I have my eyes on a girl I have seen around campus. She is hotter than the Fourth of July. I have stood next to her in line a couple of times but failed to think of anything to say. I'm very nervous about approaching her because she hasn't shown any signs of interest. For example, she never makes eye contact with me. Does that necessarily mean she isn't attracted to me? If so, would I be wasting my time by trying to strike up a conversation with her? Lastly, would it be too soon to ask her for her number right after introducing myself?
Approach Anxiety
- Thread starter Stavrogin
- Start date
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo Stavorgin,
First of all, kick that pedestal out from under that chick. That way, you two can look each other in the eye like human beings. Although, preferrably, you need to think of yourself as higher than her----ALMOST like you're doing HER A favor by gracing her with your presence.
After all, YOU know what a great guy Stavrogin is----but SHE doesn't----YET. lol But before you even approach THIS chick, the first thing you do is IMMEDIATELY go on a mission to holler at MORE women that are just as attractive. Trust me...on a campus, I'm SURE they're out there. Having these other options will help you NOT overestimate the IMPORTANCE of this one chick.
Now, after you mentally and emotionally pull the make-believe wings off your little campus angel-babe by STOPPING all fantacizing about her, you are now ready to make your approach. Since this seems to be a chick that you HAVE, or WILL be getting a chance to see often, DO NOT put any undo pressure on yourself to do too much too soon in regards to getting this babe on lock.
What you do the next time you see her is open your eyes and your ears---but CLOSE down your emotions (to some extent). What you do is let the situation dictate WHAT you choose to talk to her about. Look for something of commonanilty to the experience you're both having, then ask her a DIRECT question about what's happening around you both.
And when you engage her, think of her the same as you would an immature friend of your little sister that you already KNOW secretly has the hots for you. That's right, soldier, what I want you to do is ASSUME this chick ALREADY likes you---and that she has just been WAITING for you to approach her.
This mindset will boost your confidence and relax you. It will also remove the imaginary HIGH STAKES that you THINK you are gambling for when you are simply about to MAKE HER ACQUAINTANCE.
People like to talk about three things primarily:
1.They like to talk about themselves
2.They like to talk about other people
3.And they like to give their opinions on something. No----ANYthing! LOL
Use these three examples as your guide. Make the conversation about her, but not in an overtly complimentary, or ass-kissing way. Just let it flow naturally and always think of yourself as ABOVE IT ALL. Be inventive. Stay light on your feet during the conversation. Make eye contact with her and KEEP it long enough to communicate to her that you "WANT TO FUKK THE SHYT OUT OF HER", but WITHOUT actually saying it.
Smile. Be masculine. Lead the conversation, don't let her get away with one word answers----the best way you can do this is by asking open-ended questions like "Why do you think this _______ is so full everytime we come here?"
Don't ask ANY questions that she can say just YES, NO, MAYBE, or any other one word response to. DON'T ask her questions like "What's your major?", unless you plan to IMMEDIATELY follow it up with an open-ended question like "What do you like about _______ , and what made you choose it?"
Above all, IF she starts asking YOU questions, then this is a good sign, and MIGHT mean she's interested in getting to know YOU. If the conversation flows, KEEP it flowing, then try to pick up vibes from her body language.
Is she turned towards you, does she stand close to you, or does she turn AWAY from you and put distance between the two of you?
There are PLENTY of nonverbal cues (as I'm sure you know), that will tell you if this chick is either digging you at this point, or just ready to DITCH you. So judge by all these signs, and if you perceive you're getting some pretty good buying signals----ask her out for coffee or something after, or inbetween classes the very SAME DAY you engage her in conversation.
Sure, you COULD always just ask for the number like ANY OTHER horny campus guy, but WHY? There's always a danger that you could be lost in the shuffle of multiple guys, so to ME, the better play in YOUR environment is to make as BIG an INITIAL impact on hot chicks as you can.
You want to stand out from the crowd by showing casual confidence by asking her out to coffee to continue your pleasant conversation JUST WHERE YOU LEFT OFF. Not MANY college guys have the BALLS or the smoothness to pull off some shyt like that...but STAVROGIN does!!! lol
You'd be surprised at how many times a guy gets the MOON (which is all he ACTUALLY really wanted in the first place) because he was CUNNING enough to ask for the SUN instead! In other words, sometimes, the best way to get the NUMBER is to ask for the date.
Heck, EVEN if she doesn't go for the lunch, THEN you could ask her "Well, is there some way we can continue to get to know each other rather than just by HOPING we run into each other at ______ every other week???"
Then just shut up and smile, and see how she responds. Whether her response is positive or negative, THIS will let you know if she's really interested in you or not.
So you see, it's not always wise to WAIT in situations like this IF the chick is digging you----strike while the iron is hot. And if she accepts the "coffee date" you can ask for the number ON THE DATE itself (if she doesn't just offer it to you UNASKED).
Above all, DON'T stress into thinking you have to shoot, score, and win the WHOLE game on just your initial approach. Because you KNOW you will see this chick again, you'll have opportunities to turn the heat up on this one over time, if you choose to-----and IF it's necessary for you to even use that strategy.
Again, let the conversation fit the circumstance, and let HOW FAR you advance on her be determined by the level of interest you feel she's showing YOU in return.
March on!
First of all, kick that pedestal out from under that chick. That way, you two can look each other in the eye like human beings. Although, preferrably, you need to think of yourself as higher than her----ALMOST like you're doing HER A favor by gracing her with your presence.
After all, YOU know what a great guy Stavrogin is----but SHE doesn't----YET. lol But before you even approach THIS chick, the first thing you do is IMMEDIATELY go on a mission to holler at MORE women that are just as attractive. Trust me...on a campus, I'm SURE they're out there. Having these other options will help you NOT overestimate the IMPORTANCE of this one chick.
Now, after you mentally and emotionally pull the make-believe wings off your little campus angel-babe by STOPPING all fantacizing about her, you are now ready to make your approach. Since this seems to be a chick that you HAVE, or WILL be getting a chance to see often, DO NOT put any undo pressure on yourself to do too much too soon in regards to getting this babe on lock.
What you do the next time you see her is open your eyes and your ears---but CLOSE down your emotions (to some extent). What you do is let the situation dictate WHAT you choose to talk to her about. Look for something of commonanilty to the experience you're both having, then ask her a DIRECT question about what's happening around you both.
And when you engage her, think of her the same as you would an immature friend of your little sister that you already KNOW secretly has the hots for you. That's right, soldier, what I want you to do is ASSUME this chick ALREADY likes you---and that she has just been WAITING for you to approach her.
This mindset will boost your confidence and relax you. It will also remove the imaginary HIGH STAKES that you THINK you are gambling for when you are simply about to MAKE HER ACQUAINTANCE.
People like to talk about three things primarily:
1.They like to talk about themselves
2.They like to talk about other people
3.And they like to give their opinions on something. No----ANYthing! LOL
Use these three examples as your guide. Make the conversation about her, but not in an overtly complimentary, or ass-kissing way. Just let it flow naturally and always think of yourself as ABOVE IT ALL. Be inventive. Stay light on your feet during the conversation. Make eye contact with her and KEEP it long enough to communicate to her that you "WANT TO FUKK THE SHYT OUT OF HER", but WITHOUT actually saying it.
Smile. Be masculine. Lead the conversation, don't let her get away with one word answers----the best way you can do this is by asking open-ended questions like "Why do you think this _______ is so full everytime we come here?"
Don't ask ANY questions that she can say just YES, NO, MAYBE, or any other one word response to. DON'T ask her questions like "What's your major?", unless you plan to IMMEDIATELY follow it up with an open-ended question like "What do you like about _______ , and what made you choose it?"
Above all, IF she starts asking YOU questions, then this is a good sign, and MIGHT mean she's interested in getting to know YOU. If the conversation flows, KEEP it flowing, then try to pick up vibes from her body language.
Is she turned towards you, does she stand close to you, or does she turn AWAY from you and put distance between the two of you?
There are PLENTY of nonverbal cues (as I'm sure you know), that will tell you if this chick is either digging you at this point, or just ready to DITCH you. So judge by all these signs, and if you perceive you're getting some pretty good buying signals----ask her out for coffee or something after, or inbetween classes the very SAME DAY you engage her in conversation.
Sure, you COULD always just ask for the number like ANY OTHER horny campus guy, but WHY? There's always a danger that you could be lost in the shuffle of multiple guys, so to ME, the better play in YOUR environment is to make as BIG an INITIAL impact on hot chicks as you can.
You want to stand out from the crowd by showing casual confidence by asking her out to coffee to continue your pleasant conversation JUST WHERE YOU LEFT OFF. Not MANY college guys have the BALLS or the smoothness to pull off some shyt like that...but STAVROGIN does!!! lol
You'd be surprised at how many times a guy gets the MOON (which is all he ACTUALLY really wanted in the first place) because he was CUNNING enough to ask for the SUN instead! In other words, sometimes, the best way to get the NUMBER is to ask for the date.
Heck, EVEN if she doesn't go for the lunch, THEN you could ask her "Well, is there some way we can continue to get to know each other rather than just by HOPING we run into each other at ______ every other week???"
Then just shut up and smile, and see how she responds. Whether her response is positive or negative, THIS will let you know if she's really interested in you or not.
So you see, it's not always wise to WAIT in situations like this IF the chick is digging you----strike while the iron is hot. And if she accepts the "coffee date" you can ask for the number ON THE DATE itself (if she doesn't just offer it to you UNASKED).
Above all, DON'T stress into thinking you have to shoot, score, and win the WHOLE game on just your initial approach. Because you KNOW you will see this chick again, you'll have opportunities to turn the heat up on this one over time, if you choose to-----and IF it's necessary for you to even use that strategy.
Again, let the conversation fit the circumstance, and let HOW FAR you advance on her be determined by the level of interest you feel she's showing YOU in return.
March on!
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
I was reading the above post, and nodding my head, all wrapped up in the scene... then I got to the bottom... 
VU wrote that?!!!
You're slippin', Joe! Not a single mention of guns, bombs, tripwires, espionage, just cold, hard (steel?) facts.
oop... there was one little "soldier" drop in there. Pssshew! I almost had to gig you!
Golden advice. Good post. :cheer:
I agree with the tactic of showing a large overt advance on one front to draw defenses away from the actual covert assault on a flank. Tried and true strategy - right up there with the Trojan horse method.
VU wrote that?!!!
You're slippin', Joe! Not a single mention of guns, bombs, tripwires, espionage, just cold, hard (steel?) facts.
oop... there was one little "soldier" drop in there. Pssshew! I almost had to gig you!
Golden advice. Good post. :cheer:
I agree with the tactic of showing a large overt advance on one front to draw defenses away from the actual covert assault on a flank. Tried and true strategy - right up there with the Trojan horse method.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
LOL!
Yo Vulpine,
Yeah, I left my "battle-jargon' back at the Base when I made THAT post, dude. Cuz, hey, even a "SOLDIER OF LOVE" has to go on furlough every now and then...
So thanks for steppin' in and keepin' it MILITARY for me, bro!!!!
Peace.
Yo Vulpine,
Yeah, I left my "battle-jargon' back at the Base when I made THAT post, dude. Cuz, hey, even a "SOLDIER OF LOVE" has to go on furlough every now and then...
So thanks for steppin' in and keepin' it MILITARY for me, bro!!!!
Peace.
Actually, I am in a very small graduate school. This isn't like Florida State. Single girls are very scarce around here. Even some of the fat girls have boyfriends or husbands. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure because I have to compete with guys who are a lot better looking and generally have a lot more going for them. I'm in an all-out war with them, but I don't know how to compete with these guys. I'm terrified of approaching her because I have been turned down every time. I'm still a virgin at 28. Now I'm in a position where I have to approach a girl who doesn't even notice me!Victory Unlimited said:
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
Oh man, stop seeing yourself as a loser. Sell your virginity on E-bay and be a rich dude. Two birds with one stone, man.Stavrogin said:
You know there is some rich broad with nothing better to do with her cash that would love the trip she'd get from it.
See, even as a virgin, you're still the prize. Check your frame.
ExploringOne
Don Juan
Freaking Nike bastards, they stole my motto!:trouble:Faca said:
I think vorbis post is excellent. I say this to my little cousins who are virgins. Some of these guys only go for HB8 and above. I explained to them 100 times you have to crawl before you can walk. Bang a couple of girls that are not that hot. This will give you experience and confidence. Its not like you have to marry these brauds.
Bang a couple of fat brauds. There are actually pluses to girls who are HB 4 and HB 5. They tend to be better people, will flake less often, and will sweat your nuts.
I know this may not sound like the best advice. But in your situation being a virgin at 28 this is your best bet. You have to fight at a couple of club shows before you fight for the title.
As far as your approach anxiety. Read paradox thread on rejection. This will give you motivation to approach.
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU
Bang a couple of fat brauds. There are actually pluses to girls who are HB 4 and HB 5. They tend to be better people, will flake less often, and will sweat your nuts.
I know this may not sound like the best advice. But in your situation being a virgin at 28 this is your best bet. You have to fight at a couple of club shows before you fight for the title.
As far as your approach anxiety. Read paradox thread on rejection. This will give you motivation to approach.
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU
Approach Anxiety
this is wrong with sosuave! Only the Anxiety thing in the word.. the approach is normal.. but anxiety isnt..
Now i live.. without that thing! I can do whatever i want.. when i want it.. with whomever i want! Only and only if i decide that i want to do that..
There is no girl or women, that is gonna to say to me.. or lie anymore.. if i let her!
Just change the way, and not the things.. you think! THE WAY, and my way is that there is no way.. but my way!
Just try to really live those things.. that some people preach here!
- faca
this is wrong with sosuave! Only the Anxiety thing in the word.. the approach is normal.. but anxiety isnt..
Now i live.. without that thing! I can do whatever i want.. when i want it.. with whomever i want! Only and only if i decide that i want to do that..
There is no girl or women, that is gonna to say to me.. or lie anymore.. if i let her!
Just change the way, and not the things.. you think! THE WAY, and my way is that there is no way.. but my way!
Just try to really live those things.. that some people preach here!
- faca