Any way to salvage this situation?

[Prodigious1]

Hey guys, so I just found these forums a little while ago and have been lurking a bit reading up and seeing what's what, and I'm hoping you can help me with a little problem I've got.

So I've been seeing this girl on and off for about five months now, the last time I saw her was about two months ago but we've been talking fairly regularly since, she's a nurse in the military, travels quite a bit (since I met her she was gone for about two months) and works three jobs so she doesn't have much free time.

I saw her earlier in the week and we went to a bar to catch up, she was supposed to meet her friend later that day but instead invited her friend to come hang out with us, we were all drinking and watching the Euro cup while her and her friend were comparing travel stories and when her friend got up to use the head the girl I was with came over and kissed me (more full on making out for about ten seconds than just a kiss) then she put her legs up on mine and was holding my hand when her friend got back.

We stuck around a bit longer and then went back to her place, when we got in we went out on the balcony so she could have a smoke and I started rubbing her neck, as I was doing this she pressed herself back into me then all of a sudden she steps away and offers me a beer, so we sit back down outside and she seems to be a little more stand offish than before so I sit back across from her and we start chatting again and at one point I get up to use the washroom and go in for a kiss, and she gives me her cheek. When I came back I sat back down (the chairs were facing each other) and pulled my chair a little closer, after a little more conversation I end up with her feet in my lap as we're talking.

Anyway, the night goes on and we get to talking about my father (who died last october) and I was a little distraught to say the least lol, she came over and hugged and kissed me (neck and cheek) for what must've been a good ten minutes, then after is where (from what I can see at least) I made the first major error of the evening (I'm blaming my emotional state on this one) she asked if I wanted to talk about it some more, but I said I wasn't really comfortable because I wasn't sure what was going on between us, I basically told her that I like her, like spending time with her and really just want the chance to spend more time together so we can actually get to know each other to which she asked if I wanted to get together again the next day.

We kept talking a bit longer but it was getting chilly so we went inside, I walked up to her and hugged her, then leaned in and we started making out, after a bit of this I carried her to her couch and lay her down and we continued the making out but when I went to take off her shirt she said "I can't, I'm sorry." my response was "No worries, but I think we should probably keep kissing" she giggled and kissed me again and this went on for awhile, I eventually ended up with her bra undone but her clothes still on, that's when she started talking about going to bed. She seemed like she really didn't want me to stay so I told her I would take off and talk to her the next day.

The next morning I get a text message that reads as follows

I've been reflecting about last night and you seem like a great guy, and I have a great time with you, but I don't think I'm feeling more than friendship.. I had to really think this through cuz I'd hate to ruin a great opportunity, but it's just that I'm not really feeling it. Which is stupid cuz you're an amazing guy. but that's what it is. I'm sorry."

I replied with
"You don't seem too sure, are you sure it isn't just cause we talk all the time and never see each other?"

her:
"I don't know, Also my ex has been ****ing with my head so maybe it's a bit of everything but either way I'm just not feeling us."

We talked a little more and she eventually said

"I don't know, I'm a disaster to tell you the truth and it's not fair to you"

I would normally have just walked when I heard that, but I can honestly say I've never met anyone I get along with as well as I do with this girl, after two months of not seeing each other it felt like we hadn't skipped a day.


Questions? Thoughts? Comments? Thanks in advance.

 

[betheman]

Hey guys, so I just found these forums a little while ago and have been lurking a bit reading up and seeing what's what, and I'm hoping you can help me with a little problem I've got.

So I've been seeing this girl on and off for about five months now, the last time I saw her was about two months ago but we've been talking fairly regularly since, she's a nurse in the military, travels quite a bit (since I met her she was gone for about two months) and works three jobs so she doesn't have much free time.

I saw her earlier in the week and we went to a bar to catch up, she was supposed to meet her friend later that day but instead invited her friend to come hang out with us, we were all drinking and watching the Euro cup while her and her friend were comparing travel stories and when her friend got up to use the head the girl I was with came over and kissed me (more full on making out for about ten seconds than just a kiss) then she put her legs up on mine and was holding my hand when her friend got back.

We stuck around a bit longer and then went back to her place, when we got in we went out on the balcony so she could have a smoke and I started rubbing her neck, as I was doing this she pressed herself back into me then all of a sudden she steps away and offers me a beer, so we sit back down outside and she seems to be a little more stand offish than before so I sit back across from her and we start chatting again and at one point I get up to use the washroom and go in for a kiss, and she gives me her cheek. When I came back I sat back down (the chairs were facing each other) and pulled my chair a little closer, after a little more conversation I end up with her feet in my lap as we're talking.

Anyway, the night goes on and we get to talking about my father (who died last october) and I was a little distraught to say the least lol, she came over and hugged and kissed me (neck and cheek) for what must've been a good ten minutes, then after is where (from what I can see at least) I made the first major error of the evening (I'm blaming my emotional state on this one) she asked if I wanted to talk about it some more, but I said I wasn't really comfortable because I wasn't sure what was going on between us, I basically told her that I like her, like spending time with her and really just want the chance to spend more time together so we can actually get to know each other to which she asked if I wanted to get together again the next day.

We kept talking a bit longer but it was getting chilly so we went inside, I walked up to her and hugged her, then leaned in and we started making out, after a bit of this I carried her to her couch and lay her down and we continued the making out but when I went to take off her shirt she said "I can't, I'm sorry." my response was "No worries, but I think we should probably keep kissing" she giggled and kissed me again and this went on for awhile, I eventually ended up with her bra undone but her clothes still on, that's when she started talking about going to bed. She seemed like she really didn't want me to stay so I told her I would take off and talk to her the next day.

The next morning I get a text message that reads as follows

I've been reflecting about last night and you seem like a great guy, and I have a great time with you, but I don't think I'm feeling more than friendship.. I had to really think this through cuz I'd hate to ruin a great opportunity, but it's just that I'm not really feeling it. Which is stupid cuz you're an amazing guy. but that's what it is. I'm sorry."

I replied with
"You don't seem too sure, are you sure it isn't just cause we talk all the time and never see each other?"

her:
"I don't know, Also my ex has been ****ing with my head so maybe it's a bit of everything but either way I'm just not feeling us."

We talked a little more and she eventually said

"I don't know, I'm a disaster to tell you the truth and it's not fair to you"

I would normally have just walked when I heard that, but I can honestly say I've never met anyone I get along with as well as I do with this girl, after two months of not seeing each other it felt like we hadn't skipped a day.


Questions? Thoughts? Comments? Thanks in advance.

have u ever had sex with this woman? doesnt sound like you have, she isnt that into you, you are on the subs bench, her ex is f cucking with more than her head, you are the safety net, get out of there and stop wasting your time

 

[Desdinova]

Hard to tell exactly what put her off. If a woman's really into you, little mistakes in the seduction won't affect anything. The best I can do is point out what's going on and the mistakes that were made...

I started rubbing her neck, as I was doing this she pressed herself back into me then all of a sudden she steps away and offers me a beer, so we sit back down outside and she seems to be a little more stand offish than before so I sit back across from her and we start chatting again and at one point I get up to use the washroom and go in for a kiss, and she gives me her cheek.

You sensed that she pulled away. When this happens, you punish her. Do NOT reward her with a kiss for pulling away. After she pulls away, she has to re-initiate the kino. You can encourage this by pulling back further and even tease her, but do NOT give her the attention she pulled away from. Go and talk to her friend, look at the stuff in her apartment, browse the internet on your phone, etc. She will feel slightly rejected and come looking for more attention.

the night goes on and we get to talking about my father (who died last october) and I was a little distraught to say the least

Subjects like this are best avoided until you're in a relationship with her. You cannot attract a woman by making her feel pity. If the conversation steers toward a sensitive subject, just tell her that it's a conversation for another time. Not only does this you clear of bringing a negative atmosphere to a positive situation, she'll keep thinking and wondering why you chose to avoid talking about it. In other words, you build mystery.

I made the first major error of the evening (I'm blaming my emotional state on this one) she asked if I wanted to talk about it some more, but I said I wasn't really comfortable because I wasn't sure what was going on between us, I basically told her that I like her, like spending time with her and really just want the chance to spend more time together so we can actually get to know each other

Yup, this was an error, but it's not the first one. With this conversation, you started making the relationship 'move too fast'.

but when I went to take off her shirt she said "I can't, I'm sorry."

This is called the Anti-Slvt Defense (ASD) and you treat this the same way you treated her for pulling back earlier. You punish her by taking away your attention. Instead, you make the same mistake:

my response was "No worries, but I think we should probably keep kissing"

You rewarded her for pulling back.

Women are like dogs. They will learn to behave badly if you reward them for it. In this case, you rewarded her for doing things that reinforce FRIENDSHIP instead of what you ultimately want: a sexual relationship. Reward her when she's sexual with you and punish her when she's rejecting your sexual advances. This is how you train a woman to become your lover instead of being your friend.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Prodigious1, put an age on your profile.

Read the Mature Man forum rules.

 

[Prodigious1]

Thanks for the pointers guys,

I wasn't attempting to play the pity card, never have and never will, she was the one who led the conversation there and honestly I got pretty visibly upset for a little bit and told her to just give me a minute and I'd be fine, then she asked if I wanted to talk about it, which I didn't.

One thing I did forget to mention was that in the car ride back to her place she started telling me all about how because of the situations shes been in (due to being a trauma nurse) she's afraid she is emotionally dead inside and so on, midway through her talking I reached over and squeezed her hand then put mine back on my lap, and she reach over herself and held onto it.

Anyway, after all is said and done it was a good learning experience and she's the one who's missing out.

 

[Greasy Pig]

As Braddo said, it happens to everyone. Observe, critique and learn. That's all you can do.
I can almost guarantee she's fvcking her ex but at least she had the decency to half tell you.
Use the lessons to be the next girl's "A guy".