Write this in your notebook in big red letters - Men and Women cannot be friends. Repeat this to yourself over and over. Now you're going to ask me why so I'll spell this out in the short version here: You will never be 'friends' because men and women have to resolve the issue of intimacy before any relationship can develop. Virtually any girl that you are attracted to (which is 90% of them) cannot be your friend because you can't satisfactorily resolve intimacy with her unless she's willing to do the same. Understand? When I met Mrs. Tomassi (and a lot of other potential Mrs. Tomassi's) I didn't pretend to 'be her friend'. She knew what I wanted and the feeling was mutual. After we were intimate, then we developed a freindship and found out we were very compatible.
Don't brainwash yourself into thinking you're different in some effort to prove how sensitive you are and what a great shoulder yours is to cry on or to avoid being labeled as 'shallow.' This is how guy's work. And how do I know? Because I went the same route too. You only end up perpetually on her 'friend' ladder and turn into her emotional sponge or worse still, her cuddle b!tch. You're wasting time either way. Remember it's sex first and then friendship.
Now before I get all the inevitable, "not in my case" exception stories let me just state first that the exception proves the rule. The fact of the matter is this IS how most (99.8%) of men in western society operate, on just this level. This is especially true for those who most readily deny that they do, since this is a popular tactic that men (mistakenly) think will set them apart from the herd. A man's primary physical and psychological desire is to have sex with as many physically eligible females as possible, it's a biological imperative. Pornography isn't a multi-trillion dollar a year, world-wide business because guys all want to establish 'friendships' before intimacy. The swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated isn't the single highest selling issue of the magazine yearly because of the great sports articles in between the nubile females. The point is men (and women) don't look at each other and cognitively say "She/He would certainly make a good friend, maybe we should 'date'", it comes down to physical response and attraction. You wouldn't initiate a friendship with a girl you weren't attracted to in the first place. This sets up intimacy resolution agendas between the sexes.
Here's some better scenarios to think about:
SCENARIO 1
Let's assume you have a female 'friend' and you actually do things together as 'friends' besides listen to her whine about her crappy boyfriend or how lousy her childhood was on the phone all the time. She's very attractive (why else would she be your 'friend'), but you're just 'good buds'. One evening she invites you over to her house after a movie or whatever it is platonic male/female friends do. You both get to talking on the couch when she gets up to go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later she comes back to the couch completely naked and says, "I've always thought you were attractive, I think it's time we got closer."
Do you A.) say "Oh, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to destroy our wonderful 'friendship' by getting physical with you." or B.) ride her to glory and do what any guy with the slightest amount of testosterone in his bloodstream would do? The point being of course that when presented with exactly what a guy wants, all notion of 'friendship' blows out the window.
SCENARIO 2
You've got a girlfriend/wife who subscribes to the 'friends' idea. And you, wanting to be as progressive and supportive as possible so as not to offend her sensibilities (and keep getting laid regularly by her) make no debate about it. She has a male co-worker and former college bud who she considers a 'great friend' and regularly has lunch with the guy. To complicate matters more, he's single, goodlooking, dresses well and makes twice the money you do. But she insists, he's 'just a friend' and you should be mature enough to handle their 'friendship', because she is your girlfriend/wife afterall. Now, how would you feel if her 'friend' asked her to go dancing one night as 'friends'. How about a movie? Friends do that, right? Or maybe she just wants to meet her 'friend' for drinks after work to talk on a Friday. How would you feel if she and her 'friend' had to go out of town for a business convention for the weekend? Would that be different? I'm picking on the woman, but you could just as easily reverse the genders here. You should be supportive, since you of course believe that men and women can have perfectly legitimate platonic friendships, right?
Men and women can never be friends in the same sense that you're friends with your male friends. Before you go post the standard answer of "not me, I'm great friends with *fill in her name*" think about it this way - how many girls you call 'friends' were formerly someone you wanted to get with and rather than give you a respectful rejection she simply said " you're really sweet, but can't we just be 'friends'?" Most likely you gave her the standard reply of, "oh sure, I understand, we can be friends." Its the LJBF rejection coping method - she's simply not attracted to you and doesn't want to be perceived as a cruel so she let's you down easy with a 'friends' back out. To which you comply and begin this sharade of 'friendship'.
Now, how long do you think you'll be 'friends' with this girl? Do you think she'll be a great 'friend' once she has a real boyfriend (or husband)? Do you honestly think the new boyfriend will be cool with you palin' around with his sexual interest? What do you do with your female 'friend'? Do you do the things you'd do with your other (male) friends? Does she do the things you'd do with your male friends? Do you go to movies or concerts together? Is she basically a girlfriend, but you just don't kiss or have sex? Does she do the same things with you that she does with her girlfriends? Do you go over to her house and paint your toenails together and talk about boys she's hot for? Or do you just spend endless hours on the phone with her listening to her drone on and on about her personal problems while thinking that if you listen long enough she'll realize what a great guy she's missing?
You can answer these questions for yourself if you want, some are rhetorical and some are not. The point is that there is always sexual tension between men and women until the intimacy issue is resolved. You can be 'friends' with the overweight girl in the back of the class, but you will tend to initiate friendships with people who you are attracted to. However, don't confuse 'friends' with aquaintances or just being friendly with people. I have several female co-workers that I consider friends. However, I don't call them just to chat outside of work, nor do I make it a point to go see movies or whatever with them outside of work. My relationship with my wife dictates that she is my female interest and I would be more than a little concerned if she was trying to sell me on a 'friendship' she had with another guy on a regular basis. The fundiments of a male/female relationship rely on the 2 people being involved with each other in exclusivity. If you've got a girlfriend and you're spending regular amounts of time with another female 'friend' (or vice versa with your girlfriend and a guyfriend) you can expect some conflict either with the 'friend' or the sexual interest.
