Applying DJ Concepts

[trent_afc]

Hey guys, I'm an AFC trying to learn how to properly apply the DJ concepts. I'm 35 and recently out of a LTR, starting to date again. Specifically, for this one woman, I want her to do a little chasing, and filter out a potential user. She's 31.

I've been out with this girl twice, latest was last thursday. We had a good time, etc. I picked her up at her place, dropped her off, and went up to her apartment (nothing happened), we just talked and she shared more of herself. She enthusiastically responded to the idea of a third date. I asked her about her weekend plans (this was on a thursday); she said her sister was coming to town (she mentioned this earlier in the date, don't think it was an excuse). My response was a casual "OK then maybe next week sometime". I assertively gave her a peck on the lips as i departed, she politely (but not enthusiastically) acquiesced. She texted me abt 15 mins after I departed, said thanks I had a good time again, and I responded with "me too " and left it at that. I haven't texted her since that night. So far, she doesn't initiate texts or plans, but promptly responds to me when I do it. Not much physical contact between us, other than natural conversation touch and some assertiveness on my end (leading her through a crowds with my hand on her back, etc). Don't talk much about myself, focus is usually on her.

So a few concepts i need help with:
- Me showing too much interest too soon was a mistake? (asking about her for a weekend date on thursday night)...oneitis temporarily kicked in (my old MO) but I've reframed myself.
- I think I need to be more of a challenge for her, but don't want to be seem unattainable; I think I'm already higher value in her eyes (which I know dropped with my AFCing).
- How to get her to chase me...she's probably expecting a text on Mon or Tuesday from me; I'm thinking wait until Wednesday (or not at all?)
- Now I'm doing the chasing and it feels "unbalanced"; I want her to show some initiative. Not sure when I should expect this to happen, if at all.
- How to filter out a user? I paid for both dates, when should she start asking to chip in?
- Any other tips for a noob? I'm hitting the books hard lately, I don't want to live in AFC-ville forever.

Maybe I've been spoiled; my past LTRs started with the women chasing me. Never really dated until now. I've got some of the basic inner game stuff down OK (confident, funny, etc), but have plenty of rough edges to smooth out.

Thanks guys

 

[DonJuanit0]

First of all: Everything seems good so far.

Secondly: Overthinking maybe?

Thirdly: let's start!

There is nothing wrong with showing what you want since the first second! AFCs are the ones who will try to hide what they want and find another way in through friendship and staff. No, a man is a guy who is not afraid of his testosterone! You want it, you show it with a nice and appropriate way.

Being a challenge for her means a lot. She can see you as a challenge even after you actually do something with her. The challenge is not only having sex. Being able to be with you should be her challenge. You make the first move as a male she needs to prove to you now that she worths it. Let this aside for now.

You do not need her to chase you! You don't chase her right now, but yet, here you are seeking help (it's not chasing because you are the first to send something, she was the one to send you that she had a great time after all, no one forced her, it might even be a sign for you to ask her out again). Let things flow, send her a message let's say on Tuesday like it is completely normal, too soon or too late will make her think why! Act normal and she will appreciate it.

A tip for the payment! What I do, when I go out on a date, usually on the first one, when it comes the time, I say that it's on me. In most cases women will say that they want to pay as well bla bla bla, so I say, ok, this time is on me and I will let you pay the next one (2 things accomplished here, 1 she pays the next one and 2 you throw the first signs for a second date)

I believe that everything is fine for now and you should just take it easy. Act normal and stop over thinking!

 

[trent_afc]

DonJuanit0, thanks for the response!

Overthinking maybe?

lol, not maybe...definitely! I'm trying to shed my AFC ways and I'm taking a long, hard look at all of my expectations, assumptions, and behaviors. A little self imposed cognitive behavioral therapy, if you will.

Right now I'm about 99.9% confident she'll be down for a third date. I just want to turn the tables a bit and get her to show some initiative on her own; I want to be pursued as well. I just don't know when the right time is, or maybe I'm living in a fantasy land. So I guess I'll have to keep doing what I'm doing, see her about once a week, keeping her interest level is up, and save that conversation with her for down the road.

There is nothing wrong with showing what you want since the first second! AFCs are the ones who will try to hide what they want and find another way in through friendship and staff.

Thanks for the validation; I feel guilty for kissing her when she wasn't seemingly ready for it, but then again I thought "this is what I want and this is the direction I want us to go in" and didn't apologize for it after. I'm definitely not going down the "I just want to be friends" road while really hoping that chick will be a gf someday. That's just lame.

You don't chase her right now, but yet, here you are seeking help (it's not chasing because you are the first to send something

So me asking her out isn't chasing her? What is chasing then? Or am I misunderstanding?

Thanks again!

 

[DonJuanit0]

Chasing is being in a constant agony of wherever you will talk, meet, do something together. What I meant was, you do try now, but not as much as you think you are. I know you believe you do much more than she does, that's why you want her to chase you, turn the tables and you be the trophy so much! Being the trophy is firstly a state of mind. Realistically we are the ones to hunt, don't confuse these!

Again, keep things normal since everything is normal in this situation. Ask her out again on Tuesday and apply some more KINO (search it if you don't know it), at some point go in! I believe 3 dates are enough for making a clear move. But first, embrace kino and stop over thinking!

 

[trent_afc]

Thanks for the clarification. I'll definitely check out kino, I've read about that briefly and I think that will help me escalate physically.

Not sure I'll be able to stop overthinking though Thanks again

 

[trent_afc]

Follow up:

She ended up texting me on Monday, "how was your weekend" and after some banter I set up a date for last night, making this date #3.

So the date went well, did a christmas lights thing and hit a nice bar afterwards. I was much heavier on the kino, took her hand and led her around, lower back touching, arm and leg touches during conversation, etc.

She never rejected my touch, but there was absolutely no reciprocation. When the check came, not even a token effort to contribute. Went back to her place, talked for a while, she stayed physically distant, and initiated nothing. We kissed good night, then deuces.

Her lack of initiative and reciprocation is a serious turn-off. I think I'd classify her as an "ice queen". And/or not into me. I think it's time to cut this one loose and spin more plates.

I'm still expecting her to initiate contact next week again, not sure if it's possible, through text/phone, to get her pointed in the right direction. Like tell her "I don't think you're interested in me" and proceed from there.

I'm still trying to learn. What would you guys have done differently, if anything? Am I wrong for expecting her to make some effort? Thanks

 

[DonJuanit0]

I'm still expecting her to initiate contact next week again, not sure if it's possible, through text/phone, to get her pointed in the right direction. Like tell her "I don't think you're interested in me" and proceed from there.

Do not send that! For God's sake!

Maybe she wants you only because you pay and you boost her ego! What you can do, is go nc and when she sends you (cause she will) set up a date and then find the lamest excuse ever not to go (the excuse must sound like it's made up for example, "I can't tonight cause I had forgot it was my friend's birthday, we can make it another time" and leave it there)! Then go nc again. If she send you another message then go on the date, DO YOUR MOVE and that's it! She either wants or not! Simple as that!

 

[trent_afc]

If she send you another message then go on the date, DO YOUR MOVE and that's it! She either wants or not!

Hey Don,

Thanks for the response. I'll do the NC thing. Why shouldn't I do the "I don't want to go out again, you're not interested" thing and make her justify herself? Seems like that would give me more power in this situation.

The problem I have is that I want to see some effort on her part... if I start trying harder, (I just dive in whether she sends me any signals or not), is she going to all of a sudden going to try? I'm not just trying to fvck this girl, I'm looking for a gf, so I don't want to start a relationship and set the tone where I'm making all the effort and she just sits and waits. I don't have time for that BS

 

[DonJuanit0]

This message is wrong in so many levels trust me!

You will never force someone to try for you or like you! Never! What you are desperately after is this, and this message tells her that, so she will lose any respect!

Secondly, imagine you are not yet cleared on whether you want someone or not, and she sends you this message. Will you suddently start behaving as she wants or will you lose that interest you even had in the first place? If she was sure, she wouldn't keep that distance you mentioned back in her place! Always think as she would think!

I told you, go nc, lame excuse to avoid first date (she will start wonder if she is losing you), go on second date, be ****y and funny, make your move! That's it!

Don't become emotional all of a sudden! She will definately lose interest!

 

[trent_afc]

Got it, thanks Don. My intent would be to force her hand whether or not she is into me, but I can see how it could be the wrong approach. I guess I'll do it the passive aggressive way instead, lol. I'll post back if anything happens. Thanks again!

 

[DonJuanit0]

No problem, would like to know the end of it!

 

[trent_afc]

So we went NC until today (last time we spoke was after our last date on Weds)

Her: Did I scare you off? 2:06 PM
Me: If I say no, will you promise not to beat me, you scary woman you 2:56 PM
[banter]
Her: In all seriousness though- are you into it? Over it? I feel like I'm picking up some mixed signals here. 3:10 PM
Me: Ok, you caught me. Honestly, [funny reference to above banter]. Sorry to lead you on like that 3:13 PM
Her: You lost me. 3:16 PM
Her: Dumb it down for [me]. Are you interested in me? I can't tell. 3:24 PM
Me: oops I thought we were still lol-ing. I hope this doesn't warrant another beating. 3:24 PM
Me: Thursday, 715, dinner, you & me. interested? 3:27 PM
Her: I suppose. 3:35 PM


OK, couple of questions.
- I have not responded to the last text. Suggestions?
- Clearly I'm being a challenge for her, and I'm pretty sure shes perceives that her interest level is above mine. From what I read, this is a good thing. However, am I overdoing it?
- I get the feeling that breaking this week's date will put her off permanently. True/false?

Other thoughts? thanks!

Edit: Called her on the phone, told her I am definitely interested and wanted to take it slow. Confirmed thursday date.

 

[DonJuanit0]

So we went NC until today (last time we spoke was after our last date on Weds)

Her: Did I scare you off? 2:06 PM
Me: If I say no, will you promise not to beat me, you scary woman you 2:56 PM
[banter]
Her: In all seriousness though- are you into it? Over it? I feel like I'm picking up some mixed signals here. 3:10 PM
Me: Ok, you caught me. Honestly, [funny reference to above banter]. Sorry to lead you on like that 3:13 PM
Her: You lost me. 3:16 PM
Her: Dumb it down for [me]. Are you interested in me? I can't tell. 3:24 PM
Me: oops I thought we were still lol-ing. I hope this doesn't warrant another beating. 3:24 PM
Me: Thursday, 715, dinner, you & me. interested? 3:27 PM
Her: I suppose. 3:35 PM


OK, couple of questions.
- I have not responded to the last text. Suggestions?
- Clearly I'm being a challenge for her, and I'm pretty sure shes perceives that her interest level is above mine. From what I read, this is a good thing. However, am I overdoing it?
- I get the feeling that breaking this week's date will put her off permanently. True/false?

Other thoughts? thanks!

Edit: Called her on the phone, told her I am definitely interested and wanted to take it slow. Confirmed thursday date.

See? She got worried and now the tables are turned! Your confidence is ++ while hers is --. She can't read you like you couldnt read her! That's obviously good.
Yeah, seems you should go on that date! She seems to want you so it's now pretty easy for you, or at least it should be! Have a nice date and finally make your move. Contact her on the date day and ask her if it's still on so she won't flake and get the upper hand. It sounds like a sealed deal here! Just go, have fun, make your move. ( I repeat it a lot of times cause I think you lack the confidence to just do it)

 

[trent_afc]

See? She got worried and now the tables are turned!

Nice.

I repeat it a lot of times cause I think you lack the confidence to just do it)

You were right. And now it's pretty obvious to me that she's ripe for the picking.

Thanks again Don, you da man!

 

[n52]

I like this thread! Good content here, perfect field examples.

 

[trent_afc]

So to conclude the story, I initiated a quick makeout session when I got to her place to pick her up, then after dinner I dropped her off at her place and got out of there ASAP...way too many red flags for me to continue with this one. I didn't even want to make out or try to fvck, I was so repulsed.

I should have listened to my gut after date #2. All in, I wasted almost $175 and four nights on this chick. At least I learned some valuable lessons for next time. I feel bad for the beta dude that this chick will eventually reel in and emasculate. Better him than me!

Thanks again for your help Don, this was very educational, and these lessons will help me as I move forward.

Next!

 

[DonJuanit0]

That's why next time always check if she at least makes the move to pay, and if she does, let her! Other than that, I don't really know what happened but I guess it's for your best and since you learnt some lessons, screw the money, NEEEXT!!!