Any Coward Can Do This (Part 1)

[izza]

Anybody can approach a girl at any time. Your legs, they work. Your mouth, it moves. Your voice, it talks.

At the risk of repeating something you already know, the problem isn't needing more muscles, or a better wardrobe, or experience with ugly girls. The problem is entirely in your mind and can disappear the moment you think differently.

You already know this, but HOOOOOWWWWW can you think differently?

That is why I am beginning this series, the any coward can do this series. It is a series focused on the mental block to approaching women. This series will suggest only easy things that any coward can do to change the way they think. Since any coward can do it, YOU can.

It's up to you whether or not you do these concrete exercises. But since they are so simple, efficient, and easy, and require no courage or forcing yourself, I think you should do them.

I think this will end up being a far better option than boot camp.

Part 1:

Write yourself a letter.

But not just any letter. You are writing yourself a letter from an assassin, addressed to yourself.

Use this template:

Dear (your name),

My name is Brody Martin, I am a professional assassin. I have been hired to assassinate you, for reasons unknown to myself. I don't care why, I'm a hitman.

But for reasons that you also will never know, I have decided to give you one chance to save your life: if you approach a girl in the next 24 hours that you had never met before and who is not paid to talk to you, I will spare your life.

If you think I am joking, you will die. If you do not approach this girl, you will die. If you try to run, you will die. I am watching you, you cannot run.

Approach the girl (something I hear is difficult for you) by 24 hours from this very second and I will spare your life. If not, I will shoot you in the next 25.

Sincerely,

Brody Martin"

Seriously. Take the time to write this letter. If you don't write the letter yourself, you will not be fully doing the exercise. Use a few seconds of creativity (the key to good conversation) instead of copying and pasting (the key to sounding like a robot programmed at sosuave.net).

If you don't really like women, feel free to do nothing. If you want to ever have sex in your life, do the exercise.

The point is not to force you to approach at gunpoint. It's a game - a grisly one perhaps, but it is a game. It is just an initial test to see how you react. Tell me your results and I will be able to tell you more about what's causing your particular block.

They say how you die is how you live. So, gentleman, how do you live?

 

[The Juan and only]

And that's just the point. Your life really is in danger; we all need to realise that the hitman of time has our days numbered. So, yeah, he gives you a few years in place of hours but you're still a dead man. You're dying right now in fact.

You know, when he's almost done and you're a crippled old geriatric with nothing left in the world, you might give anything for just one more hour of youth, one more chance to approach that girl.
And In a hundred years, when you've got eternity to wallow in the cold, hard ground nobody will remember your failures, your rejections by women, your embarrassments. No-one will care if you sang in public or danced the macarena on a restaurant table, so what are you afraid of?

are you gonna waste your most precious commodity because of stupid doubts and fears? ..I just want you to know that every time you let something irrational hold you back in life, you pay for it with more than money can buy.

 

[6-heads lewis]

come on, this is pretty stupid. reminds me of the time I tape recorded affirmations to myself then listened to them repeatedly, thinking id hyponotize myself into becoming mr. suave.

man i feel so embarassed abotu that. That was truly rock bottom. as soon as you leave your little fairy tale and realized nothing has changed, you're in even worse shape than you were before you started.

if you write the letter to yourself, than its obviously going to hae no effect. of course you can get someone else to write one to you, but you have to ask them to, which is the same thing as doing it yourself.

and ive jokingly thought about suicide by hitman but the problem is obvious - if you pay him before he does it, then how do you know he'll follow through? and how would you go about paying him after you're dead without raising suspicion?

The juan and only,

youre comments sound like pop psychology to me, the same old generic motivational bs people have been spouting for eternity 'you only live once', 'today is the first day of the rest of your life', 'you might die tomorrow' blah blah blah. Well if any of those actually worked nobody would be miserable and timid. This may work for dumb people, but any rational persopn who understands the human condition realizes how ridiculous and impractical it is.

 

[izza]

Juan and Only,

What you're saying is absolutely true. Every day is precious. Who on this earth couldn't make so much more of their life?

So do you approach women, no problem, or are you so sure you know what the point of the exercise is that you're not going to try it?

six-head lewis,

Thanks for responding, I really appreciate the feedback.

I would say one problem you are having approaching women is embarrassment. You are embarrassed that you made a tape for yourself, you are embarrassed to do this simple exercise, for fear that somebody would find out, and think less of you.

The point is that you write yourself a letter - you can burn it or delete it afterwards, I don't care. If you can't complete such a simple exercise for embarrassment, how do you expect to ever approach a woman.

You write the letter, and you find out whether or not this letter makes it easier to approach women.

I think that is a simple exercise. I'm not even asking you to approach, I'm asking if it makes it easier. If you do approach, great! If you don't, we'll learn something.

Izza

 

[The Juan and only]

youre comments sound like pop psychology to me, the same old generic motivational bs people have been spouting for eternity 'you only live once', 'today is the first day of the rest of your life', 'you might die tomorrow' blah blah blah. Well if any of those actually worked nobody would be miserable and timid. This may work for dumb people, but any rational persopn who understands the human condition realizes how ridiculous and impractical it is.

Well each to his own.

personally, I find the the looming spectre of death a huge motivator in life. However, I'm aware (but perhaps have forgotten) how difficult it is to overcome social fears in the first instance. And thinking back, I will agree that (initially at least) no logical argument can prevail alone when it actually comes down to it.

But the key, is realising how precious each moment is, and then being willing to take action to improve upon yourself. From a psychological perspective, baby steps can achieve anything.

You sound bitter, cynical and unwilling to change. Is that how you want to spend your limited hours? how can that not be a motivator for you to take the things plaguing your life, and vow to attack them 'till your dying day?

 

[thefonz]

youre comments sound like pop psychology to me, the same old generic motivational bs people have been spouting for eternity 'you only live once', 'today is the first day of the rest of your life', 'you might die tomorrow' blah blah blah. Well if any of those actually worked nobody would be miserable and timid. This may work for dumb people, but any rational persopn who understands the human condition realizes how ridiculous and impractical it is.

Ya, I guess doctors and psychologists all over the world have no idea what they're talking about when they recommend it. Maybe if you stuck with it longer you would be reaping the benefits of your work RIGHT NOW

 

[izza]

One thing I wanted to mention:

If I gave foolproof things you can do to start a conversation with a woman, people simply wouldn't do what I said. Even things that are simple, like talking to a store clerk, people wouldn't do it. This "any coward can do this" idea has to take a different angle.

Any coward can just walk up to a girl and talk to her, but few cowards do.

Another thing, I believe approaching should be easy and fun. Part of the main idea to my posts here is this: don't do it unless it feels easy. Isn't that nice?

Don't approach a girl unless it feels easy and fun. Don't ask for a phone number unless it feels easy and fun. Don't extend a conversation unless it feels easy and fun. Don't kiss a girl unless it feels easy and fun. Don't have sex with a girl unless it feels easy and fun.

You know what's easy and fun? Improving yourself. So do it. Another thing that's easy and fun is eliminating fears (which you can do without actually facing them.) You probably don't believe me. But it's true. You probably think I'm talking about visualization. I'm not.

More on that in part 2.

Basically, a lot of frustrated people are going to respond and say, "self-improvement is not easy and fun. Approaching women is about ignoring your inner objections, it's about pushing yourself, it's about suffering at first until the fears are vanquished."

People like this are just bitter and chickless. They have given up on ever changing themselves. Their only source of pride is being unsavable. Or they mastered the dating game through sheer willpower. They prefer to blast through a wall than walk through a door.

I don't like being grumpy and chickless. I don't like mastering the dating game through sheer willpower. I like doors.

I want approaching to be easy. I want making approaching easy to be easy.

Fortunately, it is.

You'll see in part 2.

Izza

 

[-S-Blade]

I thought I might as well give this a go, so I've written my letter, and as I'm going to the mall tomorrow I should have a good chance. I'll update you tomorrow night on how I went.

 

[snoob]

I read in a book that one of the greatest motivator in life is the desire for sex. So, instead of a death threat, why not make something like.

Hi I'm a blonde hottie with big tits (with pics included),

I'll fvck you if you'll demonstrate how suave you are with girls. Approach a girl and I'll be watching over you. Then at night I'll slip on to your bedroom and have a wonderful night.

Blonde Hottie.

Just my opinion.

 

[Holland]

This may work for dumb people

Affirmations work, if you believe them, that is.
If you say them to yourself, but don't believe them they will have NO effect.

Now, who's dumb?

You're the one dying in regret if you don't do something.
You CAN change. I did. And it was worth it.

I tell myself that I love myself as much as I want.
I don't feel embarrased about that. It's true. It's a very healthy thing to do too.
I'm not being arrogant or anything, just saying that I like who I am.
You feel embarrased. Why? Because you still believe that it's not true?
There are a million reasons to like yourself and find yourself being confident and all those other quality's.
I know for sure that you can think of at least one thing that you are competent at?
Ask yourself this:
Where am I good at?
What is good about me?
Then you have reasons to like yourself.

And one more thing.
There is more to becoming mr suave then affirmations.
You have to take action.
Men take ALL risks in the mating sequence.
That means YOU have to got talk to her, get her number, get her an date, touch her, kiss her etc.
That's just the way it's designed and you might as well want to learn this stuff before your life is over.
Now go! This is your life, not mine. We can't do it for you.

I read in a book that one of the greatest motivator in life is the desire for sex. So, instead of a death threat, why not make something like.

I agree
They are both good but I think that sex as a motivator is better. I mean, you're doing this cause in the long run you want to get sex and intimacy with a woman, so why not do that!

 

[izza]

I read in a book that one of the greatest motivator in life is the desire for sex. So, instead of a death threat, why not make something like.

Hi I'm a blonde hottie with big tits (with pics included),

I'll fvck you if you'll demonstrate how suave you are with girls. Approach a girl and I'll be watching over you. Then at night I'll slip on to your bedroom and have a wonderful night.

Blonde Hottie.

Just my opinion.

What you're saying may work better than fear.

But consider the actions of the poor women caught at the top of a burning skyscraper in the 1920's. Normally, a person would be too afraid to jump 40 stories to the ground. But the addition of fire, a direct and life-threatening force, caused nearly every person on the 22nd floor of that skyscraper to jump.

Fear is a powerful force, one which can compel us to do things we never dreamed we could do.

I am not saying that a guy should really threaten themselves with a note every time he wants to approach a girl. In fact, I deplore this attitude. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to post this. Maybe I made the wrong decision.

I think people should find joy in approaching or not do it at all.

My job, the entire purpose of the any coward can do this series, is to make approaching fun, so that people WANT to approach - not for the benefits later, but for the joy of doing approaching now.

A larger fear always trumps a smaller fear. For instance, we would be afraid to jump off a building in normal circumstances. But with a hot flame at our backs, we do it. We don't like shots normally but we fear a debilitating disease.

This fact is all around you, one fear trumps another.

The problem with picking up women is that it is not fear that stops us.

I repeat, it is not fear that stops us.

If it were, this game would help you. I've tried this technique. For me, fear wasn't the problem. Fear isn't the problem.

There are things we fear more than death. What if, due to some circumstance, you had to choose between saving your life and saving the life of a dear relative or friend? You had to choose who would go free, and who would die. Would you choose to live?

What if, by shooting him, you live and he dies. But if you don't shoot, he goes free and you die?

I think most people would not shoot someone so dear to them to save their life. Yes, they are afraid of dying, but they are even MORE afraid of living on in shame, with regret, with sorrow, feeling like a selfish person for the rest of their life.

If you have problems approaching women, you should realize that the problem isn't fear. Not at all. The problem is fear inasmuch as you fear being ashamed, or being embarrassed, or being hurt. But that is not pure fear. That is fear mixed with guilt and a bunch of other emotions.

It is no joke when people say a man would have an easier time running through a mine-field than approaching a little girl.

The problem isn't fear, it's shame.

It is useless to say, "I am just too much of a coward to approach women." Cowardice is not the problem.

Cowardice is not the problem.

The problem is simply an overdeveloped sense of shame. People can jump off cliffs, take being fired at with an AK47, and still find it impossible to approach a cute girl.

The main problem isn't fear in the normal sense of the word fear. We are afraid, yes, but afraid of the demons that already haunt us. The best solution isn't to "be less afraid," the best solution is to make the demons go away.

If you are even reading, even considering what I say, you already have enough courage to approach a girl. What needs to happen now is a shift in the way you view the world. The demons need to leave, and, if you want success with women, I can help you.

You will soon see that approaching women is the easiest thing in the world.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

I think what the original poster is trying to imply is: Life is short, if you don't grab it by the balls, you will regret it later in life.

This is soooooooo true. Before my grandfather passed away, he told me that there are very few things he's done in life that he regrets. However he said there are countless things that he didn't try that he regrets terribly.

I think Francisco has a quote on his signature that tells a lot. We don't know what life holds, just go out and take chances

 

[Migel]

I agree with you. We do things everyday in spite of fear. But is it shame that is really stopping us? My oppinion on this is that we believe the costs of approaching are more than the costs of doing nothing. By costs I mean negative stuff like feeling bad after the approach. If you are feeling OK and you might feel bad after the approach then you decide not to do it, not take the risk. You are right we don't want to feel ashamed. It is what happens after the fear of approach we really fear of.

One day we were bored with 3 friends at college and we decided to assign each other "tasks". We would assign a task like: go to that person and tell them you are from planet X, walk up to that girl and say she has a nice dog. Then we would pick a random person from amongst us and the person would have to do the task. The game was hilarious and I being a shy person had no problems performing this. Now the problem arises when I wanted to do something like this alone. I couldn't. And not because of fear or because I'm shy...

So I'm waiting for the second part!

 

[DJsomeday]

wow really looking forward to this series and i'd want it to become an ebook thanks man i just read the letter so tomorrow i'll have to approach some girl i don't know ! otherwise i'm dead x.X! anyway keep it going good job!

 

[Dante3214]

Looking forward to part 2 man...

 

[underdog]

wow this is pretty cool. so whens part 2?

 

[Boschy]

I recommend the step by step method. Collect three or four generic canned openers you like, learn them, practice them at home in front of the mirror, then go out and use them in public or in venues.

When you have mastered approaching, develop a few more openers and refine your conversation techniques.

When you can hold a good conversation with a girl, focus on her body language and try to generate attraction in her.

Once you can generate attraction, learn to close (phone number, bonk, instant date, kiss).

 

[qweretyuiopas]

If you write the letter to yourself then you know its fake, so it doesnt seem like it would work to me, now if u had a friend who sent it to you without you knowing or something then it may work but i dont see how writing it yourself will make it believable

 

[Labourer]

for me, I dont actually think it would work because I know that a hitman isn't after me. I know the reason why I dont have confidence anymore approaching women, because I'm not fully confident, with my appearance, I think my hairstyle is terrible, my teeth could be in better shape - although I do brush and use mouthwash regularly, generally I just feel down in the dumps and that isn't an attractive quality.

I think 2007 is the time to change before it is all too late!

 

[izza]

for me, I dont actually think it would work because I know that a hitman isn't after me. I know the reason why I dont have confidence anymore approaching women, because I'm not fully confident, with my appearance, I think my hairstyle is terrible, my teeth could be in better shape - although I do brush and use mouthwash regularly, generally I just feel down in the dumps and that isn't an attractive quality.

I think 2007 is the time to change before it is all too late!

That's cool. My motto for this site is: "take what works for me and don't worry about the rest."

I finally got around to Part II

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=425189