anyone good at predictions?

[tangoblue]

i want to know which way you think my new girlfriend might go...

the question: will she eventually return to her long time boyfriend of 7 years, or will she stay with me. (only 3 weeks!)

She broke up with him to be with me... According to most Hollywood script writers...I think that I am just supposed to be the intermediate guy that she has a fling with when she is in a lowpoint in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and then re-realizes her feelings for her boyfriend and returns to her "true love", her ex-boyfriend. But, that is just Hollywood, right?


A recent email from her, for you all to try and read between the lines (She is japanese..thus the strange english at times):

-my name-,
I love you so much.
the difficult thing for me is, how to deal with my ex-boyfriend.
sometimes, he makes me annoyed by emailing me a lot and asking many questions.
sometimes, though, he really reminds me how he has been nice to me or how i liked the way he talked. more than that, i can totally imagine how he's feeling...so sometimes i feel kind of sad..
after i told him about you, he was really really hurt.
he tried not to see me again, but he found that it was too hard.
i thought just meeting him as a friend would be fine. but now, i don't want to spend too much time with him. i think i am kind of cold...i don't know how my feelings to him change from now.
the day before yesterday, i told him that i was starting to love you more... i guess he had been trying to being around me because he thought i still loved both of you the same way. but i am feeling closer to you now. I told him so...because i didn't want to give him a wrong idea.
this email is probably confused...i don't know what exactly i want to say.

i love you, -my name-.

 

[NewMan]

It's very highly likely that you are the rebound guy.

She's confused, he's in the picture - she probably doesn't know what to do.

What's more, she's had no time alone to figure things out.

But what the hell?

It's all about you really. Are you happy? are you awilling to put up with this?

The best thing you can do, is be cool. Enjoy her, but make sure you don't invest to much time and emotion in it. You've got to understand that this could end as quickly as it started. Be prepared for that.

But in the meantime have fun and enjoy it while you can.

If you can't handle it, let her go and tell her to call you when she get's her sh#t together.

It sounds like she's a chick who hates to be alone.

 

[DankNuggs]

3 Weeks huh, My advice: (although you shouldn't have been exclusive with her without doing this) Sit her down, tell her how amazing the past three weeks have been, and how you feel this amazing connection. Blah blah blah...Then tell her that the relationship won't work unless both of you are free to give yourselves to each other. This ex boyfriend didn't work out, there are reasons for it. And that she should be concentrating on your feelings now. And right now you feel that there is a piece of her that you don't have, and you won't settle for anything less than the whole pie. Tell her you need some time to think, and that she should as well to find in her heart, by herself, what she wants.....


This girl is telling you how much she loves you after 3 weeks??? I'd be skeptical, but this is a fantastic power move for you. If she decides to leave you, she was going to anyway, but this will eliminate any AFC on your part because your willing to walk away unless things are right, and on your terms. There will be no game playing allowed. Respect your dignity and don't let her use you.

Good luck

DN

 

[tangoblue]

I should clarify: She has been my girlfriend for 3 weeks (sleeping together) We knew each other for 6 months (no sex, out of respect for her boyfriend), about one year ago, and then she was overseas for about 8 months...and now, 3 weeks ago, we met again, and the relationship began the very day i picked her up at the airport. Her feelings grew over the time apart...

Yea, I am taking it pretty easy, as you suggest, NewMan...but I never let myself take girls too seriously anyway.. This site (and Buddhism/existentialism) has really taught me how to always be happy, with a great girl or without a great girl...

Thanks for your input, guys..

 

[tangoblue]

"What's more, she's had no time alone to figure things out."

she had 8 months...throughout that time, she emailed me a couple times a week, and i emailed her about once a month...

"This ex boyfriend didn't work out, there are reasons for it"
she claims that she was perfectly happy with him until she met me...

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by tangoblue
"What's more, she's had no time alone to figure things out."

she had 8 months...throughout that time, she emailed me a couple times a week, and i emailed her about once a month...

"This ex boyfriend didn't work out, there are reasons for it"
she claims that she was perfectly happy with him until she met me...

HAHA, exactly why you can never trust women... This happened to me with one of my girlfriends... She then promised me that she wouldn't do this to me... How she was honest now and happy and wasn't looking for something new... Women are always happy with you until somebody they perceive is better comes along... Be careful with this bi tch.. She'll do it to you too, no matter what she says. TRUST ME. ~Zappa

 

[tangoblue]

yea, nothing ever suprises me

 

[drZaius09]

She's an attention wh0re. Why is she even discussing this with you? She wants to make you jealous, I guarantee she's singing a different tune when the ex is around and you are not. She's not doing anything original or unusual, but see it for what it is-- playing both ends against the middle. Why do we continue to put up with this bullsh1t?

Here's an on-the-fly reply I just came up with:

"Dear <B1tch>,
I appreciate the situation you're in right now, but it's really none of my concern. With all due respect, I don't wish to make it my concern. I trust that you will resolve things the way you believe is right.... <conclude with light-hearted chatter to soften the mood>"

This can also serve as a test. If she truly "loves" and respects you, then she'll understand how you stand and won't bring it up again. If she has a problem with the way you've responded, perhaps feeling that you were a little "insensitive," then she proves the attention wh0re theory with flying colors. That's when you NEXT her ASS!

 

[tangoblue]

wow, "Dear *****" is a little rough...or do you mean that I should substitute her name for *****?

but you are absolutely right about her wanting be to be jealous..
however, she knows that i never waste my life being jealous, and i've told her before that i really don't care about her spending lots of time with her ex-boyfriend... maybe some of you will not understand this, but you could say that it's part of my life philosophy. and being jealous never stopped a girl from cheating anyway...

she always says how she can't understand how i am never jealous.
in one email she writes "usually, i want my boyfriend to be jealous."

 

[tangoblue]

It's happening...

It's happening...

She told him that she was starting to love me more...
He suddenly stopped being an AFC and moved on...
Suddenly she is falling for him all over again...
This is all happening as I expected...

Her recent email to me...

"the handwriting you left on my schedule book also works well...i put your picture on that page. i'm glad you are using the cloth! (note to forum readers: a kind of oven glove she gave me)
i'm trying not to think too much, but i think i still love my ex-boyfriend. as he gets better, he behaves in his character...does this make sense?

kill bill was funny...i laughed when 3 guys were getting closer to the main character, when she and the chinese yakuza boss were speaking japanese, and many other points. but i can't look straight at the screen when someone is killed...even though i know it's fiction.

i found an explanation of 'Wabi-sabi' feeling on my old textbook from highschool. i'll write about it next time...

i am really hoarse right now...it's not painful, i just can't speak very well. i hope it's not a cold.

Love you so much,
Yoko "

In my reply, I will somewhat ignore what she said about her ex boyfriend..., and just say it doesn't really matter to me how she feels about him...

Honestly, I really don't care how she feels about him..
I'm viewing this as a challenge...trying to see how long I can keep her before the inevitable happens...

 

[echo1212]

Look dude, you can keep playing these high school games with this girl or you can be a MAN and straighten this mess out.

Lets look at the facts.

One, she left a 7 year relationship to be with you-the odds of you two having a ltr out of that are not good.

She flat out said she likes to make guys jealous.

She has told you she still loves her ex but...

She also said she loves you!! After 3 weeks? Gimme a break. She just doesnt like to be alone and creates fantasies of love and wonder to help her feel better. Classic sign of borderline personality disorder.

Now, you can keep hanging on and being afc with her, doing her bidding WHEN she wants it. Or..you can be a man and say look, " you're a cool person to hang out with, it would be fun getting to know each other more, but right now doesn't seem like a great time for you. We can stay in touch once in a while like we did previously, but as far as a relationship, lets stay out of that until things become more clear." And leave it at that. No big sob stories, no drama, no begging.

Its really obvious to me that she RESPECTS a Dj and not a AFC, due to the fact as soon as her ex started to leave her alone and become more DJ like, she started to go back to him. While you, I'm guessing since youre here now and judging from your posts, are acting more and more AFC like, whether you realize it or not.

Bottom line is she has 7 years with this guy. Let her work things out in her head before you come to the rescue. Odds are if you leave things alone she'll break up with the guy permanatly now that she knows whats out there, but you have to let her come to that decision.

 

[tangoblue]

"One, she left a 7 year relationship to be with you-the odds of you two having a ltr out of that are not good."
Agreed. I'm not expecting it to last.

"She also said she loves you!! After 3 weeks? Gimme a break. She just doesnt like to be alone and creates fantasies of love and wonder to help her feel better. Classic sign of borderline personality disorder."
Not after 3 weeks. We have known each other a little over a year, (including 6 months just emailing as she was away.) We had the same relationship as we do now, the first couple of weeks...just without sex and without the word "love." 3 weeks was just the time that we have been "officially" in a relationship, but it was there all along, while she was with her current ex.

"her bidding WHEN she wants it."
I've never done her bidding before.

"While you, I'm guessing since youre here now and judging from your posts, are acting more and more AFC like, whether you realize it or not."
I'll trust your judgement but I can't find where I am showing AFCness...
I'm not being needy...I don't need her and she knows I don't. I tell her all the time.. "Look, I like you, and I like spending time with you, but without you, I am fine...and I will forget you." I think this especially shows in the fact that I'm not at all jealous about her seeing her ex-boyfriend. I haven't tried to influence her decision making...my approach has always been "do whatever the hell you want"

"Odds are if you leave things alone she'll break up with the guy permanatly now that she knows whats out there, but you have to let her come to that decision."
This is exactly what I am going to continue doing. I'm not going to get involved...and what happens happens..
Thanks for your input echo...
By the way, if you read this, point out to me where I am being AFC..(sincere request..no undertones...i promise)

 

[xblitz44x]

Hang in there, there's no reason to panic right now. However, I do agree that this chick has a delusional idea of what love really is. Love = Like to her. If she was truely serious about going back to the boyfriend soon, I don't think she would have told him about you. Especially not a Jap chick. You're doing well, be the strong man here and I'd even say to her things like "Hey, you need to decide what would make you happy. Ultimately we all have to take care of ourselves. You seem confused, take some time to think about it." Give her some time and let her know that you are confident and comfortable with whatever she does. The more secure you are that she will do what she wants ANYWAY, the less you'll play stupid mind games to try to sway her from a decision she's undoubtedly going to make anyway.

 

[drZaius09]

I say drop this ho now before her mind-f*ck reaches full penetration. Do you find it a little odd that she is so comfortable discussing all this with you? Do you think she may have a reason for being so open? It is to CURB HER GUILT. When she finally dumps you she won't feel as bad because she showed you that it was coming. Stop asking us for directions, read the road signs that are clearly displayed in front of your face.