"Any girl would want you/"You're a good man."

[zekko]

The point was certainly not that they are mutually exclusive, but that whether being good for the short or long term is a compliment or putdown depends on which gender you are because different things are harder for them to achieve.

I definitely agree with that point, I was just making a comment on the community.

Although I tend to think that when a woman means to insult you by saying you're good for the long term, she will usually throw in a caveat saying how you're not good for the short. Something like "You'd make a great steady boyfriend, but you're not a very fun date" or "You'd make a great husband, but you're not the best boyfriend". I woudn't see simply saying you're a good catch or something like that as an insult.

I don't think the girl in the original post was necessarily insulting him, she might even have been coming on to him. It's hard to draw any concrete conclusion without more context.

 

[sazc]

If I said that to a man, and my intention was to let him know that I was interested in him, there would be no mistaking the fact that I thought he was an excellent catch, and I wanted him.

It would show in my eyes, you could hear it in my voice, and I would be physically touching him (stroking his arm, back, leg) while I was saying it.

 

[AttackFormation]

If I said that to a man, and my intention was to let him know that I was interested in him, there would be no mistaking the fact that I thought he was an excellent catch, and I wanted him.

It would show in my eyes, you could hear it in my voice, and I would be physically touching him (stroking his arm, back, leg) while I was saying it.

And any man who has ever had a woman want him will nod in agreement with this, which is why I scoff at the idea that the mere words "you're a good catch" is a compliment. It just means you're a good provider. Congratulations. When women want you or think other women want you, they get physical with you. If they don't, they won't.

 

[flowtheory]

And by the way.... this is a rule of thumb I keep in mind. Women get complimented when they are good for the long term, men get complimented when they are good for the short term. When a woman is only good for the short term the man doesn't really want her, and it's easier for women to spread their legs than find someone who they like who likes them back. Conversely when a man is only good for the long term he doesn't arouse her like other men do, and it's easier for men to be a simpering, sniveling boyfriend than a sex magnet.

So unless a woman is escalating sexually when she "compliments" you, it's really a put-down. Women compliment men by showing that the man is good for the short term, and insult them by showing they're good for the long term.

So if you don’t get complimented by the woman, but she’s spending time with you, you’re good for the long term in her eyes?

 

[AttackFormation]

So if you don’t get complimented by the woman, but she’s spending time with you, you’re good for the long term in her eyes?

I'm not really sure if this is a genuine question or if I should be reading in between the lines to what you really mean to tell me?

 

[flowtheory]

I'm not really sure if this is a genuine question or if I should be reading in between the lines to what you really mean to tell me?

Legit a question, not being sarcastic or any of that crap.

I’ve actually found women who I’ve dated longer term have been much slower or more covert with compliments, however ones where it was more short-lived, the compliments were much more overt: ‘you’re sexy, hot, really funny, etc’.
And same thing when I have high interest in women. It’s almost as if you know you have time with this person so you don’t feel the need to rush the compliments

 

[AttackFormation]

Legit a question, not being sarcastic or any of that crap.

I’ve actually found women who I’ve dated longer term have been much slower or more covert with compliments, however ones where it was more short-lived, the compliments were much more overt: ‘you’re sexy, hot, really funny, etc’.
And same thing when I have high interest in women. It’s almost as if you know you have time with this person so you don’t feel the need to rush the compliments

All right, I asked since sometimes people make snide comments to get their point across.

I think that's because when you invest emotionally, you don't want to get hurt. When it's just for fun, you feel more that you can say and do whatever you want. And for your original question, like I (hope) I said being good for the long term is not necessarily bad... you just want it to be for the right reason, which is that she feels so much lust for you that she wants to keep you. Your "short term" sex appeal must come first, and then her wanting you long term follows from that - that's just my own thinking for what a healthy relation would be. You'll have to determine why she's spending time with you. Does she have an ulterior motive? a mental disorder? or does she genuinely like you because she can brag to her girlfriends about how you fvck her? these are the kinds of questions I'd be asking.

 

[flowtheory]

All right, I asked since sometimes people make snide comments to get their point across.

I think that's because when you invest emotionally, you don't want to get hurt. When it's just for fun, you feel more that you can say and do whatever you want. And for your original question, like I (hope) I said being good for the long term is not necessarily bad... you just want it to be for the right reason, which is that she feels so much lust for you that she wants to keep you. Your "short term" sex appeal must come first, and then her wanting you long term follows from that - that's just my own thinking for what a healthy relation would be. You'll have to determine why she's spending time with you. Does she have an ulterior motive? a mental disorder? or does she genuinely like you because she can brag to her girlfriends about how you fvck her? these are the kinds of questions I'd be asking.

Nah, I don’t do snide to proove points. I’m here to learn.

I’ve found the best is a mix between being viewed lustfully and long term potential at the start. More complex. Phases can cause burnout. If it’s all lust for the first 3-6 months, at some point that ends; and starkly.

 

[marmel75]

I always take comments like these with a grain of salt because they typically come from women who aren't interested in you.

My thought is always if that's true then why are they not interested? Sounds like some sh!t they just say to sound good...

 

[zekko]

And any man who has ever had a woman want him will nod in agreement with this, which is why I scoff at the idea that the mere words "you're a good catch" is a compliment.

A woman doesn't have to be after a guy to give him a compliment though.

 

[Murk]

It means your cute/sweet/weak.

I haven't heard this in years, but best believe I heard this in my younger days. These days, it's a death knell, I promise you I'll never hear this phrase in my life again so help me God.

Be bold, fortune favours the brave, and for good reason.

 

[nismo-4]

There seems to be 3 ways this could go:

[1] She is telling you that she really thinks highly of you because she wants you.

[2] She doesn't care for you, but wants to butter you up so that after she rejects you, you won't feel so bad - possibly to put you into the "spare man" parts bin if she decides it's time.

[3] She perceives your Sexual Market Value as being much higher than you, and she doesn't want you to reject her in the end.

OP, the answer is #2.

She only sees you as friendzone material. From here, only give her sexual attention. If she moves on, never talk to her again.

Ripley's wouldn't even believe it's #3 or #1.

Stop showing beta tendencies. You could also call her out on this.

Other than that, start showing you mean business. Push come to shove, better to be useless to a woman than beta.

Case closed.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Bah she was flirting with me today. I think she was trying to pay me a compliment now. Either way I'm not too bothered, so much going on in life girls are on the back burner again...

 

[zekko]

You know what they say. If you want to know what she thinks, invite her out and you'll have your answer.

 

[Spaz]

That's an insult..

Women don't go out with men they say that to.

 

[zekko]

Women don't go out with men they say that to.

While I agree that is generally the case, I don't think that necessarily makes it an insult. I think the Manosphere is a little too negative on comments like this. Just because she may not be thinking "Wow, this is the guy that rocks my world!" doesn't mean she can't see any positive qualities in him. How about the girl who said "You have a strong, masculine presence", that's not an insult.

It's a little like a girl seeing a guy as a friend. The Manosphere immediately says "Abandon all hope", but I know for a fact that situation can be taken to the next level. Some girls just take a little longer to warm up. Of course, quick high interest is always better, but you can put the idea in her head if you go about it right.

 

[glass half full]

I always take comments like these with a grain of salt because they typically come from women who aren't interested in you.

My thought is always if that's true then why are they not interested? Sounds like some sh!t they just say to sound good...

This...I've heard this too much in my younger more naive years. Last time I heard that, I said "oh please, if I had a dime for every time..." She never did that again.

 

[Spaz]

While I agree that is generally the case, I don't think that necessarily makes it an insult. I think the Manosphere is a little too negative on comments like this. Just because she may not be thinking "Wow, this is the guy that rocks my world!" doesn't mean she can't see any positive qualities in him. How about the girl who said "You have a strong, masculine presence", that's not an insult.

It's a little like a girl seeing a guy as a friend. The Manosphere immediately says "Abandon all hope", but I know for a fact that situation can be taken to the next level. Some girls just take a little longer to warm up. Of course, quick high interest is always better, but you can put the idea in her head if you go about it right.

It can be an insult from a women or it can be some pity. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that when a man hears plenty of these comments from women then he should feel insulted or shamed enough to change.

 

[zekko]

What matters is that when a man hears plenty of these comments from women then he should feel insulted or shamed enough to change.

Well, comment #1 sounds like she's trying to encourage him and build up his confidence, whereas if he had the options he likely wouldn't need the encouragement. Maybe he's just going through a dry spell.

But comment #2 doesn't really sound like an insult at all, but could be more encouragement.