Anyone here have anxiety issues??

[squirrels]

I know everyone on here thinks I'm depressed, but lately I've begun to wonder if the depression is just a coping mechanism for a deeper anxiety problem.

I have a very hard time not being in control of situations. When there's a lot of uncertainty or risk of failure/humiliation, I tend to freeze up. I think it might be resulting in an inability to take on risk/try new things. Generally, the only way I get around it is counteracting it with adrenaline...or alcohol.

I've been put in a variety of positions lately in both my professional and personal life that have placed new responsibility on me, as well as introducing a certain element of uncertainty. And I've noticed I've had a LOT more trouble just "chilling out" and handling the situations.

They're really NOT as complex or catastrophic as I make them out to be, but I keep thinking about all of the potential risks and scenarios and things that can go wrong, how it can change certain aspects of my life, and a constant looming threat that I am committing to decisions that have the potential to ruin what I think are the "best years" of my life. The constant feeling of "not enough time" and the concern that I could end up in a situation that could damage me or that I wouldn't be able to recover from.

My knee-jerk reaction to these kinds of situations, where I suddenly feel vulnerable or uncertain, is generally what I call the "nuke it from orbit" approach. Just run the whole thing so deep into the ground that it can never bother me again. For example, if I feel uncertain or vulnerable in an interaction with a woman, I'll immediately break it off with her...delete her number, push her away, whatever I can do to just rid myself of the situation.

Sometimes it's more severe...if I find myself particularly uncertain of a situation, I'll even consider putting a bullet in my head to fix it. Not something I've ever REALLY contemplated, but the thought DOES pop into my mind.

I beat up on myself, too...constantly feeling like I'm not good enough to take on certain endeavors because I start to flip out when committed to them.

I remember one incident where I flew out to Cali on a whim to meet up with a friend, and I found the situation completely different than what I had originally anticipated. I remember virtually panicking in the hotel-room that night because I had no "nuke it" option available...I was pretty much committed to being there for the whole weekend. As soon as I accepted it...I ended up having one of the best times of my life. But still felt vulnerable and out-of-place/in over my head the whole time...scrambling for control.

You guys have seen my other thread about the weird girl I've been dating...twice now I have tried to "nuke it from orbit"...both times I have failed. She seems to know that deep down I don't want to nuke it and somehow she puts up with it...I cannot get rid of her, no matter how hard I try. I keep thinking SHE's being dramatic...then she turns it around and says all this is coming from ME, that *I* am projecting my own drama onto her...and god damn it she might be right. Her persistence in the face of my attempts at romantic suicide is possibly the most unsettling...maybe FRIGHTENING...thing I have faced in a VERY long time.

It's like...when I find myself in an uncertain or uncomfortable situation, I want to start taking steps to resolve it RIGHT AWAY. If I can't...I virtually flip out and want to go blowing stuff up. Good example...there was a discrepancy at the hospital over my bill from when I broke my leg (they double-billed me by accident) and I got a notice from them saying I was past-due. I got the notice Friday afternoon and their billing office had closed for the weekend...and I pretty much flipped out. I couldn't handle the fact that there was a false claim of delinquency and I couldn't take steps to fix it until Monday. I damn near worry myself to death about stuff like that if I can't find SOMETHING to distract me.

The constant feelings of worthlessness, of self-doubt, anxiety, depression, have given me a unique perspective that allows me to stay VERY functional and operate at a VERY high level with certain things. So naturally I'm afraid to abandon it outright. But I think it holds me back in other parts of life. For example, independent endeavors, business projects, stuff like that...I'm nearly incapable of comprehending that kind of responsibility and risk. Even when I went to buy my car, once we had worked out a deal, I almost couldn't sign. I wanted more time to "think about it". As impulsive as I'd LIKE to see myself, making rash decisions scares me to death.

I used to drink to settle my mind...it also helped my "game" with the ladies. It's a miracle I'm not an alcoholic. I kind of had a wake-up call when I got my DUI...since then, I've tried not to drink as much. Then I would hate myself when I sobered up...I'd be like, "I can't BELIEVE I did that sh!t"...even though no one cares. If I hook up with a girl, I'd always feel sh!tty afterward because "People think of me as a "master Don Juan"...I should be able to do better than her" or "I'm risking STDs/pregnancy for a cheap thrill" or a million other reasons.

Anyone else like this?? I imagine some of you MUST be, given that you're here because of having trouble talking to women. How do YOU deal??

 

[joverby]

Damn dude, that sounds a lot like me. Probably projecting myself / problems onto my girlfriend. I realized it seems like I always have to have something to worry about it seems.(W/ her especially) Even if I sit there and remind myself of things like there's nothing I can do to control it so I shouldn't worry etc.

I also freak out if I can't fix issues that are VERY important to me immediately. Probably because I know the anxiety that ensues, but it's because we prioritize it too highly it happends in the first place maybe? IDK man. I wish I did.

 

[Brownrice]

Sounds like you are a perfectionist who's afraid of failure.
It's dangerous combination that can ruin your life and cause constant anxiety. Just relax and know that it won't be the end of the world in most cases.

The reason for this behavior could be past failures you've had in the past. Your fear of going back to those unpleasant periods of your life if you fail could be the reason while you're so anxious.

Here is one thing you need to know:

As long as you're a free man who's in good health, everything will be ok..
Money can be re-attained, girls can be replaced, friends can be replaced.

 

[SecondHalf]

Might you have a little voice (placed by someone else - father?) that might have suggested that you're a failure or will not amount to anything because you didn't follow some other path?
Nicely blocked or denied of course.

It certainly can happen.
My father called me stupid and worthless while I was a child and you know, on a subconscious level, I still feel that way. It doesn't matter that I make 200k per year and own a fat home in the core of a huge city, I still harbor that projected self image from time to time.
It manifests itself when I need to fill out government forms, do life planning etc. All these things are simple, but I fear them none the less.
I get beyond anxious and yes, sometimes I drink myself through it.

With women, I sure can interest them, but I feel like an actor and usually dump them before they discover my true self (even though it's nonsense).

You may need to find the pebble that started the avalanche and trace it though.
It's tough, but understanding it sure helps moving forward.

Hope I'm incorrect!

Good luck with this squirrels!

SH

 

[EvilAgenda]

Squirrels, there's nothing wrong for a man to know where he stands and to admit his fears.

Live on the edge of your fears, but don't go too far over the edge, as it will result in anxiety.
And also don't live too far away from your fear in the comfort zone, because that will just make you feel incomplete as a man.

You know this. Don't beat yourself up if having doubts fks with your mind. That only means that you are sane.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Hey Squirrels,

You should check out a book called Buddha's Brain. It's not a religious book, but more of a study on how the mind works. Almost an intro meditation.

I'm only about 1/4 the way through this book. It's really helped a coworker of mine who was always experiencing anxiety problems. He's actually taken the whole concept and started mediating. He's found a unique peace, and is really a pleasant person now.

It seems to focus on how there's so many aspects in life that are beyond our control. It shows that life truly is in the moment, and to focus our energy on how we can control ourselves, how we act and react to an environment that "is what it is".

Most people don't really see reality for what it is, their reality is what is interpreted by themselves, given information on how the brain process that information.

 

[Boilermaker]

Paxil.

is your cure.

Relief in alcohol, ability to weather the storms, being high-functioning yet still insanely anxious are ALL signatures of a very high background "noise".
You have learned to live with it. But you don't have to.

20 mg's of Paxil a day and you are a different person.

(My brother is a shrink)

 

[SteR]

Paxil.

is your cure.

Relief in alcohol, ability to weather the storms, being high-functioning yet still insanely anxious are ALL signatures of a very high background "noise".
You have learned to live with it. But you don't have to.

20 mg's of Paxil a day and you are a different person.

(My brother is a shrink)

Drugging himself isn't a cure for the root problem (whatever that may be). I completely disagree with this approach... it'll only make things worse.

 

[Warrior74]

Paxil.

is your cure.

Relief in alcohol, ability to weather the storms, being high-functioning yet still insanely anxious are ALL signatures of a very high background "noise".
You have learned to live with it. But you don't have to.

20 mg's of Paxil a day and you are a different person.

(My brother is a shrink)

Paxil really made my mild anxiety worse. I felt like I was losing my mind.

I went cold turkey and started a regiment of clean eating, sleep, exercise, meditation and affirmations to get back to normal and even better. I started looking at the things that bothered me and started trying to conquer them one by one. All of that did more for me than any pill or moping about ever did. YMMV.

 

[squirrels]

Paxil.

is your cure.

Relief in alcohol, ability to weather the storms, being high-functioning yet still insanely anxious are ALL signatures of a very high background "noise".
You have learned to live with it. But you don't have to.

20 mg's of Paxil a day and you are a different person.

(My brother is a shrink)

Yeah, I figured as much. I was taking St John's Wort for a while and it didn't do much. I got my old doc to write me a scrip for Lexapro...was on it long enough for the free sample to run out...then got concerned about "being a different person". I'm not comfortable with the idea of changing...the same things that hold me back also keep me motivated. I'm not sure if I'll like the new person I am.

Which would be fine...except an SSRI is very hard to quit. If you don't wean off of it VERY carefully, you can start getting "brain zaps" and whatnot due to low serotonin levels. I am VERY concerned when I read the literature that comes with a med and it says, "IF YOU MISS A DOSE, CALL YOUR DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!!"

 

[Boilermaker]

I am on Paxil, myself, and I feel like I can drop it anytime I want. Not all SSRIs are the same in that sense.

In fact, most of the time I forget to take it and I realize it after a few days. On the bright side, it made me a happier person. In fact I am more meticulous than ever because I am not driven by the "latest and loudest", rather I can be much more selective and organized.

I don't know, it has changed my life, I will continue using it until low anxiety becomes an intrinsic part of my life.

Oh incidentally, it delays orgasms, has worked like magic, just at the right time for me! haha

 

[Sue Madre]

Go ahead and take the paxil. I knew a guy who took that and he gained 20 pounds in a week.

I could probably use it too, and a shrink. But I don't want to pop those things and become a fatass.

 

[Zodiac]

I'm on Buspirone 7.5 mg twice a day and I miss it occasionally. Hell I went without it for 3 days when I had to work double shifts during that time and had no side effects. Anxiety meds do help some people that cant deal with an issue otherwise or just need to take them for a kick start to help them overall.

 

[EastWind]

I cannot really offer advice, but I hope to make you feel better by telling you that your post in an absolutely exact description of me. You are not alone. And your post made me realize that neither am I.

Especially the part about taking decisions impulsively - important ones especially, is something that totally escapes me when I see it in some other people. I'm afraid to commit to something that might close off other pathways or negatively influence my life.

Someone posted something about father issues... my dad loves me very, very much, but due to his age and him having been in WWII as a child, he's a very careful and overprotective man when it comes to his children (not when it comes to himself, incidentally...)

I do not have the time to post more right now (important presentation coming up - yes, I'm nervous) but I will keep an eye on this thread.

One thing though, don't take pills. My mother was actually the contrast to my dad - pushing me softly to take risks, not see everything as black and white and discover my limits. She also taught me two other things:

How do you eat an elephant? Bite. By. Bite. No major personality change has been achieved overnight. I have identified these problems you speak of in myself, and I train myself to realise when I am in such a situation where I might compromise myself by not taking a decision out of fear/anxiety. I still fail a lot, but it's getting a *little* better.

Don't take drugs. Pills are drugs. Unless your immediate health and survival depend on them (like for antibiotics if you have the plague...), learn to live without them. I for one will never take antidepressants or similar - I'd much rather get to know myself so I can control myself better. It pays off much more in the end and you don't drift away if you can't have your fix.

Regards,
EastWind

 

[scrouds]

Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. I would posit that a signifigant number of people in the rungs of learning the crimson arts have this issue. I have a mild anxiety / depression complex too.

My treatment: 5-htp and avoiding wheat products. I figured out I'm allergic to wheat. Caused all sorts of anxiety, can't sit still stuff (was misdiagosed as ADD in school). 5-htp for the mild depression and slight paranoid anxiety effects.

 

[Paintballguy]

You sound like me to a t, and I have an anxiety disorder. Check it out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder I find myself worrying about everything and trying to control as much as possible. When stuff isn't in my control, I panic. Most of the time, I can't even enjoy something like banging a hot chick. I'm too worried about potential pregnancy or STD's. Most guys would be thrilled just to have banged the chick. It definitely sucks.

 

[speed dawg]

I, like many others, don't have an answer for you. Just the relief that I feel the EXACT, I mean E X A C T same way.

 

[Sue Madre]

Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. I would posit that a signifigant number of people in the rungs of learning the crimson arts have this issue. I have a mild anxiety / depression complex too.

My treatment: 5-htp and avoiding wheat products. I figured out I'm allergic to wheat. Caused all sorts of anxiety, can't sit still stuff (was misdiagosed as ADD in school). 5-htp for the mild depression and slight paranoid anxiety effects.

I tried 5htp awhile ago and I found it did help. For some reason I stopped taking it, but I know you can get it at CVS. I think I'm going to try it again. Here is the skinny on it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-Hydroxytryptophan

 

[Slickster]

Squirrels, it sounds like this crazy chick you are dating is forcing you to look at things (and maybe yourself) a little differently. Not necessarily a bad thing. I hope you keep her around for a little while at least if this is the case.

I may have the opposite problem. I am frequently accused of being WAY too laid back. I get criticized for lack of emotion or reaction in certain situations.

My wife has anxiety issues and I think I drive her nuts sometimes. Other times she tells me that my calm nature has really mellowed her out.

One thing I've noticed with my wife is that vigorous exercise really seems to clear her head when she's having an anxiety attack.