Anything to have their ego's stroked

[edger]

Was at a bar with my buddy a few nights ago....so we're chillin' and a chick who's maybe about an 8 sits right next to him and starts a conversation with him, and finding her attractive, he talks to her...so they're talking for about 5 minutes or so, when she mentions to him she has a boyfriend. She say's this out of the clear blue sky. So we end up leaving a few minutes later. On the way back we started talking about it. He was kinda pissed that she wasted his time when she had a boyfriend. Now only 1 of 2 thing's could've happened here that I can figure:

1. Something turned her off about him while she was talking to him

or

2. She was looking to have her precious little ego stroked some more.

I can't say exactly what happened here, but I'd just like to reinforce what eveyone already knows and just to point out how amazing it is to what extent women will go to have their ego's stroked. I told him next time that happens to make up a story and play along with her bullsh*t and say something like "I'm going on 2 years with my girlfriend, how long have you 2 been together?"

 

[skeeloo]

i been throught the same thing. the funny part was when she said she got a boyfriend friend i told her i was engaged the girl got so pissed off asked me a hundred questions about my girlfriend and stuff. its a pity what people do to have thier ego stroked.

 

[InvisibleMan]

I get this all the time. In fact that's all I ever get. I even get women I'm not even interested in tell me about their boyfriends like it's some sort of nip in the bud tactic that women use to make sure I won't ask them out. I've had women show me their diamond engagement rings, and tell me about how great their boyfriends are, I even had one woman immediately say "I have a boyfriend" just from me sitting down next to her.


- Invisible Man

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This is known as a proactive LJBF or more commonly known as the 'Boyfriend Disclaimer'. Depending on the situation it can be approached from two possibilities.

If you approach the girl and she accepts it, and during the course of your sarge she drops the Boyfriend Disclaimer this is most commonly a proactive LJBF, or an OUT if she decides the attraction isn't there and the IL not sufficient.

If the woman aproaches you or is giving you blatant IOIs, or even AIs, and then proceeds to drop the Boyfriend Disclaimer there are a couple of possibilities. First, something in your rapport building or your attempts to increase her buying temperature made her wary and she's using the disclaimer as an OUT. Second, it can be that she is in fact interested and this is a sh!t test to be overcome in order to convince her of your confidence.

I tend to disagree with the ego stroking reasoning in that most women can get this without having to use a Boyfriend Disclaimer if they're sufficiently attractive. In this case you said she was an HB8 so I'd rule this out.

The long and the short of this is to consider every woman 'available' unless she's got a ring on her finger. The best way to handle the Boyfriend Disclaimer is to ignore it and continue with the sarge. Display confidence behavior in your mannerisms. I've tapped many a woman with a boyfriend who told me she had one prior when her attraction was high.

 

[Nighthawk]

People flirt, it's no big deal.

Hey Rollo, are you the same Rollo Tomassi who posts at AICN? I was Towelie but I've been banned so many times I can't use that ID anymore even if I add a bunch of invisible spaces before or after my name.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Women with genuine HIGH INTEREST LEVEL won't brutally shiiit test you the first time she meets you.

Instead, she'll be LOOKING for reasons to like you in order to justify her already genuine HIGH INTEREST LEVEL.

That chick was just on a casual fishing trip, not a true fishing expedition. When she sat down at the bar next to that guy her interest in actually getting to know him was barely over 50%.

Biitches who make you pass shiit tests right from the start are usually high maintenance, set in their ways, and usually are not very accomodating and satisfying to YOU sexually.

But for a guy they're REALLY interested in, they'll cook like BETTY CROCKER, change their attitudes like a 12-step program graduate, and fukk & suck like a Porn Star.


Happy Saturday!

 

[realsmoothie]

The thing that drives me nuts is girls who don't "disclaim" the boyfriend for an abnormally long time.

You know, the girl that you talk to in class or see at work every once in a while. You could talk to them two minutes a day every second day for a month... and then out of the blue they're like "my boyfriend and I".

Huh? If it were ME I'd be relaying this info PDQ.

I get this all the time at my work. Girls will come in, do their thing, and we'll chat at the counter about stuff for a minute or two. Over a couple of months we'll get progressively more knowledgable, and then suddenly she'll be like "oh yeah, I rented that one with my boyfriend last week".

 

[InvisibleMan]

The thing that drives me nuts is girls who don't "disclaim" the boyfriend for an abnormally long time.

You know, the girl that you talk to in class or see at work every once in a while. You could talk to them two minutes a day every second day for a month... and then out of the blue they're like "my boyfriend and I".

Huh? If it were ME I'd be relaying this info PDQ.

I get this all the time at my work. Girls will come in, do their thing, and we'll chat at the counter about stuff for a minute or two. Over a couple of months we'll get progressively more knowledgable, and then suddenly she'll be like "oh yeah, I rented that one with my boyfriend last week".

Apparently you're supposed to still sarge on even if given this info. But I've read a couple books that tell you to move on to another girl if the boyfriend thing comes up.

I'm tending to think sarging on even if a girl has a BF is probably not a bad idea. Do you ever see a real HB WITHOUT a BF? They always have BFs. Which means they probably meet some other guy WHILE they have a boyfriend who they liked better.


- Invisible Man

 

[blueguy]

I'm tending to think sarging on even if a girl has a BF is probably not a bad idea. Do you ever see a real HB WITHOUT a BF? They always have BFs. Which means they probably meet some other guy WHILE they have a boyfriend who they liked better.

That decision you make is all based on your own personal goals and values. Personally, I find girls who jump from one guy to the next very unattractive. These "HB's" tend to base most of their self worth from men who make sexual advances toward them. They will be in a less than satisfying relationship just for the self-esteem boost they get from the sex and jump ship when they find another "better" guy. And also I think a relationship founded from the beginning with mistrust is not a very healthy one. Just one reason why when a girl mentions the boyfriend, I lose all ambition to "date" her but still keep her as an acquaintance.

 

[edger]

I tend to disagree with the ego stroking reasoning in that most women can get this without having to use a Boyfriend Disclaimer if they're sufficiently attractive. In this case you said she was an HB8 so I'd rule this out.

I'd say most(maybe even all) attractive/hot women always look for ego boost's even if they know they're hot to begin with. They're always looking for reinforcement. They'll do whatever they have to in the name of their ego's, even if that means talking to a guy they have no interest in, only to later use the boyfriend disclaimer on him. Enough is never enough.

 

[d9930380]

As Nighthawk says "People flirt - no big deal" - It's got nothing to do with her having her ego stroked. Girls that string a guy along for weeks/months then yea they're the insecure ones assuming they're not JUST doing it for money reasons.

Most women can't have a fun conversation with a guy without resorting to flirting and normally that's just them playing along with a guy's remarks. Face it women have no personality (most of the time). If the guy knew he wasn't getting any how long would he stay and talk to her? - it's her way of being sociable.

As for the boyfriend remark - If you like her just make a playful remark about how she won't be saying that in the morning. If you aren't interested then say "I know that's just a line when you're not interested, don't worry I'm not interested in you either so it's cool" - however you need another reason to be talking to her otherwise you just seem lame. Why would you be talking with her then - who knows as Invisible said I've had this also straight away when I've just been being friendly at a party or whatever and it's really insulting - It's basically her saying "I'm better than you so don't get any ideas". Fair enough reject someone when you need to but not before - that's just arrogance, it also comes from women I would NEVER go with too. Although it does seem to be the uglier the girl the arrogant she is - tries to put you down etc.

 

[realsmoothie]

Apparently you're supposed to still sarge on even if given this info. But I've read a couple books that tell you to move on to another girl if the boyfriend thing comes up.

I'm tending to think sarging on even if a girl has a BF is probably not a bad idea. Do you ever see a real HB WITHOUT a BF? They always have BFs. Which means they probably meet some other guy WHILE they have a boyfriend who they liked better.


- Invisible Man

Hey, my mom tought me from an early age that "boyfriends don't matter", for the very same reason that the good ones will always be dating someone.

From my experience that's true. In my work I see people repeatedly every few nights, so I'll see whether they come in single or with significant others or on dates. The hot ones VERY rarely come in alone, and if they come in while single it will be with a girlfriend and her boyfriend.

It leads me to wonder how a hot girl goes from one guy to the next. Does she date one guy fo a while, see another guy and talk to him for a while, then dump the first and make herself "available" for the second?

Or do they just cheat on the first one?

 

[InvisibleMan]

I'd be interested in what other guys on here had to say about them dating a really hot babe, and if she broke up with you what was the reason? Put your egos aside for a minute and tell us what reasons this HB broke up with you. Most chicks will probably lie about the reason, but you still may be able to find out the real reason. Did some other more experienced DJ come and steal her away maybe?


- Invisible Man

 

[resilient]

a closer look at actions, not words

It leads me to wonder how a hot girl goes from one guy to the next. Does she date one guy fo a while, see another guy and talk to him for a while, then dump the first and make herself "available" for the second?

Or do they just cheat on the first one?

From my experience, when the interest level is going off the cliff into the edge of the abyss: Women will withdraw from their b/fs, send mixed signals to him, suspicious txt/e-mails/calls to other guy "friends", bs cover-up stories, compilled with her withdrawn body language she's hooking up with another guy because she's bored in the relationship. When she finds a guy that is prize worthy and sees him as improvement from what she already has she'll dump the guy knowing that her next branch is nearly a sure set up.

Shakira may say hips don't lie, but I think eyes don't lie. When the eyes are excited they'll be big most the time and dilated. When their bored, they are dull and they seem to lose their sparkle. It's hard for our egos to face it, but it's so true when they lose attraction and she just doesn't "feel" it anymore.

And, Invisible - to answer your question, a guy will typically steal my girl away from me because I got too attached/clingy/needy. I stopped spinning plates. I let myself get too comfortable in the relationship and I talked about my frustrations and insecurities with myself, job/career, or family. So a word of wisdom, don't treat them like your best friends, you can't confide all your emotional drama/doubts with them, you have to learn to rely on your own gut instincts and never let them see you sweat. You're a man of self-insured confidence. Sure, you can show your soft side every now and then, but if it's all the time she'll leave for the bigger and better prize every time guaranteed.