Anyone else get their balls busted because they don't follow the norm?

[Eccentric]

I'll explain... I'm not a big drinker at all. Never will be. It's just how I am. Nothing will ever change that. So because of this I'm not downtown every night spending $25 on drinks to socialize for 3 hours. I'm only 22, and went to community college for a year. I guess I missed the partying phase of my life. Does it bother me? Not really. This year I'm making a transition from working with my father to opening my own business. It seems like I've had my head on my shoulders for the past few years while people are out getting ****ed because it's the fun thing to do on a Friday.

I didn't have a great GPA in high school, and I've fallen behind with PC technology so my options are limited if I were to go a different route. I still know a lot, but nowadays everyone and their mother knows computers. But I'm lucky. I love what I do now. The money is great, I can work at my own pace, and I get winters off. No time to **** around. I work 8-3/4/5, 5 days a week. I've recently started taking Jeet Kune Do at night as well. It's not like regular martial arts. No belts, no uniforms, straight and to the point. But it's very demanding. The school I'm at is great, but they don't like you slacking. So every night it's a challenge. What does this mean? I'm usually too pooped to do anything that night once it's over. The class also runs on saturday mornings.

Now this isn't to say I don't have a social life, I do. But I have more priorities to worry about. Say a meeting with the customer the next morning at 10am for a possible job vs. going out getting smashed talking to some ditzy college girl. To me there is a time for fun and a time for business. I'm looking at a business with potential to break 6 figures if I push myself agressively. They're still working retail.

What I'm getting at is why can't my friends see this? I'm always getting my balls busted on why I'm not out 8 nights a week with them getting drinks. They say I'll never meet girls, like that's supposed to encourage me. These guys are so AFC, and they don't even know it. I always get "why don't you drink?", "why don't you come out?" For instance it could be a monday night at 11pm. I get a call "Yo what are you doing? Come out with us tonight"... "I can't I have to work tomorrow"... "Aye you're a ***** we'll talk to you later."

My best friend is the only one that understands this. He's almost identical to me, except he had the GPA and know makes 60K a year. So he grew up fast as well. I'm just so sick and ****ing tired of being ridiculed because I don't have a bar tab all across the city.

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

priorities, man. it happens to everyone who "lives outside the norm". all about willpower.



but always make time for fun and relaxation.

 

[brucevangeorge]

Crybaby.

If you don't like your "friends" get rid of them. Why the hell are you hanging out with them, you don't owe anybody anything.

Live life as you see fit and if someone else doesn't agree **** them. (Unless of course you are the one at fault eg: disrespect)

 

[Eccentric]

They're cool guys. But drinking is always the #1 agenda. I'm always called to be the DD. I guess I should start to look at things in a different light.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

For some, it's how they'll always be, for other's it's a temporary thing because they haven't found anything they're passionate about. I was sort of like that when I finished college. I worked 50+ hours/week self employed, and when not with friends or golfing or lifting, I was working. Thing was, I didn't ever really enjoy dropping $50+ per night out. I didn't like the feeling in the morning, and most times, I just barely liked the people I hung with. It was a "learning" experience to see that the booze-smashed phase basically sucks. But you have to wake up to realize how stupid it is.

My pure loves are golf (competitive), being fit (somewhat), football, poker, investing, RE, and getting as far in any area of passionate interest I have. However, drugs/booze are pretty much counter to that. The occasional night out or drink fest CAN be fun, like when I've gotten tanked watching football on a shytty sunday, or had beers during some golf tournaments, but overall, that experience is boring.

It's not as common when you get older, but the pressure is applied from younger girls and guys. My current girl and I have lots of run-ins, because she wants to be "out like her friends and their boyfriends" and I personally don't care to. Not only do they drop $100/weekend or on a night, but they do it so consistently that it's a hobby worth several thousands dollars. A night's worth of drinking RUINS my morning golf, kills any workouts I had/have planned, and basically throws me totally out of whack. I know all the cute sayings and the Irish mantras; I'm slightly Irish with a strong Irish Grandmother. However, they're mere EXCUSES to encourage fence-sitters to leap before looking.

I have a few friends who don't drink at ALL. Won't tough it, ever. One guy is a prison guard/cop. He's very active, very fit. Ran the Boston Marathon, all 26miles. HUGE accomplishment. Has a boat. He's only 26 this year. We've never ragged on him once. In fact, I'm MORE impressed he can still to his ideals, while everybody else falters on their emotions. He lives FULL. To me, you can't live fully when you're always RECOVERING, or WASTING money on something so ephemeral, so fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Personally if you do fine, but our culture (the US) has made it a hobby. We're so uptight about achievement, yet we make drinking a hobby on regular week nights and weekends. Conversely, other cultures take time to slow down, to enjoy ALL the flavors of life, to take a "sojourn", to make LIFE more important than work, and they don't OVERLY stress the importance of boozenights. They do party, celebrate is probably the better word, but they don't OVERDO it.

Here, to me, it's more like people do it to socialize in a country where it's otherwise awkward to do so. Most people can't cold approach anyone and when they do, it's out of some FALSE reason. They don't hail from a natural DESIRE to be social, to be connected, to know people and experience things. Instead, it's about breaking the barrier with booze. Connecting on a very commercial level. Using booze, you throw away the negative inner voice, connect, and stick with it until it no longer serves your purpose.

I personally applaud you for NOT wanting to do it. I enjoy my casual drinks, but I've tappered off ALOT. I enjoy a few drinks, a buzz, but I don't go out with the SOLE purpose of ONLY drinking.

But that's my 2cents.


A-Unit

 

[STR8UP]

Your friends won't be the ones laughing in ten years, trust me.

 

[Cruise]

Trust your deeper convictions and stay on 'em...

Anything else would be uncivilized.

 

[Wyldfire]

Who cares what your friends think you should be doing? You do what you want to do with your life and they do what they want to do with theirs.

I'm not much of a drinker either. You can still go to bars with your friends and not drink. I like to do karaoke sometimes and anytime I go out to do that I never drink. I have a couple of glasses of soda or water. Hell, if you're providing a ride for people who are drinking so they can get hammered if they want to a lot of bars will give you free soda.

So go hang out with them once in awhile but don't drink. It's actually kinda fun to be the only sober person in a bar. Watching drunk people behavior can be pretty entertaining.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I just quit drinking last month when I turned 30. I have been binge drinking since I was 15. It gets old after a while.

 

[Wyldfire]

I just quit drinking last month when I turned 30. I have been binge drinking since I was 15. It gets old after a while.

Congratulations!

I knew I noticed something different about your temperament. You aren't nearly as grumpy as you used to be when you post. The change suits you well, btw.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

For some, it's how they'll always be, for other's it's a temporary thing because they haven't found anything they're passionate about. I was sort of like that when I finished college. I worked 50+ hours/week self employed, and when not with friends or golfing or lifting, I was working. Thing was, I didn't ever really enjoy dropping $50+ per night out. I didn't like the feeling in the morning, and most times, I just barely liked the people I hung with. It was a "learning" experience to see that the booze-smashed phase basically sucks. But you have to wake up to realize how stupid it is.

My pure loves are golf (competitive), being fit (somewhat), football, poker, investing, RE, and getting as far in any area of passionate interest I have. However, drugs/booze are pretty much counter to that. The occasional night out or drink fest CAN be fun, like when I've gotten tanked watching football on a shytty sunday, or had beers during some golf tournaments, but overall, that experience is boring.

It's not as common when you get older, but the pressure is applied from younger girls and guys. My current girl and I have lots of run-ins, because she wants to be "out like her friends and their boyfriends" and I personally don't care to. Not only do they drop $100/weekend or on a night, but they do it so consistently that it's a hobby worth several thousands dollars. A night's worth of drinking RUINS my morning golf, kills any workouts I had/have planned, and basically throws me totally out of whack. I know all the cute sayings and the Irish mantras; I'm slightly Irish with a strong Irish Grandmother. However, they're mere EXCUSES to encourage fence-sitters to leap before looking.

I have a few friends who don't drink at ALL. Won't tough it, ever. One guy is a prison guard/cop. He's very active, very fit. Ran the Boston Marathon, all 26miles. HUGE accomplishment. Has a boat. He's only 26 this year. We've never ragged on him once. In fact, I'm MORE impressed he can still to his ideals, while everybody else falters on their emotions. He lives FULL. To me, you can't live fully when you're always RECOVERING, or WASTING money on something so ephemeral, so fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Personally if you do fine, but our culture (the US) has made it a hobby. We're so uptight about achievement, yet we make drinking a hobby on regular week nights and weekends. Conversely, other cultures take time to slow down, to enjoy ALL the flavors of life, to take a "sojourn", to make LIFE more important than work, and they don't OVERLY stress the importance of boozenights. They do party, celebrate is probably the better word, but they don't OVERDO it.

Here, to me, it's more like people do it to socialize in a country where it's otherwise awkward to do so. Most people can't cold approach anyone and when they do, it's out of some FALSE reason. They don't hail from a natural DESIRE to be social, to be connected, to know people and experience things. Instead, it's about breaking the barrier with booze. Connecting on a very commercial level. Using booze, you throw away the negative inner voice, connect, and stick with it until it no longer serves your purpose.

I personally applaud you for NOT wanting to do it. I enjoy my casual drinks, but I've tappered off ALOT. I enjoy a few drinks, a buzz, but I don't go out with the SOLE purpose of ONLY drinking.

But that's my 2cents.


A-Unit

This post is gold. You put everything in perspective so well that it really makes me want to follow through with my plans to stop drinking. Not that there's a serious problem... it's just that 2-3 days a week I'm partying and 2-3 other days a week I'm recovering..... what a sad waste.

 

[Not Quite There]

Personally if you do fine, but our culture (the US) has made it a hobby. We're so uptight about achievement, yet we make drinking a hobby on regular week nights and weekends. Conversely, other cultures take time to slow down, to enjoy ALL the flavors of life, to take a "sojourn", to make LIFE more important than work, and they don't OVERLY stress the importance of boozenights. They do party, celebrate is probably the better word, but they don't OVERDO it.

Here, to me, it's more like people do it to socialize in a country where it's otherwise awkward to do so. Most people can't cold approach anyone and when they do, it's out of some FALSE reason. They don't hail from a natural DESIRE to be social, to be connected, to know people and experience things. Instead, it's about breaking the barrier with booze. Connecting on a very commercial level. Using booze, you throw away the negative inner voice, connect, and stick with it until it no longer serves your purpose.



A-Unit

haha, I don't think the US was the first to make drinking a hobby, you want to check out northern europe, especially the Uk and Ireland. Not that its anything to be proud of.... everything you said is correct. The only point I would make though, is its all down to personal preference,your friend spends his money on a boat, others spend it on drink. both get personal satisfaction from what they do. My dad is a good example, he's still got his business and has done well for himself, but enjoys going out for a few drinks and having the craic a few times a week.

 

[Macgyver]

I just quit drinking last month when I turned 30. I have been binge drinking since I was 15. It gets old after a while.

Yeah, sure buddy. "It gets old" that's cause a real man doesn't go drinking like a blast even past their mid 20s.

Christians.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yeah, sure buddy. "It gets old" that's cause a real man doesn't go drinking like a blast even past their mid 20s.

Christians.

"Real Men" don't feel the need to lash out at people on a message board in order to look "cool" or "alpha", either...but I digress.

 

[STR8UP]

haha, I don't think the US was the first to make drinking a hobby, you want to check out northern europe, especially the Uk and Ireland.

I know the Brits can put 'em down with the best of them, but I have been to eastern Europe a couple of times and have several friends from that part of the world and I can tell you that those guys are drinkers with a capital "D".

It's hard to keep up when you are expected to down a jug of wine and a bottle of cognac, and that's just with dinner. Later the hard liquor comes out and if you aren't careful you'll be praying to the porcelain god the rest of the night.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

You sound kind of elitist. I think that's why your friends give you crap. They go out and drink, and that's their fun hobby. No one hobby is better than another. There's no way to prove activity A is more cool/alhpa/awesome than activity B. Each to their own.

Either way, you need to find some new friends. I have a lot of friends who are studying to be engineers, doctors, lawyers, (insert high-profile profession here), and they still have time to go party. I go out and party a lot myself, but then I wake my ass up in the morning and do what I have to. It's called being responsible. Conversely, if I feel like staying in on a Saturday, I will politely decline my friends' invitations and they're cool with it.

I'm not trying to put you down, but maybe you shouldn't write off others who do certain things you deem juvenile. Or just get new friends who are more in tune with you. I'm glad you have a life plan, and I hope it works out for you. The way I'm going myself I hope to be making a quarter million a year by the time I'm 23 and setting myself up for early retirement.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

NOTHING is wrong with you; you are living a REAL life. You have a job that you enjoy and a hobby that you are passionate about.

Dropping friends is hard as hell, so ignore them, maybe they will back off.

 

[PumpNightmare]

I know what you mean. I'm 22 and in my second year of college, transient student at the university. I seem to be the oldest one in a group of friends, 90% of the time. Also I take a lot of hours and I work on the weekends, so it killed my social life. They busted on me for awhile, although I got my schedule changed for I don't work Saturdays anymore...been working out well. Always worked weekends for I wouldn't have to work on a class day, but I like haivng the freeday each week now.

Get busted on sometimes becauseof my hobbies are somewhat obscure. I'm a anime/manga fan, love learning more about the Japanese langauge for I can enjoy previous two hobbies more. And I'm really big on Pump It Up, dancing game that's gotten me to love cardiovascular exercise. I used to be such a wimp and die after running a mile within 15 minutes, now I can run three miles or more around 35 minutes and still have energy left because of the game. Also enjoy playing go/budduk/wei qi when I have the free time (13kyu) as opposed to chess. Because of these "different" hobbies I like to participate in, I seem to get wierd looks when I describe what I like to do in my free time. Although my music choice gets some stares, reason being is that I like to listen to Videogame Music (VGM) and anime/bishoujo game openings. Yeah, I'm somewhat "otaku". Just the way I am. Sometimes wish I had more normal things to add in a conversation on things I like to do, but there's not much, besides watching movies casualy.

 

[Shiftkey]

I go out drinking with a bunch of friends every Thursday, but I only have 2 or 3 drinks and don't spend more than $15 (depends if I order an appitizer). I never get hung over and it hasn't interfered with the rest of my life. Point is, you can go out with your friends without getting wasted and without throwing away $50-100.

You can also get new friends who share your interests.

 

[theSpeculator]

They're cool guys. But drinking is always the #1 agenda. I'm always called to be the DD.

They're probably using you.

Your friends are probably just immature. They don't understand that you have to work hard and not be partying all the time in order to become successful probably b/c they never work hard like that before. Like Str8up said, if you keep doing what you're doing, "Your friends won't be the ones laughing in ten years, trust me."

Also understand this, when you are the only one working hard, trying to make it on your own, you won't get much support from your friends so you are gonna have to learn to get that support from yourself. The way I found mine was I started reading stories about successful people in the past and realize how their lives parallels mine when they were young. Here is where I read about them:

http://www.investors.com/editorial/IBDArticles.asp?artsec=21&issue=20060410

This is a financial newspaper about stock investings and they print new stories like this everyday. They have an archive to these dating back to 1998 I think, but you have to buy a subscription to access it. Their philosophy on stock investing is pretty sound, so if you ever become interested in stocks, give them a try.