Anybody got any arguments why I shouldn't go after a girl with a bf?

[izza]

Then go for it bro, they will break up sooner or later anyway, so do you want to be the next guy or be the good friend that was always there to support her while she was trying to cut ties with her long distance boyfriend.

But on the other hand man tonnes of single girls out there why waste time on one thats taken when you could just as easily get a single girl.

That's how I feel! I think both sides are right. Everybody hates it when that happens...

I aint talking about your specific case. I'm talking about dealing with women with boyfriends in general.

Ok, understood.

It isn't your responsibility to find out if every girl you flirt with has a BF before you even say a word to her. It's her responsibility to brush you off, since it's HER relationship.

You're right it's not my responsability to find out if she has a bf. But see what girls do (and when you meet some, you'll see), they say "I have a bf" and then they give you their time, all alone. They want me to be the badguy for them, so that they can say "well it just happened" "I kissed him by accident" and all sorts of other irresponsible absurdities.

But I must agree with another bit of your "amazing advice" It's HER responsability to brush me off. I'm a man, after all, and men are typical. I'll just make a move on her, she'd better just say no.

This reminds me of a scene in Don Quixote (which is hilarious, one of the best books I've ever read!), the parable of the man with the ill-advised curiosity. It's about a rich and handsome husband who tests the virtue of his beautiful and loving wife by having his best friend make advances on her. The husband does this only to test her true quality. At first the friend (Anselmo I believe) refuses to take part in such foolishness, but after a while, being shamed into it and his loyalty in question, he does so. The friend suddenly falls madly in love with the woman and likewise the wife madly in love with the friend. They have a secret affair, all the while pretending that the wife was angrily rejecting the friend's advances. Thus the more the friend makes advances on the wife, the more the husband lauds him for his efforts, and his wife for her "fidelity." Meanwhile, with every advance, the wife falls more and more in love with her husband's best friend.

One day, the husband catches a maid and confidente of the wife having an unrelated affair. He reacts angrily but the maid says, "Don't be angry at me. If you are forgiving I will tell you something even worse about your wife, but only in the morning." He angrily locks her in the room. The wife catches wind that the maid is about to tell her husband something. After the husband falls asleep, she takes all the jewelry in the house and dashes off to her lover, her husband's best friend. She hurridly tells him that their affair is about to be exposed, and begs him to elope with her. He agrees, with sadness in his heart and they take off.

The husband wakes up the next morning. So impatient is he to interrogate the maid he doesn't even notice his wife's disappearance. He immediately goes and unlocks the door, only to find that the maid had escaped using a bedsheet made into a rope hanging out the window. The husband goes to find his wife to ask her what is amiss, and finds her also missing. Such is his sudden distress that he rides quickly to the house of his best friend, only to find that he too has fled during the night. Suddenly he finds himself friendless, divorced, alone, and penniless.

According to de Cervantes, the moral of the story, besides not being unwantonly curious, is that one should never test a woman, for she will surely fail. Women need protection to be truly virtuous.

I don't think de Cervantes would believe in the wisdom of long distance relationships. Neither do I.

Looks like I'm about to make a regular Anselmo out of myself.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

If you really want a girl, mack on her regardless of whether she has a bf.

Caution though when hitting on girls with boyfriends. Take me for example.

If a guy was macking on my gf and I saw it, I WOULD however go up to him and talk to him a bit. I'd basically say that he can go for her if he wants, but if he does it IN FRONT of me again, we'll take it outside. If he indeed did mack on her again IN FRONT of me, I would go up to him and smash his face and not even say a word to him.

Besides that though, ANY GUY is welcome at ANY TIME to attempt to get my gf. Just don't do it in front of me.

 

[Delta]

best reason not to is KARMA.

whatever you wreak upon another, it wears on you psychologically so that you have less resources to deal with it should it happen to you - in a sense, your subconscious can end up punishing you - judging that what you are getting is justice and deserved.

sure, there are LOTS of reasons why the other guy is a loser and legitimately lost her to a better, etc etc etc.

but here's the UNDENIABLE RUB:

you are NOT perfect either.

there are plenty BETTER THAN YOU.

and despite that, there will be a girl that you will love despite your imperfection. how will you feel if you should lose her to someone who finagled her away from you?

i think of the story of king david and how he stole bathseba from another man... sure, the dude's king. more powerful. more alpha. but it strikes me as a misuse of one's power.

this is not a condemnation of the tactic however. just an observation that whatever you do comes to visit you.

delta

 

[hopeful loner]

The single worst thing about communities like this is how they encourage men to be as amoral as possible. No, if a girl is in a relationship you shouldn't really go after her, because doing so makes you an animal.

If we condone this, we essentially give up the right to condemn all cheating, because, hey, the cheater was obviously going after something they weren't getting!!

If we condone this, we give up the right to complain about ANY female behaviors that tick us off. Because, remember, anything goes!

And, finally, in the "olden days" when men were men, stealing another man's girlfriend/wive was liable to get you severely beaten or, possibly, killed. It still happens, and if you go after another man's girl while you count on him respect the law and show restraint, then not only are you an animal, but you're also a coward.

 

[LegendBoy]

I am in this situation now. So I will respond. I got my final exams and this chick I fancy she is a year younger so I finish and I can just ask for her number and no loss really...

Now problem is like the topic is talking about she has a boyfriend. I am friends with her friends in fact my cousin is friends with her... He probably is ugly anyway sooo I am going to have a crack... You's reckon girls with bfs lower chance??

 

[izza]

I am in this situation now. So I will respond. I got my final exams and this chick I fancy she is a year younger so I finish and I can just ask for her number and no loss really...

Now problem is like the topic is talking about she has a boyfriend. I am friends with her friends in fact my cousin is friends with her... He probably is ugly anyway sooo I am going to have a crack... You's reckon girls with bfs lower chance??

I'm sure what you're saying is very interesting, I just can't make heads or tails of what you're saying. Try adding a period here and there, and perhaps a verb.

 

[izza]

Delta, lonely

I have been cheated on. And while it was humiliating, and I hate her for doing it, especially because I felt betrayed, I'm not sure that I don't understand, or that I wouldn't do it myself.

I totally agree though, in an ideal world I really wouldn't want to do this. I don't know what I want to do in this world. I'm afraid that all this moralizing talk is just philosophical makeup, so to speak, for me being afraid to make a move, which I am normally. Look at my other posts, you will see a well-written, witty, and demoralizing track record of cowardice.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

It's not being amoral.

It's being competitive. If you have a handle on your woman, she won't be receptive to a guy's approaches anyway.

If she is, it means there are holes that will eventually seperate you two anyway.

Of course, there's a level of receptiveness you have to be aware of. If she's just willing to flirt with anyone, it means that you don't want to pursue anything serious with her because she'll do the same sh*t to you.

 

[Brak86]

This is a very wishy-washy question, but a good one. BUt let me try to answer it in MY PERSONAL OPINION:

If a girl that I do not know very well (i cold approached her, met her at a bar etc.) told me that she has a boyfriend then I wouldnt take much stock in it because as most of us know, even some SINGLE women will tell guys they have boyfriends for some reason or another (I'm not going to claim I know these reasons, someone else can answer that). Therefore, I see no problem in flirting and seducing her.

If she decides to start dating me or if we hook up, I will assume she either didnt have a boyfriend, she just made it up when we first met, or her relationship sucks and she dumped him/is cheating on him. Although I don;t like taking another man's woman, in this scenario, there are just too many unknowns to know whether or not she actually has a boyfriend. Also, this situation isn't uncommon. If we were to just completely stop going after every girl who CLAIMS she has a bf, how much choice do we really have of attaining what we want?

Also, the term boyfriend can somewhat be loose depending on how you define it. Do you mean she has been on a couple of dates with him or shes been with him for quite some time and has invested a lot of her time being with him? If that is the case, and I AM CERTAIN that she has a boyfriend who treats her well, then I will not at all pursue that girl. If she has just been dating this guy for a few weeks, she is up for grabs in my opinion,.

In the case of my friend. I would never ever ever go after a girl who my friend is dating. Even if my friend broke up with her I wouldn't date her unless I absolutely liked her a lot (in which case i would ask my friend if it is ok and make SURE he is telling me the truth). But I am fortunate in that I usually find girls unappealing once they start dating my friends :cheer:

To the guy who said he would kick another guy's ass if that guy stole his gf: to each his own, but that is just letting anger and jealousy take over your mind. A girl that would cheat on you is not worth getting upset over (and anger is somewhat of a choice, especially in this situation). Although it is a cliche, beating up does not solve any problems. Let me make clear though: I would destroy anyone who harmed my loved ones, but i do not think a girl who cheats on you is truly a loved one.

 

[izza]

This is a very wishy-washy question, but a good one. BUt let me try to answer it in MY PERSONAL OPINION:

If a girl that I do not know very well (i cold approached her, met her at a bar etc.) told me that she has a boyfriend then I wouldnt take much stock in it because as most of us know, even some SINGLE women will tell guys they have boyfriends for some reason or another (I'm not going to claim I know these reasons, someone else can answer that). Therefore, I see no problem in flirting and seducing her.

If she decides to start dating me or if we hook up, I will assume she either didnt have a boyfriend, she just made it up when we first met, or her relationship sucks and she dumped him/is cheating on him. Although I don;t like taking another man's woman, in this scenario, there are just too many unknowns to know whether or not she actually has a boyfriend. Also, this situation isn't uncommon. If we were to just completely stop going after every girl who CLAIMS she has a bf, how much choice do we really have of attaining what we want?

Also, the term boyfriend can somewhat be loose depending on how you define it. Do you mean she has been on a couple of dates with him or shes been with him for quite some time and has invested a lot of her time being with him? If that is the case, and I AM CERTAIN that she has a boyfriend who treats her well, then I will not at all pursue that girl. If she has just been dating this guy for a few weeks, she is up for grabs in my opinion,.

In the case of my friend. I would never ever ever go after a girl who my friend is dating. Even if my friend broke up with her I wouldn't date her unless I absolutely liked her a lot (in which case i would ask my friend if it is ok and make SURE he is telling me the truth). But I am fortunate in that I usually find girls unappealing once they start dating my friends :cheer:

To the guy who said he would kick another guy's ass if that guy stole his gf: to each his own, but that is just letting anger and jealousy take over your mind. A girl that would cheat on you is not worth getting upset over (and anger is somewhat of a choice, especially in this situation). Although it is a cliche, beating up does not solve any problems. Let me make clear though: I would destroy anyone who harmed my loved ones, but i do not think a girl who cheats on you is truly a loved one.

This is a fabulous response. Of all the things people have said, this seems to accord best with how I feel on the matter. Thank you,

Izza

 

[diplomatic_lies]

And, finally, in the "olden days" when men were men, stealing another man's girlfriend/wive was liable to get you severely beaten or, possibly, killed.

In the days before feminism and women's rights, killing another man for stealing your wife was perfectly fine.

 

[izza]

Dip lies I'm going to guess you're against going after other people's gfs

 

[izza]

bump

 

[Delta]

well, there are precious few other things that inspire good ol' "murder/suicide"... ya know, that old chestnut?

although he'd probably only take her out and then himself... unless you were on her. then you're pretty well screwed.

not even kato can save you.

delta

p.s. haha... even if it's not morally wrong, it might be advisable to check on the criminal/mentalhealth record of her boyfriend... if he's got nothing to lose, that might become a problem...

 

[izza]

well, there are precious few other things that inspire good ol' "murder/suicide"... ya know, that old chestnut?

although he'd probably only take her out and then himself... unless you were on her. then you're pretty well screwed.

not even kato can save you.

delta

p.s. haha... even if it's not morally wrong, it might be advisable to check on the criminal/mentalhealth record of her boyfriend... if he's got nothing to lose, that might become a problem...

Dude, there is no way you could think like more of a *****. I know because that's exactly how I think. And for the record, her boytoy is a continent away. I don't care if he looks like a refridgerator and runs like the wind. He'd have to be a pretty damn good swimmer to catch me!