fertileTurtle said:
I'll give you one thing. You give hope for us guys who don't have the best looks.
I sometimes think the less attractive have a certain advantage over guys who think they're attractive (whether or not the ladies agree).
If you're attractive AND you have social skills, ok, that's one thing. But let's face it, real social skills, a real ability to talk about yourself and attract people to your cause is so rare. Very few people have it.
Now the attractive guys think they're attractive. Most guys like this are kind of vain. If they don't already have the social skills, it's really hard for them to develop them. One big reason for this is that vanity gets in the way. It actually hurts them emotionally to be seen as unattractive. They would rather play it safe and distant than risk any rejection - because they rejection could insult their looks.
The biggest danger for people like this is putting on a front of suaveness. I'm not saying it's bad to be suave if that's just who you are. But these people put on a front and try to rely on looks. And ultimately, they feel like their personality is ugly. Remember that most people believe who they really are is a disadvantage, whereas in reality it's the most attractive thing we have. So these people don't open up.
Compare that to the ugly guy. The ugly guy says, I'm ugly, I'm always going to be ugly, so I need to become a really interesting person or else it's all over. The ugly guy doesn't have as many problems with vanity. In fact, if a girl turns him down, he can just say she didn't really know him, and she's just shallow, which sometimes is true.
The ugly guy knows he has to be at his best, the ugly guy works to make his best better, to make his most interesting more interesting. In short, the ugly guys knows that if he doesn't bust his balls, he's not gonna get the time of day.
The biggest danger for the ugly guy is just giving up, and settling for less than he can get.
Most ugly guys can get women who would dazzle the rest of us.
The truth is, even the attractive guys with little social skills aren't going to get more than a few random hookups unless they bust their balls. They will just get lucky. But most guys who think they're attractive want to coast as far as they can on looks. And it's a really fatal mistake. I know a lot of very attractive very single guys.
Most ugly guys that I know are really into self-improvement, and are having better and better success with women. I suspect that ultimately both just have different challenges to face: vanity for one, and self-worth for the other. Still, it's a funny world.
As for me, I'm sort of middle of the road in attractiveness, but I always thought I was such hot sh!t haha. I still have some major roadblocks in my development. But all my friends are amazed at my stories about meeting chicks on the bus (while dripping with sweat) or on the train (with major halitosis lol). People in high school thought I was classic awkward, but I was still expecting my friends to be more surprised that I'm meeting hot women all over the place, considering my introverted history. Damn, I gotta find more surprised people.
Izza