Any ideas why she flaked?

[crowolf]

I will try to make this short.

Yesterday I was at an event. It was about art and literature. Saw a cute girl there. She turned a couple of times to my direction, walked near me, and was by herself. Soon enough I decided to approach her on the bar while she was eating a piece of cake and drinking wine. We started talking about basic stuff like work, studying, where are we from, etc.. This turned into an instant-date kind of thing for almost 2 hours in total. We switched spots, discussed all types of topics, even deeper ones that show vulnerability and build connection. We had a lot of common values, interests and views on life. But I also challenged her on a few topics. My vibe was ****y/funny, I teased her often, and I believe she went through a range of emotions during the time we spent together. She showed a lot of IOIs - smiled, laughed, brushed her hair with the palm facing outside, leaned into me, stayed close, followed my lead and frame all the time, no resistance to kino touches on the shoulder, mentioned a couple of times that she is kind of grateful that things happened in such a way that we met that day.

The main part of the event ended, and the bar started playing some music. We decided there is nothing else to do here, so I proposed to find a place to eat, and she accepted. However, she said that she will hang out with her friends soon (around 9 pm; while it was 8:40 at the time we left). We proceed to the nearest mall, took a quick tour inside to see if there is a good place to eat, but there wasn't really what I was looking for, and I told her to forget it, I will eat at home (as she wasn't hungry). So we leave, and soon her friends call her to arrange their meeting. Then we go to the metro, and sit there to wait for the train. I asked her something about her childhood. She said that she was a freaky anti-social kid. Around this situation, she made a little worrying facial expression, which might have been caused by her seeing my face scars (now that we are in a lighter area) or something else, I don't know. It could just be the childhood question. We had to pass 2 stations until we split up. In the metro we exchange numbers and then she mentions that she is a stalker, and can find all my social medias. I challenge her to do so, and we put up a bet about this. We agreed that she has 1 week to find my profiles, and if she does, I will buy her a drink or something. Then I reach out to do a "pinky promise" with her about this challenge. We hold it for like 30 seconds. It was a very intimate type of kino which I didn't do before, and I enjoyed it.

After we reach the destination, it turns out that we are in opposite directions for the exit. She puts her hand in front of her, smiles (I believe), and says "it was nice meeting you". I was disappointed with this gesture as if we are doing business or something. So I slightly reach with both of my hands facing her shoulders, proceeding to give a hug. She accepts it, and I hug her properly for around 3 seconds. Then I let go, we part ways and say "bye". I am not entirely sure, but I think the hug might have made her uncomfortable, as she seemed to have made a slight face in the last memory I have of her.

So, today I text her around 3 pm, and she still hasn't responded. I don't understand where did I fucc'up. I shared this story to other people and someone said "just don't take it personally". But at least I want to know what is my mistake, so I don't repeat it. I am now spending time analyzing this situation because of that, and doubting myself and my "game". Is it possible that I was too invested/gamey/pushy/aggressively leading? I wonder what you guys think about this scenario. Would it be lame or creepy to call her on Sunday, knowing that she purposely decided to not text me back?

 

[CornbreadFed]

It happens

 

[EyeBRollin]

3 things:

1) Low interest. She isn’t physically attracted to you. Clearly there was a vibe shift from her when seeing you in the light.

2) Just in reading things you give off pushy / too eager vibes. That dries up women faster than anything. Need to relax

3) You lingered. That was way too long of a first insta “date.” Keep it to one hour max. Then get her number and get out of there. You’re supposed to be the busy one; not her.

 

[Clockwerk50]

She will respond eventually…

 

[BaronOfHair]

"We switched spots, discussed all types of topics, even deeper ones that show vulnerability and build connection"

You served as her girlfriend, in other words

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because she wasn't interested enough to actually make the effort to meet you again and because you assumed far more interest on her part than she actually had.

 

[crowolf]

You behaved like a little girl, and now you're at the bottom of her girlfriend list.

How exactly does your observation help me improve my "game"? At least try to bring some value, it's so easy to be a critic.

P.S.: The girl is like 19 years old. And I am in my 20s. I don't think this act can be seen as something that bad, but if you have reasonable explanation, I'd like to hear it.

 

[The Duke]

@crowolf I think you did a pretty solid job. Women are notorious for this type of behavior. They are all flakes driven by their emotions at that point in time. This same thing could of happened to Mr. Perfect in the perfect situation. She might have some exboyfriend trying to get back to her. Some other dude that is in the picture might be pulling on her strings. You never know and it doesn't matter.

Only thing I would have done differently was ended the "date" after the art/literature event. That would have left things on a high note.

Also be cognizant not to show too much interest or overshare your thoughts. Better to be a man of slight mystery. They are always looking for ways to blow you out. Let them talk 60%-70% of the time.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

You can write an entire novel detailing all the various flakes, rationalize her behavior, etc. Ultimately it doesn't matter. Most often, it can be explained by low interest. Other times, who fvcking knows? There's no point in trying to understand the why.

 

[crowolf]

You can write an entire novel detailing all the various flakes, rationalize her behavior, etc. Ultimately it doesn't matter. Most often, it can be explained by low interest. Other times, who fvcking knows? There's no point in trying to understand the why.

That's true, man. However, my main purpose of this analyzing process is to understand my mistakes, and make sure I don't repeat them. I am all about improvement. This is why I take notes of my cold approaches, and this is sort of one of them.

A few people mentioned low interest. Even if that's the case, I wanna know what can I do about it. And I got a few ideas already, for which I am thankful.

 

[crowolf]

I highlighted the 'pinky promise'. Even teenage girls consider that cringe behaviour from boys.

You wonder why she flakes? Because you don't behave like the man she's looking for. At which point in your entire interaction did she feel any lust to jump your bones? And even if she may have had some sexual interest in you, that girlish behaviour at the end of your date sealed your fate.

Fair enough. You could be right about the lust and sexuality thing. I kept the vibe playful, the undertone of the interaction was flirtatious, and she followed my lead, but I probably should have built more sexual tension, and let her chase me.

About the gesture - I am still not fully convinced it is a fully weak beta thing, knowing that it originated from Japanese gang activities. And maybe it's viewed differently in various cultures and places. I assume Hollywood has a big part in ruining it, and I don't think I imagine a grown up man using it, but who knows.. After all, it's kino.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Would it be lame or creepy to call her on Sunday, knowing that she purposely decided to not text me back?

Yes: Lame and creepy.

There are millions of possible reasons she is ghosting you. No point trying to guess "why" she is doing it. Move on to younger, hotter girls with higher interest.

 

[RickPound]

I’ll agree you let the interaction drag out too long and also she said she would look you up and you challenged her to do so with the bet - but you didn’t stay congruent to that by texting her right away the next day.

Should’ve let it ride because that comes off too eager. She wanted the privilege of thinking about you until she was ready to reach out. That “bet” was your ticket to the next date.

 

[Tilex]

You fell for the classic social media bait test.
Don't give out or get social media from women. It's a platform for judgement over the tiniest little thing. You could be judged and rejected over extremely trivial and nonsensical things as well.
Like if there was a bird somewhere in your photos and she's allergic or disgusted by them. That's a reason to be judged & rejected.

You're also being submissive to her requests.
The balance of power is now in her favor.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How exactly does your observation help me improve my "game"? At least try to bring some value, it's so easy to be a critic.

P.S.: The girl is like 19 years old. And I am in my 20s. I don't think this act can be seen as something that bad, but if you have reasonable explanation, I'd like to hear it.

There is nothing that's going to help per se.

You want to know why it happened but the answer is almost always simply low interest.

There is not much you could do to change that, so it's not worth worrying about.

Put the effort you want to put into this into finding new women who ARE interested and your results will be night and day different.

 

[Bingo-Player]

As men we want a logical answer to these random things women do , but with women there rarely is one EVERYTHING is in her moment

I'm currently involved with two HB8's one blonde one brunette

I met both of them in the same 24 hours / but I spent much more time with the brunette

A week later the brunette isn't really interested , not even reading my messages

The blonde who I randomly met for 15 mins whilst we were on public transport has 7 thousand followers on insta is still messaging me everyday

I've not really done anything different with either of them it's just they are two completely different girls both perceiving me in a completely different way you can't quantify it

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More random shenanigans below

last night I am out I walk up to the bar start trying too talk to a HB 7 she dismisses me and couldn't be less interested

30 mins later I am walking down the street randomly start chatting with another HB 7 as we are walking in the same direction. We are chatting for 5 mins she says she needs to go meet her freinds I grabbed her and told her I want a kiss before she goes ( expecting a peck on the cheek )

she turns to face me puts her arms around me and starts fully blown smooching me whilst pressing herself into my c0ck

We finish kissing she turns to me " was that ok for you "

Honestly women are just absolutley fascinating

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Main thing is a date can’t end lower “excitement happy” for her than it was let’s say midway through. That’s why I always like to start dates very low energy and boring

 

[Tiguere]

You basically told her your entire life. There is no longer mystery.

If you would've cut the bar interaction to half and hour to an hour max and left while in a high note.... Then not text her for 5 days... You would've have a chance.

 

[crowolf]

You basically told her your entire life. There is no longer mystery.

If you would've cut the bar interaction to half and hour to an hour max and left while in a high note.... Then not text her for 5 days... You would've have a chance.

Not really. There was some mystery, although I shared more than I should have, and was probably too enthusiastic in our conversation. Otherwise, at one point she opened her phone and insisted to see my art but I rejected her request. Told her she ain't ready yet. Usually I am more mysterious but this time I was very open. But she was too, so It was natural.

About the 2nd part of your comment - my idea was to go home with her the same night, but I only understood that she has plans to see her friends when I decided to bounce her from the venue. **Maybe I should have explored the logistics at an earlier stage.

But surely I could have done a better job putting a frame of me having to leave her, and not the other way around. And the text on the next day was probably too eager. Whatever. I got over it. Life goes on.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I’ll agree you let the interaction drag out too long and also she said she would look you up and you challenged her to do so with the bet - but you didn’t stay congruent to that by texting her right away the next day.

Should’ve let it ride because that comes off too eager. She wanted the privilege of thinking about you until she was ready to reach out. That “bet” was your ticket to the next date.

Are you trying to say that things that are easy to get have little value?

Also, OP, to piggy back on what everyone said, there is also a parallel world where you could have done everything right and you would never hear from her again. Unfortunately, since women are also human beings, it is hard to extrapolate how they will behave towards your actions. All you can do is increasing your odds by talking to more women and let them reach out to you when it is your turn/when they are ready to start talking to you again. Sometimes they behave like cats.

PS: Don’t text her again. It is her decision if she wants to be “friends” with you or not. After all, they are the relationship centric gender.