Any of You Older Guys Tired of The Scene and Just Want To Find Someone?

Phyzzle

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I just looked at my rep. I have a negative where the guy left a positive comment. I guess it's easy to click the wrong thing.

And there's another negative where I was being sarcastic, and some guy who barely knew English thought I was serious.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=998811#post998811

Those are my only two negatives . . .
 

Rollo Tomassi

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Props VULPINE.

Whenever I hear guys tell me about how "tired they are" of the scene or I get the standard "I'm too old for that" rationale my first thought is that this is a cop out. Many guys use a variety of rationales (really social contrivances) to excuse their lack of game or innability to socialize as an adult - relying mostly on adolescent social/dating skills due mostly to the fact that they have been serial monogamist their whole lives or else have internalized their AFC mentality for a lifetime and still cling to it's myths.

Regardless of the rationale, the root cause is still the same, a fear of rejection. Men deal with rejection their entire lives and some cope better with it than others. When I hear a guy tell me how he's "done with the scene" or looking for an LTR at 27 my thought is not that he's fed up with "the scene", but rather he's tired of risking rejection and either coming up empty handed or coming up short handed.

To quote POOK - Rejection is better than regret. Don't convince yourself that you need an LTR to avoid the discomfort of the challenges that dating requires. If at 27 you're "sick of it all" do as VULPINE suggests and explore your own independence. An LTR should never be a goal, but rather a by-product of your own self-confidence and personal growth. Women will want to be associated with this success and autonomy. If you're tired of dealing with the rigors of being single after being in it for 5-8 years, you're really going to hate being saddled to someone you settled for for a lifetime.
 

Vulpine

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Well, I see that both of my negatives are from guys with positive comments, too. Hmm. Noobs. READ INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE OPERATING! heh.

I don't care, either, just thanking you guys. You'll notice the :rolleyes: and not the :cry:
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Vulpine said:
Well, I see that both of my negatives are from guys with positive comments, too. Hmm. Noobs. READ INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE OPERATING! heh.

I don't care, either, just thanking you guys. You'll notice the :rolleyes: and not the :cry:
Awwww.... C'mon everyone, let's give Vulpine a group head butt... :rockon:
 

Vulpine

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Rollo Tomassi said:
Whenever I hear guys tell me about how "tired they are" of the scene or I get the standard "I'm too old for that" rationale my first thought is that this is a cop out. Many guys use a variety of rationales (really social contrivances) to excuse their lack of game or innability to socialize as an adult - relying mostly on adolescent social/dating skills due mostly to the fact that they have been serial monogamist their whole lives or else have internalized their AFC mentality for a lifetime and still cling to it's myths.
"Tired of the bar scene" = "I'm socially retarded and can't meet people at bars"

Anyway, my situation is more of a sick twist. See, being able to rock chicks in the sack effortlessly is both a gift and a curse. My LTR's have been with women that were grand actors pretending to be little angels just to maintain the "relationship of convenience". Ok, fine, I'm a guy so I can't really claim to be a "victim" or complain about being used for sex. But in retrospect, I've noticed that virtually all of my LTR's or MTR's have been the same thing: Vulpine getting hustled by shady women, taking words at face value versus judging actions and/or tollerating disrespect, not being selective enough, etc... AFC mentality in general and women getting all they wanted until "Mr. Righter" came along. I was the perfect stepping stone, or "wayside", or "pleasant distraction", and never a "serious candidate". The end result? Wasted time and more wasted time strung together to be - wasted life, comprimised future.

It's not skills that has been my problem, it's my attitude and priorities. Now, I see what I want, see how I'm being treated, and unfortunately have become ultra-cynical. I can't say that covering my azz is a bad thing, so cynical seems to have a far too negative connotation in this instance. Weary? Baggage? You can't really attach those negative sounding things to my situation because, seriously, my change has been for the better - regardless of what women, or society, would like me to believe.

Ok, ok, ok... I can't smooth over the fact that I was bitter. I got burned, played, suckered, you name it. My cynacism had easily escalated to mysogeny in a lot of scenarios, and rightfully so: all women sucked according to me at the point I realized what a waste my life has been. Well, hating isn't where it's at, and neither is depression, so here's where I've learned to be: uninterested.

I don't need to find fault, blame women, hate, nope... it takes two to Tango. I was the sucker, I wasted my time, I am just as to blame as women. I was AFC. I met at least 10 women I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED. But, to sarge and keep notching my bedpost was my goal in life. My goals motivate me now. My goals aren't "bang more women". Naw, far too many undeserving women got rocked already. My goal is ...

"Get my life back on track and live a life that I want to live, how I want to live, where I want to live it, doing sh!t that I want to do."

Notice "women" are nowhere in that mission statement. It's simple: me, me, me, me, me.

Like agent Smith cloning himself said:
Original Smith: Me, me, me, me.
Cloned Smith: Me too!
Maybe I'm whacked, but I took that as an Adam and Eve thing. I'll gladly give a rib to have a female clone of myself and skip all the crap any day of the week... but that's not going to happen, so *shrug*.

SOooo,
"Any of You Older Guys Tired of The Scene and Just Want To Find Someone?"
Sure, long time ago. But, I'm not going to "try" to find someone. And, it's not the "scene" that I'm tired of, it was/is my misdirected energy that I am tired of.

If this is all too philisophical, it can be broken down simply: go out to have fun, don't go out to pick up women, make plans that benefit you, don't comprimise those plans for a woman, set goals for you, don't set goals or comprimise those goals for women. That's what we get at here when we all say "you are the prize".

Sorry about the ranting, but there has been so much stuff lately stemming from just plain backwards mentalities lately. I think the bootcamp itself starts off from the wrong place entirely. They start at "get your game tight" whereas it should really start at "get your head right". (my $.02)
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Vulpine said:
"Tired of the bar scene" = "I'm socially retarded and can't meet people at bars"
:crackup: :up: :crackup:

And I've always wondered what "Tired of the bar scene" really meant... :p
Vulpine said:
Sorry about the ranting, but there has been so much stuff lately stemming from just plain backwards mentalities lately. I think the bootcamp itself starts off from the wrong place entirely. They start at "get your game tight" whereas it should really start at "get your head right". (my $.02)
I'm right with you on that. I've felt for a long time that the thing that holds most of the forum back is their mindset, not women.
 

amoka

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Fantasy said:
Some times I wish my marriage was arranged at birth. Anyone feel me?
:crackup:
--Arrange marriage still take place in certain part of the world. Indian, for example. Although I won't prefare that method of marriange since sosuave has faithfully redeemed me. 13 months ago, I would have welcome the idea with two arms.

-amoka
 

lee36044

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Vulpine said:
"Tired of the bar scene" = "I'm socially retarded and can't meet people at bars"

----- snip -----

"Any of You Older Guys Tired of The Scene and Just Want To Find Someone?"
Sure, long time ago. But, I'm not going to "try" to find someone. And, it's not the "scene" that I'm tired of, it was/is my misdirected energy that I am tired of.

If this is all too philisophical, it can be broken down simply: go out to have fun, don't go out to pick up women, make plans that benefit you, don't comprimise those plans for a woman, set goals for you, don't set goals or comprimise those goals for women. That's what we get at here when we all say "you are the prize".

Sorry about the ranting, but there has been so much stuff lately stemming from just plain backwards mentalities lately. I think the bootcamp itself starts off from the wrong place entirely. They start at "get your game tight" whereas it should really start at "get your head right". (my $.02)
Couldn't have put it any better! I cut the quote for size ... but you could have been writing my life story! Right down to the reactions and the place I've finally arrived. Boot Camp? I glanced through it and it looked like a lot of what I practiced that got me into some of my disasters! Maybe if I had less skill at approach ... I wouldn't have so many bad choices behind me :D I get more from the sections on red flags and behaviors to avoid myself. Wish I could have found some of this info about twenty years ago.

Originally Posted by Rollo Tomassi
Whenever I hear guys tell me about how "tired they are" of the scene or I get the standard "I'm too old for that" rationale my first thought is that this is a cop out. Many guys use a variety of rationales (really social contrivances) to excuse their lack of game or innability to socialize as an adult - relying mostly on adolescent social/dating skills due mostly to the fact that they have been serial monogamist their whole lives or else have internalized their AFC mentality for a lifetime and still cling to it's myths.
Rollo, I normally heed your advice and agree with your views but I've gotta tell you ... I think you've made a huge invalid assumption here. You may be right to say choosing to stop dating due to being "too old for that" is a cop out. But to me, or anyone who has experienced anything like Vulpine describes, even if it was a result of our poor choices or ingrained AFC habits, saying that being tired of the scene is a cop out or a choice driven by a lack of mature social skills sounds a lot like telling a junkie that quitting drugs to straighten his life out is a cop out to avoid facing the fact that he never developed the socially mature skill of living a normal life while concurrently abusing a dangerous drug!

What ever happened to the concept of fixing the motor before worrying about the bodywork? I think it's as valid here as on a teenagers car!
 

CLOONEY

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Which brings up the question to everyone; regardless of age, if you came across a woman who was everything you ever wanted in a woman and you were what she was looking for in a man, would you pass her up in order to keep sarging? Is it necessary for you to be "older" if the right one comes around? Mind you I'm not asking about the probability finding the right one.
Age means nothing, as long as youve experienced enough to know exactly what you want in a woman.

My brother for example, has been with his girfriend since he was 15, he has been with her now for 12+ years, and is VERY happily married. They are both still madly in love! Incredible!
 
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