Anyone here a quiet guy?

[fastlife]

I say this as someone who for most of my life has been more quiet than otherwise: Being quiet is usually the result of self-suppression. There, I said it. It's not some badge of honor--usually you go through some sh1t, in your childhood or later on, and you get forced in your head; you become alienated from yourself, and disconnected from other people and even your environment is an offshoot from that. It's why things you used to enjoy become boring, why you no longer feel joy, why you're no longer able to connect with other people conversationally.

A lot of people think this is just part of "growing up," but really it's just losing the battle of freely expressing yourself the way children brought up in a healthy environment are naturally able to do. Society wants you to be the quiet guy who doesn't stand out or disrupt his environment.

I'm not saying you should become some chatty Cathy or the loudest guy at the bar or that you need to spill your guts out or lay all your cards on the table--but you should be connected with your ideas and comfortable expressing them freely without fear of consequence or retribution. Whether or not you get the girl as a result of that doesn't really matter (though in my experience the girls who chase the quiet, potentially invalidating type are usually more aggressive, more hungry for validation, usually have daddy issues)--but because it feels good. I know, for me at least, the times I was most socially open were the times when I felt the freest and the happiest.

 

[ArcBound]

Nothing is in a vacuum.

If you are silent and ugly, less results.
If you are silent and attractive more results.

If you are silent and go sit in a dark corner of the room, no one notices you.
If you are silent and go to the bar at the middle of the room, more people notice you.

You can be silent, but through the way everyone around you is treating you, people can have an idea of where you stand socially, economically.
Eventually you will need to open your mouth, and in my life experience people who are high energy and talkative get more sex and relationships than those who aren't.
I was a big introvert for most of my life, reading sci-fi books in the high school library during free period, the guy who would go to a party and not say much. It worked sometimes, most of the times nothing.
After undergraduate I revamped myself and became much more talkative and forced myself to be high energy and lo and be-hold more results.

Is there anything innate about being talkative or high energy that makes women like me more? Maybe, maybe not. But being talkative also increases the amount of people you come across which could account for a large portion of the success. You won't really stand out being silent unless you are also attractive in which case it wouldn't matter if you are silent or talkative.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I notice that when you don't say much, people tend to listen more to what you do have to say, then your words carry more weight to them so it balances out.

Do you feel more indignant now like it isn't worth your time or you just dont feel like talking?

 

[cola]

I notice that when you don't say much, people tend to listen more to what you do have to say, then your words carry more weight to them so it balances out.

Do you feel more indignant now like it isn't worth your time or you just dont feel like talking?

Just don't feel like talking bro. Not mad, or depressed or anything of the like. Quite the opposite actually.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I could be wrong, my sense of you Cola is that, in the right company, you would (gladly) open to engage a deep, meaningful and real conversation, and perhaps even feel enlivened by it.

I suspect you have come to the place where all that talk, that happens mostly as filler, so people don't have to face their discomfort with silence, you now experience as just that, meaningless space filler. I suspect you've come to the place where you have no desire to participate in things that simply fill space. I suspect you are interested in more depth, truth and meaningful exchange these days and thus given the choice between meaningless filler and silence, you choose silence.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yes I think I am. I'm not big on "water cooler" talk. Blah, it's has to be a topic that really interests me. Otherwise I don't have much to say about it.

Now ask my family & close friends and they will probably disagree.

 

[ubercat]

Well I guess I'm qualified to talk on the age issue. Yes most older guys are quieter because their lives are filled with what they have chosen to follow. So their minds r filled with their purpose.

I agree with @LiveYourDream. Not all of us have that dream job so loved of the motivational speakers or can be Entrepreneurs. So you are going to be stuck with limited socially conventional conversations a lot of the time. As LOTA said open ended questions are the way to go.

Use them to find a topic that person is passionate and very knowledgeable about.

Another way to keep yourself interested in the interaction is to go behind the words. Most people have an agenda or a self image that they are pushing. Work out what is driving them and started agreeing in a way that you haven't actually committed to anything.

 

[searching solace]

I could be wrong, my sense of you Cola is that, in the right company, you would (gladly) open to engage a deep, meaningful and real conversation, and perhaps even feel enlivened by it.

I suspect you have come to the place where all that talk, that happens mostly as filler, so people don't have to face their discomfort with silence, you now experience as just that, meaningless space filler. I suspect you've come to the place where you have no desire to participate in things that simply fill space. I suspect you are interested in more depth, truth and meaningful exchange these days and thus given the choice between meaningless filler and silence, you choose silence.

This, very much so. I'm 26 too and I've always been a pretty quiet guy but socially able when necessary. The industry I work in thrives on filler conversation, people talking for the sake of it, women chatting, constant 'banter'. When I joined, I found this to be a struggle - my team (who are massively social people) always expecting me to be lively and saying something.. anything, just for the sake of it. I had no interest in doing this and couldn't fake it either.

On the other hand, it has forced me to become a bit more socially adept, improving my interaction skills and confidence around people. I think it's necessary.

It makes me value the time I can spend with people who I don't feel the need to make an effort with or fill silences with - and this is just a few people.

I'd also agree with @fastlife. It's probably also due to self-suppression - why - I'm not sure. Probably due to my own insecurities, perhaps even feelings of inadequacy around other people. I have been used to women approaching me in the past, which I'm trying to change now, as I often attract girls with issues.

 

[Rainman4707]

I recently was asked by a friend what gift to give a girl on date 1. I cringed. So yeah, I'm definitely on the good side of that percentage

Really? Are guys that bad?

 

[Rainman4707]

I am the strong silent type.
In terms of dating, developing a deep voice is attractive. I used a deep voice to talk with one of my plates & she loved it, always telling everyone I had a sexy voice.

I agree that the life of the party is going to get the women. Good point though earlier in the discussion, that the girls, the life of the party gets may be the wrong type for a quiet man. Especially if you're looking for a long term partner.

 

[Jordski]

Me. But i am attractive, and now that i work out it make things even better. I let girls do all talking, i just smile, stare right into their eyes, and pretend like i care. And when we get into my car, i told them im going to kiss you and dive. Worked twice with tinder bish. Basically if they liked you they dont care sh1t u say.

 

[wifehunter]

yes

 

[Poon King]

So Im getting older..(27 in a few months) and to be blunt, alot of times I just dont feel like talking anymore.
Maybe some of the older guys can relate but when I was younger I was quite the chatterbox. Now talking feels kind of like a chore. Even typing this is mildy irritating.

Anyway people change, i suppose. I want to transition my game to a more quiet, smooth "only say the minimum" style.
Both socializing with men and dating..

Strong silent type I guess? Anyone master this?
Id imagine you would have to have very dominant body language and piercing eye contact and also be above average looks to pull this style off.. all of which I have so

Advise away

I'm a strong supporter and participant in "minimalist" game or whatever you want to call it. Basically, talking as little as possible. I've posted before that I ask for women's numbers after less than a minute of conversation. I've never been big on small talk to begin with and with age I have even less time for it.

You don't have to be a big talker to get laid. Ultimately, women only care about what they think you can do for them.. not how much you talk.

Its relatively easy to be a quiet guy and game women because most women like to talk anyway and will chatter away once you start a conversation with them. Rather than talking a lot.. I just make sure to say what needs to be said and ask the questions that need to be asked. My goal is always to get laid with as little energy as possible.

My suggestion to you is to be more physical with women. Its very important to invade her personal space early and often. This sets the tone for sex in her brain and keeps her from putting you in the "friend" category. The more neutral non-sexual conversations you have with a woman, the more likely you will be friend zoned. Which is just another reason to talk LESS.