Approach in The Gym?

[Everything_but_Game]

Hey guys, new here and new to approaching.
I've read a few books, but have very little time and opportunity to actually make any approaches. The gym is about the only place I have to get my game practice in.

Is approaching in the gym a waste of time?
How do you make first contact when girls are wearing headphones, staring at their phones, or working out?

 

[Bingo-Player]

Need to start talking to everyone there , make friends with the staff, the trainers, the other regulars

Despite what people say online once you become a regular at a gym it can be a very social place

Do not try and pick up girls immediately as it comes off as desperate and wierd

Just be friendly women like to observe a man a lot before deciding wether he is a threat or not

be cool and make everyone feel comfortable

 

[parabellum]

I second Bingo’s advice. If I may add, wear shirts with cool logos/images fun socks etc and if a girl happens to tell you oh I like your shirt, do not lose the opportunity for conversation, example don’t just say thanks but say oh thanks, what exactly did you like about it? Smirk, then just be playful.

but then, you want to be about your business too, don’t lurk around, just have a good workout, challenge yourself with what you do, don’t be afraid to make some noises if you’re doing your last rep of whatever. (Again, not yelling just like aghrr, and don’t smile too much you’re there to get fit, everything else is a plus).
It’s a balancing act.

 

[BPH]

The gym is pretty much my second home.

You can certainly meet women there but the times it's happened for me are few and far between. This is one of those situations where you're definitely playing the long game...

If you go to the same gym at roughly the same time on a regular basis you'll start to get to know other regulars. Take it slow - go there for yourself and if there's somebody you're interested in it's probably worth waiting until you get some IOIs or start to see her more often.

There's a woman at my gym who's pretty attractive, but I couldn't tell if she was into me; I'd find her working out near me, caught a few looks from her, etc. But then I'd start to see her leaving with this guy - it turns out she's married.

Plus now we live in a day and age where girls are recording guys "being creeps" at the gym, so both men and women are going to be more guarded about a stranger approaching them.

The real problem is that you aren't going out of your way to approach women. I'd suggest making friends with some of the regulars at your gym and going out for drinks somewhere that you can meet women.

 

[Everything_but_Game]

The real problem is that you aren't going out of your way to approach women.

This is true, thank you for pointing it out.

To be straight forward, I have spent the last 10 years working, schooling, lifting, and married (now divorced, happily)... in other words, I upskilled everywhere else, but have very atrophied social skills.

I work an odd schedule where 4 days a week where the only free time I have is spent at the gym. The rest of the day is driving, working, and sleeping. I just don't have the time to do anything else these days.
I have my daughter with me the other 3 days, so logistically this is rather challenging.

The gym is truly looking like the best location for me to approach women, given these circumstances.

I can make guy friends (maybe "acquaintances" is a better term) easily enough; most of them actually come up to me asking for training or diet advice, so its almost no effort on my part. Conversations are easy here.
I have 0 lady friends, though... about the only women I talk to are usually working a cash register.
@Bingo-Player is right. I need to be intentionally more social to make this environment work for me.

I can turn to OLD, but I would really like to fix the shortcoming you've pointed out, that I'm not going out and approaching women... time/logistics constraints aside, this is a problem that I need to fix.

 

[BPH]

This is true, thank you for pointing it out.

To be straight forward, I have spent the last 10 years working, schooling, lifting, and married (now divorced, happily)... in other words, I upskilled everywhere else, but have very atrophied social skills.

I work an odd schedule where 4 days a week where the only free time I have is spent at the gym. The rest of the day is driving, working, and sleeping. I just don't have the time to do anything else these days.
I have my daughter with me the other 3 days, so logistically this is rather challenging.

The gym is truly looking like the best location for me to approach women, given these circumstances.

I can make guy friends (maybe "acquaintances" is a better term) easily enough; most of them actually come up to me asking for training or diet advice, so its almost no effort on my part. Conversations are easy here.
I have 0 lady friends, though... about the only women I talk to are usually working a cash register.
@Bingo-Player is right. I need to be intentionally more social to make this environment work for me.

I can turn to OLD, but I would really like to fix the shortcoming you've pointed out, that I'm not going out and approaching women... time/logistics constraints aside, this is a problem that I need to fix.

This is all going to depend on what's important to you in terms of time.

I have gone out, by myself, plenty of times. If you can do that even once per weekend on Friday or Saturday, maybe even Thursday, you'll be able to meet women.

Go to a popular bar or club wherever you live that'll have people in a similar age bracket 2-3 hours before closing and you should have plenty of women to choose from. If you find a good spot and become a regular you can befriend the bouncers, bartenders, and managers. I've frequently skipped lines and had free drinks on most of my nights out because I was good company and tipped well.

If I can do this in f***ing suburban Delaware of all places, you should be able to figure it out wherever you live.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Don’t **** where you eat. Work hard in the gym. Do what you’re supposed to do there. Is nothing sacred. When I’m working out it’s an attitude and that attitude plus physique gets the attention especially in the office gym , less the true gym. If you’re doing it right at the gym it will present itself. Don’t be a pick up artist at the gym. It will backfire.

 

[Everything_but_Game]

Don’t **** where you eat. Work hard in the gym. Do what you’re supposed to do there. Is nothing sacred. When I’m working out it’s an attitude and that attitude plus physique gets the attention especially in the office gym , less the true gym. If you’re doing it right at the gym it will present itself. Don’t be a pick up artist at the gym. It will backfire.

Okay but I've done exactly what you're saying for over a decade. I stand out in most gyms.
I've gotten only a few IOIs ever at the gym. I mean, they were very overt, but still.

Where else am I supposed to practice game if I've got so little opportunity?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Okay but I've done exactly what you're saying for over a decade. I stand out in most gyms.
I've gotten only a few IOIs ever at the gym. I mean, they were very overt, but still.

Where else am I supposed to practice game if I've got so little opportunity?

Cultivate a fuller life beyond the weight room. Maybe within the social context of the gym see if sports or other activities are happening and get into those. Are there any male friends that you’ve made in that particular realm that you can expand a friendship into more fully? From there, network and expand your reach into different people and different things to do. Just spitballing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Need to start talking to everyone there , make friends with the staff, the trainers, the other regulars

Despite what people say online once you become a regular at a gym it can be a very social place

Do not try and pick up girls immediately as it comes off as desperate and wierd

Just be friendly women like to observe a man a lot before deciding wether he is a threat or not

be cool and make everyone feel comfortable

No you don't. The gym is a business trip not social hour at the Ritz Carlton.

I didn't talk to anyone when I used to go there. Likely why I looked the way I did and most of those people doing that looked like they didn't even workout.

 

[Reincarnated]

One risk would be if you make approaching a priority at the gym and aren't well-refined at it, you can easily create a dopey/creepy reputation, at which point you'd be better off finding a new gym.

Now this isn't to say you shouldn't go out of your way to strike up conversation sometimes, the gym ecosystem can be a very positive social circle to be a part of

 

[Bingo-Player]

No you don't. The gym is a business trip not social hour at the Ritz Carlton.

I didn't talk to anyone when I used to go there. Likely why I looked the way I did and most of those people doing that looked like they didn't even workout.

You do you

Some people like to socialise the miserable fvckers will just be disinterested

life ain't that serious

 

[SW15]

This is why the general gym floor is not a good place for approaching.

It's very difficult to receive IOIs from women in the gym with headphones/earbuds. Only the absolute top tier men have a chance to break through headphones/earbuds and possibly receive an indicator of interest (IOI). IOIs make approaching much easier.

One of the big risks in gym approaching is future interaction should an approach, early stage date, or even an extended relationship would fail. If you are both members of the same gym and tend to go at similar times, there's a high probability of a future interaction and it's not going to be pleasant. There are a few workarounds for this. Some might might get a secondary gym membership, use ClassPass, or buy short term class packages at standalone studio brands such as Title Boxing or SoulCycle. After doing that secondary facility purchase, they focus hitting on women at those secondary places where they aren't regulars. ClassPass and short term secondary facility class packages can enable you to take fitness classes at multiple places, which is very good for a seducer who wants to get in and out and limit potential messes. These solutions can help avoid uncomfortable situations at a primary gym caused by approaches or relationships gone bad.

A lot of times, after a bad romantic interaction, one person will change gyms within a few months. This tends to happen more with a bad short term dating situation or longer term relationship if a person is developing romance at their primary gym.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You do you

Some people like to socialise the miserable fvckers will just be disinterested

life ain't that serious

Go to the bar then and stop bothering people who are actually there to work out and get results.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Go to the bar then and stop bothering people who are actually there to work out and get results.

What if your 'soul mate' radar was tingling at when you laid eyes at one of those girls?

Would you still follow this principle?

How would you go about it?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Hey guys, new here and new to approaching.
I've read a few books, but have very little time and opportunity to actually make any approaches

If this is important to you, you'll make time for it

 

[Travel memoir21]

I agree with Bingo....if you're gonna pick up women at the Gym, you wanna let it happen organically and naturally.

You can't just go up to that person right away....chances are you'll see her again. It would be awkward to try to get her number at the first meeting. You just wanna strike up a natural and easy going conversation with her about the weather or something.

This would be similar to a Young teacher meeting another teacher at a lounge or something and then there relationship develops.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What if your 'soul mate' radar was tingling at when you laid eyes at one of those girls?

Would you still follow this principle?

How would you go about it?

No such thing.

I would go about it by preparing for my next set. My rest periods were 30 seconds or less. I didn't have time to talk to someone even if I wanted to.

Intensity is more important than time spent there. You can't replicate the same results by trying to spend more time without proper intensity.

 

[Everything_but_Game]

If this is important to you, you'll make time for it

Mon-Thurs I actually don't have time to do this without sacrificing sleep or time in the gym; I no BS have about 30 minutes of free time these days. That's not an excuse, it's a choice. With my level of development, I cannot sacrifice either of these without regressing... again, its a choice.

That leaves Fri-Sun. I can make it work, I just don't know where to go or what to do without looking like I'm just hanging out waiting to talk to some girls.
So where would I go to get some practice in that this is just... natural?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Mon-Thurs I actually don't have time to do this without sacrificing sleep or time in the gym; I no BS have about 30 minutes of free time these days. That's not an excuse, it's a choice. With my level of development, I cannot sacrifice either of these without regressing... again, its a choice.

That leaves Fri-Sun. I can make it work, I just don't know where to go or what to do without looking like I'm just hanging out waiting to talk to some girls.
So where would I go to get some practice in that this is just... natural?

If you are going to do it, likely on the way in or the way out before you start your workout or after you end it so you aren't wasting your time in workout.