Anyone else get this feeling?

[XThrax]

I was doing approaches in a bar tonight and around the time of 11 a ton of people flooded in. And I noticed my social energy dropped from about a 7 out of 10 to 0. I felt drained and that I had to step outside.
I also noticed my self confidence dropped. Negative thoughts like "I cant do this." Or "She wont talk to me" entered my mind. I could not activate conversations in my head because my thoughts were drowned out.

This never happens with smaller groups but I remembered this is not the first time its happened. I know I have avoided the bars in the past because of this kind of thing but I wanted to do it anyway.

I am starting to wonder if I can do the bar scene or any form of night pick up. I cant seem to match the energy of large crowds.

Anyone else experience this feeling?

 

[Billtx49]

You may be somewhat shy and antisocial in a crowd. What’s lacking? The social confidence that comes with doing…
Your choice

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was doing approaches in a bar tonight and around the time of 11 a ton of people flooded in. And I noticed my social energy dropped from about a 7 out of 10 to 0. I felt drained and that I had to step outside.
I also noticed my self confidence dropped. Negative thoughts like "I cant do this." Or "She wont talk to me" entered my mind. I could not activate conversations in my head because my thoughts were drowned out.

This never happens with smaller groups but I remembered this is not the first time its happened. I know I have avoided the bars in the past because of this kind of thing but I wanted to do it anyway.

I am starting to wonder if I can do the bar scene or any form of night pick up. I cant seem to match the energy of large crowds.

Anyone else experience this feeling?

If you had a strong signal and they came in "ganged" up it can degrade your confidence. You would have to focus on the ones your already talking to. In a club scenario its good if your in good with a dj, bartender or bouncer or all 3.

 

[Young OG]

I was doing approaches in a bar tonight and around the time of 11 a ton of people flooded in. And I noticed my social energy dropped from about a 7 out of 10 to 0. I felt drained and that I had to step outside.
I also noticed my self confidence dropped. Negative thoughts like "I cant do this." Or "She wont talk to me" entered my mind. I could not activate conversations in my head because my thoughts were drowned out.

This never happens with smaller groups but I remembered this is not the first time its happened. I know I have avoided the bars in the past because of this kind of thing but I wanted to do it anyway.

I am starting to wonder if I can do the bar scene or any form of night pick up. I cant seem to match the energy of large crowds.

Anyone else experience this feeling?

You sound like you need to work on your inner game. Stop over thinking things and just act. Whenever I get negative thoughts like that, I just tell myself to stop being a little bVtch and approach.

 

[Chi Town]

Work on you're confidence

 

[XThrax]

You sound like you need to work on your inner game. Stop over thinking things and just act. Whenever I get negative thoughts like that, I just tell myself to stop being a little bVtch and approach.

Work on you're confidence

Ive been doing more thinking about this and my confidence level did drop. While I can do approaches in normal bars I think game is easier when I am with someone else, like a wingman or a friend. I will be the first to admit I can not flip a switch in my brain and become extroverted but I if I am rolling solo then I will stick specialty bars where I can match the energy around me. Quite bars, Video game bars, etcetera.

Also I saw other post that were deleted and I can say that I am physically right where I want to be.

 

[Tilex]

You need repeated exposures to large crowds.
It can't be once or twice a month. You have to be amongst large crowds every weekend. Eventually you'll be immune to it and won't notice all the people around you.
The right mindset is being able to work a room. That means talking to EVERYONE.

I don't know where you live, but if I were you I would take vacations to busy metropolitan cities like NYC, Hong Kong, Tokyo, London, Las Vegas, Toronto, Berlin, Chicago
Constant exposure to large crowds on a daily basis will reduce your symptoms.

 

[XThrax]

I did some more approaches tonight in a slightly less crowed venue. One was favorable but the conversion was over too quickly. I find it easy think of topics out side the conversation but in the moment its a bit different. I read a book that suggested I try and watch a sitcom to learn how to ramble which I can with people I am familiar with.
I will keep doing approaches to make myself better but in the mean time do you guys have any suggestions to improve my in moment skills?

I am also going o increase my day game. There is a wine festival and a Mixer/speed dating I am going to attend this week.

 

[Tilex]

What do you mean the conversation was over too quickly?
@XThrax, you remind me of a younger version of myself. I kind of get an idea of what you are doing.
Forget about conversation topics, just say something random and ridiculous.
You have to use observational humor to the situation.
Example: Look at that guy! He looks like an Arabic Eminem
or
That guy's pants are so tight that he's blinding me with his mangina.

Believe it or not, people will laugh at this sh!t

 

[XThrax]

The conversation went something like this. While this was happening her body language did not show signs of disinterest. She was actually smiling the whole time and never acted like she wanted to leave.
Me : hey do you know of any other bars like this around her?
Her: no, not really
Me : oh so your are not from here?
Her: sorry no I am not.
Me : I live kind of far from here but i like this place.
Her: ok
*mind freezes up*
Me:well thanks anyway.

 

[The_411]

Solo approaching is much more difficult than being with a wingman or a group because you alone have to carry the conversation.

Most guys struggle with the solo dynamic because it’s extremely difficult to be “on” all the time and it is exhausting to try.

With two or more you get time to rest and alternate and there are always several opportunities to play off other members in the group.

 

[ThinkerG]

I was doing approaches in a bar tonight and around the time of 11 a ton of people flooded in. And I noticed my social energy dropped from about a 7 out of 10 to 0. I felt drained and that I had to step outside.
I also noticed my self confidence dropped. Negative thoughts like "I cant do this." Or "She wont talk to me" entered my mind. I could not activate conversations in my head because my thoughts were drowned out.

This never happens with smaller groups but I remembered this is not the first time its happened. I know I have avoided the bars in the past because of this kind of thing but I wanted to do it anyway.

I am starting to wonder if I can do the bar scene or any form of night pick up. I cant seem to match the energy of large crowds.

Anyone else experience this feeling?

I would say it’s just not for you and that’s ok. I’m good looking, have no problem in big crowds, easy natural conversation starter but I don’t like that scene. You can meet women any and everywhere so don’t feel like you have to go to a bar/club to meet women. I look around and see a bunch of zombie retards, drunks, flopping around in a sea lowered inhibitions and sweat.. the men think they have game but it’s just sloppy slurred words and altered thoughts because of the booze. The women just look down right stupid with a few drinks in their system, I don’t find that attractive even if the chick is hott. I don’t need to “score” with a drunk girl. Men can be and are successful at picking up women at bars/clubs but I for one just don’t find it all that enjoyable of an environment. Yes there are hotties, yes there are diverse groups of women that party, some regulars, some rarely go, yes I’ve had fun times and not so fun times, yes I’ve got with women at bars but besides on rare occasions I’d rather not be there. it’s just not my cup of tea on what I find regularly enjoyable. The bar scene just might not Resonate with you like it doesn’t me. I’d consider that a good thing. Find things you like to do and more than likely you’ll meet women there but don’t make that your goal.

 

[Mike32ct]

Me : hey do you know of any other bars like this around her?

I totally respect what you’re doing. This is just a friendly critique.

I would avoid asking for detailed information/advice/opinion as an “opener.”

There used to be this 2004 PUA school of thought that, “Women love to give advice/opinion/information (to strangers).”

IME, they absolutely DON’T. At least not at the outset.

Maybe make it more personal to HER and something short and easy to answer to get the conversation opened.

“Have you been to <bar name> before?”

TLDR: Don’t make her think too hard lol.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Happens to me still, sometimes I push myself to talk to the women anyway sometimes I don't. In Chicago the terrain is different, the reason is sometimes you might end up gaming a chick and get some jealous gangbangers hating and passively aggressively try and test or fight you. The possibilities of this situation are not good with alcohol and ego in the mix. It's happened plenty of times before even in bars in relatively safe neighborhoods.

I've been places were people would warn me some people were planning to jump me. Recently I overhead a guy at a neighborhood bar tell another patron if he knew me cause he wanted to smack me. I wish he would it would of been a bad night for him.

Make sure when you do push yourself through your fears it's to master your confidence not your ego

 

[lamath]

The conversation went something like this. While this was happening her body language did not show signs of disinterest. She was actually smiling the whole time and never acted like she wanted to leave.
Me : hey do you know of any other bars like this around her?
Her: no, not really
Me : oh so your are not from here?
Her: sorry no I am not.
Me : I live kind of far from here but i like this place.
Her: ok
*mind freezes up*
Me:well thanks anyway.

Seems like some Roosh stuff not enough improvisation there.

Some ppl are not that great in crowded environment
i have observe something very similar with my oldest daughter she is the most sociable child i have ever seen, she is not shy at all and can talk to any one. I notice that in crowded children bday party she just froze and become very shy, when group is smaller its back to normal.

 

[XThrax]

i have observe something very similar with my oldest daughter she is the most sociable child i have ever seen, she is not shy at all and can talk to any one. I notice that in crowded children bday party she just froze and become very shy, when group is smaller its back to normal.

Yeah thats it, smaller groups are ok but as soon as a room reaches a certain capacity of interaction its like my brain is trying to process too much and ends not doing anything. Or only the inner monologue is active.

Seems like some Roosh stuff not enough improvisation there..

I think you have something there. In addition to doing approaches. I think ill do is join a group like toastmasters and take an improv class to force my way to better conversations.

I also think at a very deep subconscious level I am afraid of making new friends. There are a few bad memories, and some self rejection issues in the past. The thought me being a crowed room doing sales pitches seems normal me. The thought me be in a crowed room trying to sell myself as a friend is frightening.

 

[RickTheToad]

Maybe just take baby steps and retrace your steps and actions. Our best teachers in life are our mistakes. Learn from them.

 

[XThrax]

OK I have a bit of an update. Today I had a few things planned to be out most of the day.
I went to a creative expo Creative Expo at the library (the celebrate the arts, some digital arts). Not many lady above a HB6. There was one that seems to have levels of attraction for me (eyes hard locked on mine, always smiling) her booth had to do with a local improv so I am still not sure if it was her trained acting skills coming into play but I still may join the improv because I already wanted to.

Later on I headed out to a chili cookoff. The event was much bigger than I anticipated. Lots of vendors and high level ladies, but something was wrong. As I stepped off the bus a lot of people where getting on to leave. The event ran from 1 to 6. I got there at 3. Apparently chili vendors run out of samples really fast (within an hour I over heard) and I was late to the party. Kind of sucked because I paid money to get in. Just mostly families there now. No approaches.

I cut my losses and headed toward a wine festival downtown. Even more HB9, infact it has been a while sense I have seen so many in one place. As I got my first cup of wine and was about to approach some ladies I noticed something else was wrong. As I neared within 5 feet of my targets my eye darted away from then and I moved on. My balls dropped off. Every time I would spot of one or more targets that were approachable I would chicken out. This probably happened at least ten times before I realized my confidence was not coming back on its own. At this point I just needed to talk to someone, anyone to get the social wheels turning. I was angry at myself for feeling this way because I also paid money to go to this and I was wasting perfect opportunities.
Then I realized it must be my social phobia acting up. The crowed was getting to me and I did not feel I belonged there. I retried to the library across the street (the one I was in earlier) I whipped out my phone and read a few Sosuave articles on confidence. It helped to see other people going through my same problem. I did that for about 30 mins in the peace and quiet of the library and then headed back the the wine deal.

On my way back I saw two girls passing the festival and I asked them who won the even in there opinion. They said they did not go because I they did not want to pay to get in. No connection formed.
Just was I was entering the gate I passed a group of girls one of them was kind of dancing and smiled me. My mind drew a blank and I smiled back. She was probably a 9.5 and it kills me to think about it now as I was writing this. I could have easily said a million things but my brain rolled a snake eyes, and she walked/danced away. have I ever said hindsight is 20/20?

I approached two other girls and we talked about to wine a bit but I dont thin either of us formed a connection.

Then I approached HB8 and her HB6 friend. I opened with who they though the winner was, then we drifted through a few topics. I actually thought things where going good but then she said she had to get one more drink and she left with her friend. I did not sense that she had plans to return so I moved on.

Festival was kind of done now. I stoped at a bar to get a drink and the bar tender notices my shirt. Its a silhouette of a few famous fictional starships. Nothing the casual observer would know or notice unless you are a big SciFi Fan. We talked SciFi for a while and a strong connection form. I know it was a strong connection because he gave me free beer. We talked more, apparently he works at this same outside bar for the last 8 years. He told me later on at night the whole area was going to become a block party. To give a better idea the area its in a well know alleyway completely surrounded by bars on both side of the street, but his little pop up bar is in the middle of the street. Its the perfect spot of scouting.

I am going to return to this vendor around 11 and see who I can find. The free beer does not hurt. Wish me luck.

 

[XThrax]

Part 3
So I was at a meet up that was doing a pub craw for St Patricks day. We had a BBQ before hand so I slightly knew them. Bounced a few bars and finally hit this Latin club (at least 90% of the group was Hispanic and I am not but I can pass for one). I actually had fun dancing for a while which has never happened before.
At some point these two girls HB9 and HB8 in skin tight outfits come near by and start grinding each other. I scan the environment to see if she had a boyfriend close in tow. Nope, At that moment all my confidence training give me the balls to walk to he and start chatting. I used a few lines I made up which involved eye fuqing her and it worked. I found out she was from Colombia (my type of woman) and she was only in the US for a few weeks. She said she worked with import export in her job to which I replied, "Oh you move cocaine?"
We hit the dance floor and grinding on each other and it was life chaining stuff. It was about the time that jiggly parts were bouncing off me that the little introvert in me that thinks Clubs and Dancing is terrifying died off.

Later on one of my Pub Crawler friends let me know she was one of those girls clubs put out to get guys to buy them drinks. I was in denial at first the situation fit. The way she was dressed, she was effectively just wearing underwear. I still cant help but feel there might have been some attraction the way she looked at me and asked about my background but ultimate I knew that was her job.

The moral of the story is if you dont like night game with clubs and bars, you should with friends who do. It could change your perspective.

 

[XThrax]

Part 4
So at this point have have made approaches during day and a regular attend spinning class, language exchange meet up, couch surfing events, and business mixers. All of which I do very well socially. I can interject myself into groups already talking. I can lead a conversation of 5 or more people. I want to say I have trained myself very well at it and have zero anxiety. Its actually quite fun.

I also mentioned in the above post that I've been to a nightclub or two and have had fun. And even approached while with friends.

So why do I still have this huge anxiety soloing night game? It feels like a different animal. I know it's all about inner game, I dont think its fully normalized in my head. I feel like my confidence level drops to zero because I am not use to the social norms. Right now I standing in the middle of the night clubs street scene surrounded by people and loud music and I dont feel like being social. I dont even want to other guys

Before I was on this site and read books on game, I had no reason to go to bars or night clubs. What the hell makes this difference from any business mixer? I have approached many groups of ladys in that setting and never thought about it twice.