Jitterbug said:
Let's just skip a step ahead and assume that you already know how to get your message across successfully (that you like the girl and she now knows it), what exactly are you gonna do to her?
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On the first date, are you doing most of the talking / entertaining or is she doing it?
Are you spending too much time trying to show her that you like her, or qualifying her to see if she is suitable for a relationship (short or long term) with you?
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And what specifically happens after the first date? Do you ask them out the second time and they decline or flake on you?
Thanks again, JitterBug.
What if I dont know how to get the message across? Should the message be verbal at all? "You're cute. You look xxxx. Nice xxxx. I like how you xxxx, its different from other girls" Usually I figure me asking them out to a date is interest enough. Since I'm not sure how to get the message across other than C+F/kino/asking her out on a date maybe this is a problem?
I don't think its something specific with the dates but rather in between dates.
Am I doing most of the talking/entertaining?
On the first date I do the entertaining in a sense that im loud and energetic and try make a lot of jokes. However, I try to let her do the talking. I dont tell that great of storys anyways. I ask a lot of questions and pretty much just try to get her to talk about her self. However it doesnt always work out that way, sometimes there's periods of silence.
Do I spend too much time analyzing or showing that I like her?
I dont feel I do much to show her that I like her in a sense of qualities or traits. My idea behind a date might revolve around "I think youre cute...and you have a cool personality to begin with if were already here together. if we have attraction we can work the rest out." I dont say that but that is how I feel about the question about showing her that I like her. I also dont really analyze her at this point as being suitable for a relationship. Like I said, If im taking them out to dinner I'm already considering a relationship, as long as they dont have personality flaws. (has a bf, bat **** crazy, slutty, dumb as a rock, etc..)
If Im missing something here its probably something im not doing and you can enlighten me.
What happens after the first date?
Im going to give a couple situations of what has happend with a few girls. But, overall after the date, I usually just go back to the C/F smiling and flirting. If I don't see them regularly I just talk to them on the phone a little bit and try to get a second date, they will beat around the bush and basically say not right now.
Heres the situations that have happend in the past... if they are too detailed or too long then you dont have to read them:
Girl 1.
This girl lived about an hour away from me. on the first date all was well, seemed like there was chemistry, held hands, shared frozen yogurt, but went in for kiss and no honey
I tried to call her 2 nights later, she seemed to not to want to give me a second date OR talk to me later at night... but still gave some indication that there could be something between us. So I worked it a little more after that indication but recieved no IOI back and I havent talked to her since then.
Girl 2.
Last time I had a date with a girl from school the first date was pretty cool, no kino but a little C/F. For the second date she was hard to get a hold of on the phone. She was giving off the aura like she was too good for me by being hard to reach on the phone, hard to get a time to go out with. So when we finally did go out I gave her a neghit, that made it awkward. To make matters worse we needed a reservation for both the dinner and the boat ride (which she agreed to go on before finding out we needed reservations) We talked a little on the phone after that, she went out of state for a while, called me a couple time swhile out of state. However, when she returned back she went back to the "im too busy" tune. Ignored her. I saw her at school, it was cool at first. Then I went on her facebook and said she looked like jay leno, she started insulting me back, i tried to just "whatever" it but then she started insulting me more, so I made a photoshop of her and she ignored me the next few times I saw her. However, when I finally did get a chance to talk to her everything was great and she even called me later that night. I didnt pick up, but i left her a message, she called back and then told me she just called because she wanted a number of a vet or some bullShlt. Maybe she was lying but that pissed me off hearing that she called me just because she wanted a phone number so I subtly neghitted her again. Basically this girl acts like she's god's gift to mankind when she really is no better looking than your average fit, smart girl with dark hair. so i cant help but neghit her. I guess right now this girl could have some potential. I'll be nice to her as long as she doesnt act like shes the shiznit.
Girl 3.
I approached her twice, then she approached me twice to meet up at school. After meeting up she asked me out. When we were on our date said she that she had a bf. I got mad and shes like "just friends, just friends." I told her that was ****ed up to him, she said it wasnt and then she never brought him up and the rest of the time was pretty good. Fast forward a little later, I helped her with some homework and then I got really high IOIs from her, gives indication that she's single, her saying she likes my clothes, she thinks im funny or smart, kino return, getting physically closer and staying closer, chatting late at night online. Seeing all these high IOI I decided it would be pretty safe to help her more with hw so I do an essay for her. It was easy for me and shes a terrible writer and I'm a fantastic writer. What woulda taken her 8 hours to get a C, took me 2-3 hours to get an A. After I write a paper for her I'm like, "wait, what if this b!*ch is playing me" so I decide to try to hold her hand next time we were out. She says no, she says she has a bf. I kinda messed it up by holding her hand at a time there was low chemistry because I was in desperation to see if i should keep helping her or not. I also messed up by doing the essay for her in the first place. But to be fair, the IOI went up the more i helped her. Straight up, I got played. I tried the "no we have something, i know you like me" thing but she wasnt buying it. It made it more disasterous. She did end up coming into my work 2 hours later and basically doing nothing, but not saying anything to me. I tried calling her, she didnt say much besides "its never gonna work" so I just started subtly insulting her til she hung up.
Girl 4.
Went on a first date, did fantastic, second date we f*cked, found out she had a bf and ran away. (like i said, i have no problems getting ONSs)
Girl 5.
Went on first date, low C/F, low kino, she was quick to say she wasnt interested, i was just like "whatever, i dont care", 2 months later after getting her really comfy around me I eventually started giving her a massage which lead to :rockon: i ended up dating her for like 2 months but the biatch gained like 25lbs in those 2 months, told her to lose it, she gained more weight in the next month so i told her to take a hike.
Question about girl #1, is the distance preventing something?
Question about girl #2, im being patient, but part of me doesnt really care enough to not be patient. Not to mention she pisses me off with her holier than thou attitude.
Question about girl #3, if she said she had a bf and said just friends should have I just gave up right there? Or was it still fair game... up until which point was there potential?
I have a question, If I try to make a move and it pretty much fails am I in the deadzone?
