Apparently I'm under silent treatment

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

So basically a girl I'm dating seriously wanted me to meet her today when she finishes at work, dine together then bang at her place where we will sleep.

Tomorrow morning she will get up early to get back to work and I have to leave her place to get back to mine...but again she wants to meet again tomorrow too same time, have dinner out then get to my place.

Keep in mind that our places are far about 2 hours to each other and require public transports since the traffic and the parking are unreal.

I told her that I have stuff to do and she can have me either today or friday but not both, I even suggested that we could meet today but tomorrow I wont go to the center but she will come to me either via train or taxi.

Then after some "your choice" and "do what you want" she moved to the silent treatment.

So my plan is just let it go today then get back at her tomorrow so I can skip the two days in a row and proceed as one of the options I gave her.

Anything I'm missing in this mess? Im not used to relationships, have been more of a f-buddy time most my life.

 

[Alvafe]

I would downgrade her, but that is me being a jacka$$ about it. if was me I would simple ignore her the whole weekend,and then see if she comes around, now if you really have time to spend go for friday thing and let her cool a little, but then get ready for the "feelings" she will pour on you, or to start of the games

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

It depends how much you've turned her down before. If too many times, I can see why she might be upset. If that isn't the case, girls who cannot handle rejection are bad news. They have fragile ego and will cause you lots of trouble in the long run. So you'd be better off downgrading her to a plate (dump if you have strong feelings for her).

If you wanna stay with her, I'd suggest you solidify your frame by replaning your whole weekend from the scratch and planning something fun rather than just hanging out.

 

[The Duke]

@Fortune_favors_the_bold That's how I would handle it. Ebb and flow, just emotions. She'll sort herself out.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Respond in kind

She's testing you.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

So basically a girl I'm dating seriously wanted me to meet her today when she finishes at work, dine together then bang at her place where we will sleep.

Tomorrow morning she will get up early to get back to work and I have to leave her place to get back to mine...but again she wants to meet again tomorrow too same time, have dinner out then get to my place.

Keep in mind that our places are far about 2 hours to each other and require public transports since the traffic and the parking are unreal.

I told her that I have stuff to do and she can have me either today or friday but not both, I even suggested that we could meet today but tomorrow I wont go to the center but she will come to me either via train or taxi.

Then after some "your choice" and "do what you want" she moved to the silent treatment.

So my plan is just let it go today then get back at her tomorrow so I can skip the two days in a row and proceed as one of the options I gave her.

Anything I'm missing in this mess? Im not used to relationships, have been more of a f-buddy time most my life.

Who pays dinner today and tomorrow?

Is the date still up for today? There might be a ****show waiting for you with a pissed woman and no secs for you while she will demand an apologie from you.

If you let her boss you around like that, this is how it will be in your together future.

What you cant do is show regrets that you told her off for the next day, no excuses, no making up. You did nothing wrong!

What you can show is your displeasure about her childish behaviour and call off todays date.
Tell her you can go for dinner tomorrow if she is in a better mood.


If she tells you to screw yourself, ignore her for the next days and see if she comes around.

If she comes around, you will be in a position of power.

If she doesnt come around -> NEXT

 

[SW15]

Keep in mind that our places are far about 2 hours to each other and require public transports since the traffic and the parking are unreal.

This is insane! You need to be dating women who live within 30 minutes of where you live. Relationships are not sustainable with that sort of distance. I wouldn't even travel more than 30 minutes for a casual sex situation (aka situationship). I understand why certain guys would go 30+ minutes for sex in a situationship if the travel is infrequent enough. 30+ minutes in each direction for me is even too much in a situationship.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is insane! You need to be dating women who live within 30 minutes of where you live. Relationships are not sustainable with that sort of distance. I wouldn't even travel more than 30 minutes for a casual sex situation (aka situationship). I understand why certain guys would go 30+ minutes for sex in a situationship if the travel is infrequent enough. 30+ minutes in each direction for me is even too much in a situationship.

You can absolutely date beyond 30 minutes. I think an hour is the breaking point.

 

[SW15]

You can absolutely date beyond 30 minutes. I think an hour is the breaking point.

30 minutes is my breaking point. I live in the part of my city that has a high concentration of unmarried people. Most of the unmarried people in my metro area live within 30 minutes of where I live.

The problem with the rise of tech-based date arranging methods in the last 20-25 years is that there are WAY TOO MANY situations where people who live too far away from each other get into interactions. Prior to tech-based date arranging methods, this typically didn't happen. When men relied upon in-person approaching to start interactions, they did their in-person interactions typically with people who lived reasonably close.

 

[Vice]

In the future, set clear expectations on how you manage your time for your lifestyle. The women in my life know that I am busy with unpredictable factors out of my control.

Sometimes I’ll have to cancel because of these factors. Because I set the expectations early on, they are disappointed, but don’t freak out because of it. If they’re used to dating loser guys with all kinds of free time, it’s a novel experience for them.

It also helps that I tend to date women who are also professionals with busy schedules.

Also, since expectations have been managed, there’s no butthurt tone to our conversations after the cancellation. We just talk normally and “see when the stars align again”.

gentlemen, make sure you have other things going on in your life.

 

[Barrister]

30 minutes is my breaking point. I live in the part of my city that has a high concentration of unmarried people. Most of the unmarried people in my metro area live within 30 minutes of where I live.

The problem with the rise of tech-based date arranging methods in the last 20-25 years is that there are WAY TOO MANY situations where people who live too far away from each other get into interactions. Prior to tech-based date arranging methods, this typically didn't happen. When men relied upon in-person approaching to start interactions, they did their in-person interactions typically with people who lived reasonably close.

You are seeing this through the lens of living in a large metropolitan city. For those of us who live in smaller cities or worse yet, rural, you realistically will have to expect to sometimes go a bit further unless you really want to limit yourself.

I don't think limiting it to 30 minutes one way is unreasonable, but making an exception if the woman is promising and going up to an hour probably isn't a bad idea.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

This is insane! You need to be dating women who live within 30 minutes of where you live. Relationships are not sustainable with that sort of distance. I wouldn't even travel more than 30 minutes for a casual sex situation (aka situationship). I understand why certain guys would go 30+ minutes for sex in a situationship if the travel is infrequent enough. 30+ minutes in each direction for me is even too much in a situationship.

by car

in 30 minutes i have access to a population of about 50.000 people....
in 60 minutes about 500.000 people.........
in 120 minutes about 5.000.000 people.......

as long as i didnt take the woman serious, i allways enjoyed weekend trips to chicks living 2-4 hours away, driving home on sunday night and having them out of my way for the rest of the week ..... its like a little vacation and you see your own country while getting laid.

 

[SW15]

You are seeing this through the lens of living in a large metropolitan city. For those of us who live in smaller cities or worse yet, rural, you realistically will have to expect to sometimes go a bit further unless you really want to limit yourself.

I don't think limiting it to 30 minutes one way is unreasonable, but making an exception if the woman is promising and going up to an hour probably isn't a bad idea.

That is a fair assessment of my viewpoint. Since college graduation, I have lived in 2 metro areas that are among the 15 most populous USA metro areas. I did structure my life in a way that I would have sufficient vagina nearby. Even with major metropolitan areas, there are better neighborhoods for dating logistics and worse ones. Some of these are discussed in the Dallas, Phoenix, NYC, and Miami threads.

How did people live in smaller mid-sized metros (150,000 - 400,000 in population) prior to 20-25 years ago and date? I was only starting to date circa 2000 and I was in high school in 2000. People in the 1970s-1990s (post Sexual Revolution but pre-internet dating being de-stigmatized) had to meet in person, even in smaller areas.

If I were living in an area with 150,000 - 400,000 in population, I do not foresee that I would date any differently than I date in one of the USA's most populous metros.

I don't think I could make it work in an area under 150,000 at this point in life. In considering the past, I don't think I could have made it work at any point for me since I graduated from college. I have known men in real life who have lived in areas with less than 150,000 in population and spoken to them about how they get their penises wet. Areas with populations under 150,000 can often be vaginal wastelands for men 25+ who need to date new women.

 

[Barrister]

So basically a girl I'm dating seriously wanted me to meet her today when she finishes at work, dine together then bang at her place where we will sleep.

Tomorrow morning she will get up early to get back to work and I have to leave her place to get back to mine...but again she wants to meet again tomorrow too same time, have dinner out then get to my place.

Keep in mind that our places are far about 2 hours to each other and require public transports since the traffic and the parking are unreal.

I told her that I have stuff to do and she can have me either today or friday but not both, I even suggested that we could meet today but tomorrow I wont go to the center but she will come to me either via train or taxi.

Then after some "your choice" and "do what you want" she moved to the silent treatment.

So my plan is just let it go today then get back at her tomorrow so I can skip the two days in a row and proceed as one of the options I gave her.

Anything I'm missing in this mess? Im not used to relationships, have been more of a f-buddy time most my life.

OP - to be clear, you said you would come to her one day and she, if she wanted to spend time with you, could come to your place the next day or you guys would just do your own thing? If so, I think that was a very reasonable thing to offer given the distance between the two of you and I don't think you win now by budging on that and giving in in any way. Women are experts at trying to hold you hostage to her own emotions and she will try to punish you if you agree to come to her now. You stay firm on your previous offer.

If she wants to give silent treatment, the rules don't overall change in the LTR too much. Agree and amplify. If she finally reaches out and asks why you aren't speaking, reply that you wanted to give her some space since you could tell she was upset (but do not apologize - you have done nothing wrong). Silence and distance work.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I don’t think this relationship is sustainable because of the distance and the passive aggressive behavior from your gf. I told my gf last night that I wanted to go home and play my PS5 and I can come over tomorrow and she was completely fine with it. There are women that won’t play constant child games with you out there.

 

[Divorced w 3]

30 minutes is my breaking point. I live in the part of my city that has a high concentration of unmarried people. Most of the unmarried people in my metro area live within 30 minutes of where I live.

The problem with the rise of tech-based date arranging methods in the last 20-25 years is that there are WAY TOO MANY situations where people who live too far away from each other get into interactions. Prior to tech-based date arranging methods, this typically didn't happen. When men relied upon in-person approaching to start interactions, they did their in-person interactions typically with people who lived reasonably close.

where there is interest one will find a way.

 

[CornbreadFed]

where there is interest one will find a way.

Ain’t no pvssy worth driving a “city” 30 minutes plus consistently for. I had an ex like this and that was one of the reasons I ended it. She tried to reach back out afterwards and I did miss that pvssy, but the thought of having to drive that 30 minute commute to her house turned me off from her offer!!

 

[Gamisch]

She will dump you. These things are actually quite black and white imo.

Dont try to reason with her. Reason is stepping into your shoes, being appreciative with every second she gets with you. Reason is understanding you need flexibility and the option to cancel/ move a date due distance, time and inconvenient travel.

This type of women only cares about getting hers. The silent treatment is a clear sign of this. Did I already say I've been through this TWICE this year..(long live the dating apps!!!) it went from love bombing, to demanding more time together, to silent treatment and now i am blocked.

Perhaps due the distance (and some "things she thinks could've been better about you) she simply cannot even PRETEND to have a grain of respect for you. She might feel you are a chump becausse you already spend to much time with her, while she doesn't feel like you are "the absolute nr1". So she will feel above you , of that makes sense. Or i should say; she feels like you aint feckboy-ish/hvm enough to put in some effort.

Prepare to separate from her soon..

 

[SW15]

Ain’t no pvssy worth driving a “city” 30 minutes plus consistently for

I agree with this based on my experiences in Top 15 USA metros.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ain’t no pvssy worth driving a “city” 30 minutes plus consistently for. I had an ex like this and that was one of the reasons I ended it. She tried to reach back out afterwards and I did miss that pvssy, but the thought of having to drive that 30 minute commute to her house turned me off from her offer!!

Bro. People on here are so jaded.