Any advice on my situation?

[Jolil2019]

Hi guys

Any advice on this would be appreciated.

In a nutshell, I've been texting and messaging my GF way too much. A lot of it just to check in, but also to make sure things are okay. A lot of it is soppy stuff, with hearts etc.

It doesn't feel right or natural for me to be doing this. As a result, I feel like her interest has dropped towards or has passed the 50% mark. I honestly feel, if I do not initiate anything, she would literally just forget about me.

Been reading and watching some videos online, ie about giving her space to guess, to miss me etc. She even blue ticked me on whattsap today, yet left me hanging. I am thinking of essentially going no contact with her, and leaving her to do all of the chasing.

Has anyone been in this position?
Can anyone confirm whether this will reignite her IL?

 

[dude99]

Hi guys

Any advice on this would be appreciated.

In a nutshell, I've been texting and messaging my GF way too much. A lot of it just to check in, but also to make sure things are okay. A lot of it is soppy stuff, with hearts etc. she will see you as weak for doing this.

It doesn't feel right or natural for me to be doing this. As a result, I feel like her interest has dropped towards or has passed the 50% mark. once it is this low your relationship is virtually over. she is without a doubt seeking new male attention. I honestly feel, if I do not initiate anything, she would literally just forget about me. she has lost total interest if she is not longer initiating.

Been reading and watching some videos online, ie about giving her space to guess, to miss me etc. She even blue ticked me on whattsap today, yet left me hanging.red flag. I am thinking of essentially going no contact with her, and leaving her to do all of the chasing.start NC now.

Has anyone been in this position? most have
Can anyone confirm whether this will reignite her IL?
the question is if she is fading like this why are you still interested. When a chick fades like this you move on. You invest where you get return.

See comments in bold.

You have oneitus. She knows she is your only option. This is why you spin plates.

Go NC. if you dont hear from her at all in 2 weeks consider yourself single.

 

[bcude]

Yes, back away and ask yourself why you feel you have the urge to smother her like this? It doesn't feel natural and still you do it, why?
I can only tell you backing off and doing your thing while giving her some space is your only option if you want her IL to potentially rise again. Nothing else.
The one who cares the least in a relationship is the one with the power. That's her right now.
You're not mysterious and interesting, in fact you're taking the feminine role of chasing and trying to make the relationship work when your role should be pursuing your passions, climbing mountains and stuff. She knows exactly where she has you which is not a position where her IL for you is high.
Hitting the gym is great if you don't already do it and deal with your anxiety. It's clear that a woman in your life ranks too high in the list of your priorities.

 

[rayv12]

Hi guys

Any advice on this would be appreciated.

In a nutshell, I've been texting and messaging my GF way too much. A lot of it just to check in, but also to make sure things are okay. A lot of it is soppy stuff, with hearts etc.

It doesn't feel right or natural for me to be doing this. As a result, I feel like her interest has dropped towards or has passed the 50% mark. I honestly feel, if I do not initiate anything, she would literally just forget about me.

Been reading and watching some videos online, ie about giving her space to guess, to miss me etc. She even blue ticked me on whattsap today, yet left me hanging. I am thinking of essentially going no contact with her, and leaving her to do all of the chasing.

Has anyone been in this position?
Can anyone confirm whether this will reignite her IL?

There is no pattern you have to squeeze yourself in. Avoid unnecessary chatter ie texts&messages, be clear how you want it. You spin plates she can too. If you can’t handle it don’t play.

 

[Jolil2019]

Since writing this, she has invited me over to her place later.

Thing is, if her IL is really that low why is she constantly telling me she loves me on the phone?

 

[bcude]

Sounds like she wants to have "the talk".

Watch actions and not words. Your neediness and these hearts and stuff will just repel her further and further. Regain your masculinity, stay away from her until you've found it since you're not in a good place right now.

And when/if she breaks up, just agree and walk without showing emotions. No contact.

 

[Jolil2019]

Sounds like she wants to have "the talk".

Watch actions and not words. Says she wants to sort things out, says she loves me, says she wants me forever etc. Actions - No sex for a month, gets angry at everything, leaves me hanging, does not initiate. Your neediness and these hearts and stuff will just repel her further and further. Going to stay away from soppy stuff, telling her I love her etc. Even when she says 'Love you' at and of call, I've started saying 'you too' instead of saying it back. Regain your masculinity, stay away from her until you've found it since you're not in a good place right now.

And when/if she breaks up, just agree and walk without showing emotions. No contact. According to what Ive read and listened to, this is almost guaranteed to get her back. As long as I DO NOT react an inch.

 

[Kotaix]

learn not to care about if she, or any woman responds. Respond when you feel like it, and only a few times a day. You're behaving like a woman, not a man and you might not be able to come back to a masculine place in her mind. I've had success reigniting interest by withdrawing, but she has to really like you to start with. The solution is to never do any of this ever again.

 

[Jolil2019]

learn not to care about if she, or any woman responds. Respond when you feel like it, and only a few times a day. You're behaving like a woman, not a man and you might not be able to come back to a masculine place in her mind. I've had success reigniting interest by withdrawing, but she has to really like you to start with. The solution is to never do any of this ever again.

Ok. That's good, that means that starting from now I will implement the following rule. - Only contact her if she contacts me first, and other than that NC. If she never speaks to me again, then never mind.

I could even use this as an experiment of sorts to contrast needy/emotional behaviour with distant/masculine behaviour.

 

[Jolil2019]

Update: Since writing this, she has double texted me. I'll write back in an hour as I'm busy doing something else

 

[Kotaix]

Don't tell a woman you like/love her. Show it with actions or touch. Words are cheap. That's not to say you should spend money on hoes.

 

[bcude]

Don't tell a woman you like/love her. Show it with actions or touch. Words are cheap. That's not to say you should spend money on hoes.

While i agree in general i don't think it's anything wrong with saying it in a LTR. Saying/doing something too frequently takes away the edge of it and that's where most go wrong. Same with presents/giving flowers only when she's been really good to you. When you do it rarely and selective she will feel like a little child on christmas eve and appreciate it so much more.

 

[Clamslammer]

Update: Since writing this, she has double texted me. I'll write back in an hour as I'm busy doing something else

Your neediness is apparent. You need to make sure she sees you as a catch always and youbare the best she will ever do. If she does not see this she will drop you.

 

[Black Magic]

Being the alpha/leader in a relationship can't be faked. I've tried. Eventually your pedestalization of her will come through unless you do active, daily rituals to avoid it. Still tho, if it's not actually coming naturally then you're alpha game is just a show. It'll crumble eventually.

I don't think that there needs to be a bunch of plate spinning or circus tricks to get to a strong place and lead in a relationship. It's called boundaries, and they're something she'll test over and over and over in her need for safety and comfort. As long as you're willing to walk if your clearly-stated boundaries are violated, and your needs aren't met, then you can remain in a place of leadership and power.

Again, I believe this simply comes down to a) identifying your boundaries, your needs and wants, and be willing to walk away if those can't be met. So many "betas" suffer from enmeshment trauma with Mom, and just have no idea where they end and the woman begins. They get into toxic, codependent relationships where they become hyper-focused on the woman and look to her to lead. It's just repeating the same patterns they experienced in childhood.

To break free from this, betas/Nice Guys/codependent men have to establish a strong sense of self. This means taking time off dating to do the inner work and figure themselves out. Then, establish what their wants and needs are in any situation (dating, just ****ing, relationship, whatever), and make sure they put themselves first. This is hard work for the enmeshed man, but it can be done.

No woman can give you what Mom couldn't. This is where that neediness comes from - expecting a woman to validate us like the moms we never had. We have to learn to do that for ourselves. I'm learning how right now. I'm learning how to set clear boundaries with women, and they respond very well to it. But they will test you, believe me.

Good luck.