Apparently im attractive...so why the **** can't i get laid?

[Kenny Powers]

A little over a year ago I kinda just grew up physically and mentally and everything started to come together - dress better, new/more effective/consistent workout, eating very healthy, and of course this site. This combined with the fact that i now look like more of a man and less of a boy has made me pretty decent looking - or so i thought.

It recently dawned on me that im damn attractive - and im not just saying this as a narcasist even though i totally am. Im saying this because I've had really attractive girls consistently show interest in me in various settings. Like enough interest that i should be able to get with them if i play my cards right.

Apparently though I consistently find a way to screw up and fail with these girls as all this interest has resulted in hardly anything except a few dates and a temporary boost to my ego. Im good at picking up in bars and during the day, but struggle with gaming afterwards most likely due to overly high interest on my part. I think maybe i try to hard and am sure there are other contributing factors though.

Recently i've noticed more and more hot girls showing interest. However, my view of my physical features never changed until I met up with a HB9 recently. I was drunk when we met at a bar crawling with bros, we talked for maybe 20 min tops and while i knew she was attractive but didn't realize that she was a solid 9 until i met her sober and with good lighting. She's the type i would ogle at the gym for motivation but assume i would have little to no chance with (this doesn't mean i lack confidence when talking to girls. in fact tonight i pretty much dominated the conversation and was totally smooth - idk if this was for the best though). On my way home i was like "damn i got lucky meeting a HB9 whose type I happen to be". Then i started thinking about all the other HB8s and above that had shown interest in me before. I always thought i just had decent looks which made sense since my only lays ever have been with high 6s to low 7s at best. But now i've come to the only logically conclusion that i must be pretty good looking to a larger # of girls than i previously thought

So wtf? I feel like im crazy or something. Not only do hot girls show interest in me, but it often it will happen during night game when the bars are packed with hot college guys (no homo). The HB9 i just mentioned is leaving town for work but will be back to visit often cause her family is here. Im getting the impression (and praying to god) that she may want us to be f-buddies and the reason we met the other day but only chilled was partly as a test to make sure that hot guy (me) she met at the bar is normal and gets the approval of her sister and friends all of whom were there.

I know i shouldnt ***** about being received well by hot girls and you should know that overall im a pretty happy person and am extremely satisfied with my life. Im just frusterated because ive worked so hard to improve myself mentally and physically but feel like god is just teasing me with the prospect of hot girls right now - painfully true with my career too.

I think i need to learn how to be the prize and do push pull but this is hard because my alpha/swag mentality tells me to just go for it and pursue with confidence and smoothness. I mean dont men hunt and women gather?

So i ask you sosuave, why the hell am i not getting with these hot girls? Can they smell the fact that i've never been with a hot girl before (besides almost getting to 3rd base with a 9 once but that was during study abroad and doesn't count haha)? Do any of you have experience in a similar situation? I know my game following the initial pick up (i have solid bar game) needs a lot of work, but statistically i should have seen some success by now. Right?

 

[f283000]

You're just not sexual.

You can look as good and dress as well as you like but if you are not showing that you are a sexual being you will come off as just another nice guy and turn them off.

Trust me on this it is a HUGE turnoff for a girl to show you massive interest and green lights and then walk away from you in disappointment as you didn't deliver the goods that "you advertise."

Think of yourself as a billboard to a restaurant and the girl looking at you and your good looks being the billboard, but being disappointed when she steps into the restaurant (your interactions with you).

If you got girls giving you signals and lots of interest and when you interact with them you get nothing it's not their fault IT IS YOURS! If you get lots of female attention due to being blessed with good looks you are in a select group of men. It's not their fault it is your fault if you are not taking advantage of it. These women are already doing more for you (giving you clear signals) than what they do to most other guys.

 

[runner83]

You're just not sexual.

You can look as good and dress as well as you like but if you are not showing that you are a sexual being you will come off as just another nice guy and turn them off.

Trust me on this it is a HUGE turnoff for a girl to show you massive interest and green lights and then walk away from you in disappointment as you didn't deliver the goods that "you advertise."

Think of yourself as a billboard to a restaurant and the girl looking at you and your good looks being the billboard, but being disappointed when she steps into the restaurant (your interactions with you).

If you got girls giving you signals and lots of interest and when you interact with them you get nothing it's not their fault IT IS YOURS! If you get lots of female attention due to being blessed with good looks you are in a select group of men. It's not their fault it is your fault if you are not taking advantage of it. These women are already doing more for you (giving you clear signals) than what they do to most other guys.

This pretty much sums it up, good advice.

The quote below gives a bit of an example. If you were a s!xual being, you would have either banged her first time you met her, or at least met up with her in private the next time you met her.

Only a "nice guy" would agree to meet up with her with her sister and friends around.

Im getting the impression (and praying to god) that she may want us to be f-buddies and the reason we met the other day but only chilled was partly as a test to make sure that hot guy (me) she met at the bar is normal and gets the approval of her sister and friends all of whom were there.

Part of it comes down to logistics, it is much easier to go for kino and the kiss when you are one on one with her having few drinks, than if she is with her friends and sister. You are hoping for FB but likely trending towards friendzone unless you change direction.

You just have to go for it...chicks actually love it when you have the balls to go for it, as long as you don't act desperate.

Sure, they will often say "I'm not sleeping with you" as a sh!t test, but as long as you handle that right and don't act sulky, but just keep escalating, they normally seem to melt into your arms and you end up banging their brains out.

 

[FairShake]

If you're good looking enough and it's not working out you may be lacking in the social savvy and/or interesting personality parts.

Being sexual would actually fall in both of them.

 

[Aaron B]

your internal beliefs are likely holding you back

as a part of our socialization process, we are indoctrinated with beliefs that are inconsistent with reality when it comes to dealing with women

 

[Young Stallion]

Kenny, you seem pretty damn cool in most of your posts bro. So I am gonna help you out here.

Its your mental approach and those are right on here that your post makes you seem very afc, which is not what I would have pegged you as on other posts.

Lets break down your post shall we:
A little over a year ago I kinda just grew up physically and mentally and everything started to come together - dress better, new/more effective/consistent workout, eating very healthy, and of course this site. This combined with the fact that i now look like more of a man and less of a boy has made me pretty decent looking - or so i thought.

Of course working out, dressing suave, eating healthy and tips from this site are helping you out. Good for you, all pluses. Women do like manley looking men, actually let me rephrase that, they like dominant alpha facial features like strong jaw line, no fat on face and other stuff that comes with working out and keeping generally healthy. So yes your what 23...good that you are taking it seriously.

It recently dawned on me that im damn attractive - and im not just saying this as a narcasist even though i totally am. Im saying this because I've had really attractive girls consistently show interest in me in various settings. Like enough interest that i should be able to get with them if i play my cards right.

Narcissists talk about themselves alot...DONT talk about yourself alot around girls. A true alpha does not talk about himself and what he does constantly, this is trying to win approval. An alpha wont tell you about all his accomplishments because quite frankly he doesn't give a sh*t about whether you care about his accomplishments. Anyways keep the focus on the girl, girls talk about themselves because they are emotional creatures, despite what Oprah and Dr. Phill say, men are supposed to be the ones who are stoic.

Apparently though I consistently find a way to screw up and fail with these girls as all this interest has resulted in hardly anything except a few dates and a temporary boost to my ego. Im good at picking up in bars and during the day, but struggle with gaming afterwards most likely due to overly high interest on my part. I think maybe i try to hard and am sure there are other contributing factors though.
You are good at picking up women in bars because you are sharp, in shape, young and good looking. You struggle after that because you come accross as too needy by talking about yourself too much and by worrying whether or not you will succeed. An alpha male doesnt care if he succeeds with any girl, he is just having fun. Hell life is just so damn fun that he doesnt give a sh*t. Learn to be a great conversationalist, which should actually be called be a great listener. This way you learn how to turn on a girl, remember tease her about her talents and bust her for stuff she does well, and then make sure you make her sure she feels her insecurities are strengths. Its psychology, what a women feels she is, she will feel desperation when someone says she is NOT that way, and then when you make her feel a weakness is a strength, it will give her a great feeling. I have done this many times....it works. Read books on this like "How to win friends and influence people", "Executive Charisma", "Ultimate Leadership" and of course POOKs bible.

Recently i've noticed more and more hot girls showing interest. However, my view of my physical features never changed until I met up with a HB9 recently. I was drunk when we met at a bar crawling with bros, we talked for maybe 20 min tops and while i knew she was attractive but didn't realize that she was a solid 9 until i met her sober and with good lighting. She's the type i would ogle at the gym for motivation but assume i would have little to no chance with (this doesn't mean i lack confidence when talking to girls. in fact tonight i pretty much dominated the conversation and was totally smooth - idk if this was for the best though). On my way home i was like "damn i got lucky meeting a HB9 whose type I happen to be". Then i started thinking about all the other HB8s and above that had shown interest in me before. I always thought i just had decent looks which made sense since my only lays ever have been with high 6s to low 7s at best. But now i've come to the only logically conclusion that i must be pretty good looking to a larger # of girls than i previously thought

Who give's a s*t about number systems. Saying stuff like youve banged 6 and 7 but not 8 and 9 is a lame way of thinking about it. It really just is. If you like a girl, go for her, dont be sitting there going well you know I really like her but she is a 7 and I was really hoping for an 8 or a 9 tonight. This will leave you lonely and desperate as crap, I want you to go for a month and think of nothing other than "oh she is cute and I find her interesting, we should talk"....and dont get hung up on the number system. You will find more success because you wont come accross as needy, desperate or a p*ssy hound.

So wtf? I feel like im crazy or something. Not only do hot girls show interest in me, but it often it will happen during night game when the bars are packed with hot college guys (no homo). The HB9 i just mentioned is leaving town for work but will be back to visit often cause her family is here. Im getting the impression (and praying to god) that she may want us to be f-buddies and the reason we met the other day but only chilled was partly as a test to make sure that hot guy (me) she met at the bar is normal and gets the approval of her sister and friends all of whom were there.
Forget about this girl, she is nothing but dust in the wind. She is just a girl, it was just a meeting, who cares. she is leaving town and coming back to visit family....yeah that sounds like something there! Dont be "Praying to god that she wants to be f-buddies with you" You SHOULD NOT CARE. Now go out, pull your pants up and charm the sh*t out of the ladies.

I know i shouldnt ***** about being received well by hot girls and you should know that overall im a pretty happy person and am extremely satisfied with my life. Im just frusterated because ive worked so hard to improve myself mentally and physically but feel like god is just teasing me with the prospect of hot girls right now - painfully true with my career too.
What? That wasnt the end of your story? Damn you write more than me and I write to much. Only an AFC Beta would say that "god is teasing me the prospect of hot girls". An alpha would say oh look theres some hot or cute girls, it must be a playground, now lets go have some fun.

I think i need to learn how to be the prize and do push pull but this is hard because my alpha/swag mentality tells me to just go for it and pursue with confidence and smoothness. I mean dont men hunt and women gather?
Yes you learn how to be the prize, your theory is there, your problem is relating it to your real life!

So i ask you sosuave, why the hell am i not getting with these hot girls? Can they smell the fact that i've never been with a hot girl before (besides almost getting to 3rd base with a 9 once but that was during study abroad and doesn't count haha)? Do any of you have experience in a similar situation? I know my game following the initial pick up (i have solid bar game) needs a lot of work, but statistically i should have seen some success by now. Right?
Yes practice leads to success, when I was starting out, I would creep the hell out of girls and it took me litterally years to get to as smoothe as I am now. You are putting WAY to much emphasis on "getting with hot girls"...a girl is a girl and until you feel comftorable around girls of all shapes, sizes, faces and colours then you are not going to be an alpha because alpha's do not get sweaty at a so called 10, its a girl.

I do hope this has helped.

-YS

 

[floydb25]

Sounds like you're insecure, desperate, and try too hard. This is the kiss of death with hot women. Being good-looking only gets you in the door, and provides you with opportunities. It doesn't guarantee that anyone will remain interested. You might be letting this get to your head - thinking you don't have to do anything else.

Hot women tend to have too many options to care about anyone, and lose interest at the drop of the hat. They tend to go after the best of the best. Or at least, that's their goal. They chase after those who want them the least, and are seen as being above them - because they're not used to this. Most guys just act insecure, clingy, and fawn all over them - trying to prove their worth to them, in disbelief that someone as hot as them are interested, etc. This turns them off. They can sense it almost immediately. They don't need to be pedestalized any more than they already are.

You want to try even less with hot women - not more. Show less interest. Let them chase you. Show that you don't care if they like you. Do NOT act suprised that someone as hot as them could possibly like you. This destroys your status with them. Or what they perceive your status to be. Act like this is all normal, you have plenty of options, its no big deal if they like you. Develop the mindset that you KNOW they like you, and show it in every interaction. Basically, the same things they are probably doing.

Like the first guy said, you also want to embrace your sexuality. This ties into having low confidence and self-esteem. Just because you're arrogant, conceited, and good-looking - doesn't mean you are confident. You are still coming off as very insecure, uncertain, and unconfident - especially around hot women. They respond to the exact opposite. Gotta work on that. Don't just use your looks, or become one of those whiney entitlement princes. Having game is always required to maintain ones interest.

A low status guy is a low status guy - regardless of how good-looking he is. Remember: hot girls KNOW they can get most any guy they want. Being good-looking means nothing to them.

 

[sstype]

Sounds like you're insecure, desperate, and try too hard. This is the kiss of death with hot women. Being good-looking only gets you in the door, and provides you with opportunities. It doesn't guarantee that anyone will remain interested. You might be letting this get to your head - thinking you don't have to do anything else.

Hot women tend to have too many options to care about anyone, and lose interest at the drop of the hat. They tend to go after the best of the best. Or at least, that's their goal. They chase after those who want them the least, and are seen as being above them - because they're not used to this. Most guys just act insecure, clingy, and fawn all over them - trying to prove their worth to them, in disbelief that someone as hot as them are interested, etc. This turns them off. They can sense it almost immediately. They don't need to be pedestalized any more than they already are.

You want to try even less with hot women - not more. Show less interest. Let them chase you. Show that you don't care if they like you. Do NOT act suprised that someone as hot as them could possibly like you. This destroys your status with them. Or what they perceive your status to be. Act like this is all normal, you have plenty of options, its no big deal if they like you. Develop the mindset that you KNOW they like you, and show it in every interaction. Basically, the same things they are probably doing.

Like the first guy said, you also want to embrace your sexuality. This ties into having low confidence and self-esteem. Just because you're arrogant, conceited, and good-looking - doesn't mean you are confident. You are still coming off as very insecure, uncertain, and unconfident - especially around hot women. They respond to the exact opposite. Gotta work on that. Don't just use your looks, or become one of those whiney entitlement princes. Having game is always required to maintain ones interest.

A low status guy is a low status guy - regardless of how good-looking he is. Remember: hot girls KNOW they can get most any guy they want. Being good-looking means nothing to them.

Right on Floyd. Just because you're easy on the eyes as a guy means little to an attractive woman. You have to look like a 6'3" ripped male model for your looks to make women go out of their way to talk to you.

"Hot" (9-10) will get you laid with little effort.

Handsome, cute, attractive (6-8) just gets your foot in the door, nothing else.

 

[floydb25]

Right on Floyd. Just because you're easy on the eyes as a guy means little to an attractive woman. You have to look like a 6'3" ripped male model for your looks to make women go out of their way to talk to you.

"Hot" (9-10) will get you laid with little effort.

Handsome, cute, attractive (6-8) just gets your foot in the door, nothing else.

It honestly has nothing to do with how good-looking you are. A hot girl is still going to be full of herself, be totally into herself, and believe to be better than everyone else. She can have most any guy she wants, and is going to have rediculously high standards beyond just looks. Most of them even DEMAND that a guy is handsome / hot / gorgeous + [all her other outrageous entitlements]. Being good-looking is just their base standard; they can get this easily.

I used to date gorgeous women; and, no matter how good-looking they thought I was - they were still stuck up, high maintenance ****s. They still lost interest incredibly fast, jumped from one guy to the next, played everyone, treated them like crap, etc. Nobody is special to these girls. A hot guy is just another hot guy in their stream of hot guys. The lower status ones will get friend-zoned and rejected without a second glance. Even those that get a chance are still disregarded as quickly as the last guy. This is the nature of most hot girls. It's wired into them based on their environment.

Remember that good-looking people generally tend to associate with those deemed on their "level", so they're already choosing their pickings from all the hot guys they run into on a daily basis. One hot guy is nothing special to them; they're used to this; its completely normal for them. They're looking for the hot guy that stands above the pack. A boring, insecure, nice hot guy won't do anything for them.

Beyond that, even if they do show interest and want sex - you can still mess it up by being insecure, unconfident, needy, etc. This is where I failed big time back in the day. Girls would approach me, initiate sex, and all these things you say, but nothing ever happened - because I fouled it all up. Too much fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, second-guessing, worrying, and the inability to close drove them all away - when they were practically begging for it.

There is certainly more you have to do than just being hot and dressing well. Even being social means nothing if you are shy and insecure around hot women. The only thing that matters is how you interact with, and come off towards THEM. You must be confident, assured, unafraid, assertive, and be able to take charge in the sexual realm. They won't help you if you're shy, nervous, afraid, come off as a virgin with no experience, etc... They'll just get turned off, and find someone else who will act like a man who has experience and knows what he's doing instead. Even if that person isn't as good-looking as you are. This is especially true if she just wants sex.

Being good-looking just provides more opportunities. It doesn't guarantee anything. Most good-looking people are simply confident naturally - as a result of their looks, options, status, lifestyles, etc. Good-looking AND confident pretty much trumps all. You do NOT want to act as though you never have any hot women showing interest in you, and that you don't know how to interact around them. This is a turn-off. Most of these girls are very into status, and other superficial crap that doesn't matter. But, that's what you gotta deal with when engaging these types.

It should also be noted that bars are a HORRIBLE place to get women. Most interactions last a few minutes to a few days at best. There's way too many guys in their vicinity. The hot girls are like kids in candy stores - with all the hot guys roaming those areas, and many of them are simply there for the attention, ego boost, free drinks, and conversation. It's also very competitive, and most everyone is looking for the same thing. You pretty much gotta close as soon as possible. Can't be afraid, act wishy-washy, or delay. You gotta man up, approach with confidence, make them smile, flirt/banter, then close the deal without hesitation. Otherwise, you're probably never going to hear from them again.

 

[Kenny Powers]

wow i was surprised to see so many responses to the freaking essay i wrote so soon but even more surprised to see that no one was a diick which is rare on this site. Really appreciate all the help guys, there was some solid advice here, especially all the stuff about being more sexual. I've actually mentioned on this site before how i need to get better about escalating and going for the makeout.

This is a rare moment on this site where im not tempted to argue with anyone or dispute any claims. So im definitely going to take everything you guys have said into consideration.

I do want to be clear that when interacting face to face with girls im pretty good at being confident and smooth, especially when tipsy. While as you can see i have some insecurities and self doubts overall im a pretty confident person and have gotten pretty good at not getting overly excited/phased by how hot a girl is - at least when we're talking face to face. I might do a little dance later when im home alone though

Therefore i think it might mainly be that I need to act more sexual and escalate, show less interest when not escalating (especially when planning a meet-up), and not saying dumb stuff. I like to talk in general and really need to work on thinking before i speak.

Side story: I scared an awesome girl off once cause I was running my mouth as usual and told her how i couldn't believe my roommate had been in a relationship for 5 years. Yeah turns out she had just gotten out of a 3 or 4 year one. For some reason she didn't want to hang out anymore after that...

 

[floydb25]

Not gonna argue against any of those points... Talking too much generally ties into trying too hard and being over-eager. There's usually a "desperate to be liked" aura around it. You don't want to be one of those loud-mouth, attention ***** types. Being more of an active listener is more effective, but you still want to engage in the conversation. Sexual escalation is also a must, but much like with conversating, you don't want to be too aggressive or pushy about it. Always maintain a calm, active confidence.

One thing I'm curious about: how do you come off AFTER the initial interaction you have with these girls; and exchange numbers, meet up again, or whatever? One problem I used to have was faking confidence - much in the same way a jerk pretends to be nice (and fails). They can generally see through the charade, and can tell if you're insecure, weak, desperate, or needy.

So, during the first few encounters - I was on fire. Totally confident, presented a challenge, unphased by their looks, kept them intrigued, engaged them totally, had no fear, and all that good stuff. Then I became insecure and needy - being that those were my true colors - and they would lose interest. The switch was almost immediate. Who they thought I was, and who I presented myself as being - which they couldn't get enough of - wasn't the real me. The lack of confidence and low self-esteem that I was hiding turned them off big time once it came to light. This came off in every interaction - including sexual ones. I would act nervous, uncertain, afraid, and built up so many fears in my head. Needless to say, it was disastrous. Nothing like how they perceived me as being in the beginning; the confident, self-assured, strong, sexy man that attracted them in the first place.

Who they are initially attracted to (and the things you do during this period) is who you want to be for as long as possible - without having to fake it. If you're good with random strangers, but become insecure, uncertain, afraid, etc when someone gets too close - this is going to show once you start dating someone. Trying too hard, being too available, showing too much interest, acting over-eager, seeking approval, etc. So, don't be those things.

There's no reason to be insecure, or wonder if someone likes you, or if you're good enough for them. This is where confidence and sufficient self-esteem comes in, and it shows big time. You can't just be Mr high class alpha male for one date, or whatever. It's gotta be you - all the time. Anyone can be confident, social, and exciting when first engaging with someone - and most people usually are. It's just the way it is. A new prospect excites us and makes us feel good; we become more confident and happy temporarily. But, it's how you act normally that makes all the difference, and determines whether anyone will stick around.

 

[bigneil]

Chances are, you aren't good looking. Your Aunt Kay only told you that on Easter Sunday at the Church Banquet '04 to make conversation.

But if you're really good looking then go to a strip bar. They will tell you exactly where you stand. It's like putting your photo on Hot or Not, or a Star Wars figure on eBay. It's the black market of dating. Hot means they offer it for $200 and come home with you after. Not means they say they are busy. In the middle they charge $500. Find out your own bottom line.

But you don't "pay for sex". Then figure out, how much does it cost hanging at the bar to meet someone? 4 trips at $40 each? $160.
How many dates to score? Three of increasing intensity? $50 + $80 + $150 = $280 (if you're cheap).
How much time? 8 hours of texting/planning/waiting at $37.50 per hour (average US) salary = $300.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bottom line: if you are good looking and do it right (and she likes you and you don't mess up), you can score for $740 "for free".

But what are the odds? About 1 in 4 dates lead to sex (Louis/Copeland), so that means it costs 4 * $740 = $2960 before you really get sex.

That's what sex is worth. Not a marriage. Not half your income for life (40 years at $37,500 salary * .5 = $750,000).

 

[Aaron B]

wow i was surprised to see so many responses to the freaking essay i wrote so soon but even more surprised to see that no one was a diick which is rare on this site.

:rockon:

prolly happy this isn't yet another "how do i get my oneitis to _____?" thread

 

[nismo-4]

Long-ass simple case.

Be more sexual, don't be a "nice guy", and narcissism is a turn off if overdone. Above all, don't show insecurities and for damn sure don't supplicate. And don't worry about the past. Don't be afraid to talk to a woman. Leave your problems in the past.

Get off your ass and handle your business.

Case closed.

 

[Aaron B]

I'm re-discovering how well women respond to me when I do something every day that makes me genuinely happy and in a fun mood

 

[In2theGame]

You're just not sexual.

You can look as good and dress as well as you like but if you are not showing that you are a sexual being you will come off as just another nice guy and turn them off.

Trust me on this it is a HUGE turnoff for a girl to show you massive interest and green lights and then walk away from you in disappointment as you didn't deliver the goods that "you advertise."

Think of yourself as a billboard to a restaurant and the girl looking at you and your good looks being the billboard, but being disappointed when she steps into the restaurant (your interactions with you).

If you got girls giving you signals and lots of interest and when you interact with them you get nothing it's not their fault IT IS YOURS! If you get lots of female attention due to being blessed with good looks you are in a select group of men. It's not their fault it is your fault if you are not taking advantage of it. These women are already doing more for you (giving you clear signals) than what they do to most other guys.

In a way i am in the same boat as the OP and this advice is correct. Girls eye me everywhere i go, they are giving me the signals but I Dont do much about it, when i should.