to understand more about approach anxiety and its evolutionary roots, pick up a copy of Mystery's book. You can get it on amazon for thirteen bucks. I don't care if you buy it or not, it's just there as a resource if you insist on understanding the genetic basis of it.

Like I said, fear will never go away, it can only be acknowledged and managed. Also, join some organizations where you can meet the types of people you want to meet. You don't have to limit yourself to classmates. Join a gym class. Get involved in a hobby. Whatever. It's really frustrating to read so many people complaining and whining on this forum and not doing a damn thing about it. Don't be one of the whiners. Set an example.


Thick

 

[danielzxc]

Nah, I'm not "waiting" any longer man. I actually am trying to do something about it.

It's "gone away" before though. When I was younger I could do the kind of simple approaches that now paralyze me no problems. For "harder" approaches, there was anxiety there, but I could act in spite of it. At the moment, I cannot. That is the level I'm trying to get to, to be able to act in spite of the anxiety.

So, in a way, I know, from firsthand experience, that fear can go away -- so, at least to me, you are wrong when you say "it will never go away".

As for joining gym classes or hobbies or whatever. I'm not really interested in just "meeting people". I just wanna pick up babes, basically. The rest of my life, in my opinion, is already very well sorted. I mean, it's going just the way I want it to. The glaring hole is an active sex life. That is what this journal is aimed addressing.

 

[thickandcreamy]

I should say: it never goes away permanently. I know a few people who don't have approach anxiety. They also have serious social deficits, i.e., they don't know how to pickup on social cues, so they just go in like bulldozers and make a fool out of themselves. If you're one of the rare few who understand and are sensitive to nuances of social cues, and are fearless approaching, more power to you. It's rare.

Anyway, report back on results. This board could use a little good news. And not on the order of: "I fvcked your girl so I'm the man" type nonsense from posters like Muaythai.

Thick

 

[danielzxc]

Just quickly guys, 'cos it's past midnight here and I need to get to bed.

I work at a pizza shop in the evenings. Tonight, coming back from this delivery, there was this chick in the back. I didn't pay much attention to her initially because I thought it was just the wife of one of the workers there (nice looking, freindly, but 30+ and married to a coworker). Then I get closer I realized it wasn't her. It's some other babe. Pretty smoking hot too. Blonde (which isn't typically my thing, so you know she was special if I am excited) and reasonably tall (5'5, 5'6?) with great bod. I say hi to her and she says hi back and then "I haven't seen YOU around here before...". It was really busy and hectic and I can't remember what I answered. Then I think the boss introduced me with, "Oh, [soandso] this is Daniel". I was walking out the door and i go to her, "so who are you?". She didn't catch what I meant, so I go "are you his [boss's] sister, cousin, girlfriend, what?". She got hung up on the first term and goes "BROTHER!? he's lebanese!" (she's aussie). But by then I was almost out the door. I was in kind of a bad mood (which was improved greatly when I saw her btw), and if, as I was counting on, she had answerd "nah" to my question, I was gonna say "oh good, so I don't have to be nice to you then..." in a sarcastic kinda way. But I didn't get a chance to say that. Then in the car I was thinking it would have been even better if I had said "oh good, so I can ask you out then" and then, just for effect, "yeah, we can go out for pizza... I know this great place" (joke being that I work in a pizza shop..and if she didn't get that then wouldn't wanna...well, hang on...I won't lie, I'd STILL wanna be with her...)

Anyway, I get back to the shop and she is gone. Turns out she was asking about me though. Boss goes she is a pretty full on slut and -- the best bit -- she's only...sixteen. Sheeeet, I would have given her 20+ for sure. Boss goes I'll set u up with her. Anybody reading this, spare me the lectures about her age. I would pump that ANY day. Man, if I bang this one, or even just get a *******, this would work WONDERS for my confidence.

Then, after work, i'm parked in front of the shop and I have just been paid. I'm sitting in my car putting the cash in my wallet and I look up and there's this babe sitting on the bench in front of the shop. She seemed to have a glass of wine with her, probably from one of the nearby restaurants. I said to myself fvvk it I'll at least say Hi. So I went back in the shop on the pretext of asking my boss something, and after he looked at me like I was some fvvking idiot for what I asked, I go the real reason is there is some babe sitting in front of your shop and i just wanted an excuse to walk past. He goes why the fvkk didn't you tell me, i"ll come out with you. So we go outside and sit on the next bench. This chick was either late 20s or early 30s and her friend (who had come out) was even older. Brunette, very good looking. My boss and me BSed for a bit, with him trying to sneak a few looks. Then he went inside, and as I was leaving I walked past them. They actually looked right up at me, smiling, and I go "enjoying your night girls?" The older one perked up and said something like yeah and what about yourself.

Then, dammit, I screwed up majorly. I was actually kinda fvvking almost INTIMIDATED by these women. Well, I didn't fvck up THAT badly. I mean, I didn't say anything retarded, but I didn't light any fires with what I said. Anyone standing there would have concluded that those women were into me and that, had I played my cards right, had I come across as a fvcking MAN, it would not have been at all suprising that I scored a threesome that night. Actually, there WERE people watching. This old Italian guy from one of the restaruants nearby, who greeted me Hi while I was talking to the women, he had this I-know-whats-going-on smile on his face. But I choked. I badly badly choked.

These women were the experienced type who know what they are doing when tlaking to a man and expect him to -- want him to -- step up to the plate and smack them out of the park. But I played it like a argghh. I don't wanna think about it. I'll post the convo tomorrow if I can rememebr it.

Well, i shouldn't feel TOO bad. This is the kind of thing happens when you're rusty. I KNOW I should have handled them better. I know I am CAPABLE of handling situations like that better.

What should have I said? A million different things! I should have just cut to the chase with something like...say she was talking some silly carp.. and I cut her short with.. "Listen. What are two sexy girls like you doing sitting out here alone on a beautiful night like this? Why don't you come with me and.. blah blah [insert something good]?"

This isn't the way I would talk to young chicks, but for the older girls fvk yeah, I reckon it's just what the doctor ordered. See, they are getting old and they don't like it but they know it. Some younger guy ("young stud" in their minds) refers to them as two "sexy girls" and they love it, because they love the idea that "deep down" they are still sexy and still girls. So as corny as I line like that might sound if you used it on some chicks waiting outisde the nightclub entrance, I think it would have been perfect for tonight.

But nooo, I "made conversation" like some stupid AFC wanker!

 

[danielzxc]

Okay, some more "approaches".

Now, these aren't really true approaches, well, not in my book anyway. I mean, they are not TOTALLY cold, and I'm not doing them trying to get numbers, but they have helped to move me forward, so I am putting them here.

Okay, from last week. There was this chick in one of my maths tutorials who I thought was pretty nice and who I had seen in the lectures too. A bit too chubbyish for my liking, I thought, but the face was really pretty. Next time I saw here she was waiting outside this room waiting for the other group to finish to go in for the prac class. I glanced in the room and saw other people there, turned to her and said

Me :"is that another class in there?".
Her: yeah
Me: I've seen you around, you're in my calculus tute on wednesdays
Her: "hmm, nah I think i have that on Fridays..." and starts going through her stuff to find her diary. She finds it and goes "oh no, you're right i'm on wednesdays...".
Me: yeah, well, of course I'm right if that's where I remember seeing u from.

The other class was exiting while we were talking and she was putting her stuff back together and I started to walk in and go to her "Coming?"

I sat down first and she sat down right next to me.

Talked to her throughout the prac, first off just asking her some questions about the work, 'cos she was ahead of me. Freakin hell, one damn smart girl. Towards the end I asked her some other stuff of a more general and personal non-school related nature. Turns out she is the same ethnic background as me, and we sort of hit it off from there.

So far, pretty good yeah? Well, I saw her the next day, and freakin hell, quite a different person. She is VERY pretty in the face, but my God, those hips and thighs, they are way bigger than I thought the first time. WTF? People with hips and thighs that big are usually full on lard asses. But she is only fat there, and a bit around the stomach. On the face, you could hardly tell she's fat at all. I'll give her credit, the way she had dressed the previous day really covered up the extent of her fatness. But realizing it has totally killed my interest.

(Lol, this is pretty much the very definition of "shallow". Here's a chick I really got along with great, she seriously has got a very interesting personality. But physically, man, forget it. I still talk to her, but a little bit less, in case she gets any ideas that I like her. What would be nice is if there was some way I could make the point to her what a stunningly hot babe she would be if she got into shape without devastating her that her current figure is.... you know...well, frankly, disgusting.)

Btw, just talking to some chick who is in your class anyway might not sound like much of an accomplishment, but to me these things count, 'cos they are slowly moving me forward.

 

[danielzxc]

Also from last week, and again, not really an "approach", but just more getting over social anxiety stuff.

I was in the line at the bank and there was this mother, daughter and son in front of me. The daughter was really, really hot.... but only something like 14. (No, no I wasn't even thinking of picking her up!) I was thinking to myself, man, this is gonna be one knockout stunner when she's older. Well, this little beauty kept on looking at me, as in a checking me out kind of way. Now this was weird because I actually felt good that she was looking at me but I felt uncomfortable about it, in the sense of being turned on by a 14 yr old. (Wel, that's my guess, hell she could have been 13 or she could have been 15.) I mean, she had full on tits and curves (one hell of a figure as well as one hell of a face), but her face looked REALLY young. At one point, she gave these books she was holding to her younger brother, and she started fixing her hair and stuff, and then glancing back towards me. (Made me wish i was ten years younger, trust me!)

I was trying to figure out what ethnicity she was, I was thinking maybe middle eastern or something. Then I overheard them speaking Spanish, so I'm guessing it was some mexicans or central americans (not many of these here in aus).

After they finished at the counter, they took some seats near where the line stood. As I was about to finish my business, an idea popped into my head. So as I left, I bent down towards the mother and said close to her ear, but loud enough for her daughter to hear, in my imperfect spanish (but I think i got this one right):

Me: oye tia, dile a su hijita que es muuuuy hermosa... (hey woman ["aunty"], tell your little daughter that she is veeeery pretty)

Then I walked out. The mother said something to me, but I was already walking out. I glanced at her and she was beaming and her daughter seemed a bit embarrassed by it.

Reason for doing this is I know that (a) the mother would have felt proud of it and (b) young teenage girls are very fragile things and they really love -- they NEED -- the occasional ego boost, so I thought that since there's no way in hell I could physically do anything with this girl at least I could brighten up her day a bit. Just my little contribution to humanity.

(Btw, I am not spanish or any type of hispanic, I can just speak it a bit.)

Funny thing is, I had that same heart-pounding effect like i get when I am actually gonna approach a chick, which is why I am actually writing this approach here. WTF? This felt weird, I wasn't "approaching" this girl, but I still had the same reaction. I think it's just because I was doing something that is socially out of the ordinary for me. Anyway, felt good to act in spite of the heart pounding.

 

[danielzxc]

From a couple of days ago, in my economics tutorial.

There are a few not bad looking chicks in this class (unlike my maths classes!). I sat down next to one of them, and then this other one came in (probably the nicest one) and sat down next to the girl I was sitting next to (they're not friends, as far as i can tell). Oh, no hang on, she sat one seat away from her, and this other guy came and sat between them.

Anyway, we get split up into groups to discuss the week's work, and my group was me the other guy (good guy, I've talked to him) and the two girls. The work was pretty easy and we quickly drifted off onto other topics. The tutor noticed we weren't talking economics but he's a cool guy and he joined in our convo.

I was pretty on fire with just being relaxed, confident and funny during this class. I chatted to the chick next to me about I can't remember what, not school related. I noticed she had this "I love (hear symbol) DT" (or some initals) drawn on her hand. I go to her

Me: so who's DT?
Her: (smiling) that's my boyfriend
Me: you got bored or something? (meaning she drew the thing on her hand 'cos she was bored.. just in case some people can't work this out)
Her: (laughing) yeah, during the economics lecture (which was right before the tute)

The convo went back towards school, what subjects she likes blah blah. I should have kept it about sexual/relationships stuff. This is a sticking point for me, as I have a tendency to change the subject away from sexual stuff if I sense things "aren't going good". Something to work on. (Although, in this case, I wasn't even thinking of picking this girl up...nice, but not really my type. I was just practising)

The other girl and the guy were talking to the tutor, and he was telling them about how although he had finished honors in economics, he didn't wanna be an economist. The girl goes but u put all that study into economcis and now you don't wanna work in it. (I had said a few things prior to what i said next, so I was part of the convo too), I go:

Me: "yeah, 'cos now he knows what it's like" (meaning now he knows what econcomics is like [boring] he doesn't wanna work in it)

The girl burst out into "too much" laughter at this line. I mean, okay, it was funny, my timing was perfect and my delivery was solid, but it wasn't THAT funny. Our group started tlaking amongst ourselves again, and i said a few more things that she laughed hard at also.

This took me by surprise, because in the previous two classes, this girl struck me as a bit of a cold fish, although I had never been in her group.

Well, her apparently positive reaction to me has made her stock go up a few points in my book, so I'm thinking next week I'll sit next to her and up the ante a bit.

(A bit about her: First week, we had to introduce ourselves and say something about our interests, and she goes that she likes going to the gym. She is no fitness model, but she's got a pretty good figure. And the way she did her hair this week was the best I have seen her yet. I think she is probably a nice little slvvt. We'll see what happens.)

 

[Marseille]

Out of interest, as you said your medieterian looking, what nationality are you, because i know in Australia you have loads of Italians, Greeks, Persians, Lebanese, etc..?

 

[danielzxc]

From last week and into this week:

I was filling up gas last week, in the middle of a pizza delivery I was doing. I was really hungry but I didn't wanna eat pizza (which I get for free where I work), so I thought i'll grab a meat pie (it's an australian thing). The pie was cold and you had to put it into this microwave to heat it up for one minute.

I get to the counter and the girl (say a 5) goes:

Her: that's probably not gonna be hot enough
Me: yeah, i know, but if I put it for longer it's gonna get too hot and I wanna eat it NOW
Her: okay, but the centre bit is probabbly gonna still be cold...
Me: hmm...u sure? (it sucks when it's not hot enough)
Her: yeah yeah, trust me...
Me: hmm.... I dunno... I've done that before and then you have to wait AGES for it to cool down and I am starving...
Her: like STARVING starving?
Me: yeah, I've been delivering pizzas for five hours without a break...
Her: don't they give u food there?
Me: yeah, but not when it's busy, only when I finish (we were flat out). They are slave drivers.
Her: I was like that just before...
Me: yeah, so I bet u didn't heat ur food up so hot you had to wait 15 minutes for it to cool down. Stop fvvcking with my mind! I just wanna EAT!
Her: (laughing) okay...but I'm warning ya...
Me: oh alright! you win! but it better not take five hours to cool down.

I put it in the microwave for another minute. It came out really hot but soggy.

Me: wtf? look at it! it's gone all soggy! (sort of fake angry voice)
Her: (lol) well what did u expect?
Me: what did *I* expect? Why didn't u tell me this was gonna happen... thanks a LOT!
Her: (still laughing) ...[trying to say something]
Me: [cutting her off], nah nah nah, no more of your advice thank you...
Her: [still laughing as i walk out]

Now, as far as interactions go, this was as ordinary and uninteresting as it gets. (Man fills up gas, buys meat pie... YAWN!!....)

BUT

the interesting part, from MY perspective is the ATTITUDE I had in there, the sheer PRESENCE I exuded. Forget the silly bs about what we actually SAID the more important part of it is HOW I said it. This was me at my confident BEST. The words I actually said don't tell half the story... it was the WAY I said it... she was EATING IT UP... and laughing the whole time through. In fact, she was smiling from the minute I walked in. (You just had to be there, trust me)

Now, if only could bottle this attitude, and take a swig whenever I needed it, virtually all my problems would be solved!

Anyway, so I went back a few days later, filling up gas at the same place. Lo and behold, it's the same chick working there.

Me: WELL WELL WELL...(I thought she recognized me)
her: [smiling]
Me: Thanks a lot for telling me to overheat that pie... you ruined it!
Her: hey?
Me: [realizing that maybe she didn't recognize me] yeah... remember how u told me to heat that pie extra? it went so soggy it was disgusting
her: [remembering the incindent] oh yeah, that's right! hahaahaa.. hey, that wasn't MY fault...
me: man, i was so looking forward to eating that pie but u ruined it for me. i said to myself if I ever see that girl again I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind! (fake angry)
her: [laughing] are u gonna buy another one today?
me: from here? in your dreams... [walking out]...see ya...

Again the PRESENCE. When I'm in this frame of mind, I simply couldn't care less what she might say to me or think of me. Could not care less. She (or anyone watching or listening) might think I'm the biggest loser or fvckwit in the world, but it wouldn't bother me. Ahhh, to be this way all the time, that would be the best!

(Unfortunatley, I think I was only so carefree because I really wasn't attractd to her. I'm not sure if I could be quite that free in front of some jaw-droppingly hot stripper quality babe. Well, maybe if I was getting positive reactions right from the start, that might build me up... but if it started off cold or neutral, I probably wouldn't do it so carefree.)

 

[danielzxc]

Out of interest, as you said your medieterian looking, what nationality are you, because i know in Australia you have loads of Italians, Greeks, Persians, Lebanese, etc..?

Bit of a mix actually, one side, part Greek, part Macedonian, other side, part Serbian part Macedonian. Look more Greek than anything else. (Also commonly get mistaken for Italian.)

 

[danielzxc]

In fact, reading your log you don't really seem to have a problem at all with approach anxiety or game

The operative word here would be SEEM to. I may not SEEM to have a problem, but trust me, I HAVE a problem.

You haven't read any approaches of mine where the girl is innocently sitting on a park bench somewhere only to have me come and disturb her peace with one of my approaches, have you? Wonder why? Because I am still pretty SHYT SCARED of doing something like that.

These "approaches" that I've done, I don't even consider them real approaches. These are just the tiniest baby steps you can do. I mean, they fail the most basic test of being an approach -- I have to actually, at least in small measure, WANT the girl in question. The girl at the gas station, I might have "performed" well (actually, that sort of C&F comes perfectly naturally to me) but I wasn't at all attracted to her.

No "approaches" today, not even my pseudo-approaches. Just a couple of notable incidents though.

I delivered a pizza to an absolutely bona fide BABE tonight. 9.5 even according to my exacting standards. (10 in many people's books.) Wearing these tight little gym shorts and a top with an exposed belly. I was just momentarily stunned when she opened the door and the only words I could manage were "how's it going?".

You know how some people say they studied real hard for the maths test but on the day of the test they just "went blank"? Well that never happened to me. Until tonight. I just went totally blank. She was smiling and seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but didn't say anything herself, and there seemed to be a bit of an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, until I got on with the the delivery. But I just couldn't think of anything even remotely witty or even just social to say. Not even after I got in the car and began driving back to the shop could I think of anything (what the French call l'esprit de l'escalier -- 'spirit of the stair case', the witty thing you think of that you should have said back at the dinner party instead of on your way home on the stairwell).

Even saying something AFCish like [shaking my head, chuckling to myself] "man what the hell are you doing to me? you are so breathtakingly beautiful I can't even think what to say" would have been better than saying NOTHING like a REAL chump the way I did. (And actually, I'm not sure this line is really all that AFCish at all...)

Another delivery, this fairly attractive Italian looking girl opens the door and after the usual greeting I go:

me: two large, 20 bucks
her: geez, you guys are cheap
me: I can make it 25 if it makes u feel better
her: [laughing] uh..no thanks. so... busy tonight?
me: I don't know, what do you reckon? Friday night's gonna be busy or Tuedsay night?
her: [laughing] okay smart ass..

Reason I say the above is "notable" is cos I was mildly attracted to this girl, and the C&F just came naturally, which is good.

Okay, next week I am looking to start on some REAL approaches, where there is no "context", no "excuse" to speak to her, just me coming onto her like a man for no other reason than that I find her attractive. At least I can say that today the idea of doing this doesn't seem as scary as it did this time last week -- but it still seems plenty scary.

 

[joao185]

dificulties of approaching

[Hello, my name and João (JOHN). I live in Brazil, I am 22 years old, I reside in the city of Rio de Janeiro. My problem and, the fear of approaching of beautiful women, whenever I see myself in situations that, beautiful women appear I am joined. I have several books on the subject :Ross your Jefries books, only that I don't get to place what I learned in practice, I study the concepts of the seduction day and night but in the hour of the he/she practices I get afraid, and as if he/she had a barrier impeding me of approaching, I know on how I should behave and which attitude I should have, but I need that courage to break those mental barriers that don't let me to approach of the beautiful women.
Please me of a CLUE of as I do to place everything that I know in he/she practices, my revolt and that it doesn't lack women here in Brazil, however I didn't have any result it ties now I am afraid of being old and never to have had contact with a beautiful woman.
As I win that FEAR of approaching.
I know for the that I read in your materials, that several types exist of seductive, in my case I am the type of seductive that he/she only STUDIES, but it never places in he/she practices what learned, as I can become a seductive apprentice of the art of the seduction daily without having fear.
I know that that that happens with me has to do with my trust state, and my internal game, I already tried you vary techniques and you or you didn't work you/they can feel an orientation of what I should do.
HAS A GIRL TO WHICH I LIKE AT THE UNIVERSITY, HER AND BLOND AND IF IT SEATS ON MY SIDE, I TRIED TO USE THE TECHNIQUE, CONCEITED FUNNY OF ANGELO'S DAVID, BUT SHE REMOVED ME AS CLOWN, WHICH I DO FOR SEDUCTION AND TO CREATE ATTRACTION THE TECHNIQUES THAT I ALREADY TRIED HAD BEEN.
TIE MORE AND I HOPE I EXPIRE, THEREFORE I FEEL ALREADY WINNER AND I WON'T BEND THE ANY PROBLEM.

BYE BYE

BEST REGARD

JOHN

Contact: my istant messager: joao185@hotmail.com

 

[danielzxc]

Yeah, just keep reading my journal man.

 

[danielzxc]

No action on the weekend. Didn't even step out of the house . Too much studying.

Staying home REALLY screwed with my frame of mind, and going to school today, I was badly badly OUT OF IT. Dammit.

Anyway, driving to work after, there was this pretty nice blond driving next to me. It was really heavy traffic and she cut me off the little byytch. Then she started changing lanes like a psycho.

She kept going the same way as me and ended up parking a few cars away fro me, not far from where I work. I thought well, WHY NOT:

Me: HEY! [she was moving fast, and I wanted to get her attention] You're a cheeky little **** aren't you
Her: [confused, and a bit taken aback] what?
Me: You were driving in front of me and you cut me off. ["angry" voice, but grinning]
Her: [smiling a bit] oh.. haahha...sorry..I..
Me: [cutting her off]...and you did it to everyone else too, chopping and changing lanes every 2 seconds and doing that arrogant 1 flash indicating and only when you're already half way across the lane...I hate it when people do that...
Her: hahahaha... sorry...I was running REALLY late for work..
Me: what u work around here?
her: yeah just here at [name of cafe]
me: yeah no ****... i'm just up a few places at [pizza shop].. come in some time, i'll make u something special...
her: yeah okay cool
me: [she was walking to go in] what's your name?
her: [Cafe girl!]
me: catch ya around...[walkign off]
her: hey!..what's yours?
me: i'll tell ya when u come in!

Well, what can I say... I wasn't feeling it today... but this one turned out, in my humble opinion... pretty effin good.

 

[danielzxc]

Just thinking what i SHOULD have said was "I'll come in some time and u can make me something special"...just so that way I get to take control..

or maybe "If I come in and see ya, will u fix me up something special? you know, to make up for nearly causing an accident on me?"

But ah well... point wasn't so much to pick her up...(she was nice, but not really my style)... as much as to just practise approaching.

But again, it wasn't REAL cold approach. Dammit, that's what I've gotta start doing...real, totally cold approaches.

 

[danielzxc]

Yeah, I was saying it all with a grin on my face. I like this attitude, 'cos you can say some really serious things, but the smile makes it hard to take you overly seriously...but still, there's a bit of doubt there. I feel very comfortable with it. Of course, if she freaks out, I'll make sure she gets the point I'm joking.

But trust ME, I didn't feel hardly any hesitation about that one. Cold approaching is a totally diff kettle of fish for me.

But today might have been a turning point. Well, at least the beginnings of a turning point.

I was at the gym -- I hardly ever go now, preferring to work out at home -- and I thought i saw this girl I knew there that I haven't seen for ages. I never knew her that good, but we talked a few times, until she started going out with this guy I totally hated. Anyway, I thought she looked good, so I said to myself, well, why not just ask her out? I felt it was about damn time I either found out what a nice rejection felt like, or what a successful cold approach felt like.

Well, it looked a lot like her, but turns out it wasn't her. But, HOLY CRAP, this chick was even hotter. I mean, seriously, seriously hot. She had this ass on her that if anyone's ever seen that "Keyra Agustina's" butt -- often called the hottest ass on the net -- this one def gave it a run for the money. She was doing that leg exercise how they swing one leg side to side -- pretty gay, useless exercise for the rest of us, but the babes like it. She was wearing these ultra tight tracksuit pants, and man, that butt, simply out of this world. It's burned in my memory.

Well, I felt that ohmygod, she is SO HOT that I totally forgot about my "get a rejection and see what it feels like" decision. Plus there were about 20 guys around where she was working out and everyone of them couldn't take his eyes off her. Nevertheless, I had this huge urge to approach her. BUT, not only did i have to worry about being rejected, i had to worry about the gaze of the other 20 guys -- dudes my age, same appearance etc; ie my peers. And the fear of getting shotdown and looking like an idiot proved too great.

Eventually though, because I kept thinking about approaching her, and thinking of some way I could do it where even if I failed it wouldn't matter, I remembered my "get a rejection" thing. BUT..idiot....she had gone.

Then, in the car, I thought of something else. All those guys there, i am SURE they wanted to approach her, yet none of them did. In that situation, even if i got shot down, I still would have proven myself to be above all of them, being hte only one with the balls to approach. But I didn't think of that. I kept thinking I would like like an idiot if I failed. NOT TRUE!!!

Well, after this, I felt, probably for the firs time, a really really deep sense of disgust. I was just totally disgusted with myself for being such a moffkking PYSSY!

(Then, in the car, I thought of an EVEN BETTER approach. I'll share it, but I wanna try it out first.)

The deep sense of disgust was soothed a bit, however, 'cos I called that girl who came into the shop last week. I got her number off someone, and "cold called her". She didn't answer, and I didn't leave a message, but then she called back. She sounded delighted when she found it who it was. Cool. This one's lookin pretty definite. I was at work when she called, so couldn't talk long and I told her I'd call her back. But I didn't wanna have any long convos, and I couldn't think of an activity to suggest so I didn't call back, making the excuse that i was tired and going to bed. I am between houses at the moment, lookin for my own place, and i can't bring anyone back to where i am at the moment. Otherwise, I would have suggested my fave "activity", watch a movie back at my place, and lay the kino on. Maybe I'll just take her out into the city or "for a drive" and then just park somewhere. She seems really keen, sending me all these txt msgs with questions, hardly any of which I answered.

This is good, but I kinda like the deep disgust I was feeling before this chick called. Because I think it is only with that deep a feeling of disgust with myself that I will get motivated to start COLD approaching.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Hey man, I'm HeyJose.
When u gave me feedback, i kinda didn't take it in the right light, as i felt an inferiority complex in terms of everyone else who was seeming to be doing a better job, but it definitely overall helped me out.

I've been reading ur journal and i am very impressed with it. U have to crawl before you walk. You've got to work ur way up. The delivery job is perfect for becoming more social and getting more and more conversation skills.

This is good, but I kinda like the deep disgust I was feeling before this chick called. Because I think it is only with that deep a feeling of disgust with myself that I will get motivated to start COLD approaching.

Anthony Robbins calls this the "Breaking Point" where this mental note/frustration is hurting mentally so much, ur body would rather do the thing that terrifies u more than keep this horrible feeling. Thats what it sometimes takes man. But about it all comes down to the fear of rejection and lack of actually having *****es. If u had them already, u wouldn't even care about rejection, which is why guys fear the approach.

But of course, it can definitely be, as ur ego is on the line and u don't know how she is gonna react to you. But the funny thing is that its not even that big of a deal at all. It'll just take time and experience man. Thats all there is to it. the funny thing is that the fear is much worse when u don't know than when u already know.

 

[danielzxc]

I was walking around the mall today and for the first time I actually began paying attention the "mood" on people's' faces -- well, on chicks' faces in particular. Like, noticing how "approachable" they looked. Geez... like 99% don't "look approachable" at all. I don't envy what you guys have to contend with!

Nevertheless, this site has proven (at least to me) that successful approaches are possible in such cold situations, with such apparent disinterest on the faces of the babes. I guess if u can open people like that you can do anything.

hey, heyjose. Giving advice to others is a lot easier than doing it yourself -- as I am finding out.

You're right that it's the lack of approaches holding me back. As stupid as it sounds, I really wanna experience some rejections. Intellectually, I want to. Of course, my mind doesn't play along emotionally -- emotionally, it definitely does not want any rejections. Kind of at war with myself here.

One thing that I might be an obstacle here is that I really don't WANT to approach chicks i'm not that interested in. Maybe my standards are too high, but I really only feel like approaching chicks that I would want to actually be with. I don't think my heart would really be into chicks i'm not really all that into (visually). This is gonna hold me back, cos the kind of chicks I want aren't seen all that often.

Met that girl from the pizza shop today. She got in my car. Full story tomorrow.