Any help on beating ONE-ITIS!?

[silverwex]

Hey all,

Right theres this girl who really gets me going. I dont want her messing my head but unfortunately i have the dreaded one-itis! There are other girls in my life but this one is the one that id be most interested in.

I saw her today and i start shaking - like what the fvck is that!!!?

I read the bible and all that and when i say to myself "I AM the prize! Shes the one that should be working for me!" and I also take her down off her pedestal in my mind - this works for a short while but when i see her again it all comes back.

I know there are other girls out there and i know ive a long way to go to DJ-dom but i would really appreciate some tips/advice on how i should go about getting over this chick.

PS - I successfully played hard to get with her two weeks ago in the local pub, she kept looking over at me and was wanting me to go over to her but i totally ignored her. She was upset by this (good thing!) BUT now shes starting to creep back into my mind!!

Thanks

 

[Bonhomme]

Not enough info

There's not enough info in your post to give good advice.

Just what has been the extent of your interaction with her?

Have you even talked with her?

Often a gal will write someone off as a cowardly wussy if he doesn't approach her when she thinks he should. It's best to go for what you want, but not be "clingy."

Play too hard to get and you'll get nothing.

 

[ryan killa]

Silverwex:

Think of all the great things you do, and all the things that make you better than the other guys.

Imagine yourself in a beautiful valley with a river, where you are all alone, admiring the view, where you are perfectly happy, and where you do not need anyone(except maybe God)

Now, in this valley, you are allowed to bring in a woman. You remember women from earth. You remember how great they were, yet in this peaceful place, you do not need anyone. However, you are allowed to have women spend time with you. You would *like a woman to be there, but it is not necessary, and if a woman does not come, you will not care in the least.

Now, in layman's terms. You are a happy person? Be happy. Immerse yourself with things you love. Never stop partaking in the activities you love. Do what makes you feel good.

Just live life to the fullest. Others will note your happiness, and be curious. Do not desire anything about women, because they are not needed in your life. They would make fine addition to your life, but without them, you are still happy, because you have your hobbies and work to keep you occupied.

Well, I hope you don't think I'm some psychologist nutball

 

[silverwex]

Ryan killa: no way man, cheers for the advice - know where you're coming from.

Being honest, we have a large group of friends, and id be one of the "main men" - always the one getting with the ladies and being the happy, energetic exciting one. OThers actually come to me, so theres no probs there.

Bonhomme: I used to be quite clingy with her but then i found this site and my techniques have changed for the better. I also know theres a balance e.g. dont be too clingy and by the other token dont be too withdrawn. I was planning on going over to her, paying a lot of attention to her and then leaving her on a high note. Sounds so AFC-ish but if i saw her getting off with anyother fella itd hurt man.

YEs i have talked to her and know her fairly well. We used to snog (french) but then we stopped for some reason. I wouldnt mind going back to that even!

Thaks guys

anyother comments?

 

[squirrels]

Step outside your thoughts. Somewhere along the line, you created this erroneous association in the way you think that says how happy you are, or how much you are worth, is directly dependent on what she thinks about you. This is a bad association. This was an error and you have to eliminate it.

I like what Allen Thompson says in the end of his "Kiss of Death" article:

Here's one simple little mental trick that might help you. Whenever the obsessive "does she like me" thoughts start to take over your mind, even if they're the "good" ones, mentally grab them with your hands, throw them down on the floor, and step on them. Then remind yourself that obsessing about her is not in your best interest, that it will suck away your confidence, and actually decrease the probability that you'll eventually get her. At this point you want to take a deep breath... smile... laugh... and think to yourself, "I should send that Allen guy a few bucks."

Any time you start thinking, "Does she like me? What is she doing? Is she with someone else? What does she think of me? Would she approve of this? What if she finds out about that? Blah blah blah..." just seize those thoughts and mentally destroy them.

"Bad, bad brain! Respect my authoritah!"

 

[silverwex]

Cheers mate.

I usually say to myself "I'm the one who should be chased, im the man!". or just mentally take her down off her pedestal!

Dont get me wrong, im not AFC with her - well not when i interact with her anyway! IF she rings me im gonna hang up first, if she goes to kiss me, ill back away first and pass some C+F comment, and if she compliments me ill say something like "Well tell me something i dont know!".

PS - Not associated with this topic but the best comeback C/F comment ive ever heard was:

HER: I actually have a boyfriend!
YOU: I dont mind sharing!

Works everytime.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

agree totally with squirrells, you just got to keep reminding yourself that its doing you no good at all.. thats what works best, so long as you keep doing it!

after a long enough period time you should sort yourself out, especially if you are able to meet someone new.

my pickups are still pretty bad so I'm struggling to knock my damn one-itis b*tch of her goddamn pedastal, I know she doesnt fancy me... in fact shes probably stroking her ego now about the fact that I smsed her a few minutes ago and shes clearly not going to reply... the point is I shouldnt get so het up about it... I just hate the idea of her dismissing me so easily.. so less afc tendencies.. more girls..


aaarrrggghh I just realised I'm thinking about her again... stop typing this!!

bad brain..!!! smashing thoughts now!

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

Silverwex,

I feel your pain bro...I usually get oneitis up until the time I have sex with the particular girl I built an infatuation with.

I came to realize that oneitis is merely the idea of not having met the challenge of attracting the girl and actually bedding her.

The quandry here is that you can either have oneitis and dream about the girl...and have a great time with "the chase". Because sometimes in life, the chase is worth more than the kill.

or

You will just say F*ck her, yet, be alone on a Saturday Night and wonder why I couldn't face the challenge of getting with her...this leading to laziness, self-doubt, and an "I don't need a woman to be happy attitude", Yet...in the end...you are still alone.

Well actually, there's where the DJ mindset comes in. Who says you gotta be alone on the Saturday night? Who says you aren't man enough to step to the challenge? Who says you HAVE to be alone?

Oneitis stings...The only advice to get rid of it is TRULEY and UNCONDITIONALLY feel that this WOMAN is NO better than YOU!!!

When infatuation for a girl hits, I usually think of all the women in my past that I have been with and have thought..."Damn!! I had oneitis with all of them" They were all georgeous, special, sweet, caring, YET...I was able to move on from each of them, and found someone else to have oneitis with. The trick is to remember that there will always be another woman out there.

After a while, oneitis loses its grip, because you will realize that your DJness will make you more attractive to tons of women in the future, and that one girl that you didnt get to bed will bed missing out on the best night of passion she could ever experience.

YOU ARE THE PRIZE

 

[Reto]

Simple.

Forget her. Even if you think about her. Try not.

See other women. Lots of them.

 

[Jin]

I'm actually having this same problem but I have another question to add...



ok.. so I meet this chick, and we start hooking up.. whatever... she says "You can do whatever you want to do.. I don't care..." So I'm like cool... and I have a few f-buddies and she kinda knows this... but I didn't hook up with anyone but her for like 2 weeks...

So the whole team (I work for Club Med) goes out for bowling and she kinda ignores me through-out the whole night and we get back and this girl who I was f-buddies witrh said "Come over tonight.."

So remembering what she said about not caring about what i do I went over...

so the next day I see Keren (my one-itis girl) and this is the stupid part by me, I told her me and Q had hooked up last night thinking it wouldn't be a big deal.... wrong...

now she says we can't hook up anymore because I hooked up with another girl and in her words "I'm not like that..."

now my problem is... if she had said "We can hook up but if you sleep with anyone else then it stops..." and I would be totaly fine with this as she is very cool and actually I wanted her to be my g/f...

but she said nothing to that effect or even hinted at it... and her line of thought is that if I had really wanted her than I should have been with her and not slept with Q in the first place.. and I can understand that to a degree.... but she pulls this hidden rule out of nowhere and slams it on me... I ask her why didn't she tell me earlier and her response was "You can do what you want, I don't want to force you to choose... if you want to sleep with Q...fine, but we can't hook up anymore...."

this sounds so unfair to me its not even funny...

I'm so lost i forgot my damn question.... I'll get over it but I'm pissed I got cheated out of a great girl by this crap....

Best,

Jin

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

Jin,

and her line of thought is that if I had really wanted her than I should have been with her and not slept with Q in the first place

I heard this line constantly from the EX...if you loved me than you can put up with my not returning calls, not being on time, if you really wanted me, than you'd not slept with girl Q...

It's garbage my friend...

If you date this Keren girl...in the future...what's stopping her from saying:

Jin, if you love me you'd :

buy me that diamond necklace.
say no to your friend's bachelor party to stay home with me.
stop having female friends.
pick up my dry cleaning for me.
cut your hair the way I want it.
pay my rent for me.
kiss my ass.
loss respect for yourself
become AFC.

It isn't worth it bro...you have a lot of options in your life. Besides, ask yourself this question truley...

Would I be having oneitis with Keren the day after I slept with her???

With my experience...oneitis goes out ya system as soon as you ejaculate..hahaha..

good luck bro

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I know this is one-itis but none of this would've happened if you approached when she "wanted you to." The idea of playing hard to get is so they think of you more and then when they are close to the brink you go to them. This makes all the feelings and tension between you two dissolve. If you don't approach after a while you can write it off as a failed pu attempt.

Most people do this when they have one-itis, and I did too. I don't know about you but for me it was because:
1)I always read about not giving in too soon, but didn't realize when was the appropriate time to give in and show some IOI's
2) I was too afraid of approaching so I just tried to act cool and didn't do anything at all

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by Microphone Fiend
Most people do this when they have one-itis, and I did too. I don't know about you but for me it was because:
1)I always read about not giving in too soon, but didn't realize when was the appropriate time to give in and show some IOI's
2) I was too afraid of approaching so I just tried to act cool and didn't do anything at all

Well done on realising this so soon, hell I wish this site had been around (and I'd had access to the internet) when I was 16, I probably wouldnt be in the mess I am now. Yeah, fear of approaching and rejection meant I never made a direct (or indirect really, no real attempts at kino) attempt at seduction in the last 5 years..

 

[Jay26]

One-itis is the result of a lack of options I think, there's an old saying, that whatever you really want you push away, I think you tend to cling to these girls, usually a HB who you dont' really feel worthy of, cos you'nt not DJ-enough to go out and get a similar or better girl (let's face it there are millions upon millons of pretty girls out there), with the right amount of time anyone could take your one-itis's place.

If you use DJ principles, however, you realise that, hell, I can go out and pull a hotter bird if I want. It puts the power in your hands, not in the 'one''s hands. And it's a great feeling to know that if I just do it, it happens! Sure it's not easy at first, but you gotta learn anyway, the good sideeffect on a case of the dreaded oneitis is that you may finally realise you need to be a man and start living you're life to the max.

My advice, don't waste your energy on her, She is just a girl like all the others! Spend it on getting other girls, you'll get a lot more bang for your buck! Usually once you forget about the one, she might come to you anyway, if not, no loss she's just one of thousands.

So keep your options open, women do it all the time

 

[oreo_renegade]

hehe, you know when you hear one of those songs that just get stuck in your head somehow?

And no matter what you do to try and ignore it it just keeps popping back in your head and you find youself humming "i love the fishes cause theyr so delicious! gooone goldfishing!"


Well the best way to get rid of the song stuck in your head is to sing it a million times, until you are sick of it.

I dont see why this same logic can apply to girls.


If you have this thing going really bad (you were shaking? wtf?)
then do this:

make a list of all the things you think are great about her.

1.lips
2.neck
3.teeth
4. eyelashes

and make it as long as you can.

Then 8 times a day, read this list twice, and after you read this list, say her name like 25 times.

By the end of the week you will be so sick of her you wont be able to stand her.

If it doesnt work, then you can try linking her with bad things, or things you find unnattractive, try this out and see if it works, if it doesnt, then PM me and ill help you wiht linking her to bad states.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Jin---fundamental (as in, FUNDAMENTAL) rule is that you never look at or talk about other women when with one.

Ever.

And if they say "you can tell me..." or "let's be honest and open about it..." or "I don't mind, do what you like..." you are being invited into a trap. Look at what they DO, not what they say.

Re-read your post and you'll see where you relied on what they said and you're in a horrible state of confusion based on that. This shows you're on the wrong path.

Follow the fundamental rule.

----------
Oh, and for the one-itis stuff--much of the shaking, etc. is due to conditioning, as in you conditioned yourself (fantacies and all the usual build-up you do while checking a girl out) into this reaction. You can re-condition yourself out of this reaction, too.

 

[Jin]

Red- totaly agree and understand... as soon as she fed me that crap i knew exactly where I f-ed up.... never again..!!

I gotta tattoo that **** on the back of my hand..lol..


Best,

Jin