I’m of the opinion that this is a coping word used to minimize the social and religious expectation that a normal couple would eventually commit to each other through marriage. As social morality and religious beliefs are on the decline, this word gets thrown around a lot. Here are two examples of where I know people that use and don’t use this word.
#1 - straight female that uses the phrase “life partner” instead of boyfriend
and
#2 - lesbian female that uses the word “wife”.
#1 and her boyfriend both have deep seated abandonment and commitment issues and are fearful of getting married even though they have been together for 12+ years. She even has a “promise ring” like you would give a girl in high school. Since the old norm would be that these two get married, calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend sounds a little ridiculous. “Partner” to me is their way to feel less shame for not fully committing with a legal and religious marriage. What is funny is that this woman’s father has asked her boyfriend what’s the deal? But the reality is that his daughter is the one not wanting to get married for some reason. She says she doesn’t want to have a big ceremoney, which has nothing to do with getting married. Just an excuse to defer the conversation.
#2 is the butch lesbian. She says “my wife“ all the time. I’m wondering if her “wife” calls her “husband” but I doubt it. So two “wives?” This situation would make more sense to use the word “partner“ to describe the other. I find her using the word “wife” a little disingenuous because I am heterosexual. Wife to me will always be a female married to a male. The alphabet community is all mixed up with pronouns and definitions so I take it all with a grain of salt. I’m surprised with all their 72 genders, the alphabet community hasn’t come up with some antiestablishment word to use for the person they are commented too.
I can’t remember how long ago but insurance and tax codes adopted the distinction “domestic partner” to allow gay/lesbian couples reap the legal benefits of their union. All too confusing to throw around the words husband and wife, when two of the same gender are involved. Partner is more non-gender specific.
