It's called "Mode One - Let The Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking"
heres a part of the book I copy pasted to let you guys know what its about:
heres a part of the book I copy pasted to let you guys know what its about:
MODE ONE
Most of my adult life, my behavior had always vacillated between being confident, forthright, and provocative, and being well-mannered, cautious, and indirect. But prior to Fall of 1990, I had never actually thought to “categorize” my behavior, or anyone else’s behavior. It wasn’t until an interaction I had one evening in October of 1990, with a young lady who was acquainted with my mother, that I first came up with what is now known as The Four Modes Of Verbal Communication™.
That evening, I had a chance run in with this woman who was more familiar with my mother than myself. Now, as I alluded to earlier, this was the very type of woman who I usually had the most problems being my “real” self around. Anytime a young lady mentioned that she knew “Mrs. Currie,” my brain would immediately provoke me to exhibit behavior that was totally representative of being “Mr. Perfect Gentleman.” Sure enough, we ended up initially engaging in about fifteen to twenty minutes of uninteresting, irrelevant “small talk.” And you KNOW how much I HATE SMALL TALK.
Why do men frequently engage in trivial, meaningless small talk with women with whom they’re attracted to, when they know that this type of conversation is usually ineffective and unproductive? Because they are either a) confused about what it is they really want from this woman (a relationship? casual sex? a platonic friendship?), or b) they know specifically what they want, but they are afraid to communicate this to women. In my experiences and observations, it’s usually the latter.
This is what basically distinguishes the difference between effective verbal communication and ineffective verbal communication. When you know what you want from women, and you communicate your needs and desires to them in a confident, honest, and clearly understandable manner, this is representative of effective verbal communication. On the other hand, when you’re confused about what it is you really want from women, or you know exactly what you want from women, but you are afraid to communicate this information to them, this is representative of ineffective verbal communication.
When I was conversing with this young lady who was acquainted with my mother, I knew exactly what I wanted from her. I wanted to have casual sex with her. She was physically attractive, and had a very sexy demeanor about her. Was it shallow or superficial on my part to want to have [casual] sexual relations with her so quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Is it to your long-term detriment to interact with women in a phony, ineffective manner, while attempting to “hide” your true desires, interests, and intentions from them? MOST DEFINITELY.
Now some people would argue that introducing the idea of having sex with a woman in your very first conversation with her is “socially inappropriate,” or at minimum, representative of “bad manners.” They would contend that this type of conversational behavior is not representative of a true “gentleman.” I DISAGREE. In my opinion, there is a fine line difference between exhibiting behavior that is socially appropriate, and behavior that is phony and insincere. I think the former has value most of the time, but the latter leads to ineffective and unproductive relationships with women. I’m not at all suggesting that any man should be intentionally ‘rude’ or ‘disrespectful’ towards women. That won’t get you anywhere. On the other hand though, you want to avoid making comments, and expressing desires and interests that are not representative of what you’re REALLY thinking.
That’s my definition of “real” behavior. REAL behavior is behavior that is representative of your true and honest needs, thoughts, desires, interests, and intentions. On the contrary, PHONY behavior is behavior that gives people a deceitful and/or misleading impression of what your true needs, thoughts, desires, interests, and intentions are. If I interact with you primarily because I want you to help me find a job, and everything about my behavior allows you to know clearly that this is my main objective,
I’m being real with you. On the other hand, if I interact with you, and I give you the impression that I just want to “enjoy your company and conversation,” when in reality, I want you to introduce me to someone who can help me land a job, I would be guilty of being phony and manipulative.
Returning to my conversation with the young lady in 1990, my frustration finally reached a breaking point. I couldn’t take any more of this unproductive “small talk” any longer. I abruptly interrupted her while she was talking, and finally communicated to her in a very bold, ultra-confident, and extremely straightforward manner what my real desires, interests, and intentions were (I let her know I wanted to have casual sex with her). THE MANNER IN WHICH I EXPRESSED MYSELF TOTALLY CAUGHT HER OFF GUARD.
“Excuse me??! I beg your pardon??!”
As anticipated, my bold, extremely provocative, and straightforward manner of expression threw her for a loop. “Excuse me?!?!” was her first response. “I beg your pardon?!?!” came next. “I cannot believe you just said that!!” immediately followed. Now if I had received those types of shocked and flabbergasted responses from any other woman who was acquainted with my mother prior to this night, I might have been tempted to immediately become apologetic and regretful. Afraid that my “Mr. Perfect Gentleman” reputation would
possibly be tarnished. But on this night … in this conversation … I COULD CARE LESS. The desire to be REAL outweighed my desire to maintain an “innocent,” “wholesome,” and/or “well-mannered” image.
“Do you talk like this to ALL WOMEN in your very FIRST CONVERSATION with them?!?!” was the question she asked. My response? “What difference does it make to you how I approach other women … the important thing right now is that I approached you in the manner that I did because I’m interested in getting together with you.”
HER SURPRISING RESPONSE
She paused. She then just sat in my car for a moment and stared out the window. I figured after expressing to her why I REALLY wanted to share her company, either one of two things was about to happen: a) she was going to express to me, in one way or another, that she was uncomfortable with my provocative, straight-to-the-point manner of expressing myself, and convey to me that she had no desire in sharing my company in the near future; OR b) she was going to slowly, but surely acknowledge that the idea of us getting together wasn’t so bad after all, and subsequently invite me to share her company in the very near future (hey, it had happened before). After a few more moments of silence, she finally chose the latter response.
She gazed at me with a look of amazement and admiration, and soon let me know that she was incredibly turned on by my ultra-bold approach, my highly self-assured demeanor, and my fearlessly straightforward manner of verbal communication. Once she relaxed, she confessed that even when she was behaving in a shocked and startled manner, deep down, she actually found my manner of expression highly appealing. In particular, she acknowledged that once she realized that I wasn’t going to wimp out and apologize for expressing my desires and interests in such an unconventionally straightforward manner, she became even more turned on. “That is how I’ve always wanted a man … at least, one who I’m physically attracted to … to talk to me. But realistically, I would never expect most men to have the guts to … at least, not in their very first conversation with me…”
LIGHT BULB ON TOP OF THE HEAD TIME
That comment she made about me saying “what she wanted to hear, but wouldn’t [normally] expect to hear” intrigued me. After about 20-30 minutes of kissing and making out in the car, she wrote down her number and told me to feel free to come by her place the next day.
When I got home that evening, I was like a man on a mission. I was so excited that I had conquered my fear of speaking my mind, and risking my “Mr. Perfect Gentleman” reputation, that I didn’t know what to do. The fact that I had aroused her sexually was irrelevant and secondary. For me, the biggest thing was avoiding engaging in small talk, and feeling as though I was being phony. I had an adrenaline rush that was incredible. The biggest thing was that I kept repeating that comment in my head: “what she wanted to hear, but didn’t expect to hear.”
Beginning with that night, and on through the weekend, I began reading magazine articles on male-female relationships, books on what men and women found appealing and arousing in each other. After days of thought, I finally came to the conclusion that all conversational behavior exhibited by men towards women who they’re attracted to generally falls into one of four categories:
• Saying what women generally WANT TO HEAR, but for the most part, DON’T EXPECT TO HEAR (primarily, because they don’t think you have the “guts” to say what’s really on your mind); I categorized this behavior as “Mode One Behavior.”
• Saying what women generally WANT TO HEAR, and also what they generally EXPECT TO HEAR (primarily, because you’re being “well-mannered” and “conventional”); I categorized this behavior as “Mode Two Behavior.”
• Saying what women generally DON’T WANT TO HEAR, but what they typically EXPECT TO HEAR (primarily, because everything you’re saying is phony, insincere, timid, and/or cliché); I categorized this behavior as “Mode Three Behavior.”
• Saying what women generally DON’T WANT TO HEAR, and also what they DON’T EXPECT TO HEAR (primarily, because you’re being rude, crass, insulting, and/or blatantly disrespectful); I categorized this behavior as “Mode Four Behavior.”
And thus, THE FOUR MODES OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION™ were born.
