Anyone dealing w/ Alcoholism personally?

[JimmyMack]

To get straight to the point: After so many times of hitting rock bottom re: episodes dealing with drinking way too much, I feel as if it finally needs to stop.

Over the past two days I have put myself and others in danger, and self-sabotaged a great budding relationship by getting way too drunk. The pattern there is that every relationship I've been in, I've destroyed because of alcohol (friendships as well) and I've encountered too many dangerous situations. I've stopped drinking before for a year and a half and I'm definitely a different person now and think that I can accept it better.

For the most part, I know I can eventually be around people drinking, be in bars, and go to parties, without falling into the relapse pattern. My question to anyone who has become sober is this: how has it impacted your life socially both w/ friends and women. I know true friends and women, who like you for you, won't care if you don't drink, however, in the past I have felt that if you tell someone you don't drink or are an alcoholic it has almost become a turn-off. I've had so much fun sitting around drinking with my buddies, and I loved drinking wine with GF's or going out and drinking beer that I wonder how it will all be different.

The sad thing is that alcohol, ever since 9th grade, has always been a way for me to shed insecurities and be a different person - someone from 1-3 beers can who can be the life of the party and everyone loves to drink with. However, past 3 beers, things start to change for the worse. Even in some "safe/happy" black out episodes, I would hear things like "holy ****, you were so much fun, you were so funny last night etc". However, I would be so depressed about the way I acted. And then of course there are the episodes where you get the dreaded call that says "do you know what you did last night?"

At the end of the day though I know I have to do what is right for me and all else will fall into place. I'd love to hear anyone else's experience with this.

 

[Aaron B]

I quit for a full year because of the many negative consequences I was experiencing due to alcohol abuse.

Taper off if you need to (I did), then quit for awhile and see what happens.

Its tough, I'm not going to lie.

 

[SecondHalf]

I understand the issue with "I don't drink".
I stopped drinking for 8 years as alcohol was taking me to the dark side.
There are friends that stop calling you.

However, they were mostly the ones who liked to get tipsy and enjoy the evening with di*k and f*art jokes. Errr ... no great loss there.

When I got divorced from my ex, I started to have a glass of wine sociably (with women only).

If you (like me) are binary boy, just stop for a while, hit the gym and tell any that raise an eyebrow that you're in training (way more alluring anyway).

If you can handle cutting back. Switch to red wine. Not to strong and meant to be sipped. Too easy and tasty to slam cold beverages.
Never drink alone, exercise instead.
Sip on one glass per hour - no more.
Always order a club soda or something with the red (slows your alcohol consumption way down).

Don't let this one get hold of you.
It can truly fook up your life!

SH

 

[Solomon]

To get straight to the point: After so many times of hitting rock bottom re: episodes dealing with drinking way too much, I feel as if it finally needs to stop.

Over the past two days I have put myself and others in danger, and self-sabotaged a great budding relationship by getting way too drunk. The pattern there is that every relationship I've been in, I've destroyed because of alcohol (friendships as well) and I've encountered too many dangerous situations. I've stopped drinking before for a year and a half and I'm definitely a different person now and think that I can accept it better.

For the most part, I know I can eventually be around people drinking, be in bars, and go to parties, without falling into the relapse pattern. My question to anyone who has become sober is this: how has it impacted your life socially both w/ friends and women. I know true friends and women, who like you for you, won't care if you don't drink, however, in the past I have felt that if you tell someone you don't drink or are an alcoholic it has almost become a turn-off. I've had so much fun sitting around drinking with my buddies, and I loved drinking wine with GF's or going out and drinking beer that I wonder how it will all be different.

The sad thing is that alcohol, ever since 9th grade, has always been a way for me to shed insecurities and be a different person - someone from 1-3 beers can who can be the life of the party and everyone loves to drink with. However, past 3 beers, things start to change for the worse. Even in some "safe/happy" black out episodes, I would hear things like "holy ****, you were so much fun, you were so funny last night etc". However, I would be so depressed about the way I acted. And then of course there are the episodes where you get the dreaded call that says "do you know what you did last night?"

At the end of the day though I know I have to do what is right for me and all else will fall into place. I'd love to hear anyone else's experience with this.

I JUST MADE a post about this, this morning on my blog (no hijack thread, I wrote it last Saturday actually)

http://thesoloist1.wordpress.com/2011/09/09/40-days-and-40-nights-a-must-read/

Booze to me never really was an issue until I started going out and "sarging". It just got out of hand cause It gave me that extra "energy" I see a lot of guys in the community who rely on booze to get in "the zone" and I was one of them

I have took a break before from drinking (40 days and 40 nights) and currently I'm taking one again. A little over a week and I'm already having the best week of work outs in a long time, although I'm not sleeping well, but I don't think its due to drinking

Great thread OP

p.s. In terms of being social, honestly right now certain people I gotta stay away from. I still go to bars and what not (drink red bull) but I rather be at home watching "Dexter", since I get bored easily now in that scene.

 

[squirrels]

Booze to me never really was an issue until I started going out and "sarging". It just got out of hand cause It gave me that extra "energy" I see a lot of guys in the community who rely on booze to get in "the zone" and I was one of them

(bear in mind, that when I use "you" in these long posts, I'm not referring only to the OP or the person I'm quoting, but to everyone interested)

Let's be honest...it didn't give you "extra energy". It's a depressant.

What it DID do was lower your inhibitions and allow you to act on your feelings without analyzing them ad-nauseum. It made you forget all the reasons you had to not let who you are show through. It let you do some crazy, high-risk things (like speak to and actually FLIRT with women) without any fear of repercussions. Why? Because you could say, "I was drunk...oh well", and everyone else there who was drunk would understand.

Blame it on the A-A-A-A-A-Alcohol!!

The reason you're so depressed when you sober up is because when you DO, you're right back where you started. You'd like to think that after your drinking episodes, maybe you would come back to the real world and you would've been the fun, outgoing, relaxed person in real-life that you were in drunk-life. But you know that's not the case.

You're depressed because you don't feel FREE when you're sober. Free of what? Of YOURSELF. Of all of the ridiculous expectations you put on yourself.

Somewhere, deep down, you KNOW you could summon up the cojones to talk to women without having to get stupid-drunk to do it. You KNOW you could let the things that don't matter just slide and somehow get back to enjoying life when the time suited it. And it bugs you to DEATH that you can't "unlock this hidden power" without also making yourself stumble over your own feet and fall face-down in your own vomit, as well as embarassing or offending those around you.

That's what's killing you...you're asking yourself WHY, to be the person you truly feel like you are deep inside, the person that everyone around you seems to love spending time with, you're required to intoxicate yourself in a way that makes you physically sick, mentally inept, and socially unbearably.

Oh cruel irony!

When you find yourself hitting a point where the drink makes you feel despair instead of enthusiasm...when the "high" is more depressing than anything and you drink more and more to try to wash it away...when your indulgence pushes friends and family away...and worst of all, when you hit "rock bottom" and feel helpless to stop drinking, you need to look for WHY.

It may very well be true...you MAY BE helpless to stop drinking. Your attempts to stop cold or taper off always lead to relapses. But what you're NOT powerless over is the factors that are driving you to drink. The "why".

Drinking isn't your problem. Drinking is a poor solution to the REAL problem...your lack of self-confidence and your evaluation of your own self-worth. You are unable to express yourself...and you have solved that problem via alcohol until now. But now you need a new solution. This one is not working for you any more.

Many turn to religion...start to believe in their own divinity and their worthiness of "salvation". Others listen to family and friends and find that they DO really care what you do and what you have to say.

For some it's not so easy. But I can promise you this...that unless you find a NEW solution, a new, HEALTHY habit to deal with your confidence issues, this will continue.

The choice is yours. And remember...you DON'T have to do it alone. There are people who will help you.

 

[Solomon]

(bear in mind, that when I use "you" in these long posts, I'm not referring only to the OP or the person I'm quoting, but to everyone interested)

Let's be honest...it didn't give you "extra energy". It's a depressant.

What it DID do was lower your inhibitions and allow you to act on your feelings without analyzing them ad-nauseum. It made you forget all the reasons you had to not let who you are show through. It let you do some crazy, high-risk things (like speak to and actually FLIRT with women) without any fear of repercussions. Why? Because you could say, "I was drunk...oh well", and everyone else there who was drunk would understand.

Blame it on the A-A-A-A-A-Alcohol!!

The reason you're so depressed when you sober up is because when you DO, you're right back where you started. You'd like to think that after your drinking episodes, maybe you would come back to the real world and you would've been the fun, outgoing, relaxed person in real-life that you were in drunk-life. But you know that's not the case.

You're depressed because you don't feel FREE when you're sober. Free of what? Of YOURSELF. Of all of the ridiculous expectations you put on yourself.

Somewhere, deep down, you KNOW you could summon up the cojones to talk to women without having to get stupid-drunk to do it. You KNOW you could let the things that don't matter just slide and somehow get back to enjoying life when the time suited it. And it bugs you to DEATH that you can't "unlock this hidden power" without also making yourself stumble over your own feet and fall face-down in your own vomit, as well as embarrassing or offending those around you.

That's what's killing you...you're asking yourself WHY, to be the person you truly feel like you are deep inside, the person that everyone around you seems to love spending time with, you're required to intoxicate yourself in a way that makes you physically sick, mentally inept, and socially unbearably.

Oh cruel irony!

When you find yourself hitting a point where the drink makes you feel despair instead of enthusiasm...when the "high" is more depressing than anything and you drink more and more to try to wash it away...when your indulgence pushes friends and family away...and worst of all, when you hit "rock bottom" and feel helpless to stop drinking, you need to look for WHY.

It may very well be true...you MAY BE helpless to stop drinking. Your attempts to stop cold or taper off always lead to relapses. But what you're NOT powerless over is the factors that are driving you to drink. The "why".

Drinking isn't your problem. Drinking is a poor solution to the REAL problem...your lack of self-confidence and your evaluation of your own self-worth. You are unable to express yourself...and you have solved that problem via alcohol until now. But now you need a new solution. This one is not working for you any more.

Many turn to religion...start to believe in their own divinity and their worthiness of "salvation". Others listen to family and friends and find that they DO really care what you do and what you have to say.

For some it's not so easy. But I can promise you this...that unless you find a NEW solution, a new, HEALTHY habit to deal with your confidence issues, this will continue.

The choice is yours. And remember...you DON'T have to do it alone. There are people who will help you.

So what's the solution then chief? lol

But real shyt great post, blogworthy cough cough



*copy N paste*

 

[zekko]

The pattern there is that every relationship I've been in, I've destroyed because of alcohol

I have a good friend who had struggled with severe drug addiction his whole life. He went through numerous failed marriages and relationships, all because of his drug problems. Finally, after decades of abuse, he got himself cleaned up and married another girl. This marriage lasted longer than any of his other relationships, but after about 10 years she filed for divorce.

This absolutely crushed him. He was so used to drugs being the cause of his relationship failures, he couldn't fathom his marriage failing for any other reason. "But I quit the drugs, this isn't supposed to happen". He simply fell victim to women's quest for hypergamy.

Let's be honest...it didn't give you "extra energy". It's a depressant.

Alcohol is a depressant, but I find that it creates a period of euphoria before the depressant aspect kicks in. That's where the "extra energy" idea comes from. I barely drink at all anymore, I've lost the urge. I prefer keeping sharp and having my wits about me.

 

[Boilermaker]

Alcoholism runs in the family. It passes from father to son. Observe your family members and see whether you see a pattern. If you are susceptible, you must pay extra attention in not getting caught up.

What's sad is, if you are past the threshold of abusing it, you will never enjoy it like normal people. They can afford to be social drinkers who go a few rounds more every once in a while, but recovering abusers always have to watch themselves.

Alcohol addiction develops very slowly, unlike nicotine, but once it gets hold of you, it is extremely hard to get rid of it.

That's why if you are not in there yet, I urge you to stop/reduce/break this habit so you can always enjoy two glasses of Pinot at a dinner party throughout your life.

 

[Borknagar]

My family is kinda mixed when it comes to booze, my dad will enjoy a beer or two sometimes, my siblings hardly drink, my aunt never does( but she did a few weeks ago for the first time i ever heard of doing so, hilarious if you'd know my aunt) my grandma used to back in the 80s. I don't know my mom really, as my granny and aunt kida played that role. However my grandmas sisters kids who are all 33-50 most of them drink like crazy, and me and my cousin Cassi are the weekend wild ones of the family. My other cousi, her bro, drinks, but not so much the bar/club type, more of the hang with friends type.

Myself, I just do the weekend thing, when friday comes I really wanna drink, only if I am going out which I will be every friday, and saturday. But I never get blacked out drunk, or at lest very rarely, I get crazy, but can control my intake.

 

[JimmyMack]

Great replies!

Taper off if you need to (I did), then quit for awhile and see what happens.

I've stopped fully for now but I'll probably try to slowly work it back in. In the past I've started out doing great with a 2 glass of wine or 2 Guinness limit and it worked for awhile, but there has always been a catalyst that pushes me over which I'll talk about later.

I understand the issue with "I don't drink".
I stopped drinking for 8 years as alcohol was taking me to the dark side.
There are friends that stop calling you.

However, they were mostly the ones who liked to get tipsy and enjoy the evening with di*k and f*art jokes. Errr ... no great loss there.

When I got divorced from my ex, I started to have a glass of wine sociably (with women only).

If you (like me) are binary boy, just stop for a while, hit the gym and tell any that raise an eyebrow that you're in training (way more alluring anyway).

If you can handle cutting back. Switch to red wine. Not to strong and meant to be sipped. Too easy and tasty to slam cold beverages.
Never drink alone, exercise instead.
Sip on one glass per hour - no more.
Always order a club soda or something with the red (slows your alcohol consumption way down).

Don't let this one get hold of you.
It can truly fook up your life!

SH

This approach is similar to my situation over the past year, however I lost control. I stopped drinking to train for a marathon and everyone reacted really well as they understood. It was no big deal if I didn't want to hang late on Friday nights or if I didn't drink it was understood. About a month in I met a girl that I started to casually drink with...unfortunately she was a drug addict and alcoholic and next thing you know I was missing weeks of running (I'll touch on the "why" of this later) and feeling like **** at work. In the end, we broke up but I finished the marathon :rockon: However, I learned a lot about myself...or so I thought.

It just got out of hand cause It gave me that extra "energy" I see a lot of guys in the community who rely on booze to get in "the zone" and I was one of them

p.s. In terms of being social, honestly right now certain people I gotta stay away from. I still go to bars and what not (drink red bull) but I rather be at home watching "Dexter", since I get bored easily now in that scene.

Great blog post! I definitely identified with so much of what you wrote. I'll comment on the 'zone' in a bit...

What it DID do was lower your inhibitions and allow you to act on your feelings without analyzing them ad-nauseum. It made you forget all the reasons you had to not let who you are show through....."I was drunk...oh well", and everyone else there who was drunk would understand.

You're depressed because you don't feel FREE when you're sober. Free of what? Of YOURSELF. Of all of the ridiculous expectations you put on yourself.

...And it bugs you to DEATH that you can't "unlock this hidden power" without also making yourself stumble over your own feet and fall face-down in your own vomit, as well as embarassing or offending those around you.

That's what's killing you...you're asking yourself WHY, to be the person you truly feel like you are deep inside, the person that everyone around you seems to love spending time with, you're required to intoxicate yourself in a way that makes you physically sick, mentally inept, and socially unbearably.

Drinking isn't your problem. Drinking is a poor solution to the REAL problem...your lack of self-confidence and your evaluation of your own self-worth. You are unable to express yourself...and you have solved that problem via alcohol until now. But now you need a new solution. This one is not working for you any more.

Many turn to religion...start to believe in their own divinity and their worthiness of "salvation". Others listen to family and friends and find that they DO really care what you do and what you have to say.

For some it's not so easy. But I can promise you this...that unless you find a NEW solution, a new, HEALTHY habit to deal with your confidence issues, this will continue.

I para-phrased a lot of what squirrels said, but this sums up what I feel is the majority of my alcoholism which I'll touch on at the end of this post.

....Finally, after decades of abuse, he got himself cleaned up and married another girl. This marriage lasted longer than any of his other relationships, but after about 10 years she filed for divorce.

This absolutely crushed him. He was so used to drugs being the cause of his relationship failures, he couldn't fathom his marriage failing for any other reason. "But I quit the drugs, this isn't supposed to happen". He simply fell victim to women's quest for hypergamy.

I definitely understand this and I think it touches upon the "why" that squirrels mentions. The analogy I think of here is this: If I get into a car wreck because I'm drunk, I may stop to make sure that never happens again. That doesn't mean that I never expect to get into an accident again, but at least I know that I'll be in control of the things that I can control (rather than the alcohol taking over).

Alcoholism runs in the family. It passes from father to son. Observe your family members and see whether you see a pattern. If you are susceptible, you must pay extra attention in not getting caught up.

What's sad is, if you are past the threshold of abusing it, you will never enjoy it like normal people. They can afford to be social drinkers who go a few rounds more every once in a while, but recovering abusers always have to watch themselves.

Agreed - I'm on the fence as to how much is physical and how much is mental, the "why". Alcoholism does not run in my immediate family but both sets of grandparents and my cousin were alcoholics. Again, I find myself asking though how much is an addiction gene and how much is self-medicating. One trait I remember in my father's mother was how she would drink late at night and then get upset if no-one stayed up with her. As a kid I would end up staying up till all hours of the night keeping her company while she drank white russians and watched Dallas (maybe that's where my attraction to hot blondes comes from haha). However, to this day I won't touch a white russian - drink that is.

Myself, I just do the weekend thing, when friday comes I really wanna drink, only if I am going out which I will be every friday, and saturday. But I never get blacked out drunk, or at lest very rarely, I get crazy, but can control my intake.

Unfortunately, I can't fall into this pattern. It has a lot to do with my lifestyle
and profession but I got really drunk every night for the past month with a few 'brown-outs' - nights where I functioned normally but didn't remember much the next day.

Thanks for all the good responses. I'm glad people are able to relate to this topic in one way or another.

 

[JimmyMack]

Where I'm at now

I've been sober since Wednesday after a month long binge. It's amazing how clear headed I've been feeling in the mornings - waking up sober is almost a buzz in itself. The hardest day was yesterday. I'm a professional musician and we played at a college. One of the fraternities gave us coolers for each side of the stage. Everyone in the band was totally cool with me not drinking and I didn't miss it while I was playing, but it was hard not to go towards it after the show. I'm definitely in the self-reflection stage of it right now and the constant mirror of honesty is tough but it is also very needed.

I'm torn between how much is genetic vs. 'inner game' or self medication.

There are times when I'll have 2 beers and if I stop I can almost feel my blood running through my veins - not in a good way but in a way that is like an itch, and the only way to scratch it is to drink more. Not good, I know. Other times if I have a beer in the afternoon (I love day drinking) then my mind becomes completely pre-occupied by the thought of "well, I already had one, when can I have another?". Whatever else I had planned for the day gets pushed aside mentally by the sirens on the shore of happy hour island.

On the other hand, I have been dealing with insecurities and self esteem issues which makes it easy for me to push myself over and favor the control of the alcohol. When I dated the alcoholic and missed running training days etc, I didn't have to drink...if I was the Man I wanted to be, I could've put my priorities first. I knew what I wanted to do, what I HAD to do - yet I didn't do it. I sacrificed what I wanted to be with her, and then the f'd up thing is that somehow in my head I would later rationalize it as it being her fault!! (WTF I'm such a d*ck haha). The reality is, I could still have been with her crazy ass in the afternoon and gone home to run or do whatever it was that I wanted with my life because I CAN be in control at all times. (Why can't I continue to believe this or practice it though?) However, whatever co-dependent need I was trying to fill, I chose to do it with her, rather than follow my initial plan.

In every instance where I've f'd up because of alcohol there is a certain point where I consciously say to myself "this isn't how I want it to go, but I am willingly letting go of the rope"...After typing that I don't think that's alcoholism, I think that's me not being in control of who I want to be - not having the balls to fight what I know might be bad for me. I know I have an addictive personality, but I also know that I'm the one driving the bus. You either man up or you're the man out.

Alcohol does get me in the zone, but 'what' zone depends on my mood. Alcohol intensifies whatever it is that I'm feeling. Many times emotion manifests itself physically in the body and if I'm drinking I'm so much more aware of that sensation - which can lead to following the gut response of living it up at a party or falling down a spiral of depression. My last 'episode' loosely revolves around me finding out who the other plate that my girl was spinning while I was spinning her - and she was using me to parade in front of him. An f'd up situation either way, but if I was sober, and in control of my emotions, I would have subtly processed what happened and left a Man. Instead I was in 'brown out' mode - freaked out with f bombs and middle fingers and left like a chump, which now has potential professional and personal repercussions.

To wrap this up - my main thing is that I need to get my **** together personally. I have too much downtime when I'm not on tour and surround myself with pro drinkers yet amateur friends. This past month I've spent more time outside of my head than in it; shelving questions rather than answering them. The goal is to be the person who drinks and people can't really tell - maybe they smile a little bigger or their eyes are a little wider, but the person is still the same. I feel that in those cases, when someone knows, and has control, of themselves so well, all that alcohol does is intensify their full persona.

If people are interested I'll update here and there with some experiences along the way. I promise it won't be this long haha. This Thursday I have a huge show in town and I know many of this girls friends are going to be there - the struggle to drink is already huge - I'm so embarrassed with how I chumped out that I'm going to be an anxious wreck, however I also know that I will kill the show and can walk proud regardless.

Thanks again for the interest in the thread.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I've been sober since Wednesday after a month long binge. It's amazing how clear headed I've been feeling in the mornings - waking up sober is almost a buzz in itself. The hardest day was yesterday. I'm a professional musician and we played at a college. One of the fraternities gave us coolers for each side of the stage. Everyone in the band was totally cool with me not drinking and I didn't miss it while I was playing, but it was hard not to go towards it after the show. I'm definitely in the self-reflection stage of it right now and the constant mirror of honesty is tough but it is also very needed.

I'm torn between how much is genetic vs. 'inner game' or self medication.

There are times when I'll have 2 beers and if I stop I can almost feel my blood running through my veins - not in a good way but in a way that is like an itch, and the only way to scratch it is to drink more. Not good, I know. Other times if I have a beer in the afternoon (I love day drinking) then my mind becomes completely pre-occupied by the thought of "well, I already had one, when can I have another?". Whatever else I had planned for the day gets pushed aside mentally by the sirens on the shore of happy hour island.

On the other hand, I have been dealing with insecurities and self esteem issues which makes it easy for me to push myself over and favor the control of the alcohol. When I dated the alcoholic and missed running training days etc, I didn't have to drink...if I was the Man I wanted to be, I could've put my priorities first. I knew what I wanted to do, what I HAD to do - yet I didn't do it. I sacrificed what I wanted to be with her, and then the f'd up thing is that somehow in my head I would later rationalize it as it being her fault!! (WTF I'm such a d*ck haha). The reality is, I could still have been with her crazy ass in the afternoon and gone home to run or do whatever it was that I wanted with my life because I CAN be in control at all times. (Why can't I continue to believe this or practice it though?) However, whatever co-dependent need I was trying to fill, I chose to do it with her, rather than follow my initial plan.

In every instance where I've f'd up because of alcohol there is a certain point where I consciously say to myself "this isn't how I want it to go, but I am willingly letting go of the rope"...After typing that I don't think that's alcoholism, I think that's me not being in control of who I want to be - not having the balls to fight what I know might be bad for me. I know I have an addictive personality, but I also know that I'm the one driving the bus. You either man up or you're the man out.

Alcohol does get me in the zone, but 'what' zone depends on my mood. Alcohol intensifies whatever it is that I'm feeling. Many times emotion manifests itself physically in the body and if I'm drinking I'm so much more aware of that sensation - which can lead to following the gut response of living it up at a party or falling down a spiral of depression. My last 'episode' loosely revolves around me finding out who the other plate that my girl was spinning while I was spinning her - and she was using me to parade in front of him. An f'd up situation either way, but if I was sober, and in control of my emotions, I would have subtly processed what happened and left a Man. Instead I was in 'brown out' mode - freaked out with f bombs and middle fingers and left like a chump, which now has potential professional and personal repercussions.

To wrap this up - my main thing is that I need to get my **** together personally. I have too much downtime when I'm not on tour and surround myself with pro drinkers yet amateur friends. This past month I've spent more time outside of my head than in it; shelving questions rather than answering them. The goal is to be the person who drinks and people can't really tell - maybe they smile a little bigger or their eyes are a little wider, but the person is still the same. I feel that in those cases, when someone knows, and has control, of themselves so well, all that alcohol does is intensify their full persona.

If people are interested I'll update here and there with some experiences along the way. I promise it won't be this long haha. This Thursday I have a huge show in town and I know many of this girls friends are going to be there - the struggle to drink is already huge - I'm so embarrassed with how I chumped out that I'm going to be an anxious wreck, however I also know that I will kill the show and can walk proud regardless.

Thanks again for the interest in the thread.

Well look man, I would say there are very few people who have absolute control of themselves all of the time...some people dedicate their entire lives to this fact alone and are lucky if they get close...we all have our limits and we all make mistakes, we are still just animals operating with this very odd organ we call "brain"...not everything we always do has a completely rational basis...

If you feel like drinking is causing you to behave in ways you don't want to...then either (a) stop doing what you are doing when drinking, or (b) stop drinking. Being a musician you'll be surrounded by this stuff -- that will take strength.

I've seen a lot of drug use by different people -- I've experimented myself with stuff...probably the worst behavior I've seen and the worst I've ever felt was under the influence of alcohol.

These days I keep it mild..puff of green here and there...that's about it...some shots or drinks with friends...I still enjoy getting blasted from time to time...every once in awhile my interest is peaked by psilocybin fungi or LSD and psychadelia (I once saw the constellation Orion swirl together in the sky via a massive lit array of light beams) -- granted, this was likely all in my synaptic gap -- but none the less, hard to forget.

Drugs are...well, drugs. They effect you, and they are not all the same, and dependency is real.

To separate human culture from substance use is near impossible (my catalyst for substances has always been out of intellectual curiosity) -- but if something is really fcking with your life you have to end it. At the end of the day, all you really have is yourself -- at most drugs can provide perspective -- at most -- and this is very subjective based on what you are consuming (alcohol vs thc vs cocaine vs nicotine vs lsd, etc, etc)...

To the OP -- I admire your responsibility and awareness and your work. Keep making the decisions for yourself that shape the man you want to be. Be strong brother! Blow the show out of the water and score some cuties!

 

[Centaurion]

To get straight to the point: After so many times of hitting rock bottom re: episodes dealing with drinking way too much, I feel as if it finally needs to stop.

Over the past two days I have put myself and others in danger, and self-sabotaged a great budding relationship by getting way too drunk. The pattern there is that every relationship I've been in, I've destroyed because of alcohol (friendships as well) and I've encountered too many dangerous situations. I've stopped drinking before for a year and a half and I'm definitely a different person now and think that I can accept it better.

I hit rock bottom due to alcohol this summer. From the start of May till the 9th of September I drank everyday. It started off with a couple of beers after work, but quickly escalated to getting totally wasted 5-7 days a week. I could sit at the pub from 3pm and drink continuously till 4 am, go to some girls place and drink some more, before passing out around 9 am.

I'm lucky since I don't do stupid things when I'm drunk, but I tend to attract people / women with severe issues. This one girl I met at the start of the summer, turned out to be bipolar and would cut herself. During my acquaintance with her, she cut herself several times with a knife, cut me, punched me and even put out smokes on my hand. One of my wake up call was when I woke up one day covered in blood and not remembering where the **** I was and what the **** had happened the night before. The other one was last Friday; I went to a girls place, we started having sex and I saw that she had scars on the inside of her thighs. I asked her wtf that was, and she told me that she likes to cut herself. She pulled out a knife, and started cutting herself while we were kissing.

For the most part, I know I can eventually be around people drinking, be in bars, and go to parties, without falling into the relapse pattern. My question to anyone who has become sober is this: how has it impacted your life socially both w/ friends and women. I know true friends and women, who like you for you, won't care if you don't drink, however, in the past I have felt that if you tell someone you don't drink or are an alcoholic it has almost become a turn-off. I've had so much fun sitting around drinking with my buddies, and I loved drinking wine with GF's or going out and drinking beer that I wonder how it will all be different.

Drinking has messed up my social life pretty bad. Some of the people I want to have contact with has pulled away, they don't want to be around me when I'm drunk. And the people I've started hanging out with are not people that I want to be friends with. The "joke" in my social circle is that I'm a "functioning alcoholic".

Being sober, has also impacted my social life. I love going out with people, having a couple of beers and shooting the breeze. When I'm not drinking, I feel like I'm missing out on something. Sitting there sober, while everyone is drunk and having fun makes me kinda sad, and I always end up drinking some.

The sad thing is that alcohol, ever since 9th grade, has always been a way for me to shed insecurities and be a different person - someone from 1-3 beers can who can be the life of the party and everyone loves to drink with. However, past 3 beers, things start to change for the worse. Even in some "safe/happy" black out episodes, I would hear things like "holy ****, you were so much fun, you were so funny last night etc". However, I would be so depressed about the way I acted. And then of course there are the episodes where you get the dreaded call that says "do you know what you did last night?"

At the end of the day though I know I have to do what is right for me and all else will fall into place. I'd love to hear anyone else's experience with this.

 

[penkitten]

centaurion, that story blew my mind.

 

[backbreaker]

my story is pretty well documented here on this site but i will give a cliff note version here. I'm a recovered/recovering drug addict, no alcohol, crack cocaine was my drug of choice. Been clean for almost 7 years now.

It started out fun (doesn't it always), and as the time progressed, the habit got worse, form a few times a month, to every weekend, to 3 or so times a week, and by the time I finally went to rehab , the only time I wasn't using is basically when i was sleep which was about every other day.

My social life consisted of going to the ATM machine and getting money to buy more drugs. It go so bad that my dealer would just come over my house like it was a job or something and just sit there and feed me dope.

It stopped being fun very early on, but It wasn't about fun, i had issues that i had to address.


A few words of advice: 1. if you start feeling bad at ALL while you are detoxing, check yourself into a detox center. You can die from DT's. I don't know just how much you drank. Do not play around with that. 2. I promise you it gets better/easier. The fisst, really the first 2 months are going to be hell. Whatever it is you need to do to stay clean, rather it's going to AA, or giving your paycheck to a family member as well as your debit card, you need to swollow your ego. As time goes on, you will be able to do things you used to not be able to do sober. When I first got clean, i was not allowed to go to about half ot hte city of little rock for fear of running into an old "spot". As the months went i started doing things here and things there, by a year i could do pretty much anything i wanted ,the urge just wasn't there, by 3 years i could go into a dope house and get somoene out and not use. I've done that more than once

If you need any help man or advice pm me. Stay strong man, that's nothing to play around with.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I live in Miami and here you can get anyhting and everything. Theres tons of people with substancce abuse issues here and it basically boils down to two things. You either can or can't... Either you don't touch the stuff at all or you start to learn how to use it and maintain a life. Using any substance requires you to learn how to use it. How much can I use/drink and still be normal the next day? How does it feel when i'm just about to take too much? What feelings do I have when I really want this stuff? All this stuff and more you have to learn about yourself. And the worst part is that you have to learn all of this while your intoxicated so your drive and intention have to be very strong your resolve must be very strong. It's not easy, but the reward is that you can hang out one weekend have fun and wake the next day be yourself do what yu have to do and enjoy your life. A wise man once said that there can be no happiness without discipline and he was right.