The argument against marriage for men is pretty straightforward. The most common reason given for men not to get married is that the financial outcome of divorce proceedings is seen to be unfair and often disastrous.
Usually, along with this, issues and concerns about custody of children are brought up as well, along with other concerns about losing the freedom to make life choices and so on. Generally, these issues vary so much on a case-by-case basis that they’re difficult to reasonably discuss.
I am no marriage champion by any means, and I'll be the first to admit our current culture introduces more risks than ever before for men who choose to get married. Most, if not all, of these risks present consequences only in the event of divorce, and they are complicated exponentially by children.
I think marriage itself gets an unnecessarily bad rap around here, and there really aren't a lot of facts to back it up, just anecdotes of men who had horrific experiences with marriage and divorce. Those stories should
not be ignored, but the plural of anecdotes is not data, and I think we should stop looking at marriage as something that is intrinsically bad.
Social and emotional benefits:
-Married couples report greater sexual satisfaction.
-Married women report higher levels of physical and psychological health.
-Married people are more likely to volunteer.
-Being married increases the likelihood of affluence.
-Married people tend to experience less depression and fewer problems with alcohol.
-Getting married increases the probability of moving out of a poor neighborhood.
-Married men make more money.
-Married women are less likely to experience poverty.
-Marriage is associated with a lower mortality risk.
These are all demonstrated, validated benefits. See below.
(refs)
Financial benefits:
-Almost always, you’re both going to be bringing in an income.
-You both benefit from economies of scale, meaning your expenses won’t rise as much as your income will.
-You have greater earnings stability.
-You have greater earnings potential, too.
-You have the “stable home” factor.
Granted, the above can ostensibly be achieved by cohabiting, but there are numerous other federal, state, and healthcare/end-of-life related benefits you
cannot get by simply cohabiting.
"But what about the risk and pain of divorce?"
You cannot eliminate
all risk from a marriage, just like you cant eliminate all risk from a business deal, or lease, or buying a dog. You are dealing with another living being. What you can do is mitigate as much risk as possible:
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Select properly, even if it takes years, and don’t get married until you’re absolutely sure.
Shouldn't need to be said, but it does.
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if you have assets you want to protect, get a prenupital agreement.
Self-explanatory, but many state also will allow you to add a waiver of alimony to your prenup. This waives one or both parties from ever claiming alimony, unless at the time of divorce it would cause one person to be impoverished.
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look at your behavior and your partner’s behavior honestly
Are either of you engaging in activities or behaviors that could reasonably lead to divorce? Cheating, heavy drinking, harder drugs, risky professions, etc. Is there anything about her you find borderline tolerable now that could worsen with time?
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Kids:
This is really a separate discussion, and brings into light a whole new set of risks and considerations. IMO it is a distinct issue from marriage itself, and should be approached as such. I think the majority of the bad divorce stories we read here involve children.
